A Change of Husband - Chapter 33

“How are you today?”

“The same. Everything still looks blurry.”

“Why is that? Did I do something wrong?”

“It’s probably because I was too badly poisoned. Don’t worry about it, Lydia.”

Asilie smiled, but she didn’t feel at ease either.

Lydia had used healing magic when Asilie was right at the brink of death.

So, even though they were told the blurry vision was a side effect of the poisoning, Asilie’s recovery was slower than expected.

Lydia said it was her first time using healing magic, so she wasn’t sure either. The family’s doctor explained that the poisoning had been too severe, and they would need time to monitor her condition.

Of course, just surviving was a miracle in itself.

If Lydia hadn’t helped, Asilie would no longer be in this world.

Still, everything looking foggy—like peering through a window covered in frost—was incredibly frustrating.

“…By the way, do you remember the letter I asked you to write to my adoptive father?”

Asilie had wanted to send a letter to Duke Grandier, but her blurry eyes made it impossible to write properly.

She tried to do it on her own and scribbled something on paper, but Madam Marce couldn’t read it at all.

Still, she couldn’t just sit and do nothing. After thinking it over, Asilie asked Lydia to write it for her.

Lydia was the only person she could trust completely without a single doubt.

“Yeah, what about the letter?”

“I wanted to ask something while writing it… but I couldn’t.”

“What is it?”

“Wasn’t that the first time someone tried to poison you?”

Asilie could only make out Lydia’s silhouette—her hair, skin, and the shape of her sitting—but she imagined Lydia had a twisted expression on her face, like she was about to cry.

It was an uncomfortable question. Especially to ask the only family she had left in this world.

But Asilie nodded.

There was no point hiding anything from Lydia anymore.

“You’re right.”

“And it’s all because of your husband, isn’t it?”

“…I’m not sure.”

She couldn’t say it was because of Esperad.

If things had gone like they had in the past, she would have died anyway.

She would’ve been pregnant again with the child of Joseph Bonaparte, a man she had loved dearly.

She didn’t want to die the same way again. She also wanted revenge.

That’s why she chose a different path—to fight death and pay back those who had hurt her.

So blaming everything on Esperad wouldn’t be right.

“I don’t think so.”

“What do you mean, you don’t think so?”

“I know what you’re thinking, but I don’t regret it, Lydia. If I hadn’t married Esperad, I wouldn’t have found you. I also would’ve missed many things, blindly living like a puppet under someone else’s control.”

“How can you be so sure?”

“I just know. That’s why I don’t regret it. In fact, I’m glad I became his wife—someone who showed me so much, gave me so many chances, and truly stood by my side.”

Lydia stayed silent for a long time after hearing Asilie’s words.

Then, suddenly, she asked,

“Do you love him?”

Asilie hadn’t expected that question, so she couldn’t answer right away.

No—it felt almost painful just to hear the question, as if answering it was some kind of punishment.

Love.

Ever since returning to the past, Asilie had never said she loved anyone. Not even to Lydia.

Could she love someone again?

No. She couldn’t.

The answer that rose from her heart was clear and firm.

Maybe it was because she couldn’t forget the moment the man she had loved—the man who had fathered her child—threw her away like she meant nothing.

There wasn’t even a hint of mercy.

Despite the years they had spent together, despite her carrying his child.

How could he have treated someone so pitiful with such cruelty, without a shred of sympathy?

He had been a ruthless and brutal man.

Because of the love that had blinded her, Asilie hadn’t seen his true self until the moment she was about to die.

Or maybe she had known, and simply pretended not to—fooling herself.

Either way, love was terrifying.

She had already ruined one life because of it. She couldn’t let herself fall for such a foolish emotion again.

She knew Esperad was a good man.

He was nothing like Joseph—a man so pure that comparing them would be an insult.

Even so, Asilie was certain she couldn’t love him.

Not because she didn’t trust him—but because she didn’t trust herself.

“Sis, I asked you. Do you love him?”

Lydia couldn’t wait any longer and pushed her for an answer.

“…No.”

“No?”

“Yeah. I don’t love him.”

It was a firm denial, but for some reason, Lydia didn’t believe it.

Because her vision hadn’t returned, Asilie didn’t know what kind of face Lydia was making, so she continued speaking.

“Esperad is someone I trust. He’s a partner I’ll walk the path ahead with. But I don’t love him. That’s not the kind of relationship we have.”

Lydia couldn’t fully believe that, either.

Even though her time with Asilie had been short due to their strained relationship, she had seen enough.

They didn’t treat each other like they were just allies.

They had faced many dangers together—more than enough for trust, loyalty, and love to grow.

Still, since Asilie denied it so strongly, Lydia decided not to dig deeper and stood up.

“If that’s how you feel. I’ll be going now. I have etiquette class.”

“See you at dinner.”

As Asilie said goodbye, Lydia turned and headed for the door.

But before she could even reach the handle, the door burst open.

No servant would open a door like that without knocking.

Startled, Lydia began to say something, but when she saw who stood there, her voice vanished.

The person who walked into the room without hesitation was none other than Esperad.

‘It’s only been a week since it happened… how is he here already?’

It should have been impossible. Asilie stared in shock.

The only way he could have arrived so soon was by riding without rest—and it showed. He looked nothing like his usual composed self.

His clothes were a mess, and his body was covered in dust. If not for his handsome face, one might have mistaken him for a beggar on the street.

Lydia wanted to say something, but she knew why he had rushed here so desperately.

So she quickly stepped aside, closed the door, and left the room.

Now, only Asilie and Esperad were left.

“Asilie.”

Asilie, who had been staring blankly out the hazy window, was startled by the familiar voice and turned around quickly.

But even if her eyesight had returned, she wouldn’t have been able to see his face.

Because the moment she turned, Esperad pulled her tightly into his arms.

“I’m so glad… you’re safe.”

“Esperad…?”

His normally calm voice was trembling.

Esperad was relieved that, even though he couldn’t hide his emotions, he at least wasn’t breaking down in tears.

He could’ve offered everything he had to the gods in return for this moment.

“How are you already here…?”

“How could I leave you alone any longer?”

He whispered softly and held her even tighter.

Asilie would never know what kind of mindset or thoughts had driven him to ride all the way to the Medici Mansion.

Even he couldn’t fully understand the pain he had felt.

Esperad had lost people before—more than once.

But never had it hurt like this. Never had the pain squeezed the breath from his lungs.

It wasn’t because they’d spent a long time together.

It wasn’t just because she was the only woman he had exchanged wedding rings with.

It was because he truly loved her.

To know that the woman he gave his heart to was hurt just because she stayed by his side—that was unbearable. For the first time, he thought he might die from fear.

He had been terrified.

When he reached the mansion, he had feared the first thing he’d hear was news of Asilie’s death.

He was scared the first sight to greet him would be her funeral.

When such thoughts flooded his mind, he couldn’t bear it. He would suddenly yank the reins, stop his horse, and cry like a madman.

He had barely calmed his racing heart, forced himself forward, and finally arrived here.

No one could understand the terror he felt until Madam Marce told him Asilie was still alive.

“I’m sorry.”

Esperad lifted his head slowly after pressing his face against her shoulder for a long time, inhaling her familiar scent like he was starving for it.

“You were worried… weren’t you? That’s why you came so early, right?”

“……”

“I’m really sorry. For making you worry.”

It was just like Asilie. Even though she was the one who suffered, she didn’t get angry and instead apologized.

Esperad looked down at her with a dark expression.

Her amber eyes, which couldn’t focus properly, made his heart ache.

He had heard from Madam Marce. Due to the aftereffects of the poisoning, her vision had worsened, and unlike before, she sometimes complained of headaches.

It was already a miracle that she survived, but such comfort would never be enough to fill the emptiness of what she had lost.

Knowing that, Esperad raised his hand and gently touched her eyelid.

Surprised by the sudden touch on her soft skin, Asilie flinched, then trembled slightly and closed her eyes completely.

“Why are you the one apologizing? I’m the one who should be sorry. I should be kneeling and begging for forgiveness for leaving you in danger.”

“Don’t say things like that, Esperad.”

“Asilie, you…”

“It seems you really don’t remember anything. You’ve forgotten everything.”

“…What?”

“What I said before. I told you once, remember? That you can’t always be by my side. And also, that you’re not perfect.”

Asilie raised her hand and gently held Esperad’s hot hand that was pressing on her eyelid.

He trembled at the sudden skin contact, but she looked up at him with a calm face.

Even now, all she could see was the silhouette of a tall man with black hair, but Asilie smiled, trying not to show her loss.

“Even after being attacked three times, I’m still alive. That alone is a miracle. In the end, the fact that I’m still here is what matters, right? So please, don’t feel guilty. I don’t want that.”

“You seem to have forgotten what you said too.”

“…What did I say?”

“Didn’t you say everything would be fine? Didn’t you tell me not to worry, to reassure me? Why? Why did you say such careless words? Why…!”

He tried to hold back his emotions, but his buried resentment finally burst out.

Even though he knew Asilie couldn’t see his face, Esperad buried his head in her shoulder, ashamed of how pathetic he looked, and sobbed.

“I always worried, but deep down, I believed your words. Without realizing it, I trusted them completely, and I let myself feel relieved, thinking everything was fine. I was so foolish, so stupid…”

Asilie couldn’t say a word.

Because at that moment, she realized deeply how much her words, meant to reassure him, had actually hurt him.

“You almost died. Because I let my guard down, I almost got you killed. All of this is my fault!”

“It’s not your fault. Really. I’m sorry, Esperad. It was my mistake. For saying those things carelessly, and for scaring you even more. I’m truly sorry.”

She had forgotten that he had already lost many people.

Even before leaving, Esperad had spoken about his former fiancée, the daughter of Count Gariburn, revealing his anxiety.

The attack was something she couldn’t control, but still, she shouldn’t have spoken so confidently back then.

If it weren’t for Lydia this time, she might have left him with the worst wound of all.

“Are you really okay? You’re not hurt anywhere else?”

Esperad, finally calming his emotions, immediately checked Asilie’s condition.

Even though her vision hadn’t recovered and she still suffered from frequent headaches, it would’ve been unbelievable if there were no aftereffects at all.

It was uncomfortable, but Asilie decided to accept these aftereffects as punishment for the pain she had caused Esperad.

“I’m fine. Really.”

“Haah… Thank goodness. You really don’t know how scared I was.”

Esperad’s voice still trembled with lingering fear.

Asilie gently rubbed his wide back with her hand, as if comforting him.

Of course, she was the one who was injured, but somehow, she just wanted to ease this pitiful man’s heart.

“I guess I was lucky. Maybe I’m not meant to die so Asilie.”

“Asilie…”

She tried to change the mood with a bit of humor, but Esperad didn’t seem to take it as a joke.

Sensing his feelings just from his voice, Asilie quickly changed the subject.

“Of course, I don’t mean I’ll just depend on luck. Um, ah! But if it weren’t for this attack, we wouldn’t have found anything.”

“What do you mean?”

Esperad asked with a hardened face.

This time, Asilie didn’t notice his expression and answered quickly.

“The poison. I sent the tea from the first day to my adoptive father, remember? I also sent the tea I drank this time to the Grandier Duke’s house, asking them to identify the poison.”

“………”

“Once we know what kind of poison it is, and if the Count Gariburn’s house confirms it’s the same, then it’ll be much easier to find out who’s behind this. There must be a fixed path for how the poison was distributed. So, maybe it’s actually a good thing.”

“A good… thing?”

“Yes?”

“Asilie, what kind of nonsense are you saying!”

Esperad couldn’t hold it in and shouted.

Startled by his sudden outburst, Asilie looked at him with her mouth slightly open.

“Finding that out is not more important than your safety! How can you say something like that!”

He just couldn’t accept it.

Of course, uncovering the culprit was useful for both of them, but it wasn’t important enough to risk Asilie’s life.

He’d rather know nothing and keep getting attacked, if only she could stay safe.

“That’s not what I meant. Esperad, I just…”

Knock knock.

Asilie tried to calm him, but a hurried knock and a voice interrupted her.

“A letter has arrived from the Grandier Duke’s house!”