A Cold and Aloof Top Student Is Relied Upon - Chapter 59

Chapter 59: Separation

◎New Year◎

“Chlorocarbamate,” the glass bottle read.

A student with a phone had already called 120. The entire room was in an uproar. Gu Zhu’s mind raced with the emergency procedures for carbamate chemical poisoning: remove contaminated clothing, induce vomiting immediately, and seek emergency medical care.

But Su Li was already unconscious; she couldn’t make her vomit.

With trembling hands, she took clean clothes from the wardrobe. She moved closer, carefully lifted Su Li, and leaned her against herself. Someone next to her took the clothes from her hands. Gu Zhu looked up and saw it was Bai Tan.

With just one look, the two of them understood each other.

Throughout the entire process, Su Li remained still with her eyes closed.

A single tear suddenly fell onto Su Li’s face.

Gu Zhu wiped it away, but more and more tears fell onto her own hands.

Soon, the dorm supervisor arrived, followed by Su Li’s homeroom teacher, the dean of students, and a security guard. They were all led out until the paramedics arrived, who placed Su Li on a stretcher and took her away.

Gu Zhu stood in front of the dorm building for a while, unable to fully process what had happened, even after the ambulance had driven away.

Dorm 507 was sealed off. Later, people from the relevant departments arrived and confirmed that Su Li had taken the medicine herself, ruling out any intentional harm by others.

Because of this incident, the school no longer allowed students to stay on campus. They dispatched school buses to take students who lived a bit farther away back home. The entire school officially began its holiday. Except for the people who were present at the scene, the incident was hushed up, and the news didn’t spread widely.

Gu Zhu was led away by Bai Tan. She was in a daze, finding it difficult to accept that Su Li had taken her own life. When they arrived at the hospital, she hesitated for a long time at the entrance before finally getting out of the car.

The last time she was here, she had accompanied Su Li to bid farewell to her family.

This time, what would she see?

She was afraid that what she would see was a person covered with a white sheet.

“I’ve asked someone to bring the best doctor from the city. There might still be a chance. Do you want to go up?”

Gu Zhu looked at the person holding her hand. While she had been in a state of panic, Bai Tan had quietly prepared everything. She gave a faint “Mm,” and was led to the familiar area outside the operating room.

Instead of sitting with the school staff who had also come, they sat a little further away.

The pungent smell of disinfectant in the hospital made her break out in cold sweats. Her hands were icy cold; no matter how much they were held, they wouldn’t warm up.

The corridor was quiet. Apart from the occasional hurried footsteps of medical staff, there was no other sound.

What will happen?

What will the result be?

Her mind was a jumble. Suddenly, the phone next to her vibrated.

“It’s Teacher Lin’s call. She said she has something to tell you.” Bai Tan handed her the phone, motioning for her to answer.

Gu Zhu took it in a daze, unsure why Lin Qingmei was calling. “Teacher, it’s me.”

Hearing her voice, Lin Qingmei first asked how she was doing. After all, Gu Zhu and Bai Tan were the first ones on the scene and had even changed the clothes of the student. Lin Qingmei’s main purpose was to pass on a message. “Su Li left a letter, addressed specifically to you. The police will give it to you once they confirm there are no issues.”

There was a pause on the line before Lin Qingmei’s voice became stable again. “Gu Zhu, if you feel unwell in any way, remember to tell me. Don’t bottle it up, okay?”

Just then, the green light indicating the operating room was in use went out. She saw the doctor shaking his head at Su Li’s homeroom teacher and the other teachers, seeming to express his regret.

She could no longer hear what Lin Qingmei was saying. Her eyes saw a vast, bleak whiteness. She remembered the frail, skinny girl who had carried a huge stack of books when they first met. She had looked delicate but was so strong and always smiled when she saw her.

She had thought that Su Li had moved on from the grief of losing her family. She never thought she would have to say a final goodbye to her so suddenly.

Su Li was not taken away yet, but placed in the morgue.

This was the last time Gu Zhu saw Su Li.

Her tears were shed too early. Only dryness and desolation filled her heart.

A few days later, she heard that Su Li’s parents had made a scene at the school gate, demanding compensation and suing the school.

Gu Zhu finally received the suicide note Su Li had left for her.

It read: “My dear classmate Gu Zhu, I am so glad to have met you and become your friend. I hope you won’t be sad about my departure, because at this moment, I have found true liberation.

[Su Li is a child no one wants. The grandmother who raised me has gone to a beautiful heaven. Everyone is happy about the holiday, but I don’t know where I can go once I leave school.]

[Su Li is a tiny speck of dust. She will follow the wind and float toward heaven too.]

[I’m sorry. I have to break my promise about the milk tea, but please forgive me. Finally, I wish you all the best in your college entrance exam, Gu Zhu. Don’t worry about worldly opinions, and always happily reach the shore of happiness!]

—Su Li, final words.

Su Li was not a speck of dust; a particle is the most indispensable component of the world. She blinked and carefully folded the letter, put it back in the envelope, sealed it, and placed it in a tin box, which she locked in her drawer.

On her phone, Bai Tan had sent her a message about the lawsuit from Su Li’s parents. They were demanding nearly 400,000 yuan from the school, but the school had rejected it, only willing to offer a certain amount for comfort.

Su Li’s parents had divorced a long time ago and had each started a new family. They rarely came back to their old home, let alone cared about Su Li.

“It’s the holiday, and I don’t know where I can go.” The thought of that line made Gu Zhu feel as if her heart was being squeezed, twisting with pain.

She took a deep breath and suddenly called Bai Tan. When the other person answered, she said in a calm, distant voice, “I don’t want them to get Su Li’s settlement money.”

Bai Tan agreed without any hesitation. “I’ll have my team of lawyers handle it. Don’t worry.”

In just a few days, the matter was settled. The school allocated a sum of money for Su Li’s funeral arrangements.

It was the seventh day since Su Li’s passing. Gu Zhu wore a long black trench coat. The weather was gloomy and might rain, so she brought a black umbrella before leaving.

Gu Baozhi had also heard the news. She didn’t stop her, only telling her to go and come back soon.

She got into a black business car waiting at the corner. Bai Tan was inside, also wearing black.

They stopped at a flower shop and bought a large bouquet of colorful tulips and freesias, not white flowers.

No ceremony was held. In a corner of the public cemetery, a new gravestone was added. On it was a girl’s ID photo, identical to the one Gu Zhu had seen in the flower registry outside the dorm.

The cemetery was quiet, surrounded by tall trees. No one was left in front of Su Li’s grave. Gu Zhu placed the large bouquet down. The colorful flowers, set against the photo of the gently smiling girl, seemed to make the scene genuinely lively.

A person’s life is so fragile. Some farewells are forewarned, while others are sudden and unexpected.

She silently said goodbye to Su Li in her heart, promising to come and talk to her whenever she had time.

Sometimes Gu Zhu would wonder if it would have been better if she had had a silver tongue. Then, when Su Li was alive, they might have talked a lot.

Would Su Li have felt that she had been neglected?

If she had spent a little more time talking to her, would Su Li still have left?

None of the hypotheticals would ever come true.

She silently wiped away her tears. The sky was overcast. Before the rain started, she and Bai Tan left the cemetery.

“Do you want to go to the mountain?” Bai Tan gently stroked her reddened eyes and gave her a comforting kiss, hoping she would get through the grief as soon as possible.

“Mm.” Gu Zhu nodded. In the car, she let Bai Tan hold her.

They went to the mountain where they had watched the meteor shower. The temple on the mountain was open. This time, Gu Zhu went inside and knelt before the statue of the Buddha, who smiled down on the human world. The smoke from the incense curled upwards, and the scent of sandalwood filled the air.

She added oil to a lantern, bowed again, and then went to the outdoor platform with Bai Tan.

In the distance, the green mountains were a dark purple, wreathed in mist. Below, a green pond was embedded like the moon had fallen into a mortal field.

Leaning against the stone railing, silent for a long time, Gu Zhu finally spoke. “Bai Tan, let’s break up.”

“What?” Bai Tan was stunned for a moment, thinking she had misheard. The knuckles of her fingers on the railing went white for a long time before relaxing. She gave a hollow laugh and asked in a hesitant voice, “Were you talking just now?”

Gu Zhu turned her head. Her gaze was silent and filled with sadness. After scrutinizing Bai Tan’s face for a long time, she took a deep breath and nodded. “I said, let’s break up.”

“Are you… sure?” Crossing the distance between them, Bai Tan lowered her head and cupped Gu Zhu’s face with one hand, tilting her face up. Her eyes fell directly into Gu Zhu’s, which were filled with her reflection. “Are you sure?”

Gu Zhu grabbed Bai Tan’s suit jacket, gripping it tightly. She turned her eyes away and buried herself in Bai Tan’s embrace. “Bai Tan, I can’t be without a home. You understand, right?”

She had once asked Gu Baozhi what would happen if she fell in love with a girl.

Gu Baozhi had said, “By then you’ll be grown up, and I may not be able to control you anymore. So, I’ll just pretend I don’t have you. Don’t come back.”

But how could she not come back?

She didn’t want to be a child with no home to go to, like Su Li.

Love could be suffocating, but it was also something to be cherished. Gu Baozhi’s love had constrained Gu Zhu’s path, but it had also supported her for eighteen years. She couldn’t forget how she was born as a monster, and she couldn’t forget how Gu Baozhi had raised her.

Su Li’s death had awakened her from a beautiful but ephemeral dream.

“You know, don’t you, Bai Tan?”

You know I’m timid and weak, you know I can’t move forward no matter the cost, you know…

I really like you too, right?

“I know.” Bai Tan hugged her back fiercely, holding her so tightly she seemed to be trying to merge her into her own flesh and blood. This way, if someone wanted to take her away, they would first have to tear her apart.

But it was Gu Zhu who wanted to leave. Besides letting her go, there was nothing else she could do.

She could never do anything to stop Gu Zhu.

“I’m sorry.” Gu Zhu could no longer hold back her tears. The darkness she had so painstakingly escaped seemed to be drowning her again at this moment. She didn’t know what to do. She couldn’t say anything better. She wanted to say, “Please wait for me,” but she didn’t even know where her path or her destination was. How could she ask Bai Tan to stay?

“I’m sorry, Bai Tan, can you… can you…”

“Yes. As long as you want me to, I can. I will always be within your reach. Just call on me, and I will appear.”

The long-brewing rain finally fell. The raindrops drifted down onto their hair and shoulders. They were wrapped in moisture, as if a continuous rain had started to fall in their hearts.

A never-ending rain.

…

Two days later was New Year’s Eve. Gu Zhu probably got sick from being in the rain. The day she returned home, she had a high fever and lay in bed in a daze until Gu Baozhi took her to get a fever-reducing shot, which finally gave her some relief.

On New Year’s Eve, she was awakened by a string of firecrackers. Getting up from bed, she pulled back the curtains. Outside was a bright, clear sky.

The rain had stopped.

She stared blankly, avoiding the dazzling light, and turned her head. Her eyes fell on her phone, which was off on her desk.

It had been quiet for two days. The person she had marked as a special contact had sent no messages.

Her heart winced again, heavy to the point of being unable to breathe. It was the result she had wanted, but it was still incredibly hard to bear.

“Are you feeling better? We have to go back to town for the ancestral worship this afternoon. If you’re still not feeling well, you can stay home. I’ll be back tonight after I’m done.”

Gu Baozhi came to check on her at the door. When she saw that she was up, she asked how she was doing.

Gu Zhu turned around and saw that she was holding some couplets. She realized what day it was. In previous years, they would go back and stay for two or three days before returning. “I’m much better. Don’t worry. I’ll go back with you.”

She helped Gu Baozhi hang the couplets and cleaned the house. She left an orange-red light on in the corridor and on the balcony. This was a custom in their area; the light had to stay on until after the Lantern Festival on the fifteenth day of the new year.

When they returned to the small town, Xiaoshanli Town was no longer as quiet as usual. Those who had been working away all year finally had a holiday to go home and reunite with their families.

The house next door had its lights on again. This was where Gu Zhu and Gu Baozhi had lived before they moved to the county. The old house had four symmetrical rooms. Gu Baozhi was in the master bedroom, and Gu Zhu was in a room of the same layout across from her. One of the side rooms was used as a kitchen, and the other was locked. An old wooden wardrobe was locked inside.

The old house had already been cleaned by people Chang Yuehua had hired in advance, so there was not much to tidy up. They set up an octagonal table in the living room and arranged the dishes they had prepared in advance, a row of perfectly mounded white rice, a line of plum wine, and a dipping saucer filled with soy sauce.

The candle flames glowed, and the incense curled upwards. They prayed to their ancestors to watch over their living relatives, wishing them peace, prosperity, and a life without worries.

After the ceremony, they went to Chang Yuehua’s house to prepare for the New Year’s Eve dinner. In the meantime, Gu Baozhi, holding a small bamboo basket filled with clean offerings, got ready to leave.

Before she left, she suddenly asked, “Bamboo, do you want to come with me?”

Gu Zhu paused. Every year on Qingming Festival and New Year’s Eve, Gu Baozhi would go to commemorate a person. This was the first time they had openly mentioned it. After a long time, she shook her head. “I think not. Mom, be careful on your way.”

Gu Zhu thought that the person might not want to see her, so it was better not to disturb their peaceful dream.

Gu Baozhi didn’t insist. At a lonely grave on the hill, someone had already been there. The weeds in front of the gravestone had been cleared. As usual, she picked up what had been thrown to the side and placed her offerings. The gravestone had an inscription but no photo. Taking out the handkerchief from her pocket, she wiped the stone and sat down, remaining silent for a long time without saying a word.

Afterward, she packed up her things and returned home.

She and Chang Yuehua prepared a lavish New Year’s Eve dinner with fish, shrimp, meat, and vegetables, as well as homemade plum wine.

Gu Zhu had just become an adult and was exceptionally allowed a few sips. Chang Xiling secretly dipped her chopsticks in a bit and tasted it. The sweet and sour wine made her smack her lips, but the pungent alcohol made her stick out her tongue.

The others were amused by her. Against the background noise of the New Year’s Gala on TV, they all raised their glasses to celebrate the coming year.

—Peace and safety every year, abundance every year.

The town was remote. People started setting off fireworks and firecrackers around seven or eight. Chang Xiling, not to be outdone, dragged Gu Zhu along to buy some fireworks.

Gu Zhu put her jacket on for her, put on her own, said hello to the adults, and took her out.

They went to the beach. The resort was closed for the holiday and wouldn’t open until the third day of the new year, but most of the townspeople had returned. Young people and children had all come here, so it wasn’t quiet.

Some merchants had set up stalls to sell fireworks.

After Chang Xiling’s “sweep” where she wanted this and that, they held several boxes of fireworks and found a suitable corner.

A firework spun on the ground, shooting out brilliant circles of sparks. Chang Xiling held a sparkler and happily ran circles around the sparks. While running, she asked Gu Zhu to film her, saying she wanted to save it as a souvenir.

Someone next to them bought large aerial fireworks that shot up into the sky like rockets, and then exploded, making the dark sky bright and dazzling. Huge, colorful fireworks bloomed continuously. Gu Zhu stepped back, aimed her camera, and framed Chang Xiling and the fireworks together, taking photos and videos.

A message suddenly popped up on her screen. It was from her class group chat, which she had taken off “Do Not Disturb” in the afternoon. Everyone was sharing what they were doing on the holiday.

Someone shared their New Year’s Eve dinner, someone else their red envelopes, and others were also setting off fireworks.

On an impulse, Gu Zhu also sent a picture—the one she had just taken of the fireworks.

Soon, some people were captivated by the beautiful scenery of the fireworks by the sea and asked where it was, hoping to run into her.

Her group chat name was her original username, so only a few people knew who she was. She didn’t reply, and her photo was quickly buried by other messages.

After setting off the fireworks, she took Chang Xiling back. It was hard to keep up with a child when they were excited, but their energy also burned out quickly. Chang Xiling started to get sleepy. Gu Zhu tried to get her to go to bed, but she was unwilling and insisted on staying up to welcome the new year. So, she was left to sleep on the sofa.

Neighbors visited back and forth in the alley. The tea set was used for pot after pot of tea. The New Year’s Gala, which no one was seriously watching, was also coming to an end.

As the clock struck midnight, the firecrackers they had prepared at the door for so long were lit, crackling and popping. Chang Xiling woke up and said happily:

“Wishing my mom, dad, aunt, and sister a happy New Year!”

The group chat also started to fill with New Year’s greetings. When a familiar profile picture appeared, Gu Zhu also sent out the greeting she had typed long ago.

The two “Happy New Year” messages were one after the other, as if they were wishing each other well from a distance.

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