After Rebirth, My Aloof Husband Can Hear My Inner Thoughts [Transmigration & Rebirth] - Chapter 40

The journey back to the Xie residence was unusually quiet.

Lin Shengshen leaned lazily against the brocade cushion, sorting through the items she had bought along the way. The soft mat was covered with small lanterns, jade hairpins, round fans, and a new set of dominoes.

The back of the dominoes was carved with a row of vine patterns, much more beautiful than the set she had played with before.

Xie Zhizhou sat silently on the other side of the carriage. Today, he did not read but sat with his head bowed.

Lin Shengshen paid him no mind, gathering all the small trinkets she had bought for Zhenhuan. As soon as they arrived at the Xie residence, she stepped out of the carriage and headed straight for Xie Zhenhuan’s quarters.

Before she had taken two steps, Xie Zhizhou grabbed her wrist.

“It’s late. Let’s go back first.”

Lin Shengshen felt somewhat uncomfortable being pulled along by him, but before she could shake him off, he had already dragged her back to Tangli Residence.

Why did this scene feel so familiar?

Lin Shengshen suddenly recalled a month ago when she had met Wen Lingzhou at Qingsheng Temple. That day, Xie Zhizhou had abruptly appeared and dragged her away in the same furious manner.

Her already irritable mood, stemming from Xie Zhizhou’s offense a few days earlier under Zui Qiongrui’s bed, now grew even more intense.

“Xie Zhizhou, let go of me.”

As soon as they entered Tangli Residence, Lin Shengshen forcefully shook off his hand.

Xie Zhizhou’s expression was grim, but he paused and then reverted to his usual gentle demeanor. “Lin Shengshen, I…”

Lin Shengshen looked at him in confusion.

Xie Zhizhou hesitated again.

Lin Shengshen rubbed her wrist and sat down in the rocking chair, her toes lightly tapping the floor as she swayed idly.

“Speaking of which, Xu Wulin’s imprisonment hasn’t caused much of a stir in Yunjing. Could it be… there’s a deeper purpose behind this?”

More official matters. Xie Zhizhou steadied himself. Fine, if she was willing to discuss official matters with him, that was something.

“Indeed, the crimes Xu Wulin committed have never been disclosed to outsiders.”

Lin Shengshen clicked her tongue twice. “Playing the long game to catch a big fish—what a clever tactic.”

Xie Zhizhou took it as a compliment.

He curved his lips into a smile.

Lin Shengshen then thought of Xie Zhenhuan.

[Before leaving the Xie family, if Zhenhuan’s future isn’t settled, how can I rest easy?]

Xie Zhizhou’s expression stiffened…

“With Zhenhuan’s marriage still undecided, I’m always uneasy.” Lin Shengshen looked at Xie Zhizhou. “Lately, I’ve been thinking the second young master of the Wen family would be a good match. But Zhenhuan has strong objections to that child, Zhao Ya. I’m not sure if it will work out in the end.”

She earnestly advised him, “If it does work out, you must do everything you can to bring them together.”

[Wen Zhaoya is destined for a meteoric rise to the position of prime minister. The Wen family’s household is peaceful—Lord Wen has no concubines, and Wen Lingzhou is entirely focused on military affairs, with not a single flirtatious woman in his inner quarters. They’re truly a good family!]

[If Zhenhuan can marry into the Wen family, she’ll be able to live carefree for the rest of her life.]

Lin Shengshen smiled, the more she thought about it, the more she felt Zhenhuan and Wen Zhaoya were a perfect match.

Meanwhile, a dark cloud seemed to hang over the armchair. Xie Zhizhou could no longer maintain the gentle expression he had been struggling to uphold.

Letting Zhenhuan marry into the Wen family—Lin Shengshen had truly planned this well. Then she could divorce him and marry Wen Lingzhou instead, allowing her and Zhenhuan to continue as sisters-in-law in the Wen household.

It really wouldn’t diminish the bond she and Zhenhuan shared across lifetimes.

Xie Zhizhou said coldly, “Did you meet with someone from the Wen family today?”

Lin Shengshen, unaware of the deeper meaning in his words, replied, “Yes. I noticed Zhao Ya seems to regard Zhenhuan differently. But whether it’s just childish bickering or flirtation between a man and a woman, it’s hard to tell.”

Lin Shengshen added, “Not just today. A few days ago, at the Qi family’s flower-viewing banquet, Zhenhuan and Zhao Ya met again. Although it wasn’t pleasant, still—”

“Didn’t you say you wouldn’t meet with him?” Xie Zhizhou interrupted her.

Lin Shengshen was taken aback for a moment before realizing the “him” Xie Zhizhou referred to was Wen Lingzhou.

She found it somewhat amusing.

[What does it matter if we met? What does it matter if we didn’t? It’s not as if it became public knowledge, nor did it damage Xie Zhizhou’s reputation. What is he so hung up about?!]

“He has someone in his heart—does that mean I’m not allowed to seek another suitable match?”

“This was a forced marriage to begin with. Since I haven’t interfered with him, what right does he have to interfere with me?”

Lin Shengshen wore a faint, mocking smile as she stared at Xie Zhizhou. “Lord Xie, you’re overstepping.”

Her sarcastic, derisive expression was like a blade that killed without a trace. “I thought you couldn’t be bothered with such matters.”

“Xie Zhizhou is actually so petty and calculative.”

Xie Zhizhou felt the torment and bitterness of these past days rising in his throat. He owed Lin Shengshen, and he had no right to demand anything from her.

But he couldn’t control his growing possessiveness. Xie Zhizhou admitted he simply couldn’t let Lin Shengshen go, nor could he bear having her so close yet dreaming different dreams in the same bed.

He would rather repay her a thousand times over than let her go.

Such a wonderful Lin Shengshen—he feared he could never part from her in this lifetime.

But how could he say it aloud?

The thought of her cold, distant attitude and her bewildered resistance made him hesitate. He truly wasn’t as good as Lin Shengshen—so resilient in adversity, so genuine.

Xie Zhizhou paused for a long time, his throat dry, his words hoarse. “Lin Shengshen, you are my wife. The two of us…”

“Wife? Since when does Lord Xie care about such empty titles?” Lin Shengshen sneered.

She found it utterly ironic.

“In my past life, I joyfully married into the Xie household, thinking that as Xie Zhizhou’s wife, the affection between us would surely be different from before.”

“And then? Three years of lonely nights, three years of neglect and ridicule, and in the end, dying alone and ill—who cared about me then? Did Xie Zhizhou ever consider me his wife?”

At this thought, Lin Shengshen’s nose tingled with sorrow, and tears fell.

Xie Zhizhou knew he had misspoken. What right did he have to be so presumptuous and self-righteous?

Watching Lin Shengshen’s tears stream down, his heart felt as if it had been carved out.

“I spoke wrongly. I’m not forcing you. I just thought… since we’re husband and wife, there should be some affection between us, Lin Shengshen—”

Lin Shengshen could no longer bear to listen. She strode to the desk, picked up a brush, and said, “Husband and wife? Appearing harmonious while being estranged, like strangers—what kind of husband and wife is that?”

She swept the brush across the paper. “This marriage is better off dissolved!”

“Though I can’t leave you for now, rest assured—once the Lin family’s matters are settled, I’ll leave cleanly without any entanglement. From then on, you take your broad road, and I’ll take my single-plank bridge. You won’t have to be angry because of me, and I won’t have to be bound by you!”

Xie Zhizhou stood frozen. By the time he realized what Lin Shengshen had written, it was too late. She held up the paper filled with writing, tears on her cheeks but triumph in her eyes. “Xie Zhizhou, with this divorce agreement as proof, what more are you worried about?”

Xie Zhizhou’s pupils constricted sharply. He could only shake his head.

He never imagined Lin Shengshen truly intended to divorce.

The worries and anxieties of these past days finally settled, only to be replaced by a deep, searing fear.

He didn’t want to separate.

How could Lin Shengshen be so heartless as to leave?

Xie Zhizhou strode forward, snatched the divorce agreement, and tore it to shreds in a few swift motions.

His eyes were bloodshot. “Lin Shengshen, I will never divorce you!”

Lin Shengshen was startled. She had never seen Xie Zhizhou so frenzied—his elegance, his noble arrogance, his detached aloofness, all gone.

Only his bloodshot eyes, bulging veins on the back of his hands, and an expression torn between fury and restraint, grief and helplessness remained—a living madman!

She retreated several steps, her right hand instinctively reaching behind to touch the dagger Xie Zhizhou had given her. The three gemstones felt icy cold, pricking her fingertips.

If he dared to be rough with her, she would certainly…

But soon, Xie Zhizhou calmed down. Seemingly remorseful for his earlier outburst, he bent down to carefully gather the torn divorce agreement, then stepped forward and extended a hand to Lin Shengshen.

“Don’t be angry with me, alright?”

For every step Lin Shengshen retreated, he advanced another.

“You and him… don’t meet again from now on.”

Lin Shengshen actually detected a note of pleading in his tone!

Xie Zhizhou had gone mad—he must have, otherwise how could he be so erratic, his moods shifting unpredictably?!

Lin Shengshen shook her head, her heart pounding violently. Striding toward the bathing chamber, she said, “You should calm down.”

Xie Zhizhou’s outstretched hand dropped limply.

It was an unsolvable puzzle.

The sound of water came and went. After what felt like an eternity, Lin Shengshen slipped into bed, wrapping herself in the quilt, adjusting her breathing as she prepared to sleep.

Xie Zhizhou remained standing before the desk, head bowed in contemplation. Hearing the bed grow quiet, he knew—since Lin Shengshen had freed herself from worries, she always slept soundly. Even the weight of the world couldn’t disturb her slumber.

The complete opposite of him.

In the past, when Xie Zhizhou read poetry about “tossing and turning” or “yearning awake and asleep,” he found it laughable. He couldn’t comprehend what emotion in this world could rob someone of peace, nor did he see the purpose in such feelings.

Now he understood completely.

Like tonight, sleep eluded him. The torn divorce agreement in his hand felt like a branding iron, yet he refused to discard it—because Lin Shengshen’s handwriting was wild and untamed, strikingly beautiful. He had never imagined she could write with such bold, unrestrained flair.

He carefully collected every scrap.

If Lin Shengshen truly left… would these words, along with the letters hidden in his study, be enough to carry him through the endless nights?

Outside, the wind grew fierce, scattering crabapple blossoms into a carpet of fading crimson, bleak under the flickering moonlight.

Rain was coming.

After applying medicine to the scars on his arm and fingers, Xie Zhizhou sat down at the foot of Lin Shengshen’s bed.

His Majesty praised his resourcefulness; Prince Su’s faction saw him as a formidable rival; even his former mentor would sigh to others about the student surpassing the master. Glory and high rank seemed effortlessly within his grasp—

Yet only now did he realize his own poverty.

Lin Shengshen murmured in her sleep, her lips parting slightly as she turned over. Her lovely face, veiled by the night, appeared hazy and dreamlike, enough to mesmerize.

As if bewitched, Xie Zhizhou leaned down and gently embraced her through the quilt.

But in an instant, he felt he had overstepped and hurriedly straightened up.

[Cough, cough… Is he still not coming?]

“Young lady, the young master said he’s busy—tied up with official duties. He asked you to summon the house physician.”

[Hah, the house physician? The physician says I’m beyond help, and still he won’t come?]

“Young lady…” Peilan wept softly, restraining her sobs.

[Brew me another bowl of ginseng soup. I’ll wait for him.] Her voice was already faint as a wisp.

“Young Madam, the young master sent me to deliver something.” Yuan Qing’s voice was weak.

[Cough, cough…] She seemed to shift, reaching out to take it.

[A divorce letter?]She was stunned for a moment, then breathed a sigh of relief.

[Fine, fine. You won’t even see me one last time before I die? Divorce… Xie Zhizhou, you have such a cruel heart…]She seemed to have knocked over the ginseng soup, her voice growing fainter.

“The young master said that given the relationship between the Xie and Lin families, he cannot preside over General Lin’s case. He must… Young Madam! Young Madam!” Yuan Qing cried out desperately.

Peilan’s heart-wrenching sobs, the trembling reassurances of the physician, and Yuan Qing’s frantic shouts—Tangli Residence descended into chaos.

And so, Lin Shengshen died in despair.

…

The room had been quiet for too long.

Lin Shengshen jolted upright from her dream, gasping for breath as she wiped the tears from her face.

Just then, she saw Xie Zhizhou sitting at the foot of the bed, watching her. In his eyes were shards of moonlight, and those shards slid down his cheeks.

Glistening and translucent.

“You—”

Before she could finish, Xie Zhizhou lunged forward and held her tightly in his arms. His chest was firm, his arms like steel bands encircling her. It was a deep embrace, so tight she could barely breathe.

“Lin Shengshen, I’m sorry… I’m sorry.”

Lin Shengshen felt a cold dampness trickle down her neck and into her collar.

She pushed him away.

Xie Zhizhou did not resist, letting her force separate them.

Lin Shengshen froze for a moment. “What exactly—”

“I never intended to abandon you because the Lin family fell from grace, and I never once considered taking Zhou Qiong as a concubine. I was arrogant and self-righteous, causing you unbearable pain on our wedding night and haunting you with nightmares ever since. It was all my fault. I’m sorry, Lin Shengshen.”

“I once believed that if I didn’t love someone, I should cut ties cleanly. I never considered your feelings. My disgust and distance toward you stemmed from my own arrogance and conceit.”

“I like you, I love you, and I want to grow old with you—not because we are husband and wife, Lin Shengshen…”

Xie Zhizhou spoke in one breath, his gaze burning with pain. Lin Shengshen stiffened.

After a long pause, she finally regained a sliver of reason amid her pounding heart—

[What does this mean? How does Xie Zhizhou know about the events of my past life?]

Xie Zhizhou leaned in, wanting to embrace her again. “Lin Shengshen, I can hear you.”

The bedchamber fell silent for a moment. Lin Shengshen’s scalp prickled. Xie Zhizhou could hear? What could he hear?

[He can hear my thoughts?!]

Xie Zhizhou nodded.

At the same time, Lin Shengshen drew the short knife hidden beneath her pillow and held it protectively in front of her, the tip pressed against Xie Zhizhou’s chest—right over his heart.

“Don’t come any closer!” she shouted, panting heavily.

Lin Shengshen felt as though the sky had fallen after waking up. Her mind was in chaos. What had Xie Zhizhou just said? That he liked her?

No wonder he had been so moody these past days. No wonder that day at Zuiqiong Rui…

No wonder.

But affection was the cheapest of things—a truth Lin Shengshen had learned all too well in her past life.

Xie Zhizhou saw the shock and disdain flash in Lin Shengshen’s eyes. His heart felt as though pierced by countless arrows, his insides twisted in agony, yet he still prayed—

Lin Shengshen might still harbor a trace of affection for him—even just a little would suffice.

Devout and obedient, he slowly drew closer to Lin Shengshen. Xie Zhizhou, in that moment, thought of nothing else but firmly embracing the person before him.

Lin Shengshen did not withdraw the blade, watching as the tip pierced Xie Zhizhou’s chest. The sky-blue sleeping robe bloomed with bloodstains, like winter plum blossoms in water.

“Xie Zhizhou, you’re insane! What could possibly be worth harming yourself like this? I won’t pull back—you step away!”

“You are worth it, Lin Shengshen. All of this is what I deserve. If you hold the blade, I accept it willingly.”

“I was arrogant, casting you aside like worthless trash.”

“I took it for granted, hurting you until you were covered in wounds and haunted by nightmares every night.”

“I was ungrateful, rejecting and destroying the affection you held for me.”

“I…”

With each word he spoke, he advanced an inch. Lin Shengshen did not retreat half a step, and the blade had already sunk deep into Xie Zhizhou’s chest.

Her hand holding the knife trembled, warm blood flowing through her fingers and seeping into her sleeve.

Xie Zhizhou grasped her hand that held the blade, just as he had during the incident with the Drunken Qiongrui.

The difference was, last time, he had guided Lin Shengshen’s hand to pull out the blade that had accidentally wounded him. This time, he steadied her hand and continued to draw closer.

“I… did many wrong things in the past, and now I deeply regret them. I should have granted your wish, written a letter of separation, and let you go. But… cough…”

The blade plunged in completely, and his voice trembled slightly.

“But, Lin Shengshen, I like you so much. I don’t want to be apart from you.”

“I beg… I beg you, have mercy on my selfishness, give me… a chance.”

Xie Zhizhou finally embraced Lin Shengshen. Even though a sharp blade stood between them, he buried himself in the sweet fragrance at the crook of her neck, utterly content.

Even if he were to die at this very moment, he would have no regrets.

Lin Shengshen was already in tears. She broke free from Xie Zhizhou’s embrace. “You really are insane! This was always a doomed relationship! I should never have gotten involved with you in the first place!”

She scrambled off the bed, hastily dressed, and stormed out, slamming the door behind her.

The deep blue sky was tinged with white, and fine raindrops fell like a lover’s tears, soft and lingering.

Xie Zhizhou sat on the edge of the bed, the joy in his heart overshadowing the pain in his chest—

Lin Shengshen had silently shifted the blade a few inches, avoiding his heart.