Desk-mate, Do You Like Me? - Chapter 42

Chapter 42

As soon as Li Mo sat down, his maternal Great-Aunt, sitting at the next table, leaned over. Her voice was quiet but loud enough for everyone around to hear: “Wenxiu, look at this child. Why does he look more and more like Li Dong? Especially his eyes, so gloomy, just like his father when he cheated and committed domestic violence back then. You must keep him away from Jinlun, so he doesn’t corrupt the child.”

These words pierced Li Mo’s heart like an icicle. He clenched his chopsticks, his knuckles turning white, and looked up at his great-aunt: “He is him, I am me. Why are you comparing me to him?”

The great-aunt was choked by his sudden retort, then pursed her lips: “What? Can’t be talked about? Who in the family circle doesn’t know about the shameful things Li Dong did? Your temper is as fiery as his was when he was young. Who knows what you’ll become later…”

“Enough!” Li Mo suddenly stood up, the chair scraping loudly against the floor. Silence instantly fell over the private room, and all eyes were fixed on him.

Ye Zhong frowned, stood up, and placed a hand on Li Mo’s shoulder, gripping him so hard it hurt: “Mo Mo! Is that how you talk to your elders? Great-Aunt is speaking for your own good. How can you be so ungrateful?”

Li Mo struggled free from his hand and looked at Yu Wenxiu, a sliver of hope still in his eyes: “Mom, what she said isn’t true, right?”

Yu Wenxiu avoided his gaze, picked up her teacup, and took a sip, her voice light and airy: “Mo Mo, say less. Today is a family dinner. Don’t make everyone unhappy. Great-Aunt just said it in passing. Don’t take it to heart.”

“Said it in passing?” Li Mo laughed, his laughter full of self-mockery. “She insulted me, said I’m like my father, said I’ll corrupt Ye Jinlun, and all you can say is for me not to take it to heart? Mom, what am I to you? Am I really that kind of person?”

His voice trembled. He stared intently at Yu Wenxiu, but she still didn’t dare meet his eyes.

Ye Zhong took another step forward, his voice stern: “Li Mo! Have you made enough of a scene? Wenxiu is your mother, and I am your stepfather. We are your elders, and it’s not your place to act wild here! Do you want to eat this meal or not? If you don’t, then get out!”

The three words “get out” completely shattered the last shred of hope in Li Mo’s heart.

He looked at the so-called “family” before him—the relatives accusing him, the stepfather defending an outsider, and the mother silently condoning it all. He suddenly felt an immense sense of irony.

He realized that, from beginning to end, he was an outsider.

He realized that his mother didn’t love him anymore.

Yu Wenxiu had long given all her favoritism to Ye Jinlun, abandoning him, her biological son, in City A like trash, unwilling to even say a single word in his defense.

Li Mo said nothing more and didn’t look at anyone. He turned and walked out of the private room. He wiped his hand across the back of his hand, which was inexplicably wet, and realized it was his own tears.

When he reached the hotel entrance, the cold wind hit him, and he somewhat cleared his head.

He pulled out his phone. The signal bars were finally full. There were no new messages, but he was inexplicably reminded of Xu Qing—I wish Xu Qing were here.

This thought made Li Mo’s heart tighten.

Li Mo wanted to return to City A immediately. He wanted to leave this place, to escape this broken environment he didn’t know how to face.

But there were no return buses.

Should he wait until the next day? Shit, no! I’m going back now!

With this thought, Li Mo opened his contacts and called Fu Dake: “Hello? Shitou, are you free right now…”

Fifteen minutes later, Fu Dake was speeding down the highway on his ancient motorbike, carrying his Brother Mo.

In the quiet night, only the roar of the motorcycle engine could be heard.

“Brother Mo, it’s so late. Why don’t you just stay at the internet cafe with us? It’s not like we haven’t done it before… Why do you insist on going back to that broken City A?” Fu Dake asked.

Li Mo held Fu Dake’s shoulder with one hand and his phone with the other. Without lifting his head, he said: “Watch your language. Also, don’t ask about matters of the road.”

Fu Dake stuck out his tongue: “Got it, whatever Brother Mo says.”

Li Mo lowered his gaze, staring at his phone screen. His fingertip hovered over Xu Qing’s number but hesitated to press. The night wind cut across his cheeks, bringing an icy chill.

Fu Dake glanced at him through the rearview mirror and slowed down: “Brother Mo, are you really going back to City A? It’s the middle of the night. It’ll take more than three hours on the road.”

“Mhm,” Li Mo briefly replied. He finally put away his phone and gripped Fu Dake’s jacket tightly. “Go faster.”

The motorcycle engine roared as it accelerated, and the wind whistled past their ears.

Li Mo closed his eyes, but the scene in the private room flashed repeatedly in his mind—the great-aunt’s sharp lips, his stepfather’s stern brows, his mother’s evasive gaze… Every detail was like a blunt knife, repeatedly tearing at his heart.

He thought of his father, Li Dong.

The man was only a blurred outline and fragmented memories in his mind—smashed dishes, his mother’s suppressed sobs, and the last rainy night when the sound of arguing was drowned out by the rain, and Yu Wenxiu left with him without looking back.

“I won’t turn out like him,” Li Mo muttered, his voice scattered by the wind.

Fu Dake didn’t hear clearly and asked loudly, “What did you say, Brother Mo?”

“Nothing.” Li Mo looked up at the endless darkness ahead. “Stop at the gas station up ahead. I’ll buy a pack of cigarettes.”

The gas station lights were dim and yellow. Li Mo stood outside the convenience store and lit a cigarette. Nicotine rushed into his lungs, temporarily numbing his turbulent emotions. He took out his phone. This time, he didn’t hesitate.

“Hello?” Xu Qing’s clear voice came from the other end, tinged with sleepiness. “What’s wrong?”

The moment he heard that voice, Li Mo felt his tense nerves slightly relax. He took a deep breath: “I… I’m on my way back to City A now. A day earlier than planned.”

There was a moment of silence on the other end. Xu Qing seemed fully awake: “Now? Are you planning to walk back?”

“No… A friend is driving me,” Li Mo said lightly.

After two seconds of quiet, Xu Qing asked: “Where are you planning to go when you get to City A?”

“Home, I guess…” Li Mo paused. “Back to my uncle’s house.”

“Alright. How much longer?”

“Four or five hours? A motorcycle can’t beat four wheels, no matter what.”

“Riding a motorcycle back to City A in the middle of the night?” Xu Qing’s voice was full of disbelief. “Do you think that’s like going from school to your home? Be thankful if you don’t get hit by a car.”

Xu Qing’s words were slightly urgent, like a little prick in Li Mo’s heart, but he wasn’t annoyed. Instead, his Adam’s apple bobbed—it had been a long time since someone had spoken to him like this, not in accusation, but with genuine worry.

He pressed the cigarette butt onto the metal lid of the trash can. As the spark died, his voice softened a bit: “I’m with Shitou. His driving is steady.”

“Can ‘steady’ act as a guardrail?” Xu Qing’s tone softened but still held some anger. “If your uncle’s place is empty, it’ll be hard for you to even unlock the door in the middle of the night. How about… you call me when you reach City A? I have a spare room at my place.”

Li Mo was stunned. The wind, carrying the smell of gasoline from the station, blew towards him, but he suddenly felt a lump in his throat. He gripped his phone, his thumb rubbing the edge of the screen: “No need. It’s too much trouble for you.”

“Trouble for what?” Xu Qing’s voice came through the receiver, carrying a hint of teasing: “Didn’t someone say before that they could rely on me? As a boyfriend.”

Without waiting for Li Mo to say anything more, Xu Qing added: “Tell your friend to drive slowly on the road. Don’t push it.”

After hanging up, Li Mo stood there, holding the unfinished cigarette.

Fu Dake rode the motorcycle over and whistled: “Brother Mo, who were you talking to? You’re not even grumpy anymore.”

Li Mo threw the cigarette into the trash can, swung his leg over the bike, his voice softer than before: “Let’s go. Drive slower.”

Fu Dake raised an eyebrow, didn’t ask more, and started the motorcycle, merging back into the night.

The engine’s roar was lower than before. Li Mo leaned against Fu Dake, hands gripping his jacket. The churning coldness in his heart felt like a corner of it had been warmed by that phone call.

Li Mo leaned against Fu Dake’s back, feeling the engine’s vibration and the whistle of the night wind. He closed his eyes. Xu Qing’s phrase, “As a boyfriend,” echoed in his ears, like a stone dropped into an icy lake, creating ripples.

The three-plus-hour ride no longer felt endless. With every road sign, Li Mo got a little closer to City A, a little closer to the city where Xu Qing was.

By the time they entered the City A urban area, the sky was already turning a pale gray. Fu Dake slowed down and looked back: “Brother Mo, straight to your uncle’s place?”

Li Mo hesitated. His phone suddenly vibrated. It was a message from Xu Qing: “Where are you?”

His fingertip paused. He replied: “Just entered the city area.”

Almost instantly, the ‘typing’ indicator popped up: “Come to my place. I cooked noodles for you.”

Fu Dake saw Li Mo’s expression in the rearview mirror and whistled: “Oh, Brother Mo, something’s going on, huh?”

Li Mo didn’t deny it. He just patted his shoulder: “Detour. To Jinyuan Residential Area.”

The motorcycle weaved through the quiet morning streets, finally stopping at the entrance of an old but clean residential area. As soon as Li Mo got off the bike, he saw a figure emerge from the building entrance.

Xu Qing was wearing loose home clothes with a down jacket carelessly thrown over them. His hair was soft and flat, as if he had just woken up. He was holding a thermal container. The faint morning light outlined his soft profile.

Xu Qing yawned: “The big turtle finally reached the finish line.”

Li Mo stepped forward, wanting to hug him, but remembering Fu Dake was still there, he refrained.

He smiled: “You’re the one who started it, aren’t you?”

Xu Qing raised an eyebrow: “Started what? Just a heads-up, dating a minor will get you arrested.”

Li Mo: “…”

That’s not what I meant, hey…

Well, he wasn’t entirely sure anymore.

Fu Dake watched from the side, utterly dumbfounded.

Holy cow. No wonder Brother Mo never accepted any girl’s confession since childhood… So… his Brother Mo likes men?!

Xu Qing tilted his head and looked at Fu Dake: “And you are?”

Fu Dake snapped back to attention and scratched his head: “Heh heh… Brother Mo and I have been hanging out since elementary school… Uh, just call me Shitou.”

With that, he sensibly started his motorcycle: “Well, Brother Mo, Sister-in-law, I’m heading off!”

After the sound of the motorcycle faded, only the two of them remained at the residential area entrance. Li Mo held the thermal container, and the warmth spread from his palm to his heart.

What the hell was ‘Sister-in-law’?!

“Let’s go up. It’s cold out here,” Xu Qing said softly, turning to lead the way.

Li Mo followed him. He had never been to this complex before. Although it wasn’t as luxurious as the Golden Rose Community, it had all the necessary amenities. The stairwell was clean and intact, much better than the Sunshine Community.

“This is my relative’s place. I’ve already talked to them. No need to be nervous,” Xu Qing paused and glanced back at Li Mo. “Given your personality, you won’t be awkward anyway.”

Li Mo rubbed his nose: “Are you complimenting me? Thank you.”

Xu Qing: “…Idiot.”

Pushing open the front door, a rush of warmth greeted them.

Xu Qing turned on the living room light and asked, “Do you want to eat?”

Li Mo shook his head: “I don’t have much appetite…”

“Alright.”

Xu Qing didn’t press further. Instead, he pulled out a chair at the dining table and sat down.

“So,” he rested his chin on his hand, looking at Li Mo, “do you want to talk about it?”

Li Mo sat down as well. He was surprised by the question, then took a deep breath and finally recounted everything that had happened the night before.

He spoke of his great-aunt’s harsh words, his stepfather’s strict accusations, and his mother’s chilling silence.

Xu Qing listened quietly the whole time, without interrupting, only his eyes showing sympathy and understanding.

Li Mo’s voice was particularly clear in the quiet living room, with a hint of an almost imperceptible tremor. When he spoke about his mother’s evasive gaze, his fingers unconsciously tightened, gripping the edge of the thermal container.

Xu Qing reached out and gently covered his slightly cool hand.

“You are not him,” Xu Qing’s voice was very soft but exceptionally firm. “Li Mo, you won’t become anyone else. You are you.”

Li Mo looked up, meeting Xu Qing’s gaze. The eyes that usually held a hint of teasing were now filled with seriousness, like a mirror, reflecting his current disarray but also the deep-seated persistence he hadn’t given up on.

“Do you know?” Xu Qing continued, his fingertip unconsciously tracing a line on the back of Li Mo’s hand. “I was very envious of you at first. I thought you were a very good person, and I’ve thought so all along. Later, I became grateful to you.”

Li Mo was surprised: “Grateful to me?”

Xu Qing “Mhm’d” and went on: “I’m not good at sappy words, but thank you anyway. Thank you for being willing to embrace the broken me. Thank you for your respect. Thank you for… liking me. I’m very lucky.”

Li Mo’s Adam’s apple bobbed. The bitterness that had been caught in his throat since the hotel suddenly burst. He abruptly lowered his head, his forehead almost touching their clasped hands, his shoulders trembling slightly.

There was no sound, only suppressed breathing that felt particularly heavy in the warm living room.

Xu Qing didn’t offer verbal comfort or pull his hand away. He just sat quietly, allowing Li Mo to grip his hand, his knuckles white with the force. This silent presence was more powerful than any words.

After a long while, Li Mo slowly calmed down. He raised his head, his eyes red, but his gaze was much clearer.

Li Mo sniffled, wiped away the dampness from the corner of his eyes, his voice still a bit hoarse: “I thought… I was the only one who cared about this mess.”

“How could it be just you?” Xu Qing gently rubbed the back of his hand, his tone rare for its softness. “You hide all your emotions, thinking no one will know if you don’t say anything, but even an idiot can see you’re hurting.”

Li Mo looked down at their clasped hands. Xu Qing’s hand was warmer than his, his palm slightly calloused, the touch very real. He was silent for a few seconds, then suddenly spoke: “Xu Qing, my mom… she really seems to not want me anymore.”

The words hung in the air like a stone, heavy and suffocating.

Xu Qing didn’t rush to refute. He just moved closer, lightly bumping his shoulder against Li Mo’s: “Whether she wants you or not is her business. You still have me.”

Li Mo looked up at him, his eyes still red, but a slow smile pulled at the corner of his lips: “Mhm.”

“Don’t keep focusing on the people who don’t cherish you,” Xu Qing reached out, his fingertips lightly touching Li Mo’s reddened eye socket, his movements very gentle, as if afraid to break something. “You deserve to be treated well. Don’t ever doubt that.”

Li Mo’s heart felt as if it had been soaked in warm water, incredibly soft. He didn’t speak, but he flipped his hand and gripped Xu Qing’s hand tightly. It wasn’t a strong grip, but it held the intention of holding onto the person firmly.

The living room fell silent for a moment. Xu Qing suddenly remembered something, got up, and went to the kitchen, returning with a bowl of something: “Even if you don’t have an appetite, eat a couple of bites of something hot. I cooked brown sugar and ginger noodles to ward off the cold.”

Steam rose from the bowl of noodles. The scent of ginger mixed with the sweetness of brown sugar drifted over.

Li Mo looked at the bowl of noodles, suddenly remembering that when he was little and sick, Yu Wenxiu would also cook this kind of noodle for him. However, those moments became increasingly rare later on.

“Why are you staring?” Xu Qing handed him the chopsticks. “Waiting for me to feed you?”

Li Mo took the chopsticks and took a bite. The hot soup slid into his stomach, and warmth spread through his limbs, significantly easing the coldness in his heart.

He ate slowly, without speaking. Xu Qing sat across from him, quietly watching, occasionally handing him a napkin.

By the time he finished the noodles, it was already bright outside.

As Xu Qing was clearing the dishes, Li Mo leaned against the kitchen doorway, watching him. He suddenly felt a sense of peace from this scene—no arguments, no accusations, just ordinary, lived-in warmth.

“Go sleep in the guest room for a while. You were up all night,” Xu Qing said to him, wiping his hands. “The sheets and bedding are freshly changed.”

Li Mo nodded but didn’t leave immediately. Instead, he stepped forward and lightly hugged Xu Qing. He rested his chin on Xu Qing’s shoulder, his voice very soft: “Xu Qing, thank you.”

Xu Qing’s body stiffened for a moment, then he raised a hand and patted Li Mo’s back, as if comforting a small animal: “Thank me for what? Isn’t that what boyfriends are for?”

Li Mo smiled, burying his face in Xu Qing’s neck, and mumbled: “Mhm, it is.”

The guest room was very clean. Sunlight filtered through the curtain gap, falling onto the soft blanket. Li Mo lay down and was asleep in no time.

This time, he didn’t have those messy dreams. In his dream, there was only Xu Qing’s smiling face and a bowl of steaming brown sugar and ginger noodles.