After the Pitiful Little One Seduced the Feudal Big Daddy - Chapter 12

Predictably, Pei Yanzhi did not answer.

Cui Xuan did not look at Pei Yanzhi’s expression either. He didn’t need to; he knew it would be the same as ever impenetrable and devoid of emotion, regardless of the situation. It was as if the man had no mortal desires or feelings.

Yet, Cui Xuan knew that Pei Yanzhi hadn’t always been this way. At least, not before the death of his parents. Back then, the teenage Pei Yanzhi, though already skilled at hiding his joy and anger, still showed clear likes and dislikes. He was a true youth who would cherish what he loved and refuse to spare even a glance for what he loathed.

But after the tragic news arrived, those few manifestations of human emotion vanished almost overnight. The last time Cui Xuan had caught a glimpse of them was on the morning he saw Pei Yanzhi off to Yuzhou to succeed his father’s post. At the time, the snow fell heavily, turning the world white. They stood together in a pavilion, watching the snow in silence. It lasted so long that Cui Xuan thought he wouldn’t speak at all, until he heard Pei Yanzhi say that it was the most beautiful snow he had ever seen.

In the dozen years since, no one has been able to feel Pei Yanzhi’s joy, anger, or sorrow.

Cui Xuan had watched it all. He watched Pei Yanzhi quell the chaos in Yuzhou within three months, revitalize the Beifu Army, and repel the Northern Hu invaders. He watched him return to court at the head of an army, yet seek no personal gain, instead single-handedly initiating reforms against all odds. He watched him travel everywhere for those reforms, and after seeing the first signs of success, return to the capital to stabilize the court as Chancellor, making the powerful clans and even the Imperial Family dare not obstruct him.

Many times throughout this process, many people believed Pei Yanzhi intended to overthrow the dynasty that the Wei Dynasty would one day belong to the Pei clan of Hedong. They claimed that anyone holding such absolute power and standing above ten thousand people would be a saint if they didn’t have the ambition to establish themselves. And no one believed that a saint actually existed in this world.

But Cui Xuan knew that perhaps Pei Yanzhi truly was that saint.

To this day, Pei Yanzhi has held power for twelve years. Not once has he moved that power for personal desire; everything he has done has been for the people, for the family, and for the nation.

But could such a life be anything but painful? To grind down all of one’s emotions, preferences, and desires under the responsibility of reviving the Wei Dynasty—could that truly not be painful? Cui Xuan asked himself; if it were him, he couldn’t do it. In fact, almost no one in the world could. It was for this very reason that Pei Yanzhi’s grandmother and eldest sister worried so much, hoping for a person or even a single thing that could provide his heart with a place of respite.

Looking down across the lake, Cui Xuan saw Pei Xuan, after a moment of daze, pluck a string of wisteria, weave it into a crown, and place it on Xie Yunqing’s head. Then, the three of them left the trellis and the garden, gradually vanishing from his sight.

It was after noon when they returned to Pei Xuan’s courtyard. After lunch, both Pei Xuan and Cui Ji were feeling drowsy and asked Xie Yunqing if he needed a nap. Xie Yunqing hesitated for a moment and asked if he could review the lessons sent over from the Imperial Academy.

Pei Xuan was astonished. This was the first time he had personally seen such a studious person. He could tell that Xie Yunqing was actually terrified of making requests and was usually timid and submissive, yet he was “brave” enough to ask for the sake of his studies. At the thought, Pei Xuan felt a surge of passionate inspiration and felt like joining him. However, actually studying was impossible for him; after sitting up from his couch in a brief flash of resolve, his reason returned within seconds, and he flopped back down like a salted fish.

Still, he arranged Xie Yunqing’s “great undertaking” of study quite well. He ordered people to send the academy lessons to the best library tower in the Pei residence to ensure a good environment and sent his personal attendant to fetch the estate’s best tutor to answer Xie Yunqing’s questions.

Following the attendant to the library, Xie Yunqing found the lessons were organized very logically with clear key points, not unlike his own notes. Furthermore, the estate’s tutor was profoundly learned no less so than the doctors of the Imperial Academy—and was even more attentive. Sometimes, before Xie Yunqing even asked, the tutor would proactively resolve his doubts.

By the end of the afternoon, Xie Yunqing felt he had gained much and was filled with gratitude for both the tutor and Pei Xuan. After seeing the tutor off, he was somewhat reluctant to leave. Seeing that it was still early and there was time before dinner, he let Pei Xuan’s attendant leave first, saying he would return shortly.

Unexpectedly, though it was still early, the weather changed rapidly. Not long after the attendant left, rain began to fall outside the library. When Xie Yunqing lifted his head from his desk, the rain had already formed a curtain. Though not heavy, returning now would surely soak his clothes and delay dinner with Old Madame Pei. If he waited for Pei Xuan to send someone with an umbrella, that too would cause a delay.

Xie Yunqing felt a wave of frustration, blaming himself for losing his sense of propriety within the Pei residence and falling into this dilemma, causing trouble for Pei Xuan and the Old Madame. Worse still, the intensity of the rain changed quickly. One moment it was a drizzling spring rain under bright skies; the next, dark clouds rolled in from the horizon, plunging the world into darkness as the rain turned into a torrential downpour.

The damp mist drifted into the library, reminding Xie Yunqing of that rain in his memories. Suddenly, he began to tremble all over, finding it hard to breathe. It was as if he had returned to that space under the eaves at age ten, with his stepmother clutching his collar in a death grip.

With a clack, the brush in his hand fell onto the desk. Xie Yunqing seemed to be startled awake, yet also seemed to fall into a deeper nightmare. He stood up, supporting himself against a lampstand, but once standing, he dared not move an inch, as if his stepmother’s eyes were still glaring at him.

In the next instant, he gave a violent shudder and went stumbling toward the depths of the library, desperate to find a safe corner to hide in. Endless rows of bookshelves flashed past his eyes, but his vision grew increasingly blurred. After an unknown amount of time, there was a thump as he hit the library wall he had reached the end.

The surroundings were now completely dark. A pain identical to the one in his memory spread throughout his body, making it impossible for him to distinguish between illusion and reality. After a moment of daze, Xie Yunqing sat down, trembling. He hugged his knees tightly and curled himself into a ball, hoping the memory would not find him.

Pei Yanzhi had been handling official business in the library even before Xie Yunqing arrived. Hearing the youth’s voice, he lifted his head and glanced at him through the pearl curtains of the second floor. Perhaps intentionally on Pei Xuan’s part, a single wisteria petal still clung to Xie Yunqing’s temple. Pei Yanzhi’s fingertips suddenly felt a phantom itch, but he paid it no mind and quickly lowered his eyes to continue reviewing memorials.

The weather turned abruptly, the rain becoming a deluge. Pei Yanzhi knew this must have been unexpected for Xie Yunqing, but he hadn’t expected the youth’s reaction to be so extreme.

The sound of stumbling came from below. Pei Yanzhi closed his memorial, stood up, and pulled back the pearl curtains to look at him. Even without the obstruction, Xie Yunqing did not notice him. Pei Yanzhi watched as Xie Yunqing, like a small, frightened animal fleeing in panic, ran toward the depths of the library, followed shortly by the sound of a heavy impact.

A servant hidden in the shadows stepped out and asked in a low voice if he should go check on the youth. Pei Yanzhi did not give a direct answer, but took the lampstand from the servant’s hand and walked down the stairs.

He walked all the way to the very end of the library. He saw Xie Yunqing curled in the corner, a tiny ball still shaking uncontrollably. Before coming down, Pei Yanzhi had intended to simply leave the lamp for him and go, but seeing the situation, he rareley changed his mind.

Placing the lampstand on a nearby window ledge, Pei Yanzhi knelt on one knee, looking at the wisteria petal caught in Xie Yunqing’s hair under the warm yellow light.

He said softly, “Xie Yunqing.”

The act of curling into a ball had not made Xie Yunqing feel any better. It was like falling into a swamp; countless hands were pulling him down. At the same time, the greasy sensation of being touched by that old nanny crawled over his body like a cold snake.

Someone, please save me. Will no one come to save me?

Xie Yunqing heard the helpless cries of his ten-year-old self. Just as he was about to be swallowed by suffocation and despair, he suddenly heard someone calling him. It was soft, with no repetition or urgency, yet it felt like a pair of warm hands pulling him from the depths of the mire.

He lifted his head. He saw the lamplight, and the tall figure within it. The cold air suddenly turned warm.

He was saved!

Xie Yunqing lunged forward and threw himself at that figure, clutching him tightly. Tears finally fell like the rain outside. Countless feelings of helplessness, fear, and grievance transformed into soft, repeated cries: “Father, Father.”

His father had finally come back to save him.