After My Paranoid Act to Woo My Cold Master Failed - Chapter 38

Shen Shuheng set down her rice bowl, her face filled with delight as she gazed at Fu Xueke across from her. Her joy was evident in the very corners of her eyes and brows. “Master, you are too kind! I had even forgotten the words I spoke last month, yet you actually remembered.”

Fu Xueke nodded absentmindedly, her gaze not on her disciple but fixed instead on several oranges. The snowy white light reflecting off the orange peels pricked her eyes, making them ache, yet her eyes remained anchored to the fruit.

Shen Shuheng noticed her Master’s strange behavior. Normally, Master would look her directly in the eye, rub her head, or smile while playfully pinching her nose. She would certainly never look elsewhere as she was doing now, seemingly lost in other thoughts.

Her heart suddenly felt sour and constricted. The joy from a moment ago had long since fled without a trace, leaving only a heart submerged in bitter water.

Overwhelmed by sadness, she lost her appetite entirely. She set down her chopsticks and reached out to take an orange—the very one Master had specifically set aside for her.

At that moment, another hand, snowy white and slender, reached out a step ahead of her and took that orange—the exact one she wanted.

Shen Shuheng stared at that hand, stunned for a second. Just as she was about to reach for another one, a cold, clear voice—like a spring dripping onto stone—rang out.

“Finish your meal first. I will peel it for you.”

Shen Shuheng looked up, her gaze colliding directly with her Master’s. She discovered that those eyes, usually as cold as ice and snow, were now stained with an inexplicable exhaustion and something else she couldn’t quite fathom.

She had never seen her Master like this. With a shimmer of water rising in her own eyes, she looked at her Master with heartache. “I should do it myself.”

She extended her hand toward Fu Xueke, intending to take the orange and peel it herself.

“Eat your rice first. It won’t taste good once it’s cold,” Fu Xueke said indifferently.

Shen Shuheng withdrew her hand sheepishly. Her lips twitched as if to say something, but she ultimately remained silent.

She wanted to tell her Master that she didn’t want to eat a single bite of rice right now, but at the thought that Master had cooked this personally for her, she couldn’t bring herself to say the words.

In a daze, Shen Shuheng picked up her bowl. Her right hand moved mechanically, picking up food and stuffing it into her mouth, followed by a large mouthful of rice until her cheeks puffed out and she could fit nothing more. She repeated this robotic cycle; the dishes that used to be delicious now tasted of nothing but bitterness.

She attempted to use the food filling her mouth to plug the void in her heart.

Why did Master become like this after waking up? She clearly still cares for me, but she has become so strange.

Could it be that Master discovered something?

At this thought, her face turned deathly pale. Her movements stopped, and she stared vacantly at a corner of the table. Then she reconsidered; if Master had found out, she wouldn’t be acting with this kind of attitude.

She was uncertain of the true reason.

Fu Xueke gripped the cold orange in her hand and sighed softly. She used her peripheral vision to observe the girl’s every move. In those eyes, which were usually as clear as crystal, it felt as though something had shattered inside, reflecting small, sorrowful glimmers of light.

The girl’s despondent appearance caused Fu Xueke’s heart to contract sharply, bringing a dense, throbbing pain.

She closed her eyes, forcing herself to look away. She feared that if she kept looking, the words she had prepared all night would be swallowed back into her stomach, never to see the light of day.

Shen Shuheng took another bite of rice only to find the bowl was empty. She looked up at the table; all the serving bowls were empty as well.

When she set down her chopsticks, they made a sharp, clattering sound against the table.

Hearing the noise, Fu Xueke looked up and pushed a plate forward.

Slices of orange were arranged on a celadon-green plate. The oranges, which should have looked warm, took on a tinge of desolate coldness against the porcelain.

“Eat. Oranges with the flavor of the moon,” Fu Xueke said with a smile, though the smile only made the exhaustion in her eyes seem heavier.

Shen Shuheng’s nose tingled with a sour sensation, and tears began to well up again. Since Master remembered these things and treated her so well, why—why did she seem to be avoiding her today? Was she annoying her Master?

Forcing back the tears, she took a small segment of orange and put it in her mouth. Her fingertips still felt a lingering chill—she couldn’t tell if it was the temperature of her Master’s hand or the natural coldness of the porcelain.

The moment she bit into the orange, the sour juice sprayed out, occupying every corner of her mouth. As if that wasn’t enough, in an instant, that unique tartness filled her hollow heart.

Shen Shuheng’s mouth and heart were entirely filled with a sour feeling. Feeling extremely aggrieved, she instinctively blurted out, “Master, why did you give me such a sour orange? This isn’t the flavor of the moon from that night at all.”

As soon as the words left her mouth, she realized she was being unreasonable, but the words were like spilled water—impossible to take back.

“I… I’m sorry. Master had good intentions, it’s A-Heng who is ungrateful.” The tears accumulating in her eyes burned the rims until they were crimson.

“It is indeed very sour,” Fu Xueke said, also taking a segment and putting it in her mouth.

“In the future, never say the words ‘I’m sorry’ to me again.”

“Don’t eat any more. Next time I will get you some sweet oranges. Today was my first time using this technique, and I was a bit unpracticed.” Fu Xueke placed her hand on the plate, intending to take it away, but she felt a force preventing her.

“I’ll eat them! Don’t take them away. They aren’t sour, they aren’t sour at all!” Shen Shuheng pressed one hand over Fu Xueke’s while using the other to continuously stuff oranges into her mouth.

Even as she claimed they weren’t sour, her eyes couldn’t stop blinking from the acidity, and her face wrinkled into a ball.

“And you still say they aren’t sour,” Fu Xueke said helplessly.

Shen Shuheng shook her head vigorously, still denying it through a full mouth: “They’re sweet! Look, I’ve finished them all.”

As her eyes blinked from the sourness of the oranges, the girl’s tears had already escaped. Crystal droplets hung on her face, tugging at Fu Xueke’s heartstrings.

The girl’s pitiful appearance made Fu Xueke loathe herself even more. She shouldn’t have exploited her disciple’s sincerity or enticed her into certain behaviors.

“You’re crying. In the future, if there is something you don’t like—even if I gave it to you—do not endure it,” Fu Xueke said, reaching up to wipe the tears from her disciple’s cheek with her thumb.

Shen Shuheng continued to shake her head. “No, no… I like everything Master gives me. As long as it’s from Master, it is something I love.” She wanted so badly to tell her Master: I’m not crying because the orange is sour; I’m crying because of the love I cannot speak.

Could Master understand? Could she understand the emphasis? As long as it was something bestowed by her Master, whether good or bad, she would favor it simply because of the giver.

“Silly girl,” Fu Xueke whispered, her eyes dark with an unreadable light.

One day, you will realize that what I give you is not all good; it is mixed with many of my own sordid intentions.

Gazing at her Master’s slightly furrowed brows, a thought rose in Shen Shuheng’s mind. She wanted to kiss her, to use the warmth of her tongue to smooth away all the worries between her Master’s brows and within her heart.

But she couldn’t, and she didn’t dare. She lowered her gaze, her long lashes veiling the secret, unspeakable turmoil in her eyes.

Fu Xueke had already made up her mind to say the words she had brewed all night, to let everything return to its original track.

“Today, I have something I wish to say to you.”

Hearing this, Shen Shuheng felt a sense of foreboding. Her hands, hidden in her sleeves, began to tremble.

“Master, please speak. I just don’t know what you wish for A-Heng to hear,” she said, forcing her lips into a smile, though the dimples on her face were filled with bitterness.

“In the future, do not kiss me at the slightest whim. Especially here,” she said, pointing to her own lips.

“This place cannot be kissed recklessly. Kissing is an intimate act that only those who love each other can do. Do you understand?”

“You are still young. There are some things I have not taught you. I tell you this today in the hope that you will understand.”

“The fact that you performed those actions was also my fault. Previously, because of the demonic qi clashing in my body, I did certain things that misled you. It was my error.”

“In the future, when you meet someone with whom you share mutual affection, you will understand. Kissing me is different from kissing the one you love.”

Master spoke with a tone that was incredibly gentle, as soft as pools of spring water. But to Shen Shuheng, this spring water felt like a sky full of ice needles, piercing her heart and turning into a bone-chilling current that carved into her bit by bit. She felt as if she had fallen into an ice cellar; her blood curdled, leaving her without any sensation.

“So… Master, you are blaming me? Blaming me for… kissing you?” Shen Shuheng choked out, red veins appearing in her eyes.

Fu Xueke paused, then cupped the girl’s face, saying softly, “I am not blaming you. It was I who did wrong initially. And you… you are young; it is normal to do such things out of curiosity.”

“Today, I am merely telling you that some things can only be done with a specific person. With me… it is not allowed.”

The girl’s eyes were swimming with tears, yet she still looked at her with a smile. If only Master hadn’t said those words, she thought. Then, I could use my lips to kiss those eyes and drink away every bitter tear.

The glimmer of the girl’s tears illuminated the shamelessness hidden in Fu Xueke’s heart, leaving it nowhere to hide, nearly exposing it to the girl.

Her broken appearance only intensified the shameless desires in Fu Xueke’s mind.

“A-Heng doesn’t blame Master. No matter what Master does to me, it’s fine.” The remaining words she could only say to herself: Because I love Master, I can accept everything she does to me.

“If Master doesn’t want A-Heng to kiss you, then I won’t kiss you anymore,” Shen Shuheng said, sniffing her bright red nose.

Has Master discovered my feelings for her? Is that why she took this chance to make things clear, so I would stop having wishful thoughts about her? Or is she simply teaching me? She couldn’t ask aloud; she could only swallow it all.

If you truly love someone, you are supposed to bear everything alone, including the bitter fruit, right? It was all her own choice. She was willing to swallow everything because it was all related to her Master. She loved her—she loved everything Master brought her, including the suffering.