After Rebirth, My Aloof Husband Can Hear My Inner Thoughts [Transmigration & Rebirth] - Chapter 30

When Lin Shengshen emerged from behind the screen, she found Xie Zhizhou still standing blankly before it.

His gaze was vacant, his brow deeply furrowed, as if lost in thought or grappling with some extremely difficult matter.

This expression was one Lin Shengshen had never seen on him before.

“Young Master Xie?” Lin Shengshen glanced at his sleeve, soaked through in one area. “Aren’t you going to change your clothes?”

Xie Zhizhou suddenly snapped back to awareness.

He went behind the screen, Lin Shengshen’s gaze following him. His retreating figure carried an air of desolation.

The sound of fabric shifting came from behind the screen.

“Lin Shengshen.”

“Yes?”

For a long moment, Xie Zhizhou said nothing more.

“Lin Shengshen.” He called her name again.

“What is it?”

Xie Zhizhou finally voiced the question that had been circling in his mind for so long.

“Do you regret marrying me?”

He already knew the answer. That day at Qingsheng Temple, Wen Lingzhou had already asked her, and her heart had already responded.

Xie Zhizhou knew that asking again now was nothing but inviting humiliation upon himself.

But suddenly, he desperately wanted to hear how Lin Shengshen would answer.

Lin Shengshen clearly froze for a moment. “Ah?”

[If I say I don’t regret it, does that mean all the past suffering and bloodshed count for nothing? If I say I do regret it, this marriage was something I clung to desperately back then. I had already accepted that Xie Zhizhou didn’t love me, yet in the end, I still greedily wanted more from him—it’s just that I couldn’t afford to lose.]

“Why bring this up all of a sudden?”

Xie Zhizhou had already changed his clothes and emerged from behind the screen, dressed in profound black that accentuated his tall, elegant figure.

He approached, studying her eyes by the faint glow of a small lamp.

“Do you regret it?”

Lin Shengshen took a step back, unable to meet his gaze directly. Xie Zhizhou’s expression was too earnest at this moment, his eyes holding emotions she couldn’t decipher.

“I know you’ve been unsettled since that day at Qingsheng Temple, but rest assured, nothing will happen between Wen Lingzhou and me. At least not before our divorce.”

She avoided answering this question.

[At the very least, Xie Zhizhou has never embarrassed me in public since our marriage, so I won’t cause him to lose face either.]

“Divorce?” His voice was cold, echoing in the quiet main chamber.

Her words suggested that after divorce, she planned to be with Wen Lingzhou…

The lamp flickered.

Lin Shengshen’s heart skipped a beat.

[Divorce… What’s wrong with that? Hasn’t Xie Zhizhou always been hoping for a divorce? When His Majesty first arranged our marriage, his immediate reaction was to enter the palace and refuse it.]

Lin Shengshen nodded, looking at Xie Zhizhou with some confusion.

Thanks to these past few days of inexplicably sharing a bed with Xie Zhizhou, though he was now pressing close, Lin Shengshen didn’t feel the same fear as before.

Perhaps she had grown accustomed to it, or perhaps she clearly knew that Xie Zhizhou wouldn’t do anything to her as long as she was unwilling.

Lin Shengshen retreated until she reached the writing desk, the cold, hard corner pressing against her lower back.

Suddenly, the small lamp beside the screen burned out, emitting a soft puff and a wisp of white smoke before extinguishing.

The main chamber plunged into darkness, with only moonlight streaming in.

Xie Zhizhou stood before her with his back to the moonlight, so she couldn’t see his expression clearly. She could only feel his slowly approaching body and the scorching heat radiating from him.

Panic suddenly surged within her. Lin Shengshen’s voice trembled, “You…”

Before she could finish, he grasped her waist and effortlessly lifted her, placing her on the desk.

Watching Xie Zhizhou’s somber face drawing nearer, Lin Shengshen felt at a loss, unsure what she had said wrong.

“Lin Shengshen, I don’t want to divorce you.”

From this close distance, Lin Shengshen finally saw Xie Zhizhou’s eyes clearly. Contrary to her expectations, they held no sharpness, only tenderness and pain.

She didn’t understand.

Lin Shengshen braced her hands behind her, suddenly afraid he might bite her like he did last night. She began watching Xie Zhizhou’s every move warily.

However, Xie Zhizhou stopped and repeated, “I don’t want a divorce.”

Back when the Crown Prince was confined to the Eastern Palace due to the Yingzhou flood incident, with court officials agitated and submitting memorials requesting His Majesty to depose the Empress and Crown Prince in favor of Consort Qi,

Xie Zhizhou had debated numerous censors and ultimately helped His Majesty preserve the Eastern Palace.

His Majesty was immensely pleased, repeatedly praising his clever mind, eloquent speech, and unparalleled wit.

But now, Xie Zhizhou found himself tongue-tied, transformed into someone clumsy with words.

Only able to say he didn’t want a divorce.

Should he resort to his old ways again, using the Emperor’s favor to subtly threaten Lin Shengshen into staying bound to him?

Or would it be like last night, when he took advantage of their marital status to kiss and offend her as if it were his right?

Absolutely wrong.

If Lin Shengshen had no past life, if she hadn’t been hurt so deeply by him before, and had only suffered from his indifference and coldness during the years she had feelings for him—

Perhaps he could still say something like, “I’ll make it up to you,” or “I want you.”

But now he clearly knew what had happened, and he knew that what he owed Lin Shengshen could never be fully repaid or settled.

No matter what, he could no longer confidently give any reason for Lin Shengshen not to leave him. All he had left was a weak and hollow “I don’t want a divorce.”

His tone was almost pleading. Xie Zhizhou stared intently at Lin Shengshen, as if searching for a trace of softening in her eyes.

Even from this close, he couldn’t detect the slightest ripple in her gaze.

“Miss, are you dressed yet?” The maid from Chen Yuying’s side urged from outside the door.

“Ready, I’ll be right there.” Lin Shengshen pushed against Xie Zhizhou’s chest, but he didn’t budge.

“Xie Zhizhou! Can’t you stop making a scene? If we don’t divorce, when will this ever end? Our marriage was forced upon us—we should be working together to figure out how to escape this arrangement. Why are you so stubborn?”

Lin Shengshen pleaded with him earnestly, “I know you’ve always lived in the clouds and can’t stand the slightest imperfection. Just a few meetings with Wen Lingzhou recently, and you got so angry. I’ve promised you I won’t be so blatant in the future. Can’t we leave some room for each other?”

[He says I’m the jealous one, but I think Xie Zhizhou is the jealous one…]

[My relationship with Wen Lingzhou is completely innocent—what is he so wary of?]

Jealous…

Xie Zhizhou suddenly remembered Lin Shengshen’s dream, where they had left Wu Zhen’s house together in a carriage, and he had impatiently told her, “You shouldn’t be so jealous.”

Suddenly, he understood why Lin Shengshen had cried so uncontrollably back then—because she had no way to defend herself, because she was wronged by the person she loved.

Just like his situation now.

Xie Zhizhou felt as if his throat were filled with sand. Like Lin Shengshen back then, all he could manage to say was, “I’m not.”

Seizing the opportunity, Lin Shengshen jumped down from the table and waved him off. “Suit yourself.”

She pushed the door open and left.

After a few steps, she noticed Xie Zhizhou hadn’t followed. Lin Shengshen knew he must be tired of dealing with the Lin family.

Fine, if he wasn’t coming, she could just tell her parents he was drunk and needed to rest.

In her past life, every time she returned to the Lin residence, she would prepare an excuse in advance for Xie Zhizhou’s absence. So now, making one up on the spot was second nature.

But back then, her parents had seen through it. Later, when she visited, they would happily welcome her without asking why Xie Zhizhou hadn’t come.

Thinking of this, Lin Shengshen smiled. “Looking back now, I really was…”

“What?” Peilan asked, tilting her head as she held up the lantern.

“Really foolish,” Lin Shengshen said brightly.

She lifted her head to the clear, cloudless sky, dotted with stars large and small. “It’s better now. It’s always better to be smarter.”

“Come on, let’s walk through the garden to the flower hall. We should take our time and enjoy the view.”

The scenery of the Lin residence had been personally designed by Chen Yuying—every detail was exquisite, every corner carefully tended. Such beautiful flowers and plants, and in her past life, she had never truly taken the time to appreciate them.

The maid by Chen Yuying’s side, following Lin Shengshen’s instructions, had already rushed back to the flower hall to report, leaving only Lin Shengshen and Peilan strolling leisurely along.

They hadn’t gone far when voices in conversation drifted from the path behind the flower bushes.

“Wulin, these days I’ve had you stationed outside the city guarding the camp—tell me honestly, are you tired?” It was the deep, resonant voice of Lin Xunen.

Xu Wulin’s reply was clearly humble. “How could I possibly feel tired about tasks assigned by the General? Serving you is my duty.”

Lin Xunen laughed heartily. “You—after all these years, you’re still so formal. Tomorrow, when you go to pay respects to Lord Xu, remember not to make a fuss about it.”

Xu Wulin’s voice suddenly turned somber. “Naturally, what is there to make a fuss about? My mother passed away early, and the relatives and friends in my family have long since gone their separate ways. Who would still remember the anniversary of my father’s death?”

Lin Xunen comforted him, “Don’t overthink it. As long as you live well, their spirits in heaven will be content.”

Xu Wulin replied, “I hope so.”

Lin Xunen fell silent at that, and the two said nothing more.

Just then, Lin Shengshen emerged from behind the flower bushes and saw Lin Xunen looking somewhat awkward as he and Xu Wulin walked one behind the other.

“Brother, Mother said you were on patrol today and wouldn’t be back. Why have you returned so late?”

As she spoke, she bowed in greeting.

Xu Wulin lowered his head in return.

Lin Xunen, however, paid little attention to such formalities. He strode up to Lin Shengshen and studied her carefully for a moment.

“Father and Mother said you and Xie Zhizhou have been getting along well these days. If that’s the case, then I can rest easy.”

Lin Shengshen replied, “It’s alright. Brother, don’t worry about me so much—I’m perfectly fine.”

Lin Xunen added, “Wulin and I have matters to discuss, so I came back.”

“Brother, you should go to the flower hall for a meal first.”

“No need, I’ve already had dinner. I’ll pay my respects to Father and Mother and then return to the study.”

Lin Shengshen let out an “Oh.”

Lin Xunen noticed she seemed downcast, unlike before when the mention of Xie Zhizhou would spark a flood of words from her.

He leaned in close to her ear and asked with a smile, “What’s wrong? Did Xie Zhizhou bully you?”

Lin Shengshen shot him a reproachful look. “How could he?”

“Then why do you seem so out of sorts? That day when Xie Zhizhou came to pick you up, you were all hesitant and shy—not at all like your usual self.”

Lin Xunen teased, “What, having regrets? You’ve already got him—no backing out now.”

Lin Shengshen stamped her foot in frustration. “I—I’m not talking to you! Whether you eat tonight or not, we didn’t save any food for you anyway!”

With that, she ran off, only realizing after a few steps that she had gone in the wrong direction—heading straight behind Lin Xunen and nearly colliding with Xu Wulin.

She quickly turned around and dashed toward the flower hall.

Behind her, Lin Xunen’s hearty laughter echoed.

Peilan panted, out of breath, “Miss, miss, stop running! You’re wearing me out!”

Lin Shengshen halted, her heart racing—not from the running.

But because, in that moment when she had almost bumped into Xu Wulin, she had caught a whiff of his bitter, slightly pungent scent.

To an ordinary person, it might have seemed like the sweat of a soldier after training, or the bitter odor of medicine applied to a wound, or even the sharp smell of insect repellent used in the camps.

But Lin Shengshen knew it was none of those.

It was a familiar scent she had encountered just days before—

Veratrum.

Could it be that the veratrum prepared by Xunniang had passed through Xu Wulin’s hands?

She suddenly recalled that she still didn’t know what Xie Zhizhou had ultimately discovered during his thorough search of all medicine shops and incense stores a few days ago…

Perhaps Xunniang’s death was also connected to the Lin family affairs.

Lin Shengshen took several deep breaths before managing to calm her frantically beating heart.

She couldn’t reveal any flaws – she had to remain composed. Xu Wulin was full of suspicious points, and she needed to investigate thoroughly.

Peilan helped Lin Shengshen straighten her dress, and the mistress and maid walked toward the flower hall together.

By the time Lin Shengshen reached the flower hall, Lin Xunen and Xu Wulin had already paid their respects to Lin Zhiping and Chen Yuying and departed.

Xu Wei was still discussing water management matters with Lin Zhiping. When he saw Lin Shengshen approaching without Xie Zhizhou accompanying her, his eyes lit up.

“Elder Sister.”

Lin Shengshen’s mind was in turmoil. She smiled at Xu Wei before addressing Chen Yuying: “He’s somewhat drunk, so I told him to rest first. Mother, I’ve eaten my fill too, so I’ll return to take care of him.”

Chen Yuying teased, “Him? Who is ‘him’?”

Lin Shengshen paused, forcing a slight smile. “Mother…”

Chen Yuying finally relented, laughing as she said, “Why do I feel like you and Young Master Xie are becoming more distant? If you’ve suffered any grievances, you mustn’t hide them from me.”

Lin Shengshen inwardly lamented – what grievances? Major grievances! In just a few short days, Xie Zhizhou had both kissed her and wanted to sleep together – it was utterly baffling.

“Nothing of the sort, Mother. Please rest assured.”

Only then did Chen Yuying let Lin Shengshen leave.

Returning to Shuying Pavilion, she noticed the main room’s lights weren’t lit – the room was pitch black. The events from earlier in the darkness flashed through Lin Shengshen’s mind again.

She paused at the doorway, hesitating for a moment before entering, as if stepping into an unknown realm.

The room was silent, carrying the faint orchid scent of bath beans – it seemed Xie Zhizhou had already bathed.

Lin Shengshen deliberately avoided looking toward the newly purchased daybed and went straight to the bathing room to undress and bathe.

After putting on her sleepwear and approaching the bed, Lin Shengshen drew back the bed curtains and climbed onto the bed, then suddenly froze.

“Xie Zhizhou? Why are you sitting there?”

Xie Zhizhou sat at the foot of the bed in his sleepwear, not yet having gotten into bed. His usually neatly tied long hair now cascaded over his shoulders, and his sleepwear had loosened at the chest, revealing firm muscles. Hearing her voice, he lifted his gaze to look at Lin Shengshen.

In the faint moonlight, his jawline appeared as if carved by an axe – sharp and flowing. The small mole beside his tall nose bridge always seemed to draw one’s gaze.

His voice was very soft. “Lin Shengshen, can we talk?”