Criticizing Love - Chapter 20

Chapter 20

Bright lights flickered amidst the desolation of the autumn night.

The clamor squeezed into Gu Nianyin’s ears with impactful force. She stood at the entrance of the crowded night market, her eyes filled with the astonishment of someone touching a world she had never accessed before.

The high-density crowd formed a dark, moving river, with the aromas of various foods interlacing within it.

There was no social etiquette here, no hollow flattery. The incandescent bulbs were far more piercing than the crystal chandeliers of a ballroom. The liveliness was like a bird released from a cage, permeating everywhere.

Watching the subtle expression on Gu Nianyin’s face, Lin Xi felt a bit better after being ordered around by her at the school gate. She leaned against her parked bike and laughed: “You can still regret this now.”

Gu Nianyin didn’t answer. Instead, she turned to Lin Xi and asked, “Is this the kind of place you usually come to?”

“Yeah,” Lin Xi nodded. “Zhong Sheng and I come here all the time. The stuff here is cheap and delicious—great value for money.”

Upon hearing this, Gu Nianyin took a step toward the market: “Let’s go.”

Her voice wasn’t loud to begin with, and now it was nearly drowned out by the boisterous crowd. “Take me to try the things you usually eat.”

As if Gu Nianyin’s words had given her a mission, Lin Xi led her to a highly popular stall selling imagawayaki (wheel cakes).

Familiar with the routine, Lin Xi scanned the QR code with her phone to select a set meal. Without looking up, she told Gu Nianyin: “Our number is 153. I ordered enough for two. When they call the number, just tell her which two flavors you want.”

Having said that, Lin Xi naturally turned to walk away.

She was going to leave.

But then, she felt something hook onto her.

Gu Nianyin’s brow was furrowed: “Where are you going?”

Lin Xi tilted her head toward a distant stall, her tone matter-of-fact: “I’m going over there to buy something else. This place is slow. I’ll be back by the time they’re done; it saves time.”

This girl was maddeningly dense, treating Gu Nianyin exactly the same way she treated Zhong Sheng. As she spoke, there was a hint of pride in her eyes, as if she had just found the optimal solution to a classic fourth-grade math logic puzzle.

As more people crowded in, Gu Nianyin wanted to say something, but Lin Xi had already vanished into the flow of the crowd.

The bright light from the stall hit the young girl’s face. She watched Lin Xi leave, her lips pressed thin. As the figure disappeared into the sea of people, her gaze sank several times.

The result of the “logic puzzle” was exactly as Lin Xi predicted. By the time she returned with her purchase, the wheel cakes were just being finished for Gu Nianyin.

Seeing this, Lin Xi grew even prouder, showing off to Gu Nianyin with self-satisfaction: “See? My estimate was correct.”

The white batter gradually turned a creamy yellow under the rising heat. Gu Nianyin’s pupils rested calmly on them, her lowered eyelashes slowly swept upward by the steam. She ignored Lin Xi’s boast entirely.

“What flavors did you get?” Lin Xi didn’t notice the snub. She asked curiously while eating her own snack.

Gu Nianyin threw two terms at her: “Matcha Red Bean, and Pudding Ice Cream.”

Lin Xi raised an eyebrow: “Good choices.”

Following Gu Nianyin’s gaze to find their cakes, she nodded in approval: “Matcha Red Bean is their signature. Sheng and I buy two every time.”

For some reason, at the mention of that name, Gu Nianyin’s eyes lifted slightly.

She turned to look at the girl standing beside her and the food in her hand, asking: “Is that also something you and Zhong Sheng eat when you come here?”

Lin Xi nodded, popping a piece into her mouth: “Spicy Stir-fried Beef. A must-order.”

The aroma of this dish was far more aggressive than the wheel cakes, sharply stimulating the taste buds.

While Lin Xi was enjoying the spicy sting on the tip of her tongue, a shadow suddenly leaned in close.

Gu Nianyin came silently, without any warning.

Her face, magnified under the incandescent light, abruptly appeared in Lin Xi’s line of sight. Her thick lashes caught the falling points of light; she looked calm, yet possessed a certain reckless boldness.

They were so close that Lin Xi couldn’t tell if the heat hitting her nose was from the stall or from Gu Nianyin.

The influx of new people made the area around the stall increasingly cramped. She couldn’t tell if Gu Nianyin was doing this on purpose; she could only hear her heart thumping like a bell being struck.

Thump! Thump!

“Can I try some?”

Gu Nianyin asked softly, her clear eyes seemingly reflecting only this single intent.

Lin Xi instinctively pulled her hand back a fraction.

Her heart was wavering, and her momentum failed her: “It’s very spicy.”

“I’ll try it.” Gu Nianyin didn’t change her mind. She picked up another skewer from the box.

The dark, stir-fried beef, dotted with chili seeds, was sent into the girl’s lips in a messy fashion.

This was something that even Lin Xi would sometimes struggle with, yet this person ate it without a flush or a skipped heartbeat.

In front of the bustling stall, Gu Nianyin remained effortlessly calm.

Her cheeks moved slightly as she chewed. Beneath a paradoxical elegance was an indifferent expression, as if no delicacy could truly pique her interest.

What kind of person is she?

Why can she always remain so unchangingly calm?

Is there not a single shred of joy in her life?

This wasn’t the first time Lin Xi had wondered this about Gu Nianyin. She seemed to see a little more than others did.

But this couldn’t really be called an advantage. This “little more” didn’t amount to much upon scrutiny; it was all mist frozen in ice—unsolvable, inexplicable.

Was this curiosity about the person?

…Or was it the “deep dive” into Gu Nianyin she had to perform to execute her plan?

Lin Xi’s thoughts suddenly stalled, a layer of vacancy spreading across her lowered eyes.

She couldn’t figure it out, and the question made her feel unsettled.

Before she could regain her composure, a violent coughing sound erupted beside her ear: “Cough, cough, cough, cough…”

Gu Nianyin had been choked by the spice.

Over the past few months, Lin Xi had developed a near-reflexive response to this sound.

The moment she heard the cough, her hand slapped onto Gu Nianyin’s back, her tone carrying a concern she hadn’t managed to strip away: “Didn’t I tell you that you couldn’t handle it? Why did you eat so much!”

“Sor—cough—ry.” Gu Nianyin’s entire nasal cavity felt a sharp, stinging sensation. She looked up at Lin Xi.

The overexposed lights fell on her face. The scarlet heat of the spice flushed through her skin, and the irritation turned her eyes red.

The night wind carried the heat, rippling the calm lake of her expression. In those deep brown pupils, crushed tears were welling up. In her coldness, she now looked pitiful and fragile, making it impossible to scold her.

Lin Xi had been stating a fact, but now she felt like the villain.

Her anger vanished, replaced entirely by chagrin.

“Number 153 is ready.”

At that moment, their wheel cakes were done.

“Thanks, boss,” Lin Xi said, taking them for Gu Nianyin.

As if to make amends for her harsh attitude earlier, she carefully folded the packaging and handed a cake to Gu Nianyin: “The ice cream one. To cut the spice.”

Gu Nianyin looked up at Lin Xi. While taking the cake, she said: “You don’t need to feel guilty. I know you were worried about me just now.”

It was that calm, stating-of-fact tone again. Lin Xi immediately moved to deny it: “I—”

But halfway through, she remembered her goal. She swallowed the denial and put her hands in her pockets, walking toward the other side: “Let’s look over there.”

Turning right from the food stalls led away from the snack area. Under the bright lights, a dizzying array of cheap toys was on display.

Lin Xi led Gu Nianyin past these stalls, thinking that someone like Gu Nianyin wouldn’t be interested in these low-quality knock-offs. She had so much money; there was nothing she couldn’t buy.

With this thought, Lin Xi suddenly stopped at a stall: “Hey.”

Gu Nianyin turned toward her and saw her standing before a ground display. Lin Xi said to her: “Butterflies.”

“Don’t you like butterflies? Want to take a look?”

There was a hint of excitement in Lin Xi’s voice, like she’d discovered a new continent. Her jet-black pupils reflected the stall lights, looking at Gu Nianyin brightly.

Another voice echoed in Gu Nianyin’s mind: She still remembers what I said after the 3000-meter run.

“Come take a look, girls. These are all excellent specimens, great for collecting,” the stall owner noticed them and called out enthusiastically.

Gu Nianyin walked over.

The cheap red velvet lining was dusted with a bit of grime. Thumb-sized butterfly specimens were arranged neatly on top. Even under the strong lights, the visible crudeness was unavoidable.

An amateur wouldn’t understand the details; Lin Xi just leaned in to enjoy the spectacle.

Among the various specimens, she noticed the blue butterflies in the center and asked curiously: “What kind of butterfly is this?”

“These are all—”

“Blue Morphos. Also known as Morpho menelaus. It is one of the largest species in the Nymphalidae family.”

The stall owner was about to explain, but was interrupted by Gu Nianyin’s voice.

Lin Xi didn’t mind who did the explaining. She nodded while eating: “It’s pretty nice.”

Gu Nianyin glanced at Lin Xi, whose gaze remained fixed on the butterflies, and continued the introduction: “To maintain such beautiful colors, this butterfly has undergone many evolutions. The underside of its wings has a pattern similar to dried leaves. Even when flying, they flap their wings rapidly so that the bright color isn’t easily caught by predators.”

“Why?” Lin Xi didn’t understand. “If the color is too conspicuous, why didn’t they just evolve it away?”

Her scientific mind was somewhat unromantic, speaking in terms of the theory of evolution from biology class.

Gu Nianyin looked at the indigo blue that remained beautiful and clean even under the low-quality plastic and smiled: “Maybe because it would be too ugly.”

This answer was different from Gu Nianyin’s usual cold and serious style. There was emotion dancing in her indifferent voice.

In Lin Xi’s sight was a pair of clearly smiling eyes. That unchanging face was actually smiling.

It wasn’t the polite, faint smile she used with others—the kind she didn’t intend for people to notice.

Her cold pupils curved slightly, revealing a vivid authenticity in the dim night.

It didn’t look like her. Yet it was undoubtedly her.

Inexplicably, Lin Xi thought back to Gu Nianyin eating the spicy beef.

So…

Was she like the Blue Morpho, disguising her wings as dried leaves to protect her own color?

Driven by a strange impulse, Lin Xi pointed to a Blue Morpho on the stall: “Boss, how much for this one?”

“Blue Morphos aren’t easy to catch. If they aren’t preserved properly, they lose that beautiful color,” the owner spoke seriously, paving the way for a high price. “Since you’re students, I’ll give it to you for a flat 300. It was 358. How about it?”

Not great.

That amount was nearly half a month’s living expenses for Lin Xi.

To provide the best medication and medical care for Xing Xiu, she had proactively reduced her own spending. Three thin banknotes could weigh heavily on a person’s spine.

She had her goal, but her gaze lingered on the butterfly with great struggle and hesitation.

At that moment, Gu Nianyin’s voice rang out, calm and steady: “The Morpho achilles is small and easy to catch. Since its hue isn’t as brilliant as the Giant Blue Morpho, its market price should generally be much lower.”

Hearing this, the owner’s expression became less friendly: “Look here, little girl, don’t come here and ruin my business.”

“Is that so?” Gu Nianyin’s eyes were rippleless as she looked at the owner.

Her questioning voice was soft, seemingly on the verge of being swallowed by the surrounding noise.

Yet, those two simple words made the owner feel an unprecedented sense of pressure.

The girl’s light skirt was like the moonlight of this night—hazy, yet bearing down with weight.

The owner was held by Gu Nianyin’s calm gaze. Her deep brown pupils seemed to be giving him time to decide: either she would ruin his business, or he would admit the truth and stop overcharging.

She was clearly just a student, yet her gaze held a depth that even adults rarely reached—like a deep well ready to swallow someone whole.

“…Since we’re both experts, if you really want it, 100 bucks. Let’s call it a friendly price, okay?” The owner surrendered.

Lin Xi was surprised.

She was about to agree when Gu Nianyin said: “Fifty-eight.”

“…” The owner gritted his teeth. Under Gu Nianyin’s gaze, he couldn’t find a way to argue. “Girl, you sure have a way with ‘friends.'”

Lin Xi didn’t know how the “princess of the glass house” understood the owner’s sarcasm, but she clearly did.

The autumn wind pushed the dark clouds away from the moon; that deep gaze receded quickly.

Gu Nianyin turned to look at Lin Xi after the owner spoke and said: “Pick one you like.”

While Lin Xi was still wondering how Gu Nianyin knew so much about these things, she turned and met Gu Nianyin’s gaze.

That gaze was calm as always, but somehow it held something undefinable. It was as if to say: I know you like it, so I’m helping you get it.

What the…

Lin Xi was startled by her own thought and cursed herself in her heart.

She quickly took the one she had eyed from the start from the row of butterflies, paid the money, took it, and handed it to Gu Nianyin: “Here.”

Now it was Gu Nianyin’s turn to be surprised: “For me?”

Lin Xi gave a grunt, her words denying the thought that had popped up in her mind: “I don’t even like butterflies. You like them, don’t you?”

Without waiting for a reply, Lin Xi stuffed the butterfly into Gu Nianyin’s hand.

She looked at the beautiful, radiant butterfly and stated her reason for buying it: “Keep it safe. Don’t let your only memory of this place be spicy beef that makes you cough.”

—She despicably wanted to use the butterfly to make Gu Nianyin remember the feeling of being with her tonight, painting this “first time” in a deep, lasting indigo.

The autumn night was slightly cool. The butterfly specimen, having been held, retained the warmth of a palm.

Gu Nianyin looked down at the specimen, her finger lightly stroking the side of the plastic box. Matching Lin Xi’s intent, she replied: “I won’t.”

“That’s for the best then,” Lin Xi spoke with her old casual tone, though her heart didn’t feel as light.

She watched Gu Nianyin, who was still admiring the specimen, and felt she had barely taken the first step tonight.

Because of this, her gaze avoided Gu Nianyin’s slightly. Her conscience wasn’t entirely dead; complex emotions weighed on her chest, urging her to end the night quickly. “Still want to look around? I don’t want to get home too late.”

Fortunately, Gu Nianyin didn’t seem to want to continue either. She shook her head, granting Lin Xi’s wish: “No more. Take me home.”

Take her home.

Lin Xi wanted to escape, but was pulled back in by Gu Nianyin again.

Her first reaction was to refuse.

But she was the one who suggested coming here. She was the one who brought her here with an ulterior motive. She should be the one to see her back.

The night wind squeezed through the crowd and blew onto Gu Nianyin. The white on her body was almost too clean.

Her slenderness was out of place with the surroundings, looking as if anyone could crush her at any moment.

…And legally speaking, if anything happened to Gu Nianyin on her way back alone, she would be held responsible.

Lin Xi put her hands in her pockets. She didn’t want to get herself in trouble before her plan even succeeded. She tilted her head toward Gu Nianyin: “Let’s go. I’ll take you home.”

On the way back, the noise grew more and more distant.

There weren’t many people on the road after ten o’clock. The shadow of the bicycle shifted and changed as it approached and passed the streetlights. The city slept silently under the hazy shroud of moonlight.

A cool breeze brushed past Gu Nianyin’s profile, blowing from front to back, carrying a faint, subtle scent.

She held the butterfly specimen up toward the moon. The moonlight and indigo blue overlapped with Lin Xi’s shadow ahead. The low-quality frame was a cage that the shadow couldn’t break.

At that same moment, Lin Xi vaguely felt the back seat wobble.

She was about to speak when she saw a hand reach around and wrap around her waist.

Gu Nianyin’s voice pressed against Lin Xi’s back, calm and steady: “Can I hold onto your clothes? I feel a bit unsteady sitting here.”

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