The Paranoid Film Queen Hooked Me, and I Fell in Love - Chapter 61

“Xu Zhiyan, are you okay?” Su Er asked with concern, watching her friend who had gone quiet ever since their conversation ended.

At first, Su Er had assumed this was just a simple lunch between friends. But after Xu Zhiyan asked a string of questions about relationships and how couples get along, she began to suspect something more was going on.

“I’m fine,” Xu Zhiyan said calmly, shaking her head.

Su Er gave her a sidelong glance, thinking, You sure don’t look like it.

But when it came to relationships, who could really comment? Especially when Xu Zhiyan hadn’t explicitly shared what was wrong—Su Er could only pretend not to notice.

After a while, concern as a friend won out. Su Er, having just finished her dessert, looked at Xu Zhiyan, who still seemed deep in thought, and said gently, “Being in a relationship is supposed to make you happy. If you’re not enjoying it—or if you’re unhappy with the way things are going—and talking it out doesn’t help, then maybe it’s okay to walk away.”

Even if the person in question is someone like Shen Buhui, a total goddess, Su Er thought to herself.

She expected her words would stir something in Xu Zhiyan. But all Xu did was pause, then say, “I never said I wasn’t happy.”

Su Er: “…”

Okay, I guess I was overthinking it.

She glanced at Xu Zhiyan again, but there really didn’t seem to be any sign of struggle or distress. Pouting a little in mock annoyance, Su Er said, “Then you’re paying for lunch!”

Xu Zhiyan laughed at her expression and said with a warm smile, “I was planning to, anyway.”

After Su Er left with her girlfriend, Xu Zhiyan sat in the café by the window, watching their silhouettes fade into the distance. But the memories playing in her mind weren’t of them—they were of her and Shen Buhui.

After a moment, she let out a long sigh.

Today’s conversation with Su Er had given her a lot of what she needed.

Over the past few days, she’d been paying extra attention to couples in public—trying to observe how they interacted. But those were all surface-level impressions, too shallow to provide any real insight.

Luckily, her close friend Su Er knew a thing or two about relationships. So she’d asked her out.

And after hearing about Su Er’s relationship—the little details, the dynamic between her and her girlfriend—Xu Zhiyan had started to spot the differences.

One thing stood out: no matter how subtly she framed her situation, the people around her all jumped to the same conclusion. That she was unhappy. That the way she and Shen Buhui interacted must feel stifling.

Shang Qi thought so. Su Er thought so. Even the online blogger Cherry Cutie had written something to that effect.

So… what about Shen Buhui? Did she think the same?

Xu Zhiyan couldn’t help but recall how off Shen Buhui had been lately—how she seemed to be hiding something, or holding something back.

That was exactly why Xu Zhiyan wanted to get to the bottom of this.

But before she could solve the problem, she needed to figure herself out first—to understand what she truly felt. Only then could she reassure Shen Buhui, give her the sense of security she clearly needed, and make her genuinely happy.

She tapped her fingers lightly against the table, rested her chin in her palm, and closed her eyes, quietly sorting through her thoughts.

She reviewed everything: the articles she’d read online, the dynamic between Su Er and her girlfriend—intimate yet with healthy space, the many years of observing how Lin Ya and Xu Qingyi (her parents) interacted… and even that unforgettable experience from her childhood.

After comparing and analyzing all of it, she realized something very important: no matter what others saw as “unhealthy,” “too intense,” or “something she should be unhappy with,” none of those labels ever truly matched her actual feelings.

Opening her eyes, Xu Zhiyan looked across the café at the television quietly playing a movie in the distance. A small, knowing smile tugged at her lips.

—

“You’re back?”

At the sound of the door, Shen Buhui sprang up, heading to the entrance so quickly it was as if her attention had been fixed there the whole time—from the moment the door closed to the moment it reopened.

Xu Zhiyan unwound her scarf and hung it on the rack. “Yeah, I’m back,” she replied with a smile.

“It must’ve been freezing outside. Look at how cold your hands are.” Shen Buhui reached out to take her icy fingers, trying to warm them with her own.

But Xu Zhiyan didn’t want her to catch the cold from her. Besides, the house was well-heated—she wasn’t even cold anymore.

She gently pulled her hand back. “It was okay. We had hot pot for lunch. After that, I came straight home.”

Glancing at the time, Shen Buhui shot Xu Zhiyan a sideways look—finally understanding why she’d been out so long.

Xu Zhiyan settled onto the couch and noticed that Shen Buhui was watching the edited preview for Fields of Slow Affection. She didn’t comment.

When Shen Buhui joined her on the couch, Xu Zhiyan turned to her and asked, “Did you eat yet?”

“I did,” Shen Buhui replied, nodding toward the kitchen. “Just threw something together. Food doesn’t taste as good without you here.”

That made Xu Zhiyan smile. “Next time I go out with friends, I’ll bring you along. I won’t let you sit at home all alone.”

Shen Buhui looked at her. “You said it.”

“I meant it,” Xu Zhiyan replied with a nod.

Her now-warm hand reached over to hold Shen Buhui’s, and then she suddenly said, “Jiejie, there’s something I want to talk to you about.”

Shen Buhui froze for a second, noticing how serious her tone had become.

The last time Xu Zhiyan looked this serious was… during her confession.

Something twisted in Shen Buhui’s chest, like she was bracing herself for something she didn’t want to hear. She lowered her gaze, her lashes trembling ever so slightly. Looking down at their tightly clasped hands, she responded in a low voice, “Go ahead.”

“I love you, Jiejie.”

Shen Buhui’s head snapped up. That was the first time Xu Zhiyan had said love out loud.

What did this mean? Was this… a final declaration before a breakup?

But Xu Zhiyan was looking her straight in the eyes. “I love you, Jiejie. As your girlfriend, I love every part of you—every side of you.”

She emphasized the last few words deliberately.

An invisible, suffocating net had slowly begun wrapping around Shen Buhui’s chest—heavy and pressing, it made it hard for her to breathe.

But Xu Zhiyan wasn’t done. “So… this possessiveness you have, how easily you get jealous, how much you want to control things—why haven’t you ever talked to me about it?”

She blinked, then gave a faintly exasperated sigh. “Don’t you know? That’s exactly what I love most about you?”

Shen Buhui: “…”

Shen Buhui: “…???”

Her eyes widened suddenly, and that suffocating net that had been slowly closing in seemed to halt in midair.

“You’re saying…” Shen Buhui’s voice was hoarse, “you like me being like that?”

Xu Zhiyan nodded without hesitation. “Yes. You didn’t know? I’m weird like that. I like it when you’re possessive with me.”

She let go of Shen Buhui’s hand and started pacing the living room, tapping her chin as she analyzed herself out loud.

“If it were someone else in my shoes, they’d probably feel upset, scared, even want to leave…”

At those words—upset, scared, leave—Xu Zhiyan clearly noticed Shen Buhui’s fingers twitch.

She sighed softly. She knew now was the best time to resolve this. So she continued, “But I’m not like that. Jiejie, you know what my birth parents were like. Growing up, I never felt any love from them. At the age when I was supposed to be loved the most… I had nothing.”

“…Then I was adopted by the parents I have now.” As Xu Zhiyan said this, her expression softened slightly, as if recalling something warm. “They love each other deeply and treated me with a lot of care growing up. But their love was always measured, respectful.”

She let out a long breath.

Over the past few days, aside from observing others, she’d spent a lot of time reflecting on herself.

Looking at Shen Buhui—who was now staring at her, stunned and silent—Xu Zhiyan’s gaze softened. She continued, “Maybe that’s why I love your kind of love so much, Jiejie. It’s intense, fiery. And I love it deeply.”

“It makes me feel completely surrounded by love. It’s warm and reassuring.”

Because she’d never felt that kind of love before—but had been subconsciously craving it—Xu Zhiyan had found previous relationships dull and unsatisfying. That’s why she used to get lost in romance novels, chasing idealized, passionate love. Why she jumped from one fictional couple to another—always searching for that spark, that kind of fierce affection.

In a way, she’d been using fantasy to prove that kind of love really could exist.

And because she’d never been fulfilled in reality, she kept seeking.

But after experiencing that intense, unconditional love with Shen Buhui—however unintentionally offered—Xu Zhiyan had felt nothing but overwhelming happiness. So much so that she didn’t have the energy to care about anyone else’s opinions.

Everyone said Shen Buhui’s love was possessive, even controlling—but wasn’t that exactly what Xu Zhiyan had been yearning for? In fact, in some subtle ways, she had been becoming like that too.

Reining in the emotions welling up in her chest, Xu Zhiyan turned and pulled the stunned Shen Buhui into a hug. Her voice muffled slightly against her shoulder, she whispered, “So what are you afraid of?”

Keep loving me with that passion. And I’ll love you back just as fiercely.

The black web of doubt that had been creeping through Shen Buhui’s mind was suddenly set ablaze, burning it all to ash—leaving behind only a heart, vibrant and alive.

Shen Buhui’s arms slowly wrapped around Xu Zhiyan, holding her close. “But… I’m scared,” she murmured. “I’m scared I’ll turn into him.”

These past few days, Shen Buhui had been living in constant tension—worrying that Xu Zhiyan might’ve uncovered her true nature and wanted to pull away… and at the same time, afraid she’d lose control of herself and spiral further into obsession, ultimately hurting her.

Who would want a love that’s possessive and paranoid?

But Xu Zhiyan said she did.

With that, Shen Buhui buried her face in the warmth of Xu Zhiyan’s neck.

Xu Zhiyan gently patted her back, trying to soothe her. “But you haven’t turned into him, have you? And I’m not someone else.”

“We’re not them. We’ll be okay.”

She believed, with all her heart, that their love—pure, real, and perfectly matched—wouldn’t lead them down a destructive path.

“Jiejie, you’re just scaring yourself. Think about how well you’ve done so far.”

Feeling Shen Buhui slowly calm down, Xu Zhiyan lightened her tone to break the heaviness in the room.

When they finally pulled apart, Shen Buhui swiped at the corners of her eyes, then gave her a soft glare. “You’re the one who scared me in the first place.”

She never used to be like this! These past few days had shaken her nerves, thanks to all of Xu Zhiyan’s strange behavior.

Xu Zhiyan immediately raised her hand in surrender. “I’m sorry, baby. My fault.”

Shen Buhui’s cheeks flushed red, whether from embarrassment or warmth—it was hard to tell. She shot another look at her. “Where’d you even learn to call me that? That’s such nonsense.”

Xu Zhiyan blinked, then realized what she’d said.

She must’ve picked it up while watching all those couples interact lately—some of it had rubbed off on her without her noticing.

Looking at Shen Buhui, who now had a spring-like glow to her, Xu Zhiyan gave a cheeky smile. “Baby, how could it be nonsense? You really are my baby.”

Shen Buhui rolled her eyes at her, but there was unmistakable joy in her expression.

Spring hadn’t officially arrived yet, but to Xu Zhiyan, it already felt like she was standing in the middle of a blooming, intoxicating flower field.

She kept circling Shen Buhui, calling her “baby” over and over—until she finally “baby’d” her right into the bedroom.

With their hearts now unburdened, the two of them made up for the emotional distance of the past few days. In the end, Xu Zhiyan completely lost herself in Shen Buhui’s whispered, teasing call of:

“Baobei…”

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