After The Web Novel Great God Transmigrated As A Scummy Online Dating Top - Chapter 25

Chapter 25

Returning from a sketching trip in the suburbs, Lin Muxue was approaching her front door when she once again heard the clattering and smashing sounds of a domestic brawl coming from the Zhang family’s courtyard next door.

However, whether it was Lin Muxue to her right, or the neighbors to the left, everyone had long since become accustomed to such commotions and simply went about their business.

But today was a little different. Just as Lin Muxue was passing the Zhangs’ gate, a “UFO” suddenly streaked toward her in her peripheral vision.

Fortunately, she was physically fit and agile. Pushing off with her heel, she leaned back sharply. A stainless steel rice bowl whizzed past her face with a gust of wind, slamming into the alley wall with a piercing clank-clang.

Lin Muxue: “…”

It seemed today’s family war was particularly fierce, and it was showing signs of expanding outward.

She peeked cautiously inside, afraid more objects might come flying her way. However, the next thing “thrown” out wasn’t an object, but a person—a living, breathing human being.

Zhang Zhaoguang stumbled out in a pathetic state. The glasses on his nose were crooked, and his hair, which was usually plastered down neatly with styling gel, had become a bird’s nest.

A slightly plump woman stood in the narrow courtyard passage, one hand on her hip and the other pointing at Zhang Zhaoguang. She looked like a chubby teapot with “compass legs”: “Don’t think I don’t know why you’ve been running over here every few days lately, you little turtle grandson! I’m tearing off the pretense today to tell you straight: you want to sell this courtyard to make up the down payment for your house? Not a chance!”

Zhang Zhaoguang stood outside the gate with a flushed face, unable to even lift his head under the scolding of his Eldest Aunt. At a glance, he almost looked pitiable. Just as the plump woman finished one round of scolding and prepared for more, a thin, short old lady rushed out from behind her brandishing a rolling pin.

“How dare you scold my Guang-er, you shameless woman! See if I don’t beat you to death!”

The old lady cursed as she hopped around trying to land a hit. The Eldest Aunt, taking advantage of her weight and the narrowness of the hallway, turned sideways to block the path. With one hand, she snatched the rolling pin and tossed it at Zhang Zhaoguang outside. With the other, she opened her palm like a large fan and expertly pressed it against the old lady’s face. Keeping her arm straight, she held the old lady at a distance; no matter how the old lady hopped and flailed, she couldn’t reach the aunt to scratch her.

The Eldest Aunt was clearly a master. While restraining her struggling mother-in-law with one hand, she continued to point at Zhang Zhaoguang and curse with the other.

She was quite clever—whatever the old lady yelled at her, she redirected at Zhang Zhaoguang.

• The Old Lady: “You bitch who can’t even give birth to a son! What right do you have to make decisions for me! Everything in my house belongs to my precious grandson!”

• The Eldest Aunt: “You bitch of a man who can’t even give birth to a cub! What right do you have to make decisions for my house! Everything in my house belongs to my precious daughter!”

With just a slight modification, it was both hilarious and infuriating.

Of course, the hilarity belonged to the bystanders; the fury belonged to Zhang Zhaoguang and his grandmother. After all, Zhang Zhaoguang was a grown man—how could he possibly “give birth to a cub”? He wasn’t a rooster that could lay eggs.

• The Old Lady: “Shut up! You black-hearted, rotten-lunged wretch! You deserve to be hit by a car, drowned in water, you filthy piece of trash!”

• The Eldest Aunt: “Get lost! You black-hearted, rotten-lunged wretch! You deserve to be hit by a car, drowned in water, you filthy piece of trash!”

• The Old Lady: “Aaaah!!! I told you to shut up! Shut up! Just wait until my son gets back, I’ll have him kick you out! Don’t even think about stepping into this Zhang family home again!”

The Eldest Aunt made a series of exaggerated faces, pouting and squinting her eyes in a mockery of a high-pitched voice: “Aaaah~ I told you to get lost, get lost! Just wait until my man gets back, I’ll have him kick you out! Don’t even think about stepping into this Liu family home again!”

The Eldest Aunt’s maiden name was Liu. This move—changing the family surname entirely—was too much for the old-fashioned grandmother. She couldn’t catch her breath; clutching her chest and rolling her eyes, she began to sink toward the ground.

The Eldest Aunt, however, grabbed her and held her up, not forgetting to turn back and glare at Zhang Zhaoguang: “Look at how you’ve upset your grandma! You unfilial turtle grandson, every time you come back you make her fall deathly ill! If you come again, I’ll carry your grandma right to your workplace and ask your boss to judge who’s right!”

The Old Lady: “…” (Even more breathless!)

Zhang Zhaoguang: “…” (Motherf—!)

Zhang Zhaoguang left in a huff. From Lin Muxue’s perspective, it was likely because he saw his only source of support had been utterly crushed in combat, leaving him with no hope for today.

The Eldest Aunt didn’t bother further with the old lady. She let go, allowing her to sit on the ground, and walked out toward the alley. That’s when she spotted Lin Muxue and the stainless steel bowl lying at the foot of the wall. Realizing she had nearly hit someone, a flash of awkwardness crossed her face. She gave Lin Muxue an apologetic smile.

“I nearly hit you just now, didn’t I? Muxue, did I scare you? It’s Auntie’s fault. I’ll make sure not to throw things outward next time. I was just so furious I didn’t notice.”

Lin Muxue thought to herself that the other two were probably the ones who were “furious.” Knowing the aunt was actually a decent person, she shook her head with a smile: “It’s fine. Though that bowl might need a bit of hammering before it’s whole enough to use again.”

Seeing that the girl next door wasn’t truly angry, the Eldest Aunt relaxed. She waved her hand dismissively: “Eh, it’s fine. I’ll have my husband hammer it out later. It’ll be just right for the old lady to use.”

Lin Muxue almost burst out laughing.

Struggling to keep a straight face, she couldn’t help but ask out of curiosity: “What happened today? It seemed quite intense.”

While Lin Muxue had witnessed countless “Mother-in-law vs. Daughter-in-law” battles since childhood, they usually took place indoors. Today’s battle spilling into the alley was indeed “quite intense.”

Mentioning this opened the floodgates for the Eldest Aunt. She picked up the bowl but was in no hurry to go back. With one hand on her hip and the other waving the now “semi-circular” bowl, she began a grand retelling.

The neighbor on the other side, sensing the physical violence had passed, grabbed a handful of melon seeds and stepped out of their door to listen in.

As they listened, they started chiming in. Soon, they were all standing together. They shared some seeds with Lin Muxue and the Eldest Aunt, spat out shells with practiced precision, and began bad-mouthing their own mothers-in-law.

Lin Muxue held her seeds, looking at the old lady still sitting on the ground in the passage behind the Eldest Aunt, and then at the Eldest Aunt talking with such animation.

Lin Muxue: Em…

Talking behind someone’s back is certainly being done quite… out in the open here.

Because a moment of curiosity had led her to ask one question, she was now being forced to listen to a full ear of neighborhood drama and domestic friction. When the two older women finally paused for breath, Lin Muxue quickly adjusted her drawing board and stool, announcing she had to go home to cook dinner.

Auntie Zhang: “Oh, it is getting late. Your little uncle isn’t home, right? The weather’s getting hot; I made some ‘sweet wine’ (fermented rice). I’ll bring a bowl over for you in a bit. Whether you boil it with tangyuan or just drink it with water, it’s great for a woman’s health!”

Auntie Zhang was from Sichuan, and her “sweet wine” was laozao—pure glutinous rice fermentation. When fresh, the liquid is sweet with a mild hint of alcohol.

Since she was giving some to her right neighbor, she couldn’t forget the left. She promised a bowl to Old Lady Li next door as well.

Old Lady Li was delighted, immediately pivoting from mother-in-law drama to how delicious Auntie Zhang’s sweet wine was. From there, they drifted to cooking skills, then to how inattentive their husbands were, and how their children were faring.

Even though the topics were barely related, the two women transitioned between them with natural, fluid grace.

Lin Muxue, who habitually processed information through logical filters, felt her head spinning and quickly escaped the scene.

After dinner, she indeed received a bowl of handmade sweet soup. The taste was excellent.

Almost without thinking, after discovering how good it was, she snapped a photo and sent it to her online friend: Sweet wine made by the aunt next door. It tastes great.

She did it so naturally, like someone in a relationship reporting their daily meals to their partner.