Can't Hide My Love for You - Chapter 51

Chi Yi opened her eyes. The shimmering surface of the water reflected the sunlight, piercingly bright. Suddenly, the colorful light turned into a void of gray.

River water rushed into her nose and mouth, stealing her voice. A familiar sense of suffocation washed over her. Her arms were spread wide; she made no move to struggle or save herself. Her body was sinking, inch by inch.

She slowly closed her eyes. Her ears, clogged by the surging lake water, could only hear the muffled roar of the current.

Suddenly, someone grabbed her wrist. She forced her eyes open to see a young girl gripping her hand tightly, swimming toward the surface with all her might.

When they broke the surface, the harsh light hit her again. The two of them lay gasping on the riverbank. The girl who had saved her wore a high ponytail and was panting heavily; eventually, she rolled over and pressed down on Chi Yi’s chest a few times.

Chi Yi coughed violently, spitting out several mouthfuls of water.

“What are you doing?! Jumping into the water all of a sudden! If you can swim, at least paddle a bit!” The immature female voice pulled Chi Yi out of her daze.

Looking down, Chi Yi saw a small body and tiny hands. It was her eight-year-old self. Before she could answer, the scene began to play out like a revolving lantern, shifting into a third-person perspective.

The young Chi Yi looked at the girl in front of her, who wasn’t much older than herself. In contrast to the other girl’s exasperation, Chi Yi remained calm as she sat up from the riverbank. On her tender face was an expression that didn’t match her age. She spoke words that were even more jarring: “I want to die.”

The girl, who had been a bit frazzled, froze. “Huh? Why?”

Young Chi Yi glanced at her and said nothing. She hugged her knees, hoping this noisy girl would leave quickly. Next time, she would surely succeed.

Seeing her silence, the girl moved to sit beside her, also hugging her knees. “Then what grade are you in? You can at least tell me that, right? My clothes got all wet pulling you up. Grandma is going to scold me when I get back.”

“Second grade,” Chi Yi replied.

“Oh, I’m in fourth. So, ten minus two… you’re only eight. Why don’t you want to live at such a young age? Did your parents force you to do homework and not let you play?” the girl asked with an innocent face.

In her pure naivety, how could she understand the blow of losing both parents?

Young Chi Yi looked at the calm lake. The sun had been scorching a moment ago, but now it had turned overcast. She said flatly, “My parents died because of me.”

The girl looked shocked. If a classmate had said this, she would have scolded them for talking nonsense and cursing their parents. But looking at the girl before her—who was only two years younger—she felt a maturity that surpassed even the oldest kids in her class. Yet, even if Chi Yi could say those words with feigned indifference, the storm in her heart could not be quelled. Two stubborn tears finally fell from her reddened eyes.

Emotions are like a beast; once they escape the cage, they are uncontrollable.

She was afraid her grandparents would be sad if they saw her cry, so she had been forcing herself to be strong. At this moment, she could no longer hold back.

“I shouldn’t have gone to the amusement park. I don’t want to have birthdays anymore,” she repeated over and over. “I don’t want to have birthdays…”

But no matter how many times she said it, her parents wouldn’t come back. She knew her grandparents were devastated. For months, her grandmother would secretly cry whenever she looked at her. Yet they still had to comfort her, even bringing her to the countryside to relax. If only she had died with her parents, she wouldn’t feel this much regret. She shouldn’t have survived.

Coming out of her shock, the girl saw the tiny person curled into a ball crying. Heartbroken, she pulled Chi Yi into a hug, stroking her hair while softly asking about her parents.

“But even if you die, your parents won’t come back,” the girl told her bluntly. “Your grandparents will be even sadder. They already lost your parents; do you want them to lose you too?”

Chi Yi sobbed, looking up with clear tear stains on her face.

“But I’m so sad… it’s all my fault. If I hadn’t gone to the amusement park, they wouldn’t have died. My dad was so busy with work, but I insisted he take me… it’s my fault, it’s all my fault! I’m a bad child!”

“Your parents held you tightly until their very last moment so you wouldn’t be hurt. They loved you very much. You can’t think like that.” The girl held Chi Yi’s shoulders, her expression dead serious. “You must never think you killed them. They would be proud to have protected their daughter!”

“You are the treasure your parents left in this world. They want you to grow up healthy and become someone successful! So, you have to live well for their sake too!”

“If you die, you’ll be letting them down! Do you understand?!”

Chi Yi was stunned and didn’t answer, likely still processing the words. After a long while, she lowered her head, her brow furrowed in conflict.

Seeing she hadn’t fully convinced her, the girl added, “Well, I saved you when you jumped into the lake, so you’ve already died once. Your life belongs to me now!”

“Ah…” Chi Yi was dazed. She had never heard such logic. “Why?”

“There is no why. You were saved by me, that’s why.” The girl reached into her collar and took off a red string with a small red “Safety Amulet” (Ping’an Fu) hanging from it. “Grandma gave me this yesterday for protection. She said it’s very effective. I’m giving it to you.”

The girl hung the amulet around Chi Yi’s neck without allowing any protest. “I want you to live well. Finish elementary school, middle school, high school, university…” For a ten-year-old, the order of life was still a bit fuzzy as she counted on her fingers. “What comes after… oh right, working, then getting married… having kids… becoming a mom, then a grandma… Otherwise, you’re not just letting your parents down, you’re letting me down for saving you and giving you my amulet. I’m going to get scolded when I go home…”

Her voice trailed off as a shout came from across the lake: “Xinxin—! Xinxin—! Time to eat—!”

“Ah, Grandma is calling me home!” The girl jumped up and began to trot away. “I have to go! Bye-bye!”

After running a short distance, she stopped and turned back, waving vigorously. “Did you hear what I said?! There are so many delicious things and fun things in this world! You can’t die! Or you won’t get to eat them!”

“Answer me—!”

“…I understand.”

“Yiyi!” Not long after the girl left, her grandmother found her by the river.

“You scared me to death! Do you know how worried I was? If something happened to you, how could I face your parents… you child…” Her grandmother’s eyes were red as she hugged her granddaughter tightly, feeling a joy like finding a lost treasure.

“I’m sorry, Grandma.” Chi Yi pursed her lips and took her grandmother’s hand. “I won’t do it again.”

Her grandmother would never know the true weight of those words, nor would she know that her precious granddaughter had just tried to drown herself.

“Why are your clothes wet?” Her grandmother noticed with a lingering fear. “What happened? Did something happen?”

Chi Yi shook her head. “I was picking up stones and accidentally fell in. A big sister saved me. I’m fine, Grandma.”

Her grandmother checked her several times before saying, “It’s good that you’re okay. Grandpa is waiting for us. Let’s go home.”

The sun came out. The silhouettes of the elderly woman and the young girl walked further away, melting into the light.

“Yiyi, where is the sister you mentioned? Grandma wants to thank her.”

“I don’t know, she went home.”

“Did she say her name?”

Chi Yi shook her head. She had forgotten to ask for her name; she only knew her as ‘Xinxin.’

“What a pity.”

Chi Yi had thought the memory of this stranger would fade with time, but “Xinxin” had stayed with her through over ten years of her youth—a fragment of a clue she could never find, no matter how hard she searched.

Until one day, she happened to see an actress named Cheng Yixin reveal her childhood photos on a TV program. That young face made the once-blurred image in Chi Yi’s heart instantly clear, overlapping perfectly with her memory.

Chi Yi opened her eyes to pitch darkness. The moonlight outside was still bright.

She sat up slowly, feeling a slight dampness on her face. She wiped it away with a tissue and tossed it in the bin. Walking to the balcony, she saw the house opposite was dark; its owner was already asleep.

Chi Yi turned on the bedside lamp and walked downstairs in the dim light. She took a wine glass from the kitchen and a bottle from the cabinet, but as she was about to pull the cork, she stopped. She dropped the idea of using alcohol to help her sleep.

Draping a blanket over herself as the night temperature dropped, Chi Yi sat on the swing in the yard, letting her feet dangle as it swayed slowly. She stared at the moon and exhaled softly. The scent of dew, grass, and earth filled her lungs. The cold air calmed her chest.

At 3:00 AM, Cheng Yixin was fast asleep. Despite this, Chi Yi couldn’t resist sending her a voice message:

“I miss you so much.”

They had only seen each other four hours ago.

After a moment, she worried that sending a message at this hour would make Cheng Yixin think she was having a late-night emotional breakdown, so she deleted it. Two minutes later, her phone rang. Seeing Cheng Yixin’s profile picture, Chi Yi was startled.

“Are you still awake this late?” Chi Yi asked in surprise.

“I was asleep…” Cheng Yixin’s voice was muffled, sounding half-awake. “I don’t know why, but I suddenly woke up. I checked the time and saw your message. What did you delete? Why aren’t you asleep?”

“I had a dream… then I woke up.”

“Was it a nightmare?” The voice on the other end sounded like it might drift off at any moment.

“Maybe… not exactly.”

“Oh… if you can’t sleep, come over. I’ll sleep with you…” Her voice trailed off into silence.

Chi Yi went over anyway.

When she pushed the door open, she heard even breathing. Cheng Yixin had fallen back into a deep sleep, but in her half-conscious state, she had left half the bed open.

Chi Yi gently lifted the covers. As soon as she lay down, the person beside her seemed to sense her and instinctively curled up to hug her.

“Mmh…” Cheng Yixin frowned slightly. “You’re so cold.”

“I was outside for a bit and didn’t realize. Move away for a second; hug me once my temperature is back up.”

Cheng Yixin didn’t say a word but hugged her tighter. Her hand trailed up like a vine, touching Chi Yi’s face and then rubbing her head. “Good girl, go to sleep.”

Cheng Yixin felt her consciousness floating. She felt a kiss on her cheek—the lips were cool. After a brief pause, the kisses moved to her chin. Her body reacted subconsciously; she tilted her chin up slightly, and a flurry of kisses landed on her neck before finally meeting her lips.

Cheng Yixin opened her eyes slightly. She felt Chi Yi was unusually clingy tonight. Even while “playing chess with the Duke of Zhou” (dreaming), she allowed the other’s movements.

“Yixin…”

“Mmh…”

Originally, the public welfare short film for the Feng Group was a semi-confidential project. However, marketing accounts (Yingxiaohao) on the internet had somehow caught wind of it and were turning it into a hot topic. They even fabricated a narrative where the female lead was a choice between Huang Xinxi and Cheng Yixin.

Another version claimed that because the lead hadn’t been finalized, Cheng Yixin was lobbying Chi Yi to put in a good word for her. This led to fans of the “CP” (Couple) focused on Chi Yi gossiping about which “friend” Chi Yi would ultimately help.

It was so ridiculous that even the people involved found it absurd.

“Are they really that bored?” Cheng Yixin was speechless. “Where do these accounts get all this drama? They even think Chi Yi can interfere with the Feng Group’s casting? Do they have ‘insider info’?”

“Probably someone on the staff leaked something during the contact phase,” her assistant Xiao Yu said. “These people take a tiny rumor and run with it.”

“Forget it.” Cheng Yixin flipped her phone over on the table. Chi Yi had told her yesterday that communication with Huang Xinxi went smoothly. Since Huang Xinxi was semi-retired and had a flexible schedule, she agreed because she supported the Feng Group’s charity philosophy.

After days of ridiculous rumors, the announcement was finally made today.

In the afternoon, Huang Xinxi’s studio responded to the various online versions. First, they clarified that there was no “two-way battle” for the role and that Cheng Yixin was never involved in the filming—she was an innocent bystander. Second, they noted that Chi Yi had contacted her at the request of the Feng Group and was not involved in the production itself. This proved that the invitation came from the producer, not from Chi Yi’s personal bias. Finally, they confirmed her participation in the short film.

The statement cleared up the mess and dispelled the misunderstanding that Cheng Yixin was “stealing” a role.

It should have been a happy ending. However, “Teacher Cheng”—who habitually browses the “CP Super Topic” to check for fanfiction updates—saw many unfamiliar IDs venting their frustrations.

@ReallyLoveYixinYiyi: Since Chi Yi helped contact people for that short film, why didn’t she recommend Yixin! How could she be like this? Does she think our Yixin isn’t as famous as Huang Xinxi??!!

@OnlyLoveYixin11: Exactly! Is my CP going to break up? Why didn’t Chi Yi recommend Yixin? Such a good opportunity. She says they’re good friends, but gives the chance to someone else.

@YixinYiyiIsReal: ??? What’s with all these confusing posts today? If a corporation is doing a project, the CEO decides who to hire. Chi Yi was just a middleman. Who she contacts depends on who she was told to contact. Can she control casting? Are you guys okay? Why the moral kidnapping?

@User322348762: Did they break up? I haven’t seen them interact lately. She went to an auction with Huang Xinxi and now this. Is she cheating?? No!!

@EyaEyaOya: Are you sick? Did reading too much fanfic rot your brain? Did the stars ever confirm they’re dating? You take a CP ship this seriously? To even suggest cheating… go get your head checked!

“…” Cheng Yixin exited the Super Topic, only to see her name pop up on the trending Weibo search terms. She was trending again. The top post was a fan-made video with only a few hundred likes.

@Userndhxg: Trending with only a few dozen comments? Impressive. Can this girl stop buying trending spots? She’s so ugly but keeps trying to be relevant. So annoying!

“…” Cheng Yixin looked at the sky in silence.

She really hadn’t bought any trending spots. But the frequency of her appearing on the hot search list lately was so high that she began to suspect someone was doing it on purpose to make the public hate her.

Truly, she could get shot even while doing nothing.