Crossing the Clouds and Sky to Fall in Love with You - Chapter 17

“The person who is loved by Sister Tao must be the luckiest.”

She smiled, and a tear rolled down the corner of her eye. I immediately wiped it away. She closed her eyes, leaning close to me as if seeking warmth. “If only she had said that to me herself back then, how wonderful would that have been?”

I put my arm around Sister Tao’s shoulder, just as she had embraced me before. Smelling the faint scent of her hair and body, I also closed my eyes, relaxing.

For Sister Tao to say this to me, did it mean she also held me in her heart and truly regarded me as a confidante?

If so, I would say I am truly, truly happy.

The Christmas weekend arrived quickly. I declined an invitation from Tao Yian, and I didn’t go with Yi Ting to watch a movie. Who wants to self-inflict running outside just to be blinded by a bunch of couples! So, I still stayed nestled in Sister Tao’s room like a snail.

Mom asked when I was coming home. Sigh! I clearly went back after my exams at the end of November… Sure enough, parents always think that when their daughter is on break, she should come home.

New Year’s Day also happened to be a Sunday, and then it would be time to prepare for finals. If I had to choose the soonest day, that would probably be the only choice.

I was still urged to go back, and I sighed, actually really reluctant to leave this room.

Perhaps, to be more precise, I didn’t want to leave Sister Tao.

Being with her is very comfortable. From being just ordinary neighbors at first, to friends meeting fixedly at nine every night, and then quickly going through the lows and blows of heartbreak, abortion, and other setbacks, she and I instantly upgraded from friends to confidantes.

Calling her a confidante… I guess it’s more that Sister Tao understands me! I’ve started to slightly understand why girls would want to be with girls… especially if that person is Sister Tao. She has the delicacy and sensitivity of a girl but also the magnanimity of a man. For other girls with the same orientation, Sister Tao is probably the dream, the perfect lover!

But this perfect lover is heartbroken over another woman.

Having both experienced a failed first love, the realization of this fact seemed to instantly draw Sister Tao and me even closer; it was as if we were mutually attracted. She was no longer that elegant, calm, intellectual beauty who seemed untouchable; she was a woman with flesh and blood, just like me, who could be troubled by love and wounded by affection.

Even though that moment of closeness was likely an accident, she hasn’t let me see her inner vulnerability again since.

Just as I was lost in thought, the sound of a key turning came from outside the door. “I’m back! Phew… It’s all couples outside! It’s so cold and rainy…”

I went to meet her and smelled the aroma of bread and fried food from the paper bags she was carrying. “I’ve been waiting for you for so long!”

She winked. “Are you waiting for me, or the dinner in my hand?”

“Don’t be so calculating!”

We laughed naturally, and the TV was turned on but quickly turned off again; Sister Tao played music on her computer, and only when the atmosphere of the entire room felt “right” did we start preparing to eat.

“Tuesday… I’ve planned to go out for a trip.” Chewing on a French fry, Sister Tao suddenly said this to me.

“Are you going to discuss publishing your book?” Speaking of which, I’ve always forgotten to ask when Sister Tao’s book would be released.

She shook her head. “To Sri Lanka.”

I broke open a piece of bread, and upon hearing “Sri Lanka,” the croissant almost dropped onto my lap. “Sri… Lanka?” Isn’t that going abroad? She… is going to travel alone again? In just two days!

“Mm, do you know where it is? It’s southeast of India…”

“I know the geographical location!” I put down the bread excitedly. Sister Tao seemed startled by me. “That’s so sudden? You never mentioned it before…”

“I usually don’t tell anyone when I plan a trip.” She pursed her lips, her voice sounding somewhat apologetic, but I felt like I had been slapped!

Anyone else?

Am I just “anyone else”?

I thought… I thought that in these two weeks, we had become close enough to consider each other confidantes, even exceeding that level… I didn’t expect her to be still so “unbound”?

“Xiaoning?”

“Then…” Realizing my lapse in composure, I bit my lip to control my emotions, grabbed the bread, and took a big bite. “When are you coming back?”

“About a week… What’s wrong?” Her tone softened; she seemed to notice my unusual reaction. “Upset?”

“You suddenly say you’re going far away and disappearing for a whole week, how can I be happy?” I think I can slightly understand the doctor’s feelings. She just leaves whenever she wants, and telling me now is just a notification, and it’s certainly only because I live in the same room as her that I get this “privilege.”

If I were just a “neighbor,” she might have flown away without a word, carrying her luggage.

“You can still stay here, can’t you?”

“I…” Seriously! I call her delicate and sensitive, yet sometimes she’s as thoughtless as a man! The problem isn’t where I stay, but… “I know! I have the keys to both rooms anyway, I can sleep wherever I want!”

She became more confused. “But you’re still upset?”

“Because you won’t be here!”

Gazing at her with a look of grievance, I finally couldn’t hold back. “What’s the point of me sleeping here without you?”

It was only because she was about to leave that I realized my dependence on Sister Tao had completely exceeded my expectations.

I hate being lonely.

I don’t want to live by myself… Goodness knows that if it weren’t for her, I would still inevitably think about my time with Lu Hanjun whenever I was alone, and that’s precisely the past I’m desperately trying to escape.

She paused, a trace of guilt mixed on her beautiful face. I looked away, chewing my bread distractedly; only the sound of music remained in the air. After about half a minute of silence, I finally whispered, “I’m sorry… The way I said that sounds like I’m blaming you for going on a trip…”

“It’s my fault for not telling you when I started planning, even though my planning periods are usually very short!” She opened her lips, smiling somewhat self-mockingly.

“A week… Thinking about it, it’s quite fast, right?” I tilted my head, trying hard to mentally prepare myself. “I should also examine myself. Since my breakup, I’ve been very dependent on you.”

“Don’t talk about examining anything. I also can’t bear to see you sad.” She gave me a glance and offered me some fries. “You’ll be back after New Year’s Day… Do you have any plans for New Year’s Day?”

“I’ll be going home; did I tell you, Sister Tao? My hometown is in Kaohsiung.”

“No, you didn’t… The South, the weather must be better than here.”

“Probably?”

Perhaps because of the imminent news of her trip abroad, an invisible low pressure made us less talkative. The abundant Christmas dinner, though only a simple meal, lost some of its luster, even though everything tasted very good.

“By the way, Xiaoning, what’s your phone number?” While clearing up the garbage, Sister Tao asked me seemingly casually.

I recited a string of numbers, and she immediately wrote them down on her palm with a pen. “What’s wrong?” I forgot to mention! Sister Tao doesn’t own a mobile phone. I don’t know if she’s afraid of being tracked by her family or something, so as soon as she leaves the house, she’s out of contact; people like this are almost extinct now, and I was very surprised when I first heard that this young, beautiful lady was categorized as such.

Her beautiful eyes darted elsewhere, and finally, she just said lightly, “It’s nothing. At least it’s convenient for contact, right?”

“It’s convenient for you to contact me, right?” I pouted, and she smiled and shrugged.

That Christmas night, she started preparing her luggage. Since she would be gone for a week, besides her backpack, she also brought out a massive suitcase. She said the weather in South Asia is very comfortable right now, with little rain and cool temperatures, so she brought many light long-sleeved shirts.

On Tuesday, she habitually called a taxi to take her to the airport. I saw her off downstairs. “I’m leaving?”

What could I say?

I could only nod, wave, and watch as the taxi carried her away. As soon as the car disappeared from sight, my tears started to fall uncontrollably. Were the two days of mental preparation before the trip not enough? Why did I feel a pang of melancholy just thinking about her being gone for a week? It was like a fish leaving the water, feeling stifled, sad, and unable to breathe…

The previously warm and comfortable shell became frighteningly quiet. I took back my own pillow and retreated from her room back to mine; I had only just slowly learned to stand up again under her embrace and gentleness, yet she left my side just when I felt I was slowly healing… Even if it was only temporary, it still made me very sad.

Can’t she just not go anywhere? Or take me with her?

Wasn’t there a famous movie line from years ago that expressed a similar feeling? Because of the reluctance to part, because of the hatred of being alone…

Sister Tao’s temporary departure felt like a blow no less painful than the feeling I had when I learned of that person’s betrayal.

Is it because I have become more fragile than before? Or… have I unconsciously come to view Sister Tao as too important, so important that even the word “important” feels too weak?

I rubbed my eyes, feeling the dampness of the pillow on my cheek, not knowing how long I had cried or laid there.

My phone suddenly rang! I rushed to answer it. It was Yi Ting. “Hello… Dinner? Yes, yes! Of course, let’s meet…” I was like a drowning person; anyone who could save me from loneliness, I would grasp without hesitation.

“By the way, Yi Ting… Do you have time tonight?”

Yi Ting was “coerced” by me into staying for two nights, treating it as company to get through this period of absence without Sister Tao.

Under her questioning, I finally confessed the whole story of my breakup with Lu Hanjun and also told her the fact that I had been pregnant.

She gasped, staring at my stomach. “And now you…”

“I terminated the pregnancy.” When I said those three words, I was surprised by the calmness I exhibited.

It wasn’t that I didn’t care, but this week, I had silently accepted what Sister Tao said: I couldn’t bear the arrival of a newborn with him, nor could I irresponsibly push the burden of raising the child onto my parents. Not to mention I have a younger brother and sister; the impact of this would be too great, and I felt unable to bear such a risk.

“You didn’t go to some shady clinic, did you?” I shook my head, and Yi Ting heavily breathed a sigh of relief. “You must have had a tough time… Why didn’t you tell me! Even if I couldn’t help, I would have made sure to stay with you until the end!”

I gave a wry smile. Should I tell her that I found a roommate who is more reliable and mature than her?

“That Lu Hanjun, I really didn’t expect him to be such a beast! Knowing a person’s face doesn’t mean knowing their heart! I won’t listen to his songs anymore! And I’ll rally my friends to boycott them too!”

Seeing her so angry that her double chin was shaking, I found it amusing! But thanks to her unrestrained scolding, my mood also brightened.

It’s truly a blessing to have friends who care about you.