The Possessive Beauty Desires Me in Vain - Chapter 1

Chapter 1: The Dream

Many years later, while facing the final bolt of Heavenly Tribulation, Chen Hexuan would invariably remember that distant morning when Qi Yu confessed his love to him.

It was early spring then. Hazy sunlight filtered through the gaps of budding blossoms on the branches, leaving fragmented patterns of light and shadow dancing in the wind.

“Senior Brother…”

A voice, faint yet brimming with expectation, drifted from the depths of the dense woods.

Hearing that familiar voice, Chen Hexuan’s footsteps paused. He suppressed the urge to turn and walk away. He took several large strides, soon catching a glimpse of a verdant figure—tall and upright, yet appearing somewhat frail and thin.

As Chen Hexuan pushed aside the heavy layers of branches, the birds perched in the trees took flight in a sudden panic.

At that moment, his gaze met a pair of startled, rounded eyes.

Qi Yu had sensed Chen Hexuan’s presence long ago. However, the mere thought of what he was about to say to his Senior Brother made his heart leap like a restless deer. He had been looking down at the ground, but the moment Chen Hexuan approached, he couldn’t help but look up.

The man before him was tall and imposing, his posture as steadfast as a pine and as elegant as jade. He was holding back a branch, his head slightly tilted as he looked at Qi Yu. The light and shadow played across his sharp features, making his deep-set eyes appear even colder and more profound.

Qi Yu instantly fell into the depths of those eyes.

“Is something the matter?” Chen Hexuan walked a few steps closer, stopping at a distance from Qi Yu.

A strange irritability occupied Chen Hexuan’s heart. He was no fool; how could he not understand Qi Yu’s feelings for him? He had been on guard and avoiding Qi Yu for some time, never expecting things to reach this point with his Junior Brother.

Qi Yu finally snapped back to his senses, feeling his face flush hot. He suppressed the frantic pounding of his heart and looked at Chen Hexuan expectantly.

“Senior Brother…” “I… I am fond of you.”

The quiet spring light slanted silently across the swords hanging at their waists. The rustle of swaying leaves and the distant chirping of birds were sparse but audible.

Chen Hexuan lowered his eyes, quietly watching the person before him.

The Chen Hexuan of many years later still remembered it vividly.

After baring his heart, Qi Yu’s bright eyes had been fixed intently on him, filled with both hope and dread. Then, as if sensing what his silence meant, Qi Yu bit his lip hard. His eyelashes trembled like the wings of a broken butterfly. He looked so fragile, yet he still couldn’t help but gaze up with lingering hope.

The Chen Hexuan of many years later also remembered what he had said back then: “I am sorry. I have no heart for romance; I only wish to pursue the Great Dao.”

In an instant, the joy in Qi Yu’s heart was crushed by a wave of sorrow. It took a long time before he finally managed to ask: “Senior Brother, is that the truth?”

Chen Hexuan only looked down at the crown of his dark head and gave a soft, “Mhm.”

Qi Yu kept his eyes turned upward toward him, as if refusing to believe his words. But facing Chen Hexuan’s tranquil, rippleless gaze, he finally believed it.

“I’m sorry,” he said. “I have troubled you, Senior Brother.”

As the words fell, he blinked absently, trying to hide the uncontrollable tears welling in his eyes. Yet, Chen Hexuan saw them with agonizing clarity.

Qi Yu turned away hurriedly, his steps quick across the damp, soft earth as he fled.

Chen Hexuan watched his retreating back, an unavoidable sense of melancholy stirring in his heart. Even he could not have predicted a year ago that this cold, self-contained Junior Brother—who looked down on everyone else—would harbor secret feelings for him.

Qi Yu was brilliantly talented, the first outer disciple to be taken in by the Sect Leader after Chen Hexuan. He was also the only one in the sect to reach the Foundation Establishment stage within three years of joining. Even Chen Hexuan, hailed as the top genius of the Xingzhou Sect, had only managed to reach that stage in three years under the tutelage of several elders.

Thinking of such talent, Chen Hexuan felt it would be a waste if it weren’t used for cultivation. He only hoped Qi Yu would untangle his silk threads of emotion soon.

…

When he jolted awake from the dream, the image of those mist-filled eyes still lingered before Chen Hexuan. It wasn’t until the soul-soothing incense on the table lost its last wisp of smoke that he finally came to his senses.

Remembering he had a friend visiting today, Chen Hexuan headed out. Outside, a young attendant was about to sweep the snow with a broom when Chen Hexuan called out to him.

It must have snowed all night. The courtyard was covered in a thick layer of white, and the branches were heavy with it.

Seeing the snow, Chen Hexuan felt a momentary daze. He vaguely remembered a bright and soft spring; then he realized that was in the dream. Outside the dream, it was already the depths of winter.

He sat in the courtyard for a long while before seeing a small black dot growing larger against the vast white sky. As it drew closer, he realized it was his friend arriving on a crane.

The crane landed softly, leaving only shallow footprints on the snow without kicking up any wind.

This reminded Chen Hexuan of a certain person’s pet is an arrogant creature that by all rights should have been made into soup, yet was so well-cared for by its master that it developed a lawless temperament. If it were here, this snowy field would surely have suffered.

At this thought, Chen Hexuan didn’t even notice the slight curl of his lips.

His friend, however, caught the smile and was startled. “What? Do you like my crane? Don’t even think about it—this is my treasure.”

Coming back to himself, Chen Hexuan pulled back his smile and shook his head slightly. “Not at all. I just remembered something… not particularly interesting.”

The attendant led the crane away as Chen Hexuan and his friend walked toward the stone table in the courtyard to sit. They were old friends and had always been close.

Knowing what Chen Hexuan had been through over the past few years, the friend asked, “Is it related to him?”

Chen Hexuan lowered his eyes and gave a quiet, “Mhm.”

Seeing the melancholy in his eyes, the friend sighed. “Forget it, let’s not mention him for now. Didn’t you say you’d treat me to wine? Where is it?”

The two dug up a bottle of wine from beneath a tree and had the attendant bring the warming apparatus. In the freezing winter, they chatted about the various happenings in the cultivation world while drinking warm wine.

As the cups went down, their bodies quickly warmed up. Because their cultivation levels were high, the alcohol wouldn’t cloud their minds, but in such an atmosphere, their nerves inevitably relaxed.

The conversation shifted from the promising new talents in the cultivation world to his friend letting out a heartfelt sigh. “Thinking back, we were considered the geniuses of the cultivation world once.”

Hearing his friend’s self-praise, Chen Hexuan smiled. “Which ones? How come I didn’t know?”

“Our Xingzhou Sect was the most impressive there were four of us!” The friend held up four fingers, then folded one down. “First, you, Senior Brother. Entering the Golden Core stage at fifteen—you were the number one person in the cultivation world.”

“You have no idea, those young disciples idolize you now. They call you the ‘Heaven-Sent Star of Sovereignty’.” The friend laughed.

“That’s an exaggeration,” Chen Hexuan said, taking a sip of wine and unable to suppress a smile. “So who were the other three?”

The friend enthusiastically counted off two more, but when he reached the last one, his expression suddenly froze.

Chen Hexuan guessed who it was. “The last one… must be Qi Yu. Back then, he was the only one left who could be called a genius.”

Seeing his friend’s tense expression, Chen Hexuan sighed. “Actually, I don’t know how to describe it.”

He picked up his wine cup, staring at the rising steam. “But the harder I try to forget him, the more my heart subconsciously remembers him. I remember us practicing together in the Xingzhou Sect… I remember the days he imprisoned me in the Demon Palace… and I remember most of all that I killed him with my own hands.”

“It wasn’t your fault.” The friend’s face showed a hint of pity. “Back then, you were known as the Twin Paragons of Xingzhou. Who could have known he was a natural-born Demon Seed?”

“We didn’t believe it either at first when they tried to capture him,” the friend said, downed a cup of wine, and frowned. “But when he injured the Master and our other brothers, we had no choice but to believe.”

Chen Hexuan lowered his head with a bitter smile. “I didn’t want to believe it either. I thought it wasn’t his true heart. But during those two thousand-odd days and nights he kept me locked away… I had no choice but to believe it too.”

A biting wind swept past, carrying a chill that sapped the warmth of the wine. The clinking of wine cups and the sound of snow falling from the branches blurred together.

Cup after cup, Chen Hexuan said vacantly, “But I killed him. I killed him with my own hands.”

“Since leaving the Demon Palace, not a day goes by that I don’t dream of him.” Chen Hexuan thought of the dream from last night; he couldn’t remember the details, but he knew it was about Qi Yu.

“Has the soul-soothing incense I gave you not worked?” The friend was shocked.

Chen Hexuan gripped his cup, stunned. “It worked for the first three days, but not much after that. Before, I used to remember the contents of the dreams. After using the incense, I couldn’t remember them anymore. It just so happened I didn’t want to remember him anyway, so I kept lighting it.”

The friend looked worried. “How could that be? That’s never happened before.”

Chen Hexuan let out a light laugh. “I’d like to know too. Is it because I killed him?”

He continued, “It makes sense. He always wanted me to remember him. Even in death, he wants to make sure I can never forget him.”

The friend tried to comfort him. “Perhaps there’s something wrong with my incense. I’ll take it back and study it.”

“No, it’s not the incense.” Chen Hexuan exerted force, unexpectedly crushing the hardened wine cup to pieces. “It’s Qi Yu. He wants me to remember him forever.”

This action left his friend speechless with shock. Whether as the former Eldest Disciple of the Xingzhou Sect or the current Immortal Venerable, Chen Hexuan had always been restrained and calm. No matter how much he lost his composure, he had never been like this.

“I’m sorry.” Chen Hexuan realized his lapse. He pressed his hand to his brow and forced a smile. “I seem to be truly a bit unwell.”