Waking Up to an Imperial Marriage with My Archenemy - Chapter 1

When Qiao Wan opened her eyes, she was met with the sight of lotus-pink gauze curtains. Through the thin fabric, she could just make out the dark red wood of the bedframe.

Ugh, what time is it? Where am I?

Having slept for far too long, her mind was a fog of confusion. For a moment, she felt completely untethered from time and space.

She closed her eyes and rolled over. In the pitch-black void of her mind, the silhouette of a small beast appeared.

Calling it a “beast” was a stretch; it didn’t look like any known animal. Its body was snow-white and shaped like a lion’s, yet it sported the horns and beard of a mountain goat.

Sensing it was being watched, the creature shook its fur, did a couple of mid-air somersaults, and blinked a pair of innocent, coal-black eyes at her.

Qiao Wan: “…”

She bolted upright and scanned her surroundings. She was sitting on a canopy bed carved with orchid patterns. To the left, by the window, stood a clothes rack, a vanity, and a washstand. To the right were the wardrobes and shelving units. Further out sat a round table with matching stools.

Great. Every single piece of furniture was hauntingly familiar. The official court robes hanging on the rack were even more recognizable, she had worn them to Luo Jinhe’s coronation on the very day she drank the poison!

” Xiao Bai, tell me what’s going on,” Qiao Wan said, her voice dropping to a low, menacing hiss.

“Meow.” The beast she called Xiao Bai curled itself into a ball and covered its eyes with its tail, attempting to act cute to dodge the question.

“You’re not even a cat! Why the hell are you meowing?” If this trash system wasn’t a phantom residing in her mind, if she could actually lay hands on it, she would have dragged it out for a beating by now. They had a deal! Complete the mission, go home. She drank the poison; so why was she waking up here?

Four years ago, a strange force had yanked Qiao Wan into this world. Since then, this beast had lived in her head. It claimed its exterior was that of the auspicious mythical beast, Bai Ze, while its interior was a “mysterious system.” It claimed Qiao Wan was the “Chosen One.”

Whether it was actually a Bai Ze, Qiao Wan didn’t know. Since it insisted, she just called it ” Xiao Bai.”

As for being the “Chosen One”, it sounded impressive until her first day in this world, when she was nearly arrested as a runaway slave because she didn’t have identity papers.

Having been burned by this trash system since day one, her subsequent struggles were predictable. It was a testament to Qiao Wan’s good temper; a less patient host would have gone on strike years ago.

“I’m not going to yell. Just tell me, what happened?” Qiao Wan asked as she began to dress. She sighed, marveling at how she’d developed the ability to remain calm in the face of absolute disaster. As she passed the window, a thought struck her. “Wait. How long was I out? What day is it?”

Qiao Wan’s current rank was Palace Censor. She didn’t have to attend court every day, but on formal assembly days, she was required to enter the palace gates by the end of the second watch ($05:15$). Her house wasn’t exactly close to the palace; she usually had to be up by the middle of the third watch ($04:00$) to be safe. Looking outside, the sun was high in the sky. It was definitely not four in the morning.

Missing a morning assembly without cause was a gamble. Before her “suicide,” she hadn’t cared because she thought she was leaving. Now that she was likely stuck here for a while, she needed a damn good excuse if today was a work day.

“You’ve been unconscious for two days. Today is the first of the month.”

Qiao Wan’s heart sank. The first of the month was a mandatory palace day.

“However, news came from the palace this morning. The Emperor is ‘ill,’ and the assembly was canceled.”

Qiao Wan: “Could you please not take such long dramatic pauses?”

Relieved she wouldn’t be executed for truancy, Qiao Wan returned to her original question.

“Well, there was a slight hitch.” Xiao Bai sat up straight. It quickly explained that it had misidentified the target for the throne, and that the new Emperor, Luo Jinhe, had just bestowed Qiao Wan’s hand in marriage to the Third Princess, Luo Fengxin.

Qiao Wan froze, her hands mid-motion. “What?”

“I got the target wrong.”

“The second part!”

“Luo Jinhe married you off to his sister, Luo Fengxin!”

Qiao Wan felt the world spin. She genuinely considered fainting on the spot.

Even for someone used to being screwed over, this was a mountain-sized pit. The list of grievances between her and Luo Fengxin could fill a three-day lecture series without a single repeat!

Take their most recent encounter last Mid-Autumn Festival. The old Emperor had sent the then-Crown Prince, Luo Jinhe, to the northern border to reward the troops. For reasons Qiao Wan still couldn’t fathom, she had volunteered to go along.

The Prince had brought plenty of fine wine, and a banquet was held for the Northern Army. At the time, Luo Fengxin already held the title of Princess Leping, Guardian of the Realm. As the commander of the Northern Army, she was naturally the guest of honor.

That night, a wasted Qiao Wan had been bold beyond belief. In front of everyone, she had hooked her finger under the Princess’s chin and forced a mouthful of wine from her own lips into the Princess’s mouth. The rowdy hall had gone deathly silent. The faces of Luo Fengxin’s subordinates turned pale.

Luo Fengxin didn’t command a hundred thousand elite troops just because of her title; she had earned her rank through blood and steel. Her subordinates knew exactly how ruthless she could be. Only the equally drunk Crown Prince remained oblivious to the murderous atmosphere. He slammed his hand on the table and let out a resounding “Bravo!”

For the past six months, every time Qiao Wan recalled that scene, she wanted to travel back in time and end her past self. To lose face to that extent, she was likely the only “Chosen One” in history to be that stupid.

Luo Fengxin hadn’t exploded in rage after being forcibly kissed. Instead, she had simply said, with chilling lightness: “Censor Qiao is drunk and disorderly. Having molested this Commander, take her out and beat her to death.”

“I mean, I’m a government official! How could she just say ‘beat her to death’ like that?” After washing her face, Qiao Wan slammed her towel into the basin, splashing water all over herself. She had to wring it out and wipe her face again, placing it back gently this time.

Even the towel was against her. This world was unlivable.

Before “dying,” Qiao Wan had dismissed her servants, assuming she wouldn’t be back. Now, she had to do everything herself. She emptied the basin and continued fuming. “Besides, why punish just me? Luo Jinhe was the one cheering!”

“Luo Jinhe is the Crown Prince, after all. And besides, Luo Fengxin didn’t actually let them kill you.” Whitey chirped, trying its best to talk up the Princess so Qiao Wan might accept the reality of being married to her arch-nemesis.
“You know exactly what she did instead! I’d have preferred the beating!” Qiao Wan’s blood boiled at the memory.

That damned Luo Fengxin had a heart the size of a needle’s eye. So, what if Qiao Wan got a little wild while drunk? So, what if the Princess suffered a tiny bit of embarrassment? Luo Fengxin had retaliated by locking her in the

bedchamber and forcing her to do squats every day. Thirty on the first day, fifty on the second, and a hundred on the third.

In neither life had Qiao Wan ever been a manual laborer. She was the type who couldn’t carry a heavy bag to save her life. The most intense exercise she did in this world was the “oh-crap-I’m-late” sprint from the palace gates to the Main Hall.

Those 180 squats over three days nearly ended her. By the time Luo Fengxin let her out, her legs were like jelly; she could barely walk.

To make matters worse, Luo Fengxin had gathered every single officer who witnessed the banquet to see the Prince off. In this era, same-sex affairs were common and socially acceptable. When the soldiers saw Qiao Wan’s pale face and trembling legs, and remembered she’d spent three days and nights in the Princess’s bedroom, they all gave her looks of deep, knowing sympathy.

Stop it! It’s not what you think!

But Qiao Wan couldn’t say a word. Who would believe that Luo Fengxin had kept her locked up for days just to make her do calisthenics?

She thought leaving the north would mean escaping that plague, but it didn’t end there.

The old Emperor was a paranoid man who loved the art of “checks and balances.” When they returned to the capital, spies reported the incident. As a Censor, Qiao Wan’s behavior was a serious breach of military decorum. However, the Emperor enjoyed the friction between her and the Princess. He wanted to keep Qiao Wan around to harass Luo Fengxin, so he only fined her six months’ salary and put the Prince under house arrest for two weeks.

Qiao Wan took the fine. At the end of the year, during a lull in border conflicts, Luo Fengxin returned to the capital. Claiming she felt bad about Qiao Wan’s “financial hardship,” she brought food over every day to “share a meal.”

The “sharing” consisted of Luo Fengxin feasting on delicacies while forcing Qiao Wan to sit there with a bowl of plain congee and a few steamed buns, watching her eat.

For the month Luo Fengxin was in the capital, Qiao Wan lived on plain porridge. The only decent meals she had were at the palace on assembly days, unless she sucked up her pride and flattered the Princess. If Luo Fengxin was in a good mood, she’d allow Qiao Wan a side dish.

Hah. What did she take Qiao Wan for? Was she the type of person to throw away her dignity just for a bite of food?

Actually, yes. She was.

For that entire month, Qiao Wan had been forced to bow her head to her enemy, coming up with creative ways to flatter her just for a piece of meat. It was pathetic.

“I kissed her once, and she held a grudge for six months. Now that I’m officially in her hands, she’s going to torture me to death!”

“It wasn’t just the kiss,” Xiao Bai reminded her dutifully. “Before that, you sabotaged her marriage to the Marquis of Ding’an, you snatched ten beauties sent to her as a gift from the Zhaorong Kingdom, and you’ve impeached her over twenty times, even if you only won three of those cases. And before that—”

“Stop.” Qiao Wan collapsed onto the table, feeling her end was nigh. “I can’t do this. Find someone else. Can you just rewind time to three years ago? Let’s start over.”

“No!” Xiao Bai refused instantly. Then it added, “But think about it, after all that, she still hasn’t killed you. That must be true love! Anyway, the eunuch with the decree is almost at the door. Go open it.”

True love my ass. Had the system never seen a cat catch a mouse? They play with the prey until they’re bored before they finally bite its head off!

Still, she couldn’t go back, and playing dead would only work for so long. Hiding would just make the situation worse.

Resigned, Qiao Wan pulled herself together and walked toward the front gate, bracing herself to play it by ear.