A Cold and Aloof Top Student Is Relied Upon - Chapter 63

Chapter 63: Starting School

◎The Capital◎

“You’re having auditory hallucinations of rain, or you suddenly can’t see when you hear rain. Have you been checked for other illnesses?”

“Yes, my brain and eyes are fine.”

“Besides the sound of rain, were there other factors causing an emotional fluctuation when it happened?”

“Yes, probably when my consciousness is loosened, like when I’m drunk, or when a familiar object suddenly triggers an emotional response.”

The doctor, who was taking notes, paused and looked at the girl sitting across from him. She had been exceptionally calm since she arrived. She cooperated completely with his questions, had already realized she had a psychological problem, and was actively seeking a solution.

She was a person with an exceptionally clear and, one could even say, rationally restrained mind.

But such people are not immune to mental illness. On the contrary, their clarity can sometimes make them fall deeper into pain. On one hand, they want to solve the problem, and on the other, they can’t find a solution yet.

The key to the lock was right there, but she just needed the right key.

He suspected a smart person like her probably knew where the key was, but for some reason, the lock in her heart just wouldn’t open.

“Protracted low mood and sleep disorders, as well as a sudden loss of sight, could all be symptoms of somatization. You’ll need regular psychological counseling and to try a course of medication to see the effect. But you’ve just graduated from high school; are you about to start school?”

“Yes, I’m leaving next week.” Gu Zhu took a sip of warm water. The therapy room was spacious and bright. Outside the floor-to-ceiling windows was the hospital’s green space. The trees and shrubs were neatly trimmed, and the central garden was full of colorful flowers. Some patients were doing exercises below.

The sun was shining brightly today, but it only made her feel emptier inside. Describing her situation meant she had to repeatedly revisit her memories. Her face was a little pale, and her heart always ached with a dull softness, forcing her to control her breathing.

“If you’ve decided to attend classes normally, I suggest you schedule a new consultation at a hospital in your new city and have regular follow-ups. This will require your active cooperation. Stay relaxed, and I believe you’ll get better soon.”

“Okay, thank you, Doctor.”

In the end, he prescribed some medication, mainly to help with sleep. When she came out of the consultation room, Gu Baozhi was at the door, her brows furrowed, her face looking a little world-weary. She still found it hard to believe that Gu Zhu might have depression.

She had never seen Gu Zhu lose control of her emotions. She never threw tantrums or acted melodramatic like in TV shows. Her college entrance exam had gone smoothly, and she had gotten into a top-tier university. She was so outstanding.

How could she have suddenly gotten sick?

When she saw Gu Zhu come out, she immediately stood up, her tone a little cautious. “How was it? Are you okay? What did the doctor… say?”

Gu Zhu shook her head, holding onto Gu Baozhi’s hand. “It’s fine, don’t worry. It’s just emotional issues. If I cooperate with the treatment, I’ll be fine.” Afraid that Gu Baozhi would blame herself, she gently curved her brows and forced a small smile. “It’s probably just a side effect of being too tense for the exam. I’ll be fine in a little while.”

She couldn’t see her own expression and had no idea how forced her smile was. Gu Baozhi touched the loose strands of hair at her temples, and her eyes got a little moist. After a moment, she said, “Okay. Wait here for a moment, and Mom will confirm a few things with the doctor.”

Without waiting for Gu Zhu’s reaction, she knocked on the door and went in. Under the doctor’s gentle gaze, she hesitated for a long time before finally mustering up the courage to ask, “Doctor, I’d like to ask you, is homosexuality a mental illness?”

The young doctor paused, always maintaining a steady and compassionate attitude toward every patient.

Gu Baozhi came out quickly, looking a bit dazed, but Gu Zhu didn’t know what she had asked.

Seeing Gu Zhu sitting quietly on the sofa waiting for her, Gu Baozhi straightened the loose hairs at her temples before taking the medicine and going home with Gu Zhu.

Sometimes at night, Gu Baozhi couldn’t help but check if Gu Zhu was asleep. There was a small night light in the room. She would stand by the bed, watching Gu Zhu sleep quietly. Only after she left would Gu Zhu open her eyes and stare at the ceiling, lost in thought.

She still woke up very early, read, watered flowers, went out to dive in the sea, and helped at the shop. Chang Xiling also liked following her, calling her “Jiejie” all day long.

Chang Yuehua didn’t know that Gu Zhu was sick. She just subconsciously stopped mentioning Bai Tan’s name. When she learned that Gu Baozhi planned to move to the capital to be with Gu Zhu, she was a little surprised. “Why the sudden move? Sister-in-law, listen to me. When children grow up, you have to learn to let go. You can’t keep doing this.”

“Besides, Gu Zhu already knows about her background, and she still chose you. What do you have to be so worried about?”

Of course, she had many worries. She was afraid Gu Zhu wouldn’t adapt to an unfamiliar place. She was afraid her studies would be too stressful. She was afraid no one would take care of her if she got sick…

Just thinking about any of these possibilities made her anxious, which was why she came up with the idea of moving with her. But she hadn’t discussed it with Gu Zhu yet; she was afraid Gu Zhu wouldn’t agree.

“We’re both mothers, so I can understand how you feel. But think about it, did you want your family managing your life when you were eighteen? We’ve all been through it. Don’t underestimate Zhu. Look how self-disciplined she is. She’s the first Tsinghua student from our town, and our shop is benefiting from her fame!”

“Children, going out and making their own way is a necessary part of life. We both have one foot in the grave. Can we really manage her for the rest of her life?”

Gu Baozhi understood these principles, but it was still hard for her to let go. As Gu Zhu packed her bags to leave, she helped and asked about her condition. “Are you feeling any better recently?”

Gu Zhu carefully checked the document folder with her admission notice inside before putting it in a separate compartment of her suitcase. When she heard Gu Baozhi’s question, she nodded. “Yes, much better. After taking the medicine, I don’t dream much and sleep a lot deeper.”

“That’s good,” Gu Baozhi said with a smile, helping her press down on the suitcase and zip it up. Finally, she couldn’t help but ask, “Zhu, how about Mom goes with you to the capital for university?”

Gu Zhu stood the suitcase upright and pushed it against the wall. Her bent back slowly straightened. Then she turned around, pulled Gu Baozhi down to sit, and knelt beside her, speaking softly from a lower position. “Mom, this time, I want to go by myself.”

“The capital is far, but I’ll have teachers and classmates at school. There won’t be any problems. On the other hand, if you come, I’ll worry about you and feel pressured. With you here, with Auntie still around, I’ll feel more at ease.”

“I’ll call you regularly to let you know I’m safe, and I’ll come home for winter and summer break. You wait for me at home, okay?”

She pressed her face against Gu Baozhi’s rough palm, like a fledgling bird snuggling up to its mother. But the wide, expansive sky in the distance still made her eager to spread her wings.

Gu Baozhi couldn’t say no. She remembered the doctor’s words and Chang Yuehua’s words. She was a woman who hadn’t had much education and only wanted to raise Gu Zhu well.

But she had let Gu Zhu get sick without even knowing it.

Gu Baozhi cupped her face, her tearful eyes full of love. She didn’t say anything else, only agreeing. “Okay. Then, once you get there, take good care of yourself, and let yourself be happy, okay?”

“Okay,” Gu Zhu nodded.

On the day of her departure, the snack shop closed for a short day. Uncle Chang drove, taking the whole family to see Gu Zhu off.

At the high-speed rail station entrance, Gu Zhu waved goodbye to them. As Gu Zhu’s ticket was checked and she went through the gate, Chang Xiling suddenly burst into tears. It was the first time she had been separated from Gu Zhu for so long and so far. She couldn’t just hold Chang Yuehua’s hand and whine, expecting to see her sister in a twenty-minute car ride.

Her crying made Gu Baozhi tear up as well. After eighteen years, letting go felt like an empty space in her heart that she couldn’t get used to.

Chang Yuehua had to act as the comforter for both the big and the small. She said it was no big deal, that they could just choose the capital for their next family trip. They could go see the flag-raising ceremony at Tiananmen Square and see Gu Zhu at the same time. As long as they had money, it wasn’t a problem.

Convinced by her simple and direct words, Chang Xiling went home and began to do her homework seriously, while Gu Baozhi endured the pain of separation and continued to work at the shop.

Life in the small town returned to normal, and Gu Zhu’s university life was about to begin.

This year, she was eighteen, and for the first time, she was heading to a completely new city all by herself.

Her city didn’t have an airport, so she had to go to the neighboring city to take a plane. In her original plan, she was indeed going to take a high-speed train and then a plane, but on the day before she left, Gu Zhu canceled her flight and instead took a mix of high-speed and old “green-skinned” trains, truly traveling from the south to the north.

The high-speed train was fast; sometimes, it would cross a city in just over ten minutes. In the middle of her journey, she took a sleeper car on a green-skinned train. She was on the middle bunk. When she turned over, she could see the scenery outside the train window.

There were mountain paths and low-lying valleys, low-rise buildings and bustling city areas. In her ears were the accents of travelers from all corners of the country. Sometimes a child would cry and wake her up. When that happened, she would put on her headphones and listen to the songs she had downloaded.

During the stopovers, some people got off, and some got on. A new traveler across from her with a backpack looked dusty from a long journey and was fiddling with her camera. The woman seemed to notice Gu Zhu’s gaze and shared her story of quitting her job to travel the world.

Gu Zhu was getting off at the next stop to transfer to a high-speed train for the capital. As she was about to leave with her suitcase, she said goodbye to the woman. “Goodbye, I wish you a pleasant trip.”

They hadn’t asked for each other’s names or where the other was going. They had just met someone they got along with on the road and had a natural conversation.

When she got back on the high-speed train, the carriage was much cleaner and fresher than the stuffy air of the green-skinned train. The girl next to her seemed to be the same age. Gu Zhu let out a silent sigh of relief and continued to look out the window.

The scenery rushing by, the endless borders, seemed to stretch for thousands of miles.

The lattice window of the high-speed train flashed past scenery, flashed past the lives of others, as if the world was slipping through it.

She suddenly wondered if Bai Tan was also somewhere in this world of lattice windows—

And then she would flash past her world.

As soon as she had that thought, she couldn’t hold back her tears.

The person next to her fumbled and handed her a tissue, watching the expressionless girl whose tears were streaming down her face. She just held the tissues awkwardly.

Gu Zhu couldn’t speak. She couldn’t even manage to say thank you, afraid that the entire train car would suddenly be filled with her sobbing.

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