The White Moonlight Turns Out to Be a Black-Hearted Lotus - Chapter 1

The moon rose from the eastern mountains as the stars fell across the wilderness.

“As Xiangru grows old and weary…” Beneath the long corridor, someone sat on a reclining chair, swaying a round fan, their voice gentle and languid. “Speak to Wenjun—how should one pass the time nowadays?”

Ji Yuanhui had no leisure to decipher the meaning of this sour poetry. The autumn night was thick with dew, and the air he inhaled into his lungs felt heavy and damp. Breathing was difficult, and even his speech was somewhat disjointed.

For some reason, he did not dare step forward to confirm if that person was the one he longed to see. It was as if he were nailed to the spot; only after a long silence did he find his voice: “Rongrong?”

Under the hazy moonlight, Ji Yuanhui saw Pei Xu, dressed in indigo robes, turn his head and smile at him with immense tenderness. The man still looked as he did in his memories—the appearance of a twenty-something—radiating a calm, quiet, and soft aura of gentle kindness.

He was no longer the astringent green fruit of his teenage years that set one’s teeth on edge; in this form, he was like a lustrous, plump, ripened sweet fruit tinged with pale pink.

In the past, every time Pei Xu looked at him with such a gentle gaze, Ji Yuanhui felt it was a silent invitation, emitting a fragrance that tempted him to take a bite.

Ji Yuanhui didn’t know what the other was truly thinking. Clearly knowing his own constitution was weak and couldn’t withstand much exertion, Pei Xu still constantly lured him in this manner.

The result was that, at most, they could manage one round; he could never endure a second.

Once that round passed, he became like a flower wilted by the rain.

When asked if he felt unwell—though he had clearly been tossed about quite severely—Pei Xu would still speak in a soft, gentle whisper, looking at him with eyes as bright and clear as if they were soaked in water, before lightly shaking his head: “The Prince is merciful to me…”

He was always so gentle. No matter what Ji Yuanhui did, Pei Xu would never get angry with him. Those eyes were like a spring pool, always brimming with warmth when looking at him.

For a moment, Ji Yuanhui felt as though he had forgotten something, but the moment he tried to think deeply, his body felt light and airy, and his consciousness struggled to return for a long time.

“Your Highness…” Pei Xu said, “Your Highness, sit down and talk with me.”

Ji Yuanhui sat down beside him. He couldn’t resist reaching out, curling his index finger to lightly brush against the other’s cheek. “What do you want to hear?”

Pei Xu leaned closer to him, closing his eyes as he rested his head on Ji Yuanhui’s shoulder, his expression tranquil. “How has Sheng’er been lately? Is he behaving? Is he studying well?”

Sheng’er was the childhood name of their only son. He was not an easy child; his health was poor, and he fell ill often, yet he was excessively lively. Ji Yuanhui found him quite a headache.

The child’s mischief often provoked his anger, yet he could never find it in his heart to punish him. Since the boy was fragile and sickly—unable to be bumped or bruised—how could he dare punish him? Even when scolding him, Ji Yuanhui had to weigh his tone carefully.

“Sheng’er is quite mischievous, just as much of a headache as you were in your youth. He has chased away many of the teachers I invited…” Ji Yuanhui paused for a moment, saying, somewhat dazed, “He really does take after you.”

“Does he take after me? Privately, I wished for him to be more like Your Highness.” Pei Xu lowered his eyes and sighed softly. “Being like me is truly no good thing; falling ill every few days for no reason, suffering so much hardship in vain.”

They were like an ordinary couple leaning against each other and chatting about domestic trifles. Ji Yuanhui felt his heart loosen considerably as he slowly recounted small, mundane matters: “A while back, as autumn began, the weather suddenly turned cold, and Sheng’er was constantly falling ill. I went to seek a Longevity Lock for him, identical to the one you have. Although I know these things are of little practical use, I felt that even if it’s just for peace of mind, it is good…”

Ji Yuanhui thought back to that snowy night many years ago when he had picked Pei Xu up. A weak and pitiable child; several times, he thought the boy wouldn’t survive, yet unexpectedly, he had endured it all.

At that time, he himself was only thirteen, and Pei Xu was always sickly. Ji Yuanhui constantly worried he wouldn’t be able to keep him alive. To preserve Pei Xu’s small life, he had tried every method possible, eventually even reaching the point of praying to gods and Buddhas. Yet Pei Xu remained frail, looking as if a slightly strong wind could blow him away.

Fortunately, though Pei Xu was always sickly, he grew up nonetheless.

Thinking thus, Ji Yuanhui reached toward Pei Xu’s neck, wanting to pull out that Longevity Lock to take a look, but his hand met only empty air.

Ji Yuanhui froze, as if he had realized something, yet he did not dare think deeper. After a long while, his voice trembled as he called out: “Rongrong…”

Pei Xu looked toward him upon hearing this. “Your Highness, what is it?”

“Where is your Longevity Lock?”

Pei Xu lowered his eyes, his smile turning bitter. “Your Highness is already the Emperor… yet I am still accustomed to calling you ‘Your Highness.’ Your Highness, that is no longer something I should be wearing.”

Ji Yuanhui seemed to suddenly realize something. The more he remembered, the more transparent and ethereal Pei Xu’s figure became. His head throbbed with a splitting pain; he tried desperately to cover his head and avoid the memories, but the reality of the past still surged toward him like a tide.

“Your Highness’s Longevity Lock is very good.” Pei Xu gave him a small smile. “Sheng’er will live a long life.”

In the next instant, Ji Yuanhui woke from his dream.

Inside the vast palace, it was pitch black. He stared at the bed curtains for a moment, and everything came back to him.

That was the person for whom praying to gods and Buddhas had been useless—the person he could not keep, despite holding the Longevity Lock and reciting prayers countless times, wrapping it with layer upon layer of red thread.

This was the first year after his legal wife had passed away. Yesterday was Pei Xu’s death anniversary; he had drunk too much wine, then got caught in the rain and chilled by the wind, accidentally falling ill.

Ji Yuanhui threw on a robe and sat by the window, pushing it open. Outside, the rain was still pitter-pattering. The damp, cold wind blew in, making him clench his fists in a fit of coughing; it took a long time for him to settle down.

With new ailments and old injuries, his own health was no longer good.

Closing the window, Ji Yuanhui spread out a sheet of xuan paper, taking up a brush to leave several lines of script:

Late in the night, I entered a dream and suddenly saw my late wife cooling herself beneath the corridor, swaying a round fan. He turned his head to look at me, his eyes full of life, his gentle smile just as it always was. Upon waking, I realized it was not merely a dream; more than ten years ago, we had enjoyed the cool air together at the Xiaoshan Palace. We were young then.

…

When Ji Yuanhui was still a prince, he was quite disliked by the Emperor. At only thirteen, he was kicked out to Longxi to eat sand with the border army.

Only a few months after arriving in Longxi, he encountered a civilian rebellion in the neighboring prefectures. While suppressing the revolt, he casually picked up a child and raised him by his side for two years. After finding the child’s family, he sent him back. Later, when he returned to the capital, this child was appointed by the Emperor to be his study companion.

Fate and destiny—some dictated by heaven, some by human effort—anyhow, they eventually married.

In the year the Crown Prince was toppled, Sheng’er had just turned one. When the Crown Prince’s manor was being searched and seized, their own manor was preparing for the young heir’s first birthday feast.

Ji Yuanhui was in the study with Pei Xu, selecting items to be used for the “Zhuo Zhou” (first birthday ritual). Someone knocked and entered, kneeling before them: “Master, the Golden Feather Guards have discovered some items in the Deposed Crown Prince’s study…”

Ji Yuanhui held the one-year-old child in his arms, asking casually, “What items?”

Nian Yi bowed his head low. “Master, forgive me, this item can only be presented to the Master alone.”

Ji Yuanhui’s brow furrowed, appearing displeased. But before he could speak, the Pei Xu beside him spoke in a timely, gentle voice: “Your Highness, the guest list has already been drafted by the gentlemen of the manor. I shall go and see if there are any additions or removals needed, then I will present it for Your Highness’s review.”

“You can decide on those matters yourself.” Ji Yuanhui shifted the child to one arm and reached out with his free hand to squeeze Pei Xu’s hand. “It’s a bit cold; put on your fox fur cloak before heading out.”

Pei Xu’s gaze fell upon their joined hands, the corners of his eyes curving slightly with a faint smile. “Alright.”

Only after Pei Xu had walked out did Nian Yi hold a black-lacquered, gold-painted box high above his head. “Please inspect this, Your Highness.”

“What is this?” Ji Yuanhui was slightly annoyed and did not move to open the box. “Pei Xu is the Young Lord of the Prince’s Manor and also half a master to you. What must be kept from him?”

Nian Yi kept his head lowered, opening the box and raising it above his head again. “Dozens of letters exchanged between the Deposed Crown Prince and the Young Lord Pei Xu in former years have been seized. Please verify them, Your Highness.”

As these words were spoken, the air in the room seemed frozen, falling into a deathly silence.

Silence—a silence like death.

Ji Yuanhui did not speak, nor did he reach out to take the letters. Nian Yi dared not move and could only remain kneeling. About fifteen minutes passed, or perhaps longer; cold sweat rolled down Nian Yi’s face, dripping from his chin to the floor.

While Nian Yi was being suffocated by the atmosphere, the child was also frightened.

“Wu… wu… wahhhhh!”

The child’s crying broke the silence. Ji Yuanhui also snapped back to his senses, busily patting the child’s back to coax him: “Sheng’er, be good, be good, don’t cry… Daddy is at fault, I scared you, didn’t I?”

It took a good while for Ji Yuanhui to calm the child. He patted the boy’s back stroke by stroke, saying to Nian Yi: “I won’t look. Take them and burn them.”

Nian Yi froze on the spot, seemingly unable to believe what he had heard.

“If you use a man, do not doubt him; if you doubt a man, do not use him. Burn them all. Act as if they were never discovered, and do not mention this again. Whoever dares to gossip should watch their tongue.” Ji Yuanhui lowered his eyes to conceal all emotion, saying in a heavy voice, “In the years when my wings were not yet full, I myself had to play false and maintain appearances with the Crown Prince; how much more so for him?”

Having said this, Ji Yuanhui put a tiger-head cap on Sheng’er. “Come, let us go see what your Little Papa is doing…”

Nian Yi, realizing his lapse in composure earlier, lay prostrate on the ground without moving. It was only after Ji Yuanhui left that he rose, vanishing in an instant like a shadow.

Ji Yuanhui felt that he was a rather narrow-minded person. Though his mouth claimed he wouldn’t pursue the matter during the day, he couldn’t help but want to exact something back from Pei Xu’s body at night.

“Your Highness…” Pei Xu was held in his arms, his clothes half-on and half-off, hanging down to cover the area below their waists. As they moved, Pei Xu’s voice became increasingly fragmented. “Tomorrow… there is a banquet… can Your Highness please…”

Ji Yuanhui ignored him completely, his fingertips brushing across the other’s waist as he uttered only two words: “I cannot.”

He could vaguely guess that Ji Yuanhui’s unusual behavior was related to the items Nian Yi had delivered during the day. Perhaps he had found out that certain things from the past were related to him—or perhaps not just related, but that he was the one who had done them…

He had assumed Ji Yuanhui tacitly allowed everything. To be his wife, how clean could one’s hands be?

But since Ji Yuanhui did not say it explicitly, he couldn’t figure out which specific incident this man was throwing a minor tantrum over. He had done too many things; every one, if taken out individually, could not be considered a good deed.

Hearing Ji Yuanhui’s blunt refusal, Pei Xu’s eyes became increasingly moist. The strands of hair by his cheeks swayed with his movements. He knew it was difficult to change Ji Yuanhui’s mind, so he simply stopped mentioning it and instead became submissive.

After years of being together, Ji Yuanhui knew that the look in Pei Xu’s eyes right now meant he wanted a hug. However, he was determined not to trouble Pei Xu and simply shifted his gaze away, pretending not to notice.

Consequently, Pei Xu began to cry—weeping silently, tears sliding down his cheeks and dripping onto Ji Yuanhui’s arm.

Ji Yuanhui reached up to wipe away his tears. “So many tears. Do you feel very wronged?”

When you were sending letters to the Crown Prince, why didn’t you think about whether your husband at home would feel wronged?

Back then, during his years in Longxi, Pei Xu hadn’t sent him a single letter—not one! Although they weren’t married then, and although Pei Xu was young at the time, and although this logic seemed somewhat forced, he was simply jealous.

Thinking of this, the corner of Ji Yuanhui’s mouth twitched. “What do you have to feel wronged about?”

The one who should feel wronged is me.

After mocking him with a few words, Ji Yuanhui pulled the man into an embrace and bit down on the back of his neck.

“Your Highness…” Pei Xu gasped softly, his fingers tightening on the fabric of the other’s shoulder, crying piteously.

Ji Yuanhui still had no intention of letting him off. “Your Highness? Which ‘Your Highness’ are you calling?” Is it me, or the Crown Prince?

Pei Xu finally began to cry hard. Like a cornered rabbit, he began to call out his name: “Ji Yuanhui, Ji Yuanhui… you cannot bully me like this…”

Ji Yuanhui was finally satisfied. He kissed the side of Pei Xu’s face, then turned to cup his face, swallowing all remaining sounds into his mouth.