Don't Pick Up Disciples Randomly by the Roadside - Chapter 2

Shen Chunyi was annoyed by what he heard: “What honor is there in that? If he told you to die, would you go?”

The young man propped his head up, leisurely sizing him up for a moment before smiling and saying, “Mm. Yes, I’d be happy to.”

He added, “What can I do? I love him so much.”

Shen Chunyi averted his gaze. Just then, the tea server finished cleaning up the broken cups, wiped his hands on the apron around his waist, and approached their table with a smile: “Our shop is too small, and I’m the only one here. I was delayed a bit tidying up in the front, so please forgive me—what would you like to order?”

Shen Chunyi had been so angry he wanted to leave, but this greeting pressed him back into his seat. Even if he was in a foul mood, he couldn’t take it out on the tea server, so he softened his expression and said gently, “What do you have?”

While he was speaking to the shopkeeper, the young man sat opposite him, putting on the appearance of a very obedient junior. He took off the two brass rings from his right hand and spun them on the table, neither interrupting nor moving, watching Shen Chunyi and the shopkeeper discuss the order with an earnest expression. Occasionally, he would look up at them, his eyes still curved into a smile.

The shopkeeper acknowledged the order and went to prepare the tea.

Only after finishing his instructions did Shen Chunyi turn back, take a deep breath, and say gently, “Are you done? If you are, get lost.”

But the young man seemed to dislike such polite words and pleasant expressions, provocatively saying, “Your smile is too fake.”

At this moment, Shen Chunyi really wanted to slam the folding fan in his hand into the young man’s face.

But in the end, he redirected it and slapped it heavily onto the table. His folding fan was made of hollow forged iron, and the loud thud it made was like the sound of a judge’s gavel striking wood, causing the young man to raise an eyebrow.

Shen Chunyi was finally on the verge of losing his temper: “Is that how you speak to your elders?”

The young man seemed delighted to see Shen Chunyi’s emotional turmoil and said eagerly, “Hmm? So you admit you’re my elder?”

He patted the hand that was tightly gripping the folding fan, and Shen Chunyi instinctively loosened his grip. The young man then guided his hand to his own face, gently nuzzling against it, as if he could see into Shen Chunyi’s thoughts, and said meaningfully, “Don’t reject me. I’m very useful. I can help you accomplish everything you want to do.”

His voice sounded too much like a temptation, like the ancient demons in myths that lure people into corruption. Making a pact with them would grant earth-shattering power, but no one knows the price.

Shen Chunyi lowered his lashes and remained still, as if genuinely confused by the temptation. The young man watched him with a curved smile, about to continue speaking, but unexpectedly, Shen Chunyi withdrew his hand and said coolly, “I don’t need it.”

The young man was taken aback: “Why?”

Shen Chunyi probably didn’t realize that, to the young man, such words were akin to saying, “You’re useless,” which was truly heartbreaking.

But Shen Chunyi didn’t look at the young man. Instead, he turned to gaze out the window. After a while, he murmured as if to himself, “If someone truly likes you, they won’t care whether you’re strong or not. Even if you were a pile of mud by the roadside, they would still like you.”

The young man found these words, coming from Shen Chunyi’s mouth, utterly ridiculous and earth-shatteringly laughable. He couldn’t hold back a snort and laughed heartily, saying, “Where in this world is there any true liking?”

He said, “Parents love their children so they can rely on them in old age—that’s why there’s the saying of lambs kneeling to nurse and crows feeding their parents. Husband and wife love each other to support one another—that’s why there’s the saying of treating each other with respect and courtesy.”

Shen Chunyi sighed and rubbed his temples. The youth continued, “If someone likes a pile of mud, it just means that person is a wheat seed turned spirit, who can only sprout and grow by sleeping in the mud. If even mud is better, then there’s no need to exist in this world. If a person has no use, then they have no value.”

This youth’s values were twisted like fried dough twists, and Shen Chunyi felt a throbbing pain in his temples as he listened. “If others treat you well only because you’re strong and useful, then that kindness is nothing but a mirage, unable to withstand any test.”

The youth smiled gently. “If I’m not strong or useful enough, I don’t even qualify to be a mirage, let alone face any test.”

“Is that so?”

“Yes.”

Shen Chunyi finally lifted his gaze to look at him. “Who taught you that?”

“My master.”

Shen Chunyi smiled warmly but without reservation. “Then your master is truly useless.”

“You said it yourself—he disowns family, is heartless, and lacks humanity. How can you expect him to offer any meaningful insights on human nature?”

The youth rested his chin on his hand, tapping his cheek lightly. Hearing this, he chuckled, shifted his weight to the other leg, and said, “Fine.”

He added, “Since my master doesn’t want me anymore, why don’t you become my master and teach me how to conduct myself in the world?”

Shen Chunyi turned away. “No.”

“Why not?”

“I don’t like children.”

The youth widened his eyes. “Am I still a child?”

“Yes.”

“In what way?” The youth, having nothing else to say, began twisting the meaning deliberately. “No one has ever called me small before. I don’t even have a wife.

Shen Chunyi knew he was deliberately teasing him but could only reply, “Age.”

The youth nodded seriously. “Hmm, I thought so. It definitely isn’t anything else. After all, my wife used to scold me every day in bed for being indecent, but I’m really innocent—I just asked if he could have children. And I didn’t even actually…”

Shen Chunyi couldn’t bear his nonsensical rambling any longer and interrupted, “Not every day.”

After saying this, Shen Chunyi choked up.

Hearing this, the youth raised his eyebrows, a smirk playing on his lips, as if enjoying the show. He continued along the same line, “Hmm, not every day. My negligence.

Then he feigned curiosity. “How do you know it wasn’t every day?”

“Could it be, Master, that you secretly inquired about our private moments?”

Shen Chunyi replied stiffly, “Don’t call me master.”

The youth pouted and continued to pester. “Why can’t I? Since my master doesn’t want me, can’t I go find a new one? That’s too tyrannical.”

Knowing he was just being difficult, Shen Chunyi decided to play along. “To become a disciple, you at least need to kowtow, offer tea, and submit a formal apprenticeship letter. Have you done any of that? Have you kowtowed? The apprenticeship letter must have both names written together to be recognized by heaven and earth. Since you haven’t written one, it doesn’t count.”

The reason it was nonsense was because Shen Chunyi himself had no idea what the proper procedure for becoming a master and disciple was. He had been picked up by the sect leader, and his own disciple had also been picked up by him.

And since everyone in the Taiwu Mountain Sect was exceptionally skilled at picking up children, the entry process was essentially no process at all. They didn’t bother with so many cumbersome formalities. Once you entered the mountain gate, you just started calling everyone senior brother or junior brother, and no one ever minded.

The youth genuinely didn’t know about this. Hearing Shen Chunyi say so, his expression went blank for a moment. “Really?”

Seeing him at a loss, Shen Chunyi felt secretly pleased. Maintaining a cool, detached expression, he continued spouting nonsense: “Of course it’s true. No kowtowing, no offering of tea, no formal apprenticeship letter—how can that be considered a master-disciple relationship?”

“It doesn’t count?”

“It doesn’t.”

The youth let out an “oh,” then his eyes curved into a smile. “If not master, then it can only be wife.”

Shen Chunyi nearly choked on his own saliva. “Why must you equate master and wife? What connection is there between the two? Even marriage requires bowing to heaven and earth, then to the parents. Have you done that?”

The youth declared shamelessly, “I have.”

Shen Chunyi thought, You’re full of crap. “The marriage certificate then? Show it to me.”

The youth grew sullen. “A marriage certificate too? You mortals have so many trivialities.”

Shen Chunyi smiled meaningfully. “Aren’t you human?”

The youth also smiled slightly. “Guess?”

He suspected Shen Chunyi was making things up, but had no proof. However, he couldn’t just take the loss without retaliation, so he casually teased back: “Where I come from, the rule is that if you’ve shared a bed and made love, you’re considered husband and wife. One wife for life, from birth to death, together till your hair turns white.”

Such blunt flirtation made Shen Chunyi see stars. “Shut up.”

Seeing the twisted expression on Shen Chunyi’s face, yet noticing a faint blush beneath it, the youth knew exactly what he was thinking. He laughed heartily a couple of times, satisfied with having teased him enough, and didn’t press further.

Shen Chunyi’s facial expression shifted through five, six, seven, eight changes, then suddenly vanished altogether. Seeing the other remain silent for a long while, the youth looked up and studied him for a moment. He sensed something indescribably odd about

Shen Chunyi’s demeanor, unsure what he might be thinking of.

After a pause, Shen Chunyi said, “Give me your hand.”

It was a commanding tone, as if he didn’t consider the possibility of refusal at all.

The youth raised his hand without hesitation. Shen Chunyi flicked his wrist, producing a silver needle. He pricked the youth’s ring finger and squeezed out a drop of blood.

He took a yellow talisman, rolled the drop of blood on it—it left no trace whatsoever—then chuckled and looked up teasingly. “Virgin blood?”

Faced with the tease, the youth showed no shame at having his truth exposed. Instead, he wore a playful expression. “You’re so domineering.”

He added, “You don’t want it yourself, yet won’t let others have it either.”

Shen Chunyi pretended not to hear the latter part. “Even by your rules, it still counts as having no name or status.”

“I have no status?”

Shen Chunyi stared at him, enunciating each word: “You. Have. No. Status. Understand?”

The youth fell silent, a rare occurrence. After a long moment, he switched tactics, sounding aggrieved: “But the thing you want—only I can give it to you.”

Shen Chunyi avoided looking at him again, turning toward the window. “You can’t.”

“If I can’t, then no one can.”

Shen Chunyi slowly turned his head and said gently, “What is the relationship between you and me? There’s no need for you to do things for me.”

The young man chuckled, skillfully twisting the logic: “After all this talk, you still think I lack a proper title.”

Resting his chin in his hand, he mused leisurely, “Well, none of that matters. The kowtowing will come, the tea offering will come, and I can even learn to write a formal apprenticeship letter. You’ve traveled all the way from the east of Chengdu, vanquishing demons and monsters alone until you reached here. Taking me on as an apprentice would at least give you an extra pair of hands. That could be considered a title for now. Then, from apprentice to husband, we can gradually move up step by step. Of course, I can wait bit by bit”

Shen Chunyi nearly spat blood: “What do you mean by ‘husband’? Why does ‘apprentice’ come before ‘husband’? Do you think these two roles can be promoted like official ranks?!”

The young man’s worldview was unbelievably twisted. He probably thought the relationship between a master and a wife was like that of a tadpole and a frog—though a master and a wife are two different things, so are a tadpole and a frog. But a tadpole grows into a frog, and a master, after long enough, could become a wife.

The young man declared shamelessly, “A husband is the one who ties the knot with his wife. Don’t you even know that? Of course, my master taught me this, and he also said that he is my wife.”

This was pure, unadulterated sophistry.

Shen Chunyi’s face contorted in disbelief: “He actually said that?”

The other person replied slyly, “Of course he did. After all, he’s not here right now, so you have no way to ask him, right?”

The young man was too skilled at sophistry. Shen Chunyi couldn’t out-argue him and truly didn’t want to continue discussing this topic any further. He could only forcefully steer the conversation to a point both of them had overlooked earlier: “Have you been following me all this way?”

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