Can't Hide My Love for You - Chapter 94

A blessing after the birthday.

Realizing what Cheng Yixin had done, Chi Yi’s pupils contracted sharply. She felt a massive tremor in her heart, and without any warning, her tears suddenly fell. They were like pearls from a broken string, one after another, impossible to stop.

Realizing she was crying, Chi Yi hurriedly tried to wipe them away. “Sorry, I’ve lost my composure.”

“No need to apologize.” Cheng Yixin moved her hand away and simply pulled her into a firm embrace. Her chin rested on top of Chi Yi’s head as her fingers smoothed through her hair, stroke by stroke, to comfort her.

“The meaning of a lover is to accompany you when you need it, whether you are silent or weeping.”

“I don’t like celebrating birthdays,” Chi Yi said. “They left me on my birthday because of my stubbornness.”

“If I hadn’t insisted on going to the park, the accident wouldn’t have happened on the road.”

“It’s my fault.”

“It’s all my fault.”

“In the final moments, they used all their strength to protect me… if it wasn’t for me…”

Chi Yi gripped Cheng Yixin’s coat tightly with her fingers, her body trembling slightly. Chi Yi’s logic had tried to persuade her countless times, yet she was defeated by her own obsession every time. She felt as if she were stuck in a swamp, desperately trying to climb out, but imprisoned by something invisible and unable to escape.

“It’s not your fault. Everything was the fault of the driver who caused the accident,” Cheng Yixin said seriously. “A child acting spoiled and asking their parents to go out and play, and parents responding to those expectations—none of that is wrong.”

“They protected you until the very last moment of their lives because they loved you and didn’t want you to be hurt. Parental love is selfless and great.”

“You are the little treasure your mom and dad left in this world. you should live happily for their sake. Don’t trap yourself in the past or in a self-reproach that you shouldn’t have to bear. That is the last thing they would want to see.”

The last person to say such words to her had made her give up the thought of ending her life. And this time… it was the same person.

“The same…” Chi Yi murmured blankly. She was saying the exact same things as back then.

“What’s the same?”

“Can I really…” Chi Yi raised a hand and unconsciously grabbed Cheng Yixin’s arm. “Can I really… live?”

“Are you willing to let go of everything you have now?” Cheng Yixin asked. “Your family who loves you, and me.”

“And me. I love you.” Cheng Yixin pressed her forehead against Chi Yi’s and repeated: “I love you. You are worth more than anyone else in this world.”

In the idol dramas Cheng Yixin acted in, she could say the words “I love you” with deep affection to her partner, but in private, she had never said “love” to anyone. She believed love was a deeper emotion than liking—it was a lifelong commitment, a word that could only be spoken after repeated consideration. She would never say “I love you” to just anyone.

But now, toward Chi Yi, she didn’t need to think at all.

Cheng Yixin’s words gave Chi Yi the confidence to keep living, once… and once again. Only this time, she was going to start enjoying life, completely breaking free from the mire that had imprisoned her for seventeen years.

—What determines who we are is not our past experiences, but the meaning we give to those experiences.

The birthday gift prepared for Chi Yi still wasn’t given on the actual day; even the blessing came a day late.

When they returned home, Cheng Yixin took down the birthday balloons she had prepared before she left, but the gift remained in its place. Selfishly, she still wanted to give it, just as she couldn’t help saying “Happy Birthday” after midnight. Love can cross everything, but it also needs to respect the other person.

“This is the wine I bought at the exhibition before.” Cheng Yixin opened the gift box and held up the jar of birthday wine as if presenting a treasure. “It was brewed on the day you were born. As of today, my Baby Chi Yi is heading into her 26th year.”

“It’s very meaningful.” Chi Yi tilted her head, clearly liking it. “So when are we drinking it?”

“Hmm…” Cheng Yixin thought for a moment. “Let’s wait for a time when there’s something especially happy to celebrate.”

“Alright.” Chi Yi smiled slightly, her gaze falling on another small box. Compared to the wine, which was casually covered by a large gift box, the small box looked much more mysterious, wrapped in colored paper and tied with a ribbon. “What’s that?”

Cheng Yixin handed her the small box and let her guess.

“This size… an ornament or something similar?”

A direct hit.

“You’ll know once you open it.” Cheng Yixin watched Chi Yi’s movements as she unwrapped the gift. Inside the colored paper was a white, square hard-paper box. As Chi Yi lifted the lid, Cheng Yixin added: “It’s nothing special. It’s okay if you don’t like it.”

It was a Q-version style with a white belly, an orange head, and a little tail. On its back were white dots amidst the orange—it wasn’t hard to identify it as a little deer.

“You made this yourself, didn’t you?” Chi Yi said with certainty.

“You could tell!” Cheng Yixin burst out laughing. “Was it because you felt the overwhelming, unhidable love the moment you opened it?”

“Uh…” Chi Yi cradled the little deer in her palm, looked at it carefully, and said, “Because store-bought ones have much finer workmanship.”

“…” Teacher Cheng’s smile froze on her face.

Chi Yi burst into a laugh. “Machine-made things can’t compare to a handmade craft made by you. It’s much more precious. I love it; it’s the best gift I’ve ever received.”

Cheng Yixin raised an eyebrow, picking at her words: “This is the best? Then what will you say next year?”

“Next year will be the ‘bestest,’ the year after will be the ‘bestest-est’…”

This sweet talk barely met the passing grade. Chi Yi carefully put the gift away, her movements suggesting she was terrified of bumping, touching, or breaking it.

“What gift did Grandfather give you?” Cheng Yixin asked suddenly out of curiosity.

“A car. My uncle gave me a car too,” Chi Yi said. “They should have been delivered to the underground garage already. The cars there are all gifts from family; I’ve never driven them.”

Rather than saying she hadn’t driven them, “never seen them” was more accurate. In previous years, when the old man sent people to deliver birthday gifts, she wouldn’t even sign for them in person. Unwilling to celebrate her birthday, she naturally didn’t want to receive gifts, but not accepting them would worry her family.

Previously, Cheng Yixin had been puzzled; looking at President Chi’s “low-profile” style, her car collection wasn’t low-profile at all. It turned out they were gifts from her family, which made perfect sense now.

“No wonder when I went to drive them before, I found they were all brand new.” Cheng Yixin paused. “Wait, so the birthday girl hasn’t even used these gifts, but I’ve been out driving them?”

“What does it matter? What’s mine is yours, and what’s yours is still yours.”

“What’s mine is still mine?” Cheng Yixin suddenly laughed inopportunely. Usually, she would use this phrase to joke, but hearing it from Chi Yi’s mouth somehow felt different.

“…” Chi Yi suddenly wondered if she had said something wrong; that smile made her back feel a bit chilly.

However, she saw Cheng Yixin stand up and reach out a hand toward her: “Do you want to take a shower together?”

Yes, okay, fine, sure. There were many answers, but none of them were a refusal.

After a long absence, they enjoyed the massage bathtub at home. As her body soaked in the hot water, Cheng Yixin felt her limbs stretch out, and she gave a massive stretch. The bath salts on the rack were empty, so Chi Yi went to get a new packet. Lavender bath salts dissolved quickly in the hot water, gradually staining the pool a light purple and emitting a faint lavender scent.

Ripples splashed on the water’s surface as the water level rose with the addition of the other person, eventually overflowing onto the floor tiles. The two sat opposite each other. Cheng Yixin stared at Chi Yi, their long legs interlaced beneath the light purple water.

She straightened up slightly, her rounded shoulders partially exposed above the water. The water splashed with her movements. Cheng Yixin leaned half her body toward Chi Yi, one hand propped against Chi Yi’s thigh while the other gently pinched Chi Yi’s chin, forcing her to look up.

Their gazes met, and what followed was naturally self-evident. Cheng Yixin lowered her head slightly, sucking on Chi Yi’s lower lip bit by bit, yet without any intention of actually kissing, which was the most agonizing part.

Chi Yi was teased into a state of disorientation and suddenly wanted to ask: “You didn’t really come back for work, did you?”

“Of course. Is work more important than my Yiyi?” After finishing, Cheng Yixin tilted her head and sucked hard on Chi Yi’s jawline, leaving a faint plum-blossom-shaped mark.

Even the strongest ninja likely couldn’t resist her girlfriend’s teasing. Chi Yi’s fingertips trembled as she reached out to hold Cheng Yixin’s waist, intending to kiss her. A split second before the contact, Cheng Yixin turned her head to dodge, and the kiss landed on the corner of her mouth.

“…” Chi Yi blinked, a trace of confusion appearing in her brown eyes.

“This is mine.” Cheng Yixin tapped her own lips, her fingertips moving down inch by inch. “This is also mine, and mine, and mine…”

By the time she finished, she had sat back in her original position, her back against the smooth edge of the bathtub. Chi Yi quickly realized that the earlier “issue” hadn’t passed at all.

“Then what about me?” Chi Yi asked.

Cheng Yixin rested her arms on the edge of the tub, determined to bully her. Her tone was lazy: “You are also mine.”

“Mmm~” Chi Yi straightened up and moved over quickly, the water making a muffled splashing sound. “Then it’s only natural that I serve you. Right?”

How could the situation be turned against me like this???

Long-distance relationships are incredibly taxing; the feedback from every meeting becomes more passionate. The bathroom echoed with the sound of rippling water, mixed with traces of irrepressible responses.

“Chi Yi, Chi Yi…” As the atmosphere reached its critical limit, Cheng Yixin repeatedly called Chi Yi’s name, wishing she could carve those two characters into her blood and flesh.

“I’m here.” And every time, Chi Yi would respond, providing an even more passionate giving that contrasted with her mild-mannered voice.

When they lay back on the bed, Cheng Yixin, exhausted from a day of traveling and activity, didn’t want to move a single finger. She turned over and buried herself directly in Chi Yi’s arms, letting the other hold her. It was a sense of absolute security.

“I have to go visit the graves tomorrow morning,” Chi Yi whispered. “Can you accompany me?”

“Don’t ask me if I can.” Cheng Yixin was already in a state of half-sleep, murmuring dizzily: “My answer to you is always ‘yes’.”

Every year on her birthday, Chi Yi would go to the cemetery to visit her parents’ graves. She would time it to avoid meeting her grandparents, usually going the day after her birthday.

A bouquet of pure, flawless white roses sat before the grave. After a day, the petals were slightly wilted. The tombstone and the platform before it were very clean—not from a general cleaning by the manager, but carefully wiped.

“Since I stopped going home for my birthday, Grandfather and Grandmother come here every year on that day to visit the graves,” Chi Yi said as she picked up fallen leaves from in front of the tomb. “Grandmother will talk to Mom and Dad as if they were still alive, while Grandfather stands to the side smoking in silence.”

“I don’t dare come then. I’m afraid of seeing them cry, and afraid I’ll cry too, so I changed it to visiting the day after my birthday.”

Chi Yi knelt before the grave, picking up fallen leaves one by one. Her back, which was always upright, was now bent as if she might break at any moment.

Cheng Yixin leaned down, her knees pressing against the cold concrete. She picked up the last fallen leaf, pried open Chi Yi’s hand, and placed the leaf in her palm.

“Next year on your birthday, after visiting the graves with Grandfather and Grandmother, we’ll celebrate your birthday. Okay?”

“Will you come with me?”

The leaf in Chi Yi’s palm was yellow on one half, withered and full of holes from insects; that half would crumble and break with a single fold. But the other half was still un-withered, a green leaf maintaining a vigorous vitality.

“My answer to you will always be ‘yes’.”