Are All You Straight Men Like This? - Chapter 19

When Ye Ran woke up, the room was filled with silence.

The curtains were half-drawn, revealing the tall, dark-green fir forest on the back of the mountain. The clouds and rain in the mountains were dense; the rain felt like mist, and the mist felt like rain—fine, lingering threads that seemed never-ending. In the dark-blue distant sky, one could still see floating layers of dark clouds swirling around the majestic, steep peaks.

The misty drizzle enveloped the world, cutting off all external interference. The light grew increasingly dim as the air conditioner slowly blew warm air.

Ye Ran closed his eyes wearily. He had slept far too late last night, not drifting off until nearly three in the morning.

Another flash of light hit his face. He lifted his eyelids to see dialogue boxes constantly popping up on the phone next to his pillow. In just one night, the chat had already reached 99+.

He grabbed the phone and unlocked it.

— [It’s 9:30! It’s 9:30! Are all my dear friends awake yet?]

— [I’ve been up for ages. Wang Jie and the others drank a lot last night; they’re probably still out.]

— [Holy crap, check out this major news: I saw Lin Ziqian and Liang Feng when I went to the cafeteria for breakfast this morning.]

— [What kind of nonsense are those two up to now?]

— [No! They were carrying suitcases and said they were going to play separately at that villa complex across the way. I bet they wanted to go down the mountain, but the rain has been too heavy these past two days; they can’t leave.]

— [It’s better without them. They really ruined the mood for me last night; I was so annoyed. A perfectly good atmosphere had to be… anyway, forget it.]

— [I saw them too. Both were bundled up tight, but my hawk eyes spotted injuries on their hands. The bruising was pretty heavy—definitely from a fight.]

— [Dog eat dog… cough, well, serves them right. Cheaters must die.]

Ye Ran closed his phone. Just seeing Lin Ziqian and Liang Feng’s names made him feel physically nauseous.

He rolled over and sat up. His sleep-muddled brain gradually cleared. The events of last night flooded back into his mind, but after a night’s rest, the anger and helplessness had faded considerably. His movements suddenly paused as the morning flush around his eyes spread to his burning ears. A few seconds later, he pounded the bed in frustration.

…I kissed Shen Shi last night. Twice.

Ye Ran stared blankly into space. Alcohol truly causes trouble. He must have been possessed.

What now? How could he face Shen Shi?

…Wait, wait. The real issue is that Shen Shi thinks he’s gay.

Ye Ran clutched his forehead in frustration. A perfectly good straight man insisting he’s gay… what a mess.

The phone screen flashed again. Ye Ran picked it up and saw several messages Yu Ting had sent around midnight.

Yu Ting: [Ye Ran, how did the talk go?]

Half an hour later, Yu Ting’s tone shifted:

Yu Ting: [Ye Ran, I’ve thought about it carefully—we shouldn’t trouble you with this! You should just stay away from Shen Shi!]

Another ten minutes later, Yu Ting seemed to be tossing and turning in bed:

Yu Ting: [Ye Ran, I sincerely suggest you change dorms immediately.]

Yu Ting: [Link Shared—A Shanghai Doctor Explains: The harm that “perverse personality types” can cause to those around them. Forward this to your friends and family immediately!]

Ye Ran: “…” Ye Ran: “…………”

Ye Ran pursed his lips, feeling a bit helpless. Did Yu Ting have some sort of misunderstanding about him? Although he was gay, he definitely didn’t have a “perverse personality,” and he would certainly change dorms to slowly distance himself from Shen Shi.

He thought it over and got out of bed. Shen Shi’s room was right next door. After a whole night, Shen Shi might have cleared his head; he had to ask him directly.

After getting ready, Ye Ran gripped the doorknob, took a deep breath, and stepped out.

The corridor was empty and brightly lit. The floor was covered in thick carpet to minimize noise. He walked to Shen Shi’s door, mentally rehearsing his words, his feet pacing restlessly on the soft carpet. Finally, he looked up at the wooden door, clenched his fist, and knocked.

Knock, knock, knock.

While waiting for Shen Shi to open the door, he went over his lines one last time. Be direct. Ask him if he still thinks he’s gay. No matter what he says, don’t show weakness. Just reply with an “Okay” and leave—

Click. The door opened.

A wave of moisture hit him. Ye Ran looked up. Behind the door, Shen Shi seemed to have just finished a shower. His hair was damp, and his features were cold and handsome. He stood in the shadows, his expression holding the lingering fatigue of sleep, looking down at him.

The courage Ye Ran had built up vanished instantly. He stared at the bruise on Shen Shi’s jaw, stunned for several seconds before reacting. “Your face…”

He immediately remembered the group chat discussion about “Lin Ziqian and Liang Feng fighting.”

“It’s not that,” Shen Shi said, as if knowing what he was thinking. “I accidentally bumped into something.”

How ‘accidental’ does one have to be to bump their jaw?

Seeming not to think there was anything wrong with his answer, Shen Shi turned and asked, “Do you want to come in?” He stepped aside, clearing the way.

Ye Ran was silent. A few seconds later, he shook his head. “I won’t come in. I just came to ask you one question.”

“About last night…” He forgot his rehearsed words and stumbled. “Do you… still stand by what you said?”

“I do,” Shen Shi answered. He lowered his head casually, his gaze falling on Ye Ran’s face. His tone was very calm. “I am ho—”

“I get it!” Ye Ran interrupted him almost in a panic. Shen Shi’s voice wasn’t loud, but if someone were listening, they would surely hear him.

Ye Ran clenched his fists, looked up, and met Shen Shi’s deep, dark, and quiet eyes. “I’m heading back now.”

With that, without waiting for Shen Shi to speak again, Ye Ran turned and left. Because he was too nervous, he even tripped on the carpet before entering his room, stumbling through his own doorway.

Shen Shi straightened up, only to be met by the sound of a door being slammed shut. He was quiet for a few seconds, a hint of amusement flickering in his eyes.

The next instant, the door to the other adjacent room was slowly pulled open. With a soft creak, Shen Shi paused his movement to return to his room and turned to look.

Yu Ting’s face was hidden behind the small crack of the door, looking sneaky and suspicious. The look he gave Shen Shi could only be described as one of profound grief: “…Dammit, you pervert.”

Ye Ran, did you even read that article I sent you?!

SLAM— The answer he received was Shen Shi unhurriedly closing his own door.

Yu Ting: “…” Dammit! Shen Shi!

Everyone had played until nearly three or four in the morning. Coupled with the fact that Lianwu Mountain was shrouded in rain and the weather was gloomy, time moved slowly, and the day was spent catching up on sleep.

At seven in the evening, the villa area was brightly lit. Warm orange lights dotted the mountainside like lanterns.

Ye Ran sat upright on his bed, as serious as if he were researching a graduation thesis, typing into a search engine: “How to determine if you are gay.”

The page flickered for a while before many entries appeared. He scrolled down and saw one titled “Sexual Orientation Assessment Questionnaire (Male Version)” and clicked in immediately.

The villa’s Wi-Fi was fast, and a blue website popped up a second later. Before Ye Ran could even observe it, a message box on the site started chiming.

[Dr. Wang, Psychiatric Dept, Pian City First People’s Hospital]: Hello, dear. Are you looking to determine your sexual orientation?

Ye Ran: “?” He was stunned for a moment and replied: [It’s for a friend.]

[Dr. Wang]: Alright then. Is your friend male or female?

Ye Ran answered seriously: [Male.]

[Dr. Wang]: There are 20 questions in total. Would you like to pay via WeChat or Alipay?

Ye Ran breathed a sigh of relief. Since it cost money, it must be reliable.

Ye Ran: [WeChat.] Ye Ran: [Doctor, please hurry. My friend’s situation is special and urgent.]

[Dr. Wang]: Received. Cloud link: [URL], Password: L666.

The villa’s Wi-Fi decided to start acting up at the critical moment.

Ye Ran put his tablet on the bed to let it download slowly. He found a pair of plain-glass glasses from his backpack; they were blue-light blocking glasses he usually only wore when drawing. After putting them on, he tidied his hair. The large frames covered his ears and cheeks—this way, if things got awkward… it might not be so obvious.

He took a deep breath, looked at his “scholarly” reflection in the mirror, and turned back to pick up the fully downloaded tablet.

The 20 questions were concisely formatted and cut straight to the point. After a quick scan to ensure there were no issues, Ye Ran took the tablet to find Shen Shi.

Knock, knock, knock. He knocked on the door next door.

The door opened. The warm orange light of the bedroom spilled out. Shen Shi stood behind the door, his figure outlined as tall and upright by the warm glow. His gaze swept over Ye Ran’s serious face and the tablet in his hand. He narrowed his eyes slightly and said, “Come in.”

Shen Shi’s room was laid out exactly like Ye Ran’s. There was a full-length panoramic window revealing the misty mountain rain outside. The back of the mountain in the evening was quiet and peaceful, with the tall trees appearing as silhouettes, creating an atmosphere far removed from the world.

Ye Ran kept his eyes front and sat on the sofa by the bed. “This is a test I found. Please do it.”

Shen Shi was getting water from the dispenser. “A test?”

“Yes,” Ye Ran said. “A sexual orientation test.”

Glug, glug. The room was very quiet.

Ye Ran could hear Shen Shi’s unhurried footsteps. Shen Shi walked up behind him, his shadow falling over him like nightfall as he placed a water glass on the table in front of him. With a soft clink, Ye Ran felt inexplicably guilty.

Shen Shi took the tablet from him, sat on the edge of the bed, and scrolled through a few pages. A desk lamp was lit on the nightstand, its light soft and blurry. Ye Ran mentally calculated the time. A few seconds later, Shen Shi, who was swiping through the tablet, suddenly spoke. His tone was flat, as if just asking a casual question.

“I can accept and seek out someone of the same sex to release… desires?” He lifted his eyelids, his features half-lit and half-shadowed by the lamp. His pupils were very dark. “How should I answer?”

Ye Ran’s breath hitched. He pushed up his glasses. “…Um, aren’t there five options below? Strongly Disagree, Disagree, Neutral, Agree, and Strongly Agree. Choose the one that fits you best.”

“Mm,” Shen Shi acted as if he didn’t understand and continued to ask: “What about you? What did you choose?”

Ye Ran couldn’t sit still. When he had done the test himself, these questions hadn’t affected him at all; he even felt some were quite standard. But now, being read aloud by Shen Shi, why did they sound so strange?

“I chose ‘Agree,'” he said.

Shen Shi gave an “Mm.” The white stylus spun once between his fingers before he selected an option. He fell silent again.

Ye Ran’s tense body slowly relaxed, thinking that things should be fine now. However, the next moment, Shen Shi spoke again in an indifferent tone: “Have you ever had a same-sex fantasy object during puberty?”

Ye Ran: “…”

Ye Ran suddenly felt a bit of panic. Surely the remaining 18 questions aren’t going to be like this?

His panic was clearly justified. Shen Shi lifted his gaze slightly, his calm eyes falling on Ye Ran’s face as he waited for an answer. “Hmm? Have you?”

Ye Ran: “…I guess so.”

Shen Shi nodded, his voice unchanged. “An upperclassman, or a junior?”

Ye Ran swallowed. “Is that a question on the test?”

Shen Shi paused. The stylus spun rapidly in his hand before he ticked an option. “No. Is it a secret?”

…Of course it’s a secret! Ye Ran breathed a sigh of relief at his narrow escape. He had never had fantasies about any specific same-sex person in real life. He only knew he was gay because during his puberty dreams, the figures in the dreams were faceless males.

“Have you ever seen a same-sex body and felt desire?” Shen Shi spoke again at this moment, looking at him. “Can you answer this one?”

Ye Ran: “…”

A tactical error. I should have come wearing a mask.

His ears were burning red. The glasses made him look even softer and more gentle, but he pursed his lips and kept his phoenix eyes lowered, maintaining a serious expression. “You need to think for yourself.”

Shen Shi said, “I need a reference.” He looked down at the question, his tone neither heavy nor light. “After all, my situation is special.”

Ye Ran was completely speechless. The thought that Shen Shi needed to do this test because of him made him feel incredibly guilty. Maybe Shen Shi really is very confused?

“…Neutral,” he answered sheepishly.

Shen Shi narrowed his eyes. “‘Neutral’? Is it that you saw it and felt nothing, or you haven’t seen it at all?”

Ye Ran: “…Saw it and felt nothing.” During high school swimming lessons, he had always been as calm as still water.

Shen Shi: “Mm. Next question: Have you ever dated a same-sex partner and had physical contact?”

Ye Ran: “…Strongly Disagree.”

Shen Shi: “Currently have a sexual fantasy object and am willing to have deep contact with them.”

Ye Ran: “…Strongly Disagree.”

Shen Shi: “The sexual fantasy object exists in reality, and I frequently want to have intimate contact with them.”

Ye Ran: “…Strongly Disagree.”

Shen Shi: “Believe that same-sex relationships won’t last as long as heterosexual ones.”

Ye Ran: “…Neutral.”

The 20 questions flew by. Below the questionnaire was an analysis template; once the options were imported, a result would be generated within a minute.

Once Shen Shi finished the questions, Ye Ran’s rigid body also relaxed. He looked at the pouring rain outside the window, recalling the scenes just now, still unable to calm his emotions.

The template showed it was analyzing. Ye Ran pushed up his glasses, staring unblinkingly at the tablet in Shen Shi’s hand. Shen Shi stared down at him, his gaze surreptitiously sweeping over Ye Ran’s features, lingering a bit longer on his lips before naturally retracting.

The next second, Ye Ran’s voice—making no attempt to hide his joy—rang in his ear: “The assessment result is out!”

“Shen Shi, your ‘Homosexuality Index’ is only 30%.”

Everything was finally settled. The anxiety Ye Ran had felt for two days finally received a moment of respite.

Shen Shi was still a straight man. That was great. He was still walking on the right path of his life, without veering off course.

However, Shen Shi’s expression wasn’t at all as surprised as Ye Ran had expected.

“Ye Ran,” Shen Shi lifted his eyelids under Ye Ran’s confused gaze and said calmly, “The answers on this questionnaire belong to you.”

He lowered his head and tapped the screen with the stylus. A second report appeared.

— Homosexuality Index: 70%.

Shen Shi said, “This one is mine.”

Ye Ran: “?” Ye Ran: “…?”

Shen Shi’s expression remained flat. Looking at him, he said, “According to the reports, you aren’t gay. I am.”

Ye Ran: “…”

Oh no. He swallowed slowly. Then he blinked belatedly.

…It feels like I’ve been tricked.

Outside, the rain grew heavier. Lianwu Mountain at night loomed in and out of the cloud miasma. The torrential rain was as fine as cattle hair, pitter-pattering against the floor-to-ceiling window and leaving large water stains.

The atmosphere in the room was very quiet. The only sound was the humming of the air conditioner’s oscillating blades.

After a long while, Ye Ran managed to raise his hand and take the tablet from Shen Shi. He looked at the glaring “30%” on it, feeling immense regret. “…This isn’t accurate.”

Shen Shi glanced at him and gave an “Mm.”

Ye Ran slumped for a bit, then pulled himself together and went back to the search engine. He typed “How to test if you are gay” into the search box, his lips pressed into a thin line, exceptionally nervous.

This time, he very cautiously weighed the meaning of every entry, scrolling down slowly until he finally saw a life-advice account called “Bisexual Encyclopedia.” It looked very professional.

He clicked in hesitantly. The page layout was clean, narrated in sections like a graduation thesis, with long pieces of evidentiary data under every sub-heading. Ye Ran couldn’t help but sigh in relief. This time should be fine.

He skipped the earlier sections about proving the mental health of homosexuals and dragged straight to the end, finding the branch for “How to verify sexual orientation” and began to study it with a serious attitude:

Determine if you have feelings through flirting with the same sex. …

Determine if you have feelings through holding hands and kissing the same sex. …

Through…

Before he could see “3,” Ye Ran felt a shadow falling over his side. He was startled and looked up.

Shen Shi had appeared beside him at some point, leaning over slightly. His presence completely enveloped him.

…Wait. Ye Ran’s eyelid twitched. Thinking of the words he had just read, his reflex was to close the tablet, but finding it was already too late, his movements froze.

The glow from the tablet illuminated the side of Shen Shi’s face. In the half-light, Shen Shi’s expression was flat. His dark, narrow phoenix eyes showed no emotional fluctuation; he just lowered his head slightly, watching him calmly.

“Flirting?”

“Holding hands, kissing?”

The triple questions left Ye Ran speechless. In that inexplicably frozen atmosphere, he parted his lips but couldn’t make a sound.

The next moment, Shen Shi stood up, walked to the edge of the bed and sat down. He said to him succinctly:

“Mm. Let’s do it.”