After the Real Young Miss Became My Canary - Chapter 35

Chapter 35

Shen Ying smiled faintly: “She has schizophrenia; it’s hereditary.”

The word “hereditary” was enough to explain everything. Shen Ying didn’t look at Song Zhi when she spoke. Her voice was steady and unremarkable, no different from usual.

Shen Ying: “When I was eight, her delusional disorder flared up. She killed my father, who was drunk and abusing her at home.”

Four sentences, just a few words, comprised her entire early life.

Those days, like a nightmare, reappeared in her mind with these few words.

She had finally said it. Her hands trembled slightly as she spoke. Before, these words were like a fishbone stuck in her throat, making her uneasy and constantly pricking her.

Constantly reminding her of who she was.

She forcefully dug her nails into her palm to stop her hands from shaking.

The silence beside her was long. Song Zhi didn’t speak again.

Shen Ying gave a self-mocking laugh. It should be this way.

Everything that happened these past few days was, in the end, her over-indulging in hope.

The prison guard suddenly emerged from behind the monitoring glass: “Shen Ying?”

Shen Ying looked up at her.

The guard had a strong impression of this person and could confirm her identity without checking the database: “You’re next for the visit.”

After speaking, she left the waiting area to prepare to greet the inmate at the door.

Shen Ying belatedly gave her a smile in return. In fact, this was the first time she had been here in more than ten years.

The reasons for not coming were too numerous; the reasons for coming were almost none.

She had weighed the pros and cons many times and found that transferring money to Chen Min’s account was better than coming here.

After the guard left, she couldn’t continue thinking about Chen Min. She wasn’t actually familiar with Chen Min less so than she was with Song Zhi beside her.

Thinking of Song Zhi, the thoughts she had deliberately suppressed earlier surged back up.

Was Song Zhi planning how to leave now? Shen Ying was a considerate person; she must be thinking of how to speak so as not to hurt her feelings.

Song Zhi’s somewhat hoarse voice came over: “Shen Ying…”

Here it comes!

Shen Ying’s spine unconsciously stiffened.

She closed her eyes tightly, suppressed her thoughts, and only then showed the same outward demeanor as usual.

She was afraid she would lose control.

She didn’t know how much space Song Zhi occupied in her heart, but simply imagining the possibility of Song Zhi leaving made her heart ache.

This kind of sorrow was rare for her. She couldn’t even breathe when she thought about the possibility.

Shen Ying slowly turned her head.

A pair of hands tightly embraced her from the side. The hands pulled her into a hug, and the head buried itself in her neck. Shen Ying froze.

Following that, hot liquid, large drops of it, rolled down onto her neck.

She’s crying? Song Zhi is actually crying.

Is she sad for me?

Song Zhi said hoarsely: “Shen Ying, it’s all over.”

Scratch!

Her fingernails fiercely dug into her palm. Shen Ying almost couldn’t maintain the expression on her face.

She had almost self-mutilated herself to speak those words, and she had been prepared for Song Zhi to turn and walk away.

Instead, Song Zhi hugged her and told her, it’s all over.

It’s not over at all.

She wanted to laugh.

Shen Ying actually did laugh: “I was eight when this happened, and I was in elementary school. That school only had children from the village within the city. The incident happened at night. When I went to school the next day, everyone was afraid to come near me.”

Shen Ying didn’t look back at Song Zhi, but continued calmly: “Actually, it was all the same to me whether they played with me or liked me. I was solitary to begin with. But gradually, I became the target of bullying by the older kids.”

Song Zhi’s grip tightened slightly.

Shen Ying: “Later, I found out that somehow, a rumor had started in the class that I was mentally ill and would kill people. Those people also said that I was born with a bad fate, cursed to bring misfortune to my family and friends, which is why my parents met that end.” She smiled again as she said this: “But I know that’s not true. My father deserved to die. And my mother…”

She fell silent, truly unable to find a description: “…she had a very hard life. As long as I can remember, she was being beaten. As soon as my father was slightly displeased, he would hit her, or hit me. Then she blamed it all on not having a son. She actually didn’t like me, I know. No one in the house liked me, except for Grandma, but she died.”

She thought it would hurt to say all this, but only now did she realize that she had already grown numb. None of this felt like anything to her anymore.

“Shen Ying,” Song Zhi said, “You still have me.”

What Song Zhi really wanted to say was, and I love you.

But she didn’t dare to say it. She was afraid.

Afraid of rejection, afraid of the look of disgust on Shen Ying’s face, afraid of things she herself couldn’t even name.

From Shen Ying’s words, she was reminded of herself.

Shen Ying: “Death isn’t the end, it’s the beginning. I’ve always known that there’s no ‘past.’ Even now, I still live in people’s fear.”

Song Zhi’s tears were scalding and torrential, just like her personality.

“It’s okay, Shen Ying, no one likes me either. But we’re both fine. Other people’s affection has nothing to do with us.”

Shen Ying felt her warmth and thought flatly, if she were to die now, the only emotion she would receive wouldn’t be much more than this.

Someone was sad for her. This was the first time in history. The shock it brought her was no less than a river flowing backward.

Her mind was very confused because of those tears. One moment she thought of those dark, damp memories, which were also accompanied by tears.

The next moment, she thought of the present also tears but everything seemed different.

It was a weak word. Although she wasn’t very brave, she didn’t aspire to this kind of weakness, because she had to live, and live well.

Looking at the tear-soaked Song Zhi, an absurd thought suddenly surfaced: This person seemingly has everything, so why is she so sad?

What would happen if she didn’t have what she has now? And, isn’t this a perfect opportunity?

Driven by an uncanny impulse, she said: “How can no one like you?”

Song Zhi was just about to speak to prove her point when she heard Shen Ying say flatly: “I…” She mouthed the last three words.

Boom!

Though it was only a drizzling, overcast day, Song Zhi felt as if a thousand tons of thunder had crashed down from the sky.

She was stunned. She stared blankly at Shen Ying. Shen Ying stared coldly back.

This made her doubt whether she had misheard.

Shen Ying was so cold: “Answer me later.”

Shen Ying suddenly regretted it. She retreated. She was a little afraid.

Song Zhi: “No…”

Shen Ying: “Have you thought it through?”

Song Zhi: “I…”

“Shen Ying, time to visit.” The guard pulled open the door and called from inside.

However, neither of the two people sitting moved. The other person looked at him coldly, like a chicken whose neck had been wrung.

The tall, strong guard felt a chill down his back. He hurriedly said, “Is she not here? If not, we’ll call the next one.”

The moment his voice fell, the woman sitting on the outside stood up. She nodded slightly: “I am.”

The person next to her suddenly tugged on her sleeve as she stood, the action very urgent, as if an extremely pressing matter was about to be done but was interrupted.

The guard found it strange but just gave the routine reminder: “Only one person is allowed for the visit. Family members, please coordinate.”

Shen Ying opened the door. The door was separated by a one-way mirror. The outside could see in, but the inside couldn’t see out.

As soon as she entered, she saw a bored woman sitting inside, talking to the air beside her.

Seeing someone enter, she only gave a faint glance and then continued her monologue, as if there really was a person standing next to her seat.

The prison guard, who was already used to this, said the necessary precautions and left the room.

The woman’s speech was rapid, but she paused after every sentence, as if afraid the listener wouldn’t catch it.

“He was so attentive when he was pursuing me. He got off work early then. In the summer, it was usually still light out. Every time he came to find me, he brought a flower he picked by the roadside. He said he chose the most beautiful one. I thought so too. As long as he picked it, it was beautiful…”

“Mom,” Shen Ying said faintly.

Chen Min turned her head in confusion. Her hair was meticulously combed back, so the strands didn’t swing with the movement.

Chen Min: “Who are you calling?”

She looked around, her eyes revealing a childlike innocence: “Your mom isn’t here. Go look somewhere else.”

Shen Ying smoothly changed her words: “I’m sorry, I mistook you for someone else.”

She said this, yet made no move to get up, merely watching the two of them with her calm gaze.

Chen Min was confused for a moment but quickly forgot her confusion. She continued to chatter to her son.

Shen Ying sat across from her, watching her gesticulate as she talked.

Chen Min committed the murder in 1998, when the country’s new laws had just been revised to include clauses regarding murder by people with mental illness.

The new law stipulated that mentally ill inmates would be housed in separate prison cells and under separate supervision.

Shen Ying listened to Chen Min’s rambling for a while. The visitation time was one hour. She listened for half an hour, and then got up to leave.

When she reached the door, she turned to say goodbye, but heard Chen Min say: “Listen, your mom has a little sister in her tummy.”

After waiting for over a decade, she suddenly heard this. But her first reaction wasn’t happiness but to frantically push the door open and leave.

What was the use of having the answer now, when she hadn’t had it for so many years?

In the Rain

…Song Zhi was on the car, trying to speak but stopping herself. Yet Shen Ying acted as if nothing had happened, looking straight ahead without saying a word.

With the driver present, and Shen Ying being sensitive, Song Zhi didn’t want to say anything shocking that would embarrass her.

Song Zhi would never do anything to embarrass Shen Ying.

The rain was still falling outside the window. As the sun set, the sky grew gloomier. Rainy days often brought a sense of melancholy, and Song Zhi was no exception.

She hated rainy days.

But now she felt that her hatred could be qualified with a limiting adverb rainy days without Shen Ying.

The driver dropped the two off at the alley entrance. They had to walk the rest of the way. As soon as she got out of the car, Song Zhi couldn’t wait: “What did you just say?”

Shen Ying stopped walking. She didn’t answer, but countered: “As they say, I’m mentally ill.”

She looked at Song Zhi: “Do you not mind?”

Song Zhi: “The person I know is Shen Ying, a complete Shen Ying, not a Shen Ying with parts removed, but a Shen Ying with all her strengths and weaknesses.”

After speaking, she looked expectantly at Shen Ying.

Shen Ying, however, put her hand to her lips and gently hushed her.

Song Zhi stopped walking, bewildered.

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