After the Divorce, My Wife Is Impossible to Coax - Chapter 41

Chapter 41

Lu Shen did not answer her immediately.

She could let An Zhaoyu go, allowing them to lead separate lives—bridge to bridge, road to road—owing each other nothing. Regarding this marriage, Lu Shen had not first compromised her own dignity to make it work, so An Zhaoyu did not need to lay down her dignity to repay her.

An Zhaoyu’s words moved her. What touched her most was the bold, direct confession—the very thing the high school version of Lu Shen had wanted most to hear. But now, that time had passed. The strength of a late explanation and confession was diminished; Lu Shen was no longer that little girl who only looked forward to a beautiful romance.

In fact, Lu Shen lacked confidence in An Zhaoyu’s love.

An Zhaoyu was too flamboyant. Nothing she did seemed surprising: she said she liked someone when she felt like it, and she pursued them just as readily. Lu Shen was different—completely different. Lu Shen believed An Zhaoyu could overcome any obstacle to achieve her dreams, and she believed An Zhaoyu could reach goals others couldn’t through sheer talent.

But she had no confidence in the fact that An Zhaoyu liked her. Only that one thing.

Lu Shen knew how much she loved An Zhaoyu, which made her even more afraid to let herself accept her. An Zhaoyu’s vibrant, straightforward nature was what Lu Shen loved most, but also what she feared most. Just like the misunderstandings of all these years—if one day An Zhaoyu felt it was boring and didn’t want to love her anymore, she might sit before her just as sincerely and express that thought.

And the soft-spoken Lu Shen would be left to fall into an abyss alone. At that point, her world might truly turn back to black and white. So, Lu Shen did not dare to agree.

“Lu Shen, I won’t force you to be with me. Just let me pursue you,” An Zhaoyu said, gripping her hand tighter when she saw Lu Shen remained silent.

Pursuing her and being with her felt the same to Lu Shen; she had almost no resistance against An Zhaoyu’s advances. Her only choice was to not let her try.

“I have no confidence in your love.”

Lu Shen knew her too well and knew exactly what would hurt the most. This time, she did not indulge her.

Sure enough, upon hearing those words, An Zhaoyu’s eyes instantly reddened. Lu Shen was the one person who, even if the whole world doubted her, would silently stand behind her and support her. Now, hearing Lu Shen say she had no confidence in her personally was a blow of immeasurable damage.

Anyone else could doubt her, but not Lu Shen! Lu Shen could hit her, scold her, or reject her, but how could she lose faith in her?

“I’m leaving now.”

Lu Shen rose to leave, but An Zhaoyu grabbed her hand and wouldn’t let go, like someone clutching a final lifeline. She used a great deal of force, pinning Lu Shen beneath her. Lu Shen looked up at her calmly. They were so close their noses almost touched; they could feel the heat of each other’s breath.

An Zhaoyu held Lu Shen’s right wrist firmly, as if the moment she let go, Lu Shen would vanish along with all of An Zhaoyu’s feelings from over the years. Her eyes were bloodshot, like two shining crimson jewels, radiating thick, undisguised emotion—longing, love, and the unwillingness to let go. It was so intense it overflowed with her tears.

Despite being so close, she felt the distance between them growing—so far that even if she flew her best trainer jet day and night, she could never catch up. She was finally going to lose Lu Shen.

Her tears fell onto Lu Shen’s eyes, making Lu Shen look as if she were crying too. But Lu Shen’s gaze remained calm.

“Mama, Mama…”

Their baby sat nearby playing, surrounded by colorful blocks and toys, but the warm yellow light seemed unable to reach them, severing the warmth of the room. An Zhaoyu experienced once again how icy Lu Shen’s coldness could be. She caught a fleeting thought—the baby wasn’t a bargaining chip; Lu Shen wouldn’t stay with someone just for that.

An Zhaoyu was like a trapped bird; the more she struggled, the harder it was to pull free. Her voice was hoarse and trembling, laced with unshakeable sorrow. “Lu Shen, what do you want?”

Lu Shen’s voice was as cool and gentle as ever, yet it became the sharpest weapon to shatter An Zhaoyu’s heart. She said:

“In high school, I wanted your love.”

“After we married, I wanted your responsibility.”

“Now, I want you to be free.”

Every single thing she wanted, An Zhaoyu had failed to provide. From the first sentence Lu Shen spoke, the hope in An Zhaoyu’s eyes flared up and then died out, all in the span of ten seconds.

“You liked me too, didn’t you?”

“Yes.”

The strength in An Zhaoyu’s hands vanished. Lu Shen gave her a gentle push and she fell away easily. An Zhaoyu sat on the floor, dazed, as regret and fragility wove a web of loneliness around her.

Lu Shen left.

An Zhaoyu used to think there was nothing in this world she couldn’t get. Then Lu Shen appeared. They had been entangled for over a decade: three years of high school, eight years as strangers, and two years of marriage. She used to think that not having Lu Shen was the most painful thing in the world, but she finally understood that having her and then losing her was far worse. She had Lu Shen, and she had lost her through her own doing.

This fact turned her face pale and her lips trembled uncontrollably, as if she had been doused in ice water from head to toe. So cold.

An Zhaoyu forced herself to remain rational enough to coax the tired baby to sleep. She sat on the bedroom floor, leaning against the bed, feeling as if all her strength had been drained. Compared to the knife Lu Shen had just handed her, what did her previous disappointments matter?

Never had she wanted to escape reality more. She wanted to drink again; as long as she was numb from alcohol, she could temporarily forget. She even picked up her phone to order a delivery. But seeing the soundly sleeping baby, a wave of guilt washed over her. If she got drunk, what would happen if the baby woke up? She put the phone down.

“Xiao Zhou…”

The baby was her only solace. As the child grew, her features became more defined, and the resemblance to Lu Shen began to emerge. An Zhaoyu loved her naturally, from the bottom of her heart. She began to understand Lu Shen’s love for the baby—a mother’s love that wasn’t influenced by other factors.

That feeling called responsibility overrode her desire to do as she pleased, even if it was a bit late. She completely abandoned the idea of escaping through alcohol. What would drinking do? It was just self-deception. She knew better than anyone that even drunk, she couldn’t forget Lu Shen; she would only want her more.

In the middle of the night, An Zhaoyu was tormented by a sudden heat. The fragrance of narcissus filled the bedroom—her heat had arrived. Since getting married, she hadn’t bothered to track it; with Lu Shen around, Lu Shen would never let her suffer.

The narcissus scent thickened from a light fragrance to a suffocating, intense aroma. Her body was invaded by rising waves of heat, her breathing grew shallow, and her pale neck arched back involuntarily.

“Lu Shen…”

It was three in the morning. No deliveries were available, and there were no inhibitors in the house. An Zhaoyu was in agony, her fingers gripping the bedsheets until her knuckles turned white. On this bed, Lu Shen had marked her many times. Images flashed through her mind. Every slight movement stimulated her sensitive Omega skin like an invisible tease.

Pink ripples appeared on her snow-white skin. Enduring the restlessness, she went to the wardrobe and pulled out Lu Shen’s old set of long clothes. Lu Shen must have left them because she didn’t want them anymore; they were the place in the house with the strongest scent of Lu Shen—a faint, woody herbal aroma.

An Zhaoyu found a half-person-tall teddy bear that Xiao Zhou liked, dressed the bear in Lu Shen’s clothes, and curled up under the covers hugging it. I want her. I want Lu Shen so much.

She endured like this until six in the morning. Half-in-heat and half-awake, she called her mother to bring inhibitors.

“Are you okay alone? Do you want me to stay and look after you?” He Nanchun was heartbroken; seeing her like this, she knew An Zhaoyu had been holding out for a while.

“It’s okay. Just take care of Xiao Zhou for me,” An Zhaoyu said softly, having no strength left.

“Should I tell Shen Shen?”

“No, we’re getting a divorce,” An Zhaoyu remembered Lu Shen’s words from yesterday, and her heart ached more. “Don’t go to her, Mom. I’ll be fine on my own.”

An Zhaoyu took a day off. Fortunately, Wen Yuncheng was able to handle things.

Lu Shen did not leave early today. As she expected, after the devastating blow of last night’s words, An Zhaoyu didn’t come to bring her breakfast. How could such a proud SSS-rank Omega handle that kind of strike?

Lu Shen didn’t know if she felt relieved or something else. She glanced at the spot where An Zhaoyu usually parked and slowly drove out. It turned out that just one month was enough to make her get used to another person’s presence.

Luckily, it had only been a month. This slight sense of loss hadn’t yet developed into panic or a deep void. If she truly let An Zhaoyu pursue her, how long would it take to fill that void later?

An Zhaoyu hadn’t used inhibitors in a long time. When the cold liquid entered her blood, she didn’t feel much better. Perhaps because she had endured it all night, she felt that the taste of endurance was almost better than the inhibitor.

Or perhaps because her desire for Lu Shen had very little to do with her heat.

Last night’s restlessness awakened memories of the night before the divorce. She still felt it was a dream—one without a heat or pheromones, yet she was still deeply moved. Inhibitors couldn’t soothe her soul, even if the burning gland on her neck had quieted down. Instinctual desire is easy to solve, but the longing in one’s heart is a bottomless pit.

An Zhaoyu stepped into the shower, turning the water to cold, hoping the chill would bring relief. However, as the cold water hit her skin, the internal heat didn’t dissipate; it surged more violently like a muddy tide. Her body tensed under the impact. It made every tiny spark of desire more vivid, like lights flashing in the dark, pulling her attention back to how much she loved Lu Shen.

“Dr. Lu, what happened to the Captain? She actually took the day off! That’s the first time in two years!” Wen Yuncheng ran to the Glandular Department during a break.

Took a day off? Lu Shen’s gaze wavered. To make An Zhaoyu miss work was unexpected. Even if her words last night were harsh, An Zhaoyu wasn’t the type to easily skip work.

“I don’t know,” Lu Shen shook her head. “What?” Wen Yuncheng was stunned. “Did something happen to her?”

That sentence made Lu Shen’s heart tighten. “Captain An and Dr. Lu are already divorced,” Jiang Chu interjected nearby. “How would she know about the Captain’s business?”

“Maybe she went drinking somewhere,” Jiang Chu added smugly.

After Wen Yuncheng left, Lu Shen picked up her phone twice, saw the empty screen, and locked it again. Forget it, don’t worry about it, she sighed, focusing back on her medical orders.

When she finished work, there was no sign of An Zhaoyu. Lu Shen drove to the An house; it was her turn to take the child. After the divorce, she planned to have her grandmother help or hire a nanny, as coming to the An house every day felt inappropriate.

“Mama, Mama!” An Zhou was buckled into the backseat. “Xiao Zhou still has Mama.” The baby was growing up and starting to speak in short sentences. Usually, two people came to get her; today, there was only one. She knew someone was missing.

“Auntie, she… took the day off today?” Lu Shen finally asked He Nanchun. “Xiao Yu… she’s a bit unwell. She said she’d be fine after a day of rest at home,” He Nanchun replied.

Lu Shen nodded and told the baby in the back, “Mama is unwell today. You’ll see her tomorrow.”

At Lu Shen’s place, the baby was clearly uncomfortable. She cried the moment she left Lu Shen’s arms. Lu Shen carried her around the house to help her get familiar. To prepare, Lu Shen had bought identical toys to the ones at An Zhaoyu’s, but her living room wasn’t as large.

Just then, there was a knock at the door. Lu Shen hadn’t ordered food or a delivery. The only person who would come at this hour…

“Who is it?” Lu Shen stood by the door holding the baby. “It’s me, Lu Shen,” An Zhaoyu said. Her voice was thick and nasal, hoarse and low.

The door opened. An Zhaoyu was wearing a white mask, carrying groceries. She knew the baby wouldn’t adjust well to a new environment on the first day and that Lu Shen would be overwhelmed alone.

Lu Shen looked at her. Her eyes were bloodshot with dark circles underneath. She looked exhausted. “I will make you have confidence in me,” An Zhaoyu said calmly, though her throat hurt like it was being cut by a knife. She still wouldn’t give up.

“Come in first,” Lu Shen finally said. “Mama!” An Zhou’s eyes lit up. “Mama can’t hug you today,” An Zhaoyu kept her distance and went straight to the kitchen.

“I’ll do it,” Lu Shen said, not wanting a sick person to cook. “Doesn’t Xiao Zhou need you to stay with her?” Beneath the mask, An Zhaoyu smiled. Her hoarse voice sounded like sandpaper.

An Zhaoyu had brought two trips worth of kitchen supplies from her car, filling Lu Shen’s kitchen and organizing it exactly like the other house so she could work efficiently. She started cooking. She felt unwell, but the joy of seeing Lu Shen diluted the discomfort.

Lu Shen was worried and kept checking on the kitchen. The rhythmic sound of chopping was occasionally interrupted by a dry cough. She found some cold medicine and a thermometer for An Zhaoyu.

Dinner was soon ready. An Zhou eagerly took her little yellow duck bowl. Lu Shen took a bite and noticed something was off—one dish seemed to be missing salt.

“What’s wrong?” An Zhaoyu had no appetite and sat nearby watching them eat, sweating from the heat in the non-air-conditioned kitchen. “Nothing,” Lu Shen continued eating.

An Zhaoyu took some medicine, washed the dishes, and packed the trash. Having eaten, An Zhou seemed to have adjusted better. She played with her toys while An Zhaoyu sat to the side, waiting for her temperature result. They used a mercury thermometer, which took ten minutes.

“You have a fever of 39°C,” Lu Shen’s voice turned cold after reading the thermometer. “No way, it was 36°C when I left,” An Zhaoyu checked it herself.

Before Lu Shen could kick her out, she stood up immediately. “It’s fine, don’t worry. I’ll have the bodyguard pick me up.” She hadn’t intended to use her illness for sympathy.

“Mama,” An Zhou called out, sensing her mother was leaving. “Mama will see you tomorrow,” An Zhaoyu pulled at her hand. But as she turned toward the door, her head spun, and she collapsed.

Lu Shen caught her just in time. Her forehead was burning hot.

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