After My Death, I Became a Heartless Madman - Chapter 20.1

Whether she owed Lu Qi or Lu Qi owed her, she no longer wanted to think about it. There were still many things she wanted to say to Lu Qi, but they tacitly avoided mentioning the matter of rebirth. After hitting someone, Song Shizhou’s hand ached slightly. She gathered her thoughts, preparing to speak again, but in the end, she said nothing.

There was no need.

She couldn’t be bothered anymore.

Seeing her about to leave, Lu Qi resorted to her old tricks, lunging forward to cling to her. Song Shizhou was utterly annoyed, gripping Lu Qi’s arm without caring whether she was squeezing a woundor perhaps she did it deliberately.

“Do you know why I dislike you?”

Lu Qi shook her head.

“Because you don’t listen.”

“Not only do you not listen, but you don’t even understand. Maybe this is the only way to get through to you…”

Song Shizhou raised her hand.

“But I don’t like it.”

Lu Qi froze.

Seizing the moment of hesitation, Song Shizhou pulled her leg free from Lu Qi’s grasp.

“Hitting you today wasn’t for any other reason, just to show you that you were wrong. I’m your sister. If you think you can climb over me and control me, that’s impossible.”

“If you want me to keep hating you, to loathe you to the bone, then go ahead and keep clinging to me.”

Lu Qi didn’t move. Song Shizhou was beyond irritated. She had no idea how Lu Qi had turned out like this, had she unwittingly enabled it? She continued,

“On the other hand, if you listen and do as I say, maybe I’ll…”

She let out a light laugh.

Half-veiled hints weren’t a good habit for conversation, but for Lu Qi, perhaps the illusion of possibility was what she craved most. Because illusions gave her something to chase, a ‘maybe,’ a ‘what if.’ Spelling it out would only make it feel fake.

The girl slowly loosened her grip.

When Song Shizhou returned home, Lan Chi didn’t say anything. She took a hot shower, her heart still pounding maybe from the adrenaline?

Perhaps even the most patient person has a breaking point. Even the kindest soul has its dark side. Or maybe she had always been like this?

Song Shizhou shook her head.

She barely recognized herself anymore.

For dinner, Lan Chi ordered takeout. She couldn’t cook, and doing simple chores was already stretching her goodwill. The meal consisted of a cold jellyfish salad, a bowl of spinach tofu, and a plate of lightly fried small yellow croakers.

Simple, but homely, just the way Song Shizhou liked it.

Perhaps people who looked alike shared certain quirks. Like Bai Ruowei, Lan Chi wasn’t much of an eater either. She picked at her food, taking only a couple of bites before setting her chopsticks down.

“You’re eating so little. This fish is really good, want me to pick out the bones for you?”

The moment the words left her mouth, Song Shizhou felt a pang of awkwardness.

Lan Chi looked too much like Bai Ruowei. She had instinctively treated her like Bai Ruowei.

Bai Ruowei was always picky with food. She liked fish but couldn’t be bothered with the bones. Mia and Li Ningzhi were happy to help, but she refused their service, it felt too strange to her.

But she loved being served by Song Shizhou.

Lan Chi didn’t react. She propped her chin on her hand.

“Now that you’re back, are you staying for good?”

Song Shizhou paused, setting down her chopsticks.

“I’m staying.”

Lan Chi hummed.

“Have you let go of the past? The people, the things?”

A mind too sharp borders on the supernatural. Lan Chi was perceptive; even though Shizhou hadn’t said a word, she’d already pieced together the whole story.

After a moment’s thought, Shizhou offered a weary smile.

“I’ve let it all go.”

“No more hatred?”

“No more hatred.”

Lan Chi chuckled softly.

“That little chubby kid from the Lu family, what was his name again? I forgot really was…”

Song Shizhou smiled along.

“That child was indeed quite a handful.”

When Lu Dabao was first born, Lu’s father had helped care for him for a while before leaving. After that, the responsibility of raising the child fell entirely on Shizhou. She had to juggle school, taking care of Lu Qi, and raising a newborn, barely getting four hours of sleep a day. Those days…

Were nothing short of living hell.

“The moment you put that child down, he’d start crying. And when he cried…”

Whenever he cried, Shizhou would get beaten, leaving no patch of unbruised skin on her face or body. Eventually, Lan Chi couldn’t stand it anymore and broke Lu’s father’s leg. That settled it, Lu’s father no longer needed to go out and could stay home to look after the little chubby kid properly.

“And that girl, Xiao Qi, was it?”

Shizhou nodded.

“At first, it was just you coming over. I’d give you some candy each time. Later, she started tagging along too. She was only three or four years old then. I figured there was no point holding a grudge against a child, so I gave her candy as well.”

Seeing how hard Shizhou’s life was, Lan Chi would often prepare some treats and toys for her. Later, when Lu Qi found out, those treats and toys had to be doubled.

“Yeah.”

Shizhou smiled.

Lan Chi took a sip of tea, silently passing judgment:

A family of wretched souls.

The fact that Shizhou could recount this with a smile proved she had truly moved on. In truth, Song Shizhou had once hated Lu’s father and mother. But as she grew older, that hatred had faded.

Faded, but not vanished. It didn’t mean she wouldn’t seek revenge, only that the hatred had solidified into an unchangeable outcome. There was no need to dwell on it, probe it, or bring it up repeatedly. She simply waited for the day of reckoning.

Hatred that’s repeatedly brought up stems from love. It’s born from caring, caring too much. But why should Shizhou care about Lu’s father and mother? Why should she care about Lu Qi?

Now, she saw things clearly. The best approach was to keep such detestable people at arm’s length. They weren’t worth an ounce of her energy.

“If you can let it go, that’s good.”

Lan Chi was genuinely happy for her.

“So, no more resentment either?”

Resentment?

Song Shizhou paused.

“Right now, is there nothing you still want to know? Nothing that weighs on your heart… keeping you tossing and turning, sleepless night after night?”

Perhaps…

There was.

She resented Bai Ruowei.

She resented Bai Ruowei deeply.

No matter how much she tried to conceal it, no matter how often she told herself it didn’t matter anymore, Song Shizhou still resented her. She resented Bai Ruowei for deceiving her, for toying with her feelings.

She resented even more that Bai Ruowei hadn’t answered her call that day, that Bai Ruowei had gotten engaged to Miss Zhao, making it known throughout the entire Inner City.

Yet keeping her in the dark.

“To untie the bell, you need the one who tied it.”

Boss Lan’s voice sounded distant, and Shizhou suddenly felt a pang of loneliness. The next second, she finally broke, letting out a bitter laugh.

“Boss Lan, the bell’s already been smashed to pieces. How can you even tie it now?”

Helpless, the person she resented most in this lifetime didn’t even know her. Those tangled past grievances had vanished without a trace, how could the bell be unknotted when the one who tied it was gone?

The villa district in the Inner City was always ablaze with lights, resembling a giant serpent coiled around the mountain from afar.

Calling it a “villa district” wasn’t quite accurate, because only Miss Bai lived here. This place wasn’t referred to as a villa district either, it was called the Snow Pavilion, Miss Bai’s private residence.

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