After My Death, I Became a Heartless Madman - Chapter 65.2

“Song Shizhou!”

A familiar cry pierced through.

“I really don’t want to wash away the mark. Not even a little.”

One after another, venomous words filled with hatred echoed in her ears voices dripping with resentment and loathing, as if countless hands were gripping her ankles, dragging her down relentlessly.

In the depths of her slumber, she saw Song Fengyu again.

The woman’s long black hair fluttered wildly amidst raging flames, her smile both stunning and wretched.

“Shizhou, you’ve taken revenge on all of us yet spared one person alone…”

Who was this person?

A cold touch brushed against her cheek, just like the desperate cry about not washing away the mark, pulling her forcefully from the nightmare.

A cool trickle slid down her chest. Slowly, Song Shizhou opened her eyes.

Before her was a pair of pale green pupils.

The hospital room fell into silence. Song Shizhou’s gaze was unfocused at first, but gradually, those pale green eyes sharpened into clarity, forming a distinct shape, a face she knew well.

Her heart softened, and without thinking, she spoke.

“Miss Bai!”

The crisp scent of osmanthus instantly filled the room. A tear just one rolled down Bai Ruowei’s delicate jaw. Her refined, proud face was etched with worry and guilt.

Immediately, Bai Ruowei buried her face tightly against Song Shizhou’s neck.

Warm tears dampened Song Shizhou’s skin, a sensation both wet and tender. Drop by drop, they seemed to fall directly onto her heart.

She let the woman tremble in her arms, gently pressing a kiss to the side of her ear.

“Xiao Bai… don’t cry…”

“I’m fine.”

As she spoke, she even lifted her arm, patting Bai Ruowei’s back in reassurance or perhaps as proof.

“See? I’m really fine.”

A scrape on her arm made her wince slightly, but pain had never been hard for her to endure. She bore it silently.

Bai Ruowei’s tears continued to fall against her neck.

The room was so quiet that for a moment, only the sound of their hushed breathing could be heard.

After what felt like an eternity, through choked sobs and streaming tears, Bai Ruowei spoke.

“I know you’re fine. Of course, you’d be fine. But I just can’t help it.”

She couldn’t help but worry, couldn’t help but grieve, couldn’t help but tremble with fear over Song Shizhou’s injuries so much so that her fingertips turned ice-cold.

Perhaps this was a knot in her heart.

A knot in her heart that had lingered through two lifetimes, one she thought had long passed, long been buried, yet remained vivid even now.

She feared discussing death with Song Shizhou.

Even more, she feared Song Shizhou’s death.

But now, someone was trying with all their might to unravel this knot for her.

Yet Song Shizhou suddenly smiled.

“Miss Bai, thank you. Today, you saved me.”

Her tone was as gentle and calm as in their past life, making Bai Ruowei feel as if nothing had happened as if they had returned to that time.

Her eyes trembled faintly.

What happened today was that she had saved Song Shizhou. It was a fact she might have known but never dared to voice.

Because of that nightmare from their past life, even now, Bai Ruowei had never truly let go.

She couldn’t let go. She didn’t dare to.

But now, the other protagonist of that nightmare lay unharmed before her, softly telling her, You saved me.

Two streams of tears spilled from her eyes. She pressed her lips together, trembling for a long moment before finally whispering a shaky,

“…Yes.”

“I’m sorry, Shizhou. I saved you.”

She buried herself deeper into Song Shizhou’s embrace.

The rich scent of night-blooming cereus enveloped her, and she could hear the steady rhythm of the other woman’s heartbeat.

Song Shizhou chuckled lowly, as if amused by her muddled logic.

“You saved me. Why are you apologizing?”

Why are you so good to me?

She wondered.

In this world, could repentance alone truly earn forgiveness?

Bai Ruowei suddenly felt dazed.

Why forgive me? Why not torment me? Why not make me suffer the same pain? Why not use love to break me?

Song Shizhou’s hand patted her back in a slow, absent rhythm, and Bai Ruowei clung to her even tighter.

“Don’t let go of me,” she murmured.

Song Shizhou replied softly, “Alright. I won’t let go.”

The atmosphere gradually settled into silence. After what felt like an eternity, Bai Ruowei finally lifted her head.

The woman before her gazed intently, those pale green eyes refusing to leave Song Shizhou’s body for even a second, as if trying to etch her into her very bones and blood.

They were two people who had survived disaster. So Song Shizhou smiled and took Bai Ruowei’s hand, tracing the delicate, fair skin, feeling its tremors whether from shyness or excitement.

But in the next instant, a dull pain suddenly pierced Song Shizhou’s chest.

Amid the roaring of her heart, she seemed to hear Song Fengyu’s resentful words once more:

“Shizhou, someone as cold and ruthless as you doesn’t deserve to have someone who loves you.”

She paused.

Those pale green eyes, brimming with affection, still stared at her intently. Perhaps she should meet Bai Ruowei’s gaze, but instead, Song Shizhou instinctively lowered her head.

She didn’t look at her.

Nor did she look into those pale green eyes, filled with worry and love.

Song Fengyu’s words had affected her after all.

If she were still alone as before, she would have dismissed Sister Yu’s words as nonsense. But now, her heart sank without her realizing it.

Song Shizhou’s lips trembled slightly. She forced a slow, gentle smile.

The same kind of gentle smile from before.

“Miss Bai, thank you for saving me today.”

Her voice was calm, her tone reminiscent of their past life, carrying a tenderness that felt both familiar and strange to Bai Ruowei.

It was the tenderness that had always moved Bai Ruowei, the tenderness she could never escape.

But in the next moment, Song Shizhou withdrew her hand from Bai Ruowei’s palm.

Her gaze was calm and serene.

“I remember you should be quite busy during this period. How is Mr. Bai’s health? I didn’t sustain any serious injuries. My mother will arrange for someone to take care of me and stay by my side here. You should go attend to your work first.”

Her tone was steady, yet each word trembled slightly with suppressed emotion.

The more she spoke, the firmer her resolve seemed to become. Song Shizhou lowered her gaze, her gentle smile gradually shifting into one of polite detachment.

Bai Ruowei paused.

She sensed the resistance in Song Shizhou’s voice, noticed the subtle shift in her expression. Without time to think, she only tightened her grip on her hand.

“I’m not busy.”

“The matters at the Surveillance Institute have been settled. Right now, staying by your side is my top priority.”

“Is that so?”

Song Shizhou replied flatly.

“That’s good.”

The last sliver of sunlight slowly retreated from the windowsill, and the sky darkened in an instant. Song Shizhou looked up thoughtfully at the amber-hued dusk.

So it was already evening.

“If there’s nothing else, you should head back first. I’d like to rest for a while.”

The obvious hostility in her tone caught Bai Ruowei off guard.

“Shizhou, what’s wrong?”

“Did something happen at the temple? Did Song Fengyu say something harsh to you? She’s already—”

“No.”

Song Shizhou’s lashes fluttered slightly, casting faint shadows across her pale face.

“Miss Bai, some things aren’t what you think they are.”

She had finally said it.

Bai Ruowei’s eyes flickered with confusion.

“What?”

Song Shizhou bit her lower lip.

“Bai Ruowei, I’m not as good as you think I am.”

At last, she had finally spoken the words.

Bai Ruowei repeated them silently, uncomprehending.

“You’re not as good as I think?”

Hadn’t they already discussed this long ago?

After Song Lanyi shattered that porcelain piece, hadn’t she made it clear that she didn’t care?

Song Shizhou shook her head.

“It’s different.”

“Miss Bai. Weren’t you always curious about the whereabouts of the Lu family couple?”

A faint smile crept onto Song Shizhou’s lips.

“I was the one who did it.”

A deafening roar seemed to echo in Bai Ruowei’s mind.

“And all the madmen surrounding me.”

“They only became like this because I allowed it.”

Bai Ruowei stared blankly, as if she hadn’t understood.

“What?”

This disbelief was exactly what Song Shizhou had expected.

What had happened at Baoxia Temple hadn’t left any deep scars on her heart. She only felt a sudden pang of melancholy, melancholy that someone had finally realized how cold and ruthless she truly was.

But then, a terrifying thought rose within her.

What if Bai Ruowei knew the whole truth?

In front of Bai Ruowei, she had always been gentle and kind. Song Shizhou’s hands trembled slightly. If Bai Ruowei knew everything, would she react with the same shock and accusations as Feng Yu?

Song Shizhou lowered her gaze. She didn’t care about others’ opinions of her whether they saw her as a fraud or a heartless person, it didn’t matter. If she hadn’t been ruthless, she might have died long ago at the hands of the Lu family couple.

But the one thing she feared was Bai Ruowei’s judgment.

After failing to fully transform Bai Ruowei into an Omega, after hearing her heartfelt confession, after spending these past weeks together she couldn’t help but care about what Bai Ruowei would think of her true self.

Perhaps she could continue maintaining the persona she had shown Miss Bai, but she was so clever, she would find out sooner or later.

Would Miss Bai think she was terrifying, that she was wicked, that she had endured all these years just for this extreme revenge? Would she think she was a ruthless madwoman?

From the moment she decided to seek vengeance, she had resolved not to be shackled by others’ opinions. Only fools lived solely for the gaze of others. Yet now, she found herself breaking that very resolution.

Song Shizhou’s brows furrowed slightly, her fingers clenching until they turned white.

She remembered the first time she saw Bai Ruowei at the banquet wearing the simplest solid-colored evening gown, her complexion lightly touched with foundation, so breathtakingly beautiful it shattered hearts.

Just that fleeting glance was enough for her to decide she wanted to be with her.

She was the one who kept insisting Bai Ruowei didn’t understand love. But what about herself? Was it love she felt the moment she saw Bai Ruowei, or was it the primal desire to possess her, to devour her whole like a beast?

Song Shizhou’s expression darkened.

“Bai Ruowei, I’m not as good as you think. Do you know? From the moment I saw you, I was determined to make you my Omega.”

“I know, Shizhou. I know all of that. But love and desire have always been intertwined. Everyone has desires, I have them for you, so why can’t you have them for me too?”

Song Shizhou shook her head painfully.

“No, it wasn’t desire.”

Suddenly, she recalled Song Fengyu’s words. Had she, without realizing it, treated Bai Ruowei the same way she treated those she hated?

The fragrance of the night-blooming cereus grew faint, and Bai Ruowei’s face paled instantly.

She looked at those lips that had always been so gentle, and heard the other say,

“Miss Bai, I know what kind of person you like someone gentle, understanding. But I might not be that kind of person.”

It was truly heartbreaking phrasing. Bai Ruowei’s fingertips trembled slightly.

Would she never be able to catch up to Song Shizhou?

Amid the silence,

“So? What are you trying to say?”

Song Shizhou smiled.

“You’ve wondered why I’ve never made you my Omega in this life, haven’t you? Maybe this is the reason.”

“Miss Bai, I once said I might not love you the way I did in our past life. Perhaps someone like me, who’s been steeped in too much malice, can’t give anyone true love.”

Bai Ruowei’s voice shook. “Song Shizhou, what are you saying. Then what about everything that’s happened between us these past weeks? Wasn’t that love?”

Song Shizhou’s throat tightened.

“Let’s just treat it all as a dream.”

“Miss Bai, I’m not as good as you think. So, go find someone truly gentle, alright?”

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