You Are My Omega - Chapter 27

After calming down, Xu Shijiu gradually realized that what she had said earlier sounded like a primary school child tattling to the teacher. That realization made her feel embarrassed. Her emotions were still unsettled, and she didn’t feel ready to sit at the table for dinner. So her dinner was brought to her by Lin Xinyi.

As soon as Xinyi entered the room, she saw a lump curled up under the blankets on the bed. Xu Shijiu had buried herself completely under the covers, curled into a tight ball.

Xinyi found the scene both funny and a little heartbreaking. She didn’t say much. She gently set the meal down and softly reminded her to eat before turning to leave.

Right now, if she stayed, Shijiu would probably feel even more awkward.

But as she walked out of the room, Lin Xinyi was startled to find Xu Manyue crouched outside the door, leaning against the wall with her arms wrapped around her knees, just like a ball herself.

Suppressing a gasp, Xinyi quickly shut the door behind her, pressing a hand to her chest to calm her pounding heart. She looked at Manyue in alarm and whispered, “Sister, what are you doing here?”

She was sure Manyue hadn’t been there when she first entered the room.

Manyue slowly lifted her head but didn’t say anything.

Xinyi didn’t know what to say either. Looking at Manyue curled up like that made her think of the exact same position Shijiu was in, just in a different spot. One was lying in bed, and the other was sitting outside the door.

They really were sisters. Even their habits were the same.

“I just… I want to talk to Shijiu,” Manyue said quietly after a long pause.

“I see. Do you want to go in now?” Xinyi asked gently. She could tell that something was wrong with Manyue’s mood and couldn’t help but grow more anxious.

“Let her eat first,” Manyue replied, shaking her head. “If I go in now, she’ll stop eating. I haven’t done very well lately.”

Silence fell between them again.

“Xinyi, do you think I’ve been neglecting Shijiu lately?” Manyue suddenly asked, her voice low. She buried her head against her knees. Xinyi squatted beside her but couldn’t see her expression.

For a moment, Xinyi wasn’t sure if she was imagining it, but it felt like Manyue had completely changed. Her presence, her emotions—everything was different. At home, she was always smiling brightly, kind and attentive when it came to Shijiu. Yet when it came to taking care of herself, she was careless.

Sometimes she was loud and careless, sometimes her emotional intelligence seemed low. But what confused Xinyi even more was that her sister’s cheerful smile sometimes felt… off. Like something about it wasn’t quite real, though she couldn’t say exactly what.

Xinyi hesitated. She wasn’t sure whether she should be honest. The truth was, yes, recently, Manyue had indeed paid a little less attention to Shijiu.

Seeing Xinyi fall silent, Manyue understood immediately.

She closed her eyes in defeat, as if trying to block out the darkness behind them. Her voice was full of regret.

“I’m sorry. Lately I’ve been too focused on my own life. I thought that with you around, I didn’t need to worry so much. I thought she had someone to be with her, so I let myself take a step back.”

But halfway through her words, Manyue couldn’t continue.

She knew it. Those were all excuses.

Every single one of them.

Whether it was being too busy, or believing Xinyi was enough company, or thinking Shijiu listened to Xinyi more than to her, or just brushing it off as being a little careless…

All of it. Every bit of it.

They were all just excuses. All lies she told herself to feel better.

Everything. Absolutely everything.

Xinyi was stunned. She could feel the weight of despair and pain radiating from Manyue, and yet because she couldn’t see her face clearly, she began to question if she was just imagining things.

“I’m fine,” Manyue said, her voice already hoarse. She shook her head. “Go back to your room. I’ll wait here a bit before going in.”

It was a clear dismissal. No matter how much Xinyi wanted to stay, she knew she couldn’t. She turned to leave, taking a few steps, then glancing back, her heart full of worry as she made her way back to her own room.

She couldn’t help but wonder. What exactly had happened between the Xu sisters? What had they been through?

What neither Shijiu nor Xinyi knew was that the moment Xu Manyue saw her sister’s legs, saw her sitting in a wheelchair, something inside her shattered. Behind her smiling face was a heart filled with guilt and pain.

Those emotions weighed so heavily on her that she could barely breathe. But she had to hide it. She couldn’t show it. She couldn’t let it slip, not even a little.

It was her fault that their mother died. It was her fault that Shijiu ended up like this. It had been her selfishness that caused everything. She was the one who insisted their mother come back for her birthday. That was what led to the accident.

In the end, it was their mother who paid the price. It was Shijiu who paid the price. And another innocent family they had never even met. The consequences were all hers to bear, but she had never been the one to suffer them.

Her selfishness had caused it all.

And Shijiu didn’t know. Shijiu could never know.

So she had to keep smiling. She had to smile brightly, kindly, even carelessly. No matter what, she could not let her real emotions show in front of Shijiu.

Because the real her was disgusting.

Shijiu had lost everything because of her. She had destroyed her sister’s future. And if she ever dared to act like she was sorry, if she ever expressed guilt, Shijiu would only comfort her.

She knew Shijiu didn’t blame her.

That was what made it even more unbearable.

She didn’t deserve Shijiu’s comfort. She didn’t deserve Shijiu’s kindness. She didn’t deserve to be forgiven.

Her regret, her guilt—it was all too cheap.

It couldn’t bring back Shijiu’s body. It couldn’t bring back their mother. It couldn’t restore the bright future that had been taken away.

Lin Xinyi had slowly gotten closer to Shijiu. And Shijiu, little by little, had begun to open up and accept her.

In the beginning, Manyue had arranged for them to spend time together, hoping they would bond, that they would become close.

But over time, she began to rely on it too much.

She immersed herself in work and in love. Anything that kept her away from home, anything that helped her forget Shijiu for a little while.

She wished for more time like that. She wanted more time away from it all.

Because it hurt too much.

That crushing weight in her heart hadn’t lightened over time. It had only grown heavier and heavier.

And she was exhausted.

Xu Manyue used to be able to wear a perfect smile in front of everyone. It had always come easily to her.

But now, she realized she could no longer do it so effortlessly.

She knew exactly how much Xu Shijiu relied on her, how deeply Shijiu cared. Yet when she told Shijiu about the baby, she did it without any warning, without preparing her emotionally. Even when Lin Xinyi tried to stop her, it was only then that she realized how far she had gone. She had even physically startled Shijiu.

She truly had been too much. She had been thoughtless and careless. She was not a good sister.

She did not know how long she sat there, crouched by the wall outside Shijiu’s room. Only when she thought enough time had passed for Shijiu to finish her dinner did she slowly stand up with the support of the wall.

She raised her hand to knock on the door, but paused halfway.

She took a deep breath and forced herself to calm down. She pushed down all the emotions she should not show. She touched the corner of her mouth.

Good. It was curved upward.

She was smiling now.

After making sure the smile on her face was in place, she knocked on the door. A few seconds later, she heard Shijiu’s voice from inside.

“Come in.”

Xu Shijiu wasn’t surprised. She already knew it would be her sister.

“Shijiu, I came to apologize,” Xu Manyue said with a gentle smile. Her expression was sincere. She bowed deeply, her posture completely formal.

“I was wrong.”

Her sudden apology startled Xu Shijiu. She quickly rolled her wheelchair forward and grabbed her sister’s hands in a panic.

“Sis, what are you doing? Please don’t do this.”

Xu Manyue’s eyes trembled. She closed them tightly for a moment and pushed away all the emotions she wasn’t supposed to feel. When she stood straight again, her smile returned. She gently held Shijiu’s hands in return and said softly, “You will always be the most important person in my life. Always. So don’t let your thoughts run wild, alright?”

“Sis…” Shijiu felt warmth in her heart, but at the same time, uncertainty. She held onto Manyue’s hands tightly.

“You’re not going to abandon me, right?”

“Of course not. How could I ever leave you?” Manyue pulled her into her arms and hugged her gently.

“I’m sorry, Shijiu. I’ve been ignoring you lately. I didn’t think about how you felt, and I hurt you. I truly am sorry.”

“Have I been a terrible sister lately?” she whispered. “I’ve only been thinking about myself, and I forgot about you. I’m sorry. I really am sorry.”

Sorry. It was such a powerless word.

But aside from saying it, Xu Manyue had no idea what else she could say.

She had lost count of how many times she had said it to herself in her heart since the accident.

She knew now how selfish she had been. Over the past weeks, she had buried herself in work and in her relationship with Liu Lingyan. She had used both as a way to fill her days and escape the crushing weight in her heart.

She had been too selfish, choosing not to think about how Shijiu might feel. She had deliberately avoided it.

She knew very well that Shijiu would be hurt.

And still, she had convinced herself to forget.

“It really is okay, Sis.” Shijiu looked up at her as she spoke. She noticed the corners of her sister’s mouth were not forcefully raised this time. She finally let out a small breath of relief.

Her sister often forced herself to smile.

There had been a time when Shijiu could tell when her sister was faking it and when she was truly happy. But as she grew older, it became harder and harder to see through her.

She no longer understood her sister’s smile. She couldn’t tell if it was genuine or just something put on for her sake. Even though her sister always smiled, Shijiu no longer knew what was hidden behind it. She couldn’t understand her sister’s eyes either.

Sometimes, she felt like her sister was easy to understand. It was like finding hidden keys that only she could see. Sometimes, her sister seemed carefree, like she didn’t notice the important things. And other times, she was gentle and thoughtful, always considerate when taking care of her.

Shijiu knew that her sister still carried guilt. Guilt over the accident.

In the beginning, her sister had worn that guilt on her face every moment of the day. It wasn’t until Shijiu comforted her, little by little, that those expressions started to disappear.

Shijiu had believed that if they simply avoided talking about it, if they never brought it up again, things would stay fine. But what she didn’t realize was that her sister was wearing a mask in front of her every single day.

A mask of a smile.

Support You Are My Omega