Can't Hide My Love for You - Chapter 64

The “Seed Project” team was scheduled to depart for Ping County today. Chi Yi, who had previously canceled her ticket and removed her name from the roster, rejoined the group at the last minute.

The departure was set for the afternoon. All morning, Chi Yi had been trying to convince Cheng Yixin to let her stay. However, Cheng Yixin remained firm; she didn’t want the left-behind children, who had been waiting a year, to be disappointed. She repeatedly promised Chi Yi that she would sort out her feelings while she was away.

“Since you’re so reluctant to leave, why not just stay?” Wei Qi, the main lead for this mountain aid mission, teased her.

“She won’t let me stay,” Chi Yi said, looking out the window at the vast tarmac where a plane was slowly taxiing to a halt. Cheng Yixin’s scandal was trending so heavily that it was hard for any young person online not to know. “Getting smeared with shit for no reason… it’s damn infuriating.”

Wei Qi stubbed out his cigarette and added, “Since she won’t let you stay, why not take her with you?”

Chi Yi turned from the window to stare at him. “Are you crazy?”

Wei Qi laughed. “It’s just a few hours of mountain hiking and crossing two rivers to get to a place with no internet and no food delivery. It might just cleanse the soul.”

If it were a normal business trip, Chi Yi might have invited her to clear her head. But Ping County was impoverished, and their destination was deep in the mountains with grueling conditions. Very few people were willing to go; she certainly wouldn’t put Yixin through that hardship. She could only go and return as fast as possible, planning to stay for three or four days before handing the rest to the team.

After a sleepless night in Chi Yi’s arms, Cheng Yixin had fallen into a groggy slumber in the morning, only to be jolted awake by a nightmare three hours later. She lay in bed staring at the ceiling, unable to drift off again. The house was silent, yet she felt surrounded by sharp, piercing voices. She forced a deep breath, sat up, and headed to the bathroom.

Looking in the mirror, she barely recognized the exhausted, gaunt person staring back. She closed her eyes. The insults in her head remained sharp. She gripped the edge of the sink and tried to conjure Chi Yi’s voice, attempting to find peace through the memory of her words.

It’s no big deal. The sky isn’t falling. She brainwashed herself into believing she couldn’t let those people ruin her life. She went downstairs to find a prepared lunch that had already gone cold. She wasn’t hungry, but she forced herself to eat. She needed her body to function; she wouldn’t let others see her collapse.

Out of habit, her hand reached for her phone to scroll through Weibo while eating. Only when she saw the empty space where the icon used to be did she remember she had uninstalled it last night. Good. Out of sight, out of mind.

She messaged Chi Yi to say she had eaten and told her not to worry. The living room curtains remained tightly drawn, blocking out every sliver of sunlight. She hated the oppression of it, yet she didn’t want to open them. She sat on the sofa and turned on the TV, continuing the long series she had been watching with Chi Yi. She focused intensely on the plot to drown out the “voices.”

Halfway through, Li Wenjing called. Hearing that Yixin was watching TV and sounded better than yesterday, Li Wenjing relaxed.

“Chi Yi told me you uninstalled Weibo,” Li Wenjing said. “Wait a while before you download it again.”

“I don’t want to download it again for a long time.”

“We’ll talk about that later. I’m coming over later; what do you want for dinner?”

“Spare ribs. Spicy chicken.” Yixin listed several favorites.

“Great appetite. I’ll get it all for you,” Li Wenjing laughed. But the moment she hung up, her smile vanished. She stared at a magazine article on her screen and slammed the desk. “Get someone to delete this news piece immediately!”

“But—”

“Go!” Li Wenjing shouted. “Yixin’s emotions just stabilized. Do you want her to collapse again?!”

The news report Li Wenjing was trying to suppress was about the hot pot restaurant owned by Cheng Yixin’s parents. Under the cover of night, someone had splashed a bucket of red paint across the storefront. The words were: [CHENG YIXIN IS A SCAMMER EATING HUMAN BLOOD BUNS! CHENG’S HOT POT GET OUT OF SANDE STREET!]

In the photos, Father Cheng was blocking the camera, refusing interviews. The crimson words behind him were blinding.

Netizen: Support the person who splashed the paint! If the child isn’t taught well, the father is to blame. They deserve this! Netizen: My father is a farmer; this makes me so angry. Taking a high cut while pretending to help farmers… people like her should disappear! Netizen: Does she use gutter oil too? I bet the hot pot base is drugged. I hope they investigate the parents and audit Cheng Yixin’s taxes!

When Cheng Yixin saw the news alert, she trembled with rage. Her eyes turned blood-red with a sudden burst of hatred. She called her mother.

“Mom, I saw the news.” Her voice shook with a murderous edge.

“Oh, it’s fine,” Mother Cheng laughed softly. “We cleaned the paint off with the neighbors and called the police. They’ll catch whoever did it. Your dad and I haven’t had a vacation in years; this is a good chance to rest. We’re going to join a tour group and travel for a bit. Don’t worry about us.”

“But Mom… I just wanted to help someone. Why is it my fault now? Why does it have to affect you… I’m so useless…”

Her parents had run an honest business for over twenty years, buying the freshest ingredients every morning. They were a reputable old shop on the street, and now they were being questioned because of her. She hated the darkness of society for her “stupid” kindness.

“Don’t talk nonsense. We are family, and you are the pride of the Cheng family.”

Cheng Yixin finally broke down and sobbed.

When Li Wenjing arrived at the villa, she set the food on the table and called out. No response. She ran upstairs and tried the handle, but the door was locked.

“Yixin! Are you okay? Open the door! Don’t do anything stupid!” After several minutes of silence, Li Wenjing asked through the door: “Did you see the news?”

Click.

The door opened. Yixin’s eyes were bloodshot and swollen. “Let’s eat,” she said tonelessly.

At the table, Li Wenjing tried to lighten the mood. “I got extra spice in the chicken; you’ll love it.”

Yixin took a bite, but a wave of nausea hit her instantly. She ran to the bathroom and gagged. She couldn’t get the keyboard warriors out of her head. They were disgusting; they made her want to puke.

“I’ll call a doctor,” Li Wenjing said, rubbing her back.

“No need. It’s psychological nausea,” Yixin said, shaking her head. “That article was deleted. The police found ‘Liu Min’ an hour ago; he’s been brought in for questioning. Things are looking up. You need to pull yourself together.”

Yixin sat back down and forced a piece of vegetable down her throat. “I won’t accept this.” She re-downloaded Weibo and stared at the login screen.

“What’s my password?”

“What are you doing?”

“They can curse me, but they can’t curse my parents,” Yixin said, her eyes dark and cold. “They forced my hand.”

“You can’t go down there and argue with them! You can’t out-shout that many people. Keyboard warriors will twist white into black, and it’ll just disappoint your supporters!”

“Do you think I care about that now? Why do celebrities have to endure this in silence? Is it a crime to be a public figure?!”

“It’s not that you can’t fight back. You can,” Li Wenjing said calmly. “But do you know the Gaslighting Effect? They want to drive you to hysteria so the world thinks you’re the crazy one. The best blow is to return perfectly and gorgeously to the camera, making them gnash their teeth in envy. If you want the account, I’ll give it to you.” She typed in the password and pushed the phone back.

Yixin’s finger hovered over the login button.

“Are you sure you want to do this, Cheng Yixin?” Li Wenjing asked again.

Yixin’s finger froze. The blue veins on the back of her hand bulged slightly. Should she abandon her dignity to become a bottomless troll just like them for a moment of satisfaction? Her hand slowly dropped.

“Let me be for a few days. I don’t want to see anyone.”

“Alright. I’ll stock the fridge for you,” Li Wenjing said.

That night, Yixin lay in the dark, unable to sleep. She wanted to call Chi Yi but didn’t want to wake her. Then, a voice call request from Chi Yi popped up.

“I just landed,” Chi Yi said. “Have you eaten?”

“I did. Sister Jing ate with me.” Yixin listed the dishes to sound convincing.

“Sounds like a feast,” Chi Yi laughed. “I bought you a book at the airport bookstore. It should arrive tomorrow. If you’re bored, take a look.”

“What book?”

“It’s a secret. You’ll know tomorrow. It’ll give you something to look forward to.”

“So tonight will feel very long then?”

“That’s why I’m staying with you tonight.” Chi Yi’s voice was accompanied by the sound of wind. “I’m staying near the airport tonight. Tomorrow morning we head into the mountains, and signal will be bad.”

Chi Yi described the journey ahead—the off-road vehicles, the river crossings, the village. She talked about a “secret base” she found once where you could see the lights of the entire county and a sky full of stars. Listening to her voice, Yixin finally drifted off and slept through the night.

The next morning, Yixin saw a message from Xiao Yu: a package from Chi Yi had arrived. It was on the pedestal outside the front door.

Cheng Yixin stood in the entryway and steeled herself. She opened the door. The harsh sunlight flooded in. Her heart jolted, and she reflexively shrunk back into the shadows.

The book was sitting right there, a few steps away. She could see the blue cover and a sticky note attached to it. The area was empty, yet she felt the familiar chill of a thousand eyes watching her.

She gripped the door handle, stood there for minutes, then lunged out to grab the book and retreated instantly into the house. She looked at the title:

《The Courage to Be Disliked》

The sticky note had a line of beautiful calligraphy:

“It is not our past experiences that determine who we are, but the meaning we give to those experiences.”