The Possessive Beauty Desires Me in Vain - Chapter 18

Chapter 18: Confession

The winter sun had risen high, its light rendered even more dazzling by the reflection of the snow.

“Hexuan, take care on your journey,” Pu Xuefeng said.

Chen Hexuan bowed with his hands clasped. “Take care, Master. This disciple shall return successfully.”

“Mmm. Go then. I await your return with good news.” Pu Xuefeng’s expression was slightly somber.

Chen Hexuan nodded slightly, turned, and boarded the flying boat.

Pu Xuefeng watched the Tai’e Sword strapped to his back, his heart heavy with gravity.

Is it worth it?

Pu Xuefeng asked himself this internally. Is it really worth sacrificing so much?

“Hexuan!” Pu Xuefeng called out suddenly.

Chen Hexuan turned back, his eyes filled with confusion.

Should I really tell him the truth?

If he told him, all the effort they had put in would go to waste. Ultimately, Pu Xuefeng could not let go of his obsession. He swallowed his words and simply said, “Take care.”

Chen Hexuan smiled, turned, and stepped onto the vessel.

With spiritual energy provided, the flying boat could cover a thousand miles in a day.

…

That night, Chen Hexuan sat alone by the helm. Beside him was a pot of freshly warmed wine.

He gazed at the sky, finding it incredibly peaceful. He was the only one on the boat. Having been so busy these past few days that his feet hardly touched the ground, this silence felt like a surreal dream.

Speaking of dreams—since the day he encountered Qi Yu again, Chen Hexuan hadn’t dreamed at all.

Was it because knowing Qi Yu wasn’t dead eased his guilt, thus ending the nightmares?

At the mention of Qi Yu, he realized he hadn’t seen him for over ten days. Thinking of Qi Yu brought his gaze to the Tai’e Sword.

Chen Hexuan took his wine and sat down before the blade. Perhaps a bit tipsy, he said to the sword, “Qi Yu, come out. Talk to me.”

The Tai’e Sword remained motionless.

Recalling how he woke up that morning to find the scabbard gone, Chen Hexuan muttered gloomily:

“Do you really hate scabbards that much? I spent two days and nights refining that one. I used the finest, softest materials, and the patterns were meticulously designed. You didn’t like that either?”

Still, the sword did not move.

Chen Hexuan took a sip of wine, his brow furrowed. “I really don’t know what to do with you. You’re willful and wicked. As soon as I do something you dislike, you ignore me.”

“You imprisoned me without a word. I know it was because you liked me,” Chen Hexuan said. “But why did you have to wound Master and our fellow disciples?”

The Tai’e Sword remained silent.

Chen Hexuan poured himself another cup. “I think Master is very strange, too. I was imprisoned by you for seven years—did he really never come to save me once? And what about my friends? Did none of them come for me?”

“Every time I see him, I wonder: why did he never come? After learning he was in closed-door cultivation, I found it even more suspicious. I am his eldest disciple and the Young Master of the Donglin Chen family. Why did no one come to my rescue in those seven years? Not my teachers, not my family, not my friends.”

“Qi Yu, tell me… did they ever come looking for you?” Realizing it was a bit foolish to question a sword, Chen Hexuan gave a small laugh before turning pensive. “It feels more like a calculated plan to let me stay imprisoned by you. As if they purposefully didn’t come.”

“It’s strange, isn’t it?” Chen Hexuan’s thoughts drifted. “I tried to contact the outside world so many times, yet I only succeeded at the very end. It was as if I was only ‘allowed’ to make contact and be rescued once a certain point in time had been reached.”

“I wanted to solve these riddles slowly,” he said, looking at the Tai’e Sword. “But Master is so anxious for me to come here and destroy you. It makes me feel even more uneasy.”

“Even if you fell into the path of a demon, Master shouldn’t hate you this much. He was the one who personally brought you back, taught you calligraphy and cultivation. I’ve been to his room and seen the birthday gift you gave him; even after all these years, it’s kept clean and beautiful. It shows he still cared for you.”

Chen Hexuan leaned in, his gaze fixed on the blade, his voice dropping an octave. “You, Master… what exactly are you all hiding from me?”

The Tai’e Sword offered no response.

Chen Hexuan let out a bitter laugh. “Right. You love hiding things from me. Whether it was hiding that you were a demon, or hiding that you were still alive… I’m supposedly the one closest to you, yet I’m always the last to know anything about you.”

Chen Hexuan didn’t know why he was chatting with a cold piece of steel in the middle of the night. Perhaps it was because on this boat, there was only him and Qi Yu’s spirit.

“You said you liked me, yet I always feel I’m the furthest away from you.” A bitter smile played on his lips, his eyes reflecting exhaustion. “I don’t know who is telling the truth and who is lying anymore.”

Chen Hexuan leaned back, lying on the deck. He stared at the starlit sky and talked to himself. “When I woke up that day and saw you walking with Senior Sister Fu, I was truly furious.”

“Do you know what I was thinking?”

He chuckled softly. “I was thinking: when did you start having contact with her behind my back? Before, your eyes were always on me. I never saw you speak to her. Seeing her protect you so fiercely made me angry. What right does she have to feel indignant for you? The person most qualified to speak for you is me… Hilarious, isn’t it? Like a jealous husband.”

“Especially when she told you to go with her. I was so enraged. Why should she take you away? You haven’t apologized to me or atoned for your sins yet. How can you just leave? Do those seven years mean nothing?”

He took another sip of wine, his eyes wandering.

“You mentioned those forty-nine sword strikes. You said you were in pain. But what about the wounds you left on me during those two thousand-plus days and nights? When you forced me to do those things I hated, I refused too. Did you care?”

“At first, when I was unwilling, you drugged me. I can still remember how I felt then; my mind was filled with nothing but desire, like a beast without humanity. It makes me sick to think about it now.”

“Later, to avoid being drugged, I would purposely stimulate myself for a while before we did it. You thought I finally had feelings for you then, didn’t you? But I didn’t. Without that stimulation, I felt nothing for you; one look at you reminded me of how disgusting I felt when drugged.”

“Until one day, I was horrified to find that I didn’t need to stimulate myself anymore. Just seeing you would cause a reaction. I panicked. How could I have feelings for the person who imprisoned me?”

“Even a few days ago, just thinking about your body gave me a reaction,” Chen Hexuan confessed with a pained smile. “I’ve never had that kind of impulse for anyone else. Only for you—the person I should have it for the least.”

“I think I’m sick. And it’s your fault.”

He fell silent for a moment before continuing.

“Right after I killed you, my dreams were flooded with you. It was all about those seven years—dreaming of you on top of me, how you pleased me, how you wore those erotic clothes to seduce me. But every time I tried to reach out to you, the dream would end.”

“Then I kept dreaming of how I killed you. Forty-nine strikes. It repeated over and over. I went from initial pleasure to trying desperately to stop the dream. But the ending was always the same: my sword piercing your heart.”

“Seeing you die at my hands again and again, and being unable to do anything…” Chen Hexuan’s eyes showed a flash of pain. “That’s why I went to Mo Mingxu for incense to erase my dreams. Even if I experience that pain repeatedly in my sleep, at least I remember nothing when I wake up.”

“But I think I made a mistake,” he frowned. “I can’t remember what happened before anymore. Everything related to you is fading from my memory. I can’t remember what happened between us back at the Xingzhou Sect. Even the memories from seven years ago are disappearing.”

“It’s as if it’s premeditated—someone wants me to forget you,” Chen Hexuan said, glancing back at the Tai’e Sword. “One day, you will be completely gone from my mind.”

“But if that happens, what do our seven years even count for? Those years weren’t pleasant, but they were filled with memories of you. If they disappear, I will be very sad.”

Chen Hexuan stood up and walked to the sword. “Qi Yu, if you know what is going on, please tell me.”

“I know this journey might be part of their plan, but I have no clue, and the goal of this trip is to make you die completely.” A look of bewilderment crossed his face. “I hate you, but I never once wanted you to stay dead.”

Until the very end, there was no answer.