This God-Awful Immortal Realm [GL] - Chapter 5

Chapter 5: Ei Hehehehehe

After a long while, Ling Xiyao raised her head. “Alright, if I don’t petition, tell me what happens then?”

“That High Immortal also feels very guilty about the fact that he transmigrated you here,” Xiao Yunji said in a somewhat sarcastic tone. “Of course, that’s just a high-sounding way of putting it. If he really felt guilty, he should have stopped immediately. The real reason is that he just wants to settle the matter quietly.”

“…So?”

“So, as of yesterday, he has granted you the qualification to register your Immortal Status.”

“……” Ling Xiyao felt that a simple ellipsis was no longer enough to express her speechlessness. “What? Register? You mean I—I can join the ranks of the immortals?”

“Not exactly. What’s known as ‘joining the ranks of the immortals’ refers to becoming a High Immortal—basically the leadership of the Immortal Realm. For people like you and me, that’s still a long way off.” Xiao Yunji stood up. “Don’t be too depressed,” she pointed downward, “you have to realize how many people in the lower realm practice cultivation for hundreds of years without ever getting the qualification to register; they’re stuck in the mortal world forever. For someone like you to be able to register your status the moment you cross over, that’s treatment not everyone gets.”

Ling Xiyao rolled her eyes. “Fine, it’s not like I have any other choice right now anyway, do I?”

“Shall we go register now then?” Xiao Yunji looked Ling Xiyao up and down. “Oh, right, those clothes… they’re still what you brought from the modern world. I’ll give you some of my clothes to change into, okay? Don’t worry, I’ll take good care of all the things you brought with you.”

Ling Xiyao had been drooling with envy looking at Xiao Yunji’s magnificent outfit; now that she could actually have a set to wear herself, she nodded readily. However, because she had never worn such clothes before, she was still quite clumsy, and Xiao Yunji eventually had to help her sort it out.

“Thank you so much. Consider these clothes a loan; I’ll definitely pay you back once I have money.”

“Tsk tsk, what a beauty. You’re not one bit inferior to me!” Xiao Yunji didn’t seem to hear what Ling Xiyao was saying; she stared at the girl in front of her with a very wicked smile.

“……” Ling Xiyao suddenly had a bad feeling. She associated Xiao Yunji’s gaze with a brothel madam. “But, I haven’t registered yet, which means… I’m not an immortal yet. So how can I ride the clouds? It’s all swirling mist out there—how am I supposed to go out?”

“Oh, you have your Sister Xiao here, what are you afraid of!” Xiao Yunji hooked an arm around Ling Xiyao’s shoulder. “From now on, you’re rolling with me! Don’t worry, Sister Xiao’s got you covered!” With her other hand, she pushed open the door.

With a stiff expression, Ling Xiyao was dragged onto a cloud at the doorstep.

Only then did she react. “Hey! Help! Murder! Robbery! Someone’s trying to kill me for my money!” Though she was screaming at the top of her lungs, she didn’t dare move an inch, not even daring to breathe heavily for fear she might accidentally slip and fall off the cloud.

“What are you afraid of! Nothing’s going to happen. In a bit, I’ll show you what I’ve brought to this Immortal Realm, hehe.”

“…Brought what?” Ling Xiyao felt even more uneasy. That laugh… it reminded her of Voldemort’s iconic “Ei hehehehehe.” She had a nagging feeling that whatever came next wouldn’t be good.

After about five minutes, Xiao Yunji waved her hand downward. The cloud beneath their feet seemed to hit the brakes and gradually came to a halt. “We’re here.” She nodded toward Ling Xiyao.

Ling Xiyao had kept her eyes squeezed shut, not daring to look at the situation beneath her feet. Hearing Xiao Yunji’s words, she finally opened them. “We’re here? What place is this?”

She opened her eyes to see a massive building. Although it was only one story tall, it was magnificently decorated with carved beams and painted rafters, exactly like the Heavenly Palace of her imagination.

“This is the reporting station for newly ascended immortals,” Xiao Yunji replied. Sure enough, Ling Xiyao noticed a plaque hanging in the center of the main gate with several characters inscribed on it. The calligraphy was indeed beautiful—vigorous and flowing—but unfortunately, no matter how hard she looked, she couldn’t recognize what was written, so she had to turn to Xiao Yunji for help.

“Oh, those are the three characters for ‘Reporting Office.’ But since it’s in traditional script and written quite messily, I didn’t recognize it when I first got here either.”

The two of them stepped off the cloud and walked inside. Ling Xiyao looked around; while it looked massive from the outside, the main hall itself wasn’t that large, likely due to the presence of other rooms. Moreover, the hall was empty and devoid of objects; there was no one else there besides the two of them. Every step she took produced an echo in the hall, which made her feel even more nervous. At the end of the hall was a curtain, hiding something from view.

Walking in front, Xiao Yunji turned back with a mysterious, mischievous grin: “Seeing how quiet it is here, you can tell it’s not like people come here every day. To be honest, it really isn’t that easy to get into the Immortal Registry.”

“You make it sound like a Green Card.” At this moment, Ling Xiyao’s heart was still thumping; she wasn’t in the mood for small talk and replied casually.

“Hah, this is much harder to get than any Green Card. By the way, be mentally prepared for what you’re about to see.”

“…It’s not going to be some scary ghost or monster, is it?” Ling Xiyao grew even more worried.

“No, it’s not scary,” Xiao Yunji shook her head.

Though Ling Xiyao was still worried, she had no choice at this point but to keep following Xiao Yunji forward. When they reached the end of the hall, Xiao Yunji slowly lifted the curtain. Ling Xiyao stared intently—

“This… what is this? A com… a computer?!”

“Correct.” Xiao Yunji stood to the side with her arms crossed, looking like a proud, famous sculptor displaying her latest masterpiece to the public. “How is it?”

“You… uh… invented… this?”

“Correct.”

“…But there’s no electricity in ancient times, how does the computer run?”

“You forgot, this is the Immortal Realm. While there’s no electricity, there is magic. So, strictly speaking, this thing isn’t a computer because it isn’t power-driven. But its functions are similar to a computer anyway, and I just habitually call it by that name.”

Ling Xiyao felt her brain had been stuffed full of exclamation marks, question marks, and ellipses.

“So, I use this thing to register?” After a long pause, she finally reached out a hand and pointed at the computer in front of her, asking in an uncertain tone.

“Correct. I’ll help you.” As Xiao Yunji spoke, she reached out and pressed the power button. The content on the monitor changed rapidly, displaying the desktop and five or six shortcuts in just three seconds. She patted the computer case proudly. “See, this is immortal magic. It’s way more powerful than those iPads or Windows things. In the modern world, no matter how high the specs, which computer can boot up in three seconds?”

Ling Xiyao finally snapped out of her shock. “The legendary ‘AIPC,’ the Number One Laptop of the Celestial Empire—haven’t you heard of it? It might be the finest laptop in the world! Boots in three seconds, 10-hour super-long standby, never crashes, and won’t get viruses! Whether you’re a beginner or a computer illiterate, you don’t even need to learn—you can use it immediately!”

“……” This time, it was Xiao Yunji’s turn for the ellipsis.

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