Though I Don’t Recall It, I’ll Take Responsibility - Chapter 4

“Madam, here is the hand mirror.”

“Thank you.”

My maid, Melissa, watches me with an anxious look. Technically, I’m not the “Madam” yet, I thought, but I have bigger things to worry about.

My hands are shaking of their own accord. Even when I try to steady my fingertips, they continue to tremble slightly.

“Aira, it’s alright. You haven’t changed at all since the day we met. If anything, you’ve become even more beautiful. That is what I believe.”

“Mother is my beautiful, proud Mother!”

I hear words of encouragement from those around me. I appreciate it, but I need to focus right now. Please, just be quiet for a moment—though I don’t say it out loud.

I take a deep breath, gathering my composure. I visualize my future self. I imagine how I might look ten years from now, to the best of my expectations.

Slowly, I turn the hand mirror over.

“H-how is it, Aira…?”

Leonard-sama peers at my face with concern.

The face reflected in the mirror has lost its youthful roundness in the cheeks, replaced by a more mature expression. My hair and skin have been meticulously cared for, glowing softly as they catch the light. As for the firmness… well, there’s no end to it if I start listing ideals, so I’ll stop. Yes, overall, it’s not bad. The tension suddenly drains away.

“It’s fine. I can accept this.”

“I see! That’s a relief. Your parents should be arriving soon. I’m sure they’ll be shocked to hear about your amnesia.”

As he speaks, a shadow flickers across Leonard-sama’s profile.

Breaking the heavy atmosphere, Melissa rushes in to announce that my parents have arrived.

＊＊＊＊＊

“Aira! I heard you fell down the stairs, are you alright?”

“Aira, does it hurt anywhere? Can you walk?”

Out of breath, my parents rush toward me. The moment I see their faces, my heart skips a beat.

They’ve aged.

It should be obvious, but they are not the “slightly younger” parents I remember.

That’s right! I am the only one who was left behind by time.

“Father-in-law, please don’t be alarmed by what I’m about to say. In truth, Aira has amnesia. What’s more, her memories from the time she entered the Academy until now have vanished completely.”

Leonard-sama explains the situation carefully.

“What? Memory loss? A-again?”

My father’s voice cracks slightly.

That’s right. I once became “Lara.” Just as I am now, it wasn’t guaranteed that Lara had my memories. Although, based on the diary, she seemed to know about me.

From my parents’ perspective, it means I have lost my memory again.

“Father, Mother. I am fine, so for now, let’s all sit down.”

When I speak with forced composure, my parents’ eyes widen.

“See? This is what I mean. Aira is so calm, it’s as if she’s a different person. Oh, of course, my love for her hasn’t changed. But that innocent, cheerful Lara is gone…”

Leonard-sama falters. His voice sounds terribly lonely. It feels a bit strange to have him pining for a version of me that I don’t even know.

However, seeing him look so disappointed feels a bit disrespectful to the current me.

“Ah, so that’s how it is.”

“Calm, you say? …Yes, she certainly was.”

My parents are surprisingly composed. Or rather, they look somewhat convinced.

“Eh? You aren’t surprised?”

Leonard-sama’s eyes widen. Of course, he’s surprised.

“Well, Aira was originally a very calm and collected child. She rarely showed large bursts of emotion. If anything, she’s been like a different person these past ten years.”

“Yes, ten years ago, it was like her personality suddenly flipped. We were so shocked back then. The way she speaks now is much more like the Aira of old. It’s almost nostalgic.”

My parents smile.

But this is no time for smiling. I am about to interrogate the two of them.

Prepare yourselves.

Inadvertently, my eyes narrow.

“I-I see. Well, it would be rude to keep you standing, so please, this way.”

Following Leonard-sama’s lead, we sit on the sofas.

I have Melissa, who brought the tea, take Ral to another room. Now, for the main topic.

“Father, there is something I want to ask you.”

“What is it, Aira?”

“…When I woke up, I found I had become a mistress. What’s more, I even have a child. What on earth is the meaning of this?”

“W-what do you mean by ‘meaning’…”

Father falters. His eyes are darting all over the place.

“Why didn’t you oppose this? Your daughter is acting in a way completely unbecoming of her social standing. Was there some other arrangement between our families? And giving my son the surname Langford… it’s pitiful for him.”

When I say this—

“There was no family arrangement.”

My mother denies it firmly.

“Mother! Then why did you allow this situation to happen!”

Father and Mother exchange a glance. Then, Father speaks as if squeezing the words out.

“That’s because… you said that if we didn’t approve, you would die. You insisted it had to be Leonard-sama.”

“Yes. You went into a frenzy, locked yourself in your room saying you hated any other marriage proposals. Just remembering it gives me chills. It was quite an ordeal.”

Wait! what?

“I apologize for the trouble I seem to have caused you.”

I find myself bowing my head instinctively.

“We weren’t exactly in favor of it. We received cold glares from other nobles, after all. Well, you don’t have your memories, and we’ve grown used to it by now, so don’t worry about it.”

I do worry about it.

“That’s right. People whispered behind our backs about ‘parents who let their noble daughter become a mistress.’ I wondered what I had done wrong in raising you. I agonized over it.”

“I am deeply sorry, again and again…”

A heavy, dark atmosphere lingers. Leonard-sama, perhaps feeling the awkwardness as well, hunches his shoulders and keeps his eyes downcast.

However, the next words from my father were unexpectedly warm.

“Aira, you were quite charming these past ten years too. It felt like I had two daughters. I-I didn’t hate it, you know? Well, there were some difficult times, though.”

Father…

Difficult times… I’m afraid to ask. I’m sure it’s written in the diary. I’ll read it later.

“Oh, honestly, dear. For me, Aira, I’ve wanted to see you for a long time. Ever since your personality changed, I felt like I lost the sense of being loved as a mother, and I was very lonely. I know you must be suffering and confused right now, but I am happy.”

With that, Mother pulls me into a hug. Her arms are a bit thin. The reason she looked older than I expected was surely because of “Lara”—because of me.

I gently hug her back.

“Of course, I am happy to see you both too.”

Father joins in, hugging me tightly.

Glancing over, I see Leonard-sama looking at us restlessly and enviously.

…No, thank you. I am not about to let a man I only met two days ago hug me.