The Moon Upon My Heart - Chapter 3

Chapter 3: Bitterness

It Turns Out She Was Reborn Too

Shen Wangshu’s thoughts involuntarily drifted back to fifteen years ago. She still remembered the scene of her first conversation with Ji Fengyue when school had just started.

Back then, Ji Fengyue shouldn’t have arrived at school this early. She had come only after all the lower bunk beds were occupied, and the time they spoke their first words was actually in the afternoon.

At that time, seeing Ji Fengyue sitting on her bed writing something on a folding desk, Shen Wangshu had curiously asked her what she was doing.

Ji Fengyue replied that she was practicing her calligraphy.

That answer had surprised Shen Wangshu so much that the memory remained vivid even after many years.

Ji Fengyue’s handwriting was truly beautiful elegant and bold. The crisp, neat strokes were just like the person herself; she did things directly and without procrastination. Whether it was the handwriting or the personality, Shen Wangshu admired it all immensely.

Probably from the first day they met, Shen Wangshu had always paid attention to Ji Fengyue’s every move.

“Hey, watch out for the car.”

Suddenly, Ji Fengyue, who had been leading her by half a step, grabbed Shen Wangshu’s hand and led her two steps to the side.

“Ah, sorry…” A black sedan passed by their side, accompanied by several sharp honks. Shen Wangshu widened her eyes, thanking Ji Fengyue a beat late.

“Thank you, Student Ji, I wasn’t paying attention.”

Ji Fengyue knitted her brows. She was silent for a moment, then spoke in a calm but slightly distant tone: “Student Xiaoyue, just call me by my name.”

“Sorry, I didn’t react just now. Thank you, Ji Fengyue…”

Ji Fengyue struggled to keep her voice calm as she asked, “Student Xiaoyue, I don’t know your name yet.”

“…Shen Wangshu.” Shen Wangshu’s eyes felt stinging, so she lowered her head, a fine, dense pain rising in her heart again.

“Your complexion is very bad. Are you feeling physically unwell?”

Shen Wangshu replied slowly: “It might be motion sickness. I sat in the car for a long time to get here. Don’t worry, I’ll be fine after a little while.”

“If your body is unwell, you should rest properly. You should have told your mother instead of coming out alone to act tough.”

Shen Wangshu had no way to respond, so she fell silent again. Ji Fengyue didn’t speak either, but she increased the pressure in her hand, squeezing so hard it actually hurt a little.

Shen Wangshu looked at their joined hands. Ji Fengyue had no intention of letting go, and her grip was so tight that her palm seemed to be seeping sweat… Her whole body stiffened; she wanted to look up in disbelief, but in the end, she restrained herself.

“Because I had to report to school today. I’ll be more careful next time. Didn’t you say we were going to the supermarket? Let’s go. After we finish buying things quickly, I can go back and rest early.”

“Oh.” Ji Fengyue’s response was very cold so cold that it immediately dispelled Shen Wangshu’s suspicions. She strode forward, no longer showing any intention of making small talk.

Shen Wangshu watched her back and silently curled the corners of her mouth, thinking she was truly ridiculous. Because she missed her friend so much, she had actually fantasized that the Ji Fengyue before her was also someone who had been reborn.

How could two people both be reborn? It was impossible, so she should stop thinking about it.

The road connected to the school’s side gate didn’t have many pedestrians. Aside from the wind blowing through leaves, birds chirping, and insects buzzing, there was only the occasional noise of passing vehicles.

The brilliant sunlight filtered through the crowns of the camphor trees by the road, spilling onto the ground to form patch after patch of light, making the atmosphere appear exceptionally peaceful and quiet.

But whether it was Shen Wangshu or Ji Fengyue, their hearts were anything but calm.

Both were very silent, walking one behind the other. Intentionally or not, the distance between them grew wider and wider, until Ji Fengyue suddenly turned around; Shen Wangshu had already fallen behind by about two or three meters.

“Shen Wangshu, are you dizzy and unable to walk? Your complexion is very bad. Should I take you back to the dorm to rest? Or call your mother and have her take you to the hospital?” Ji Fengyue’s expression was still not great, but her tone was much softer. “I brought a cell phone.”

“I’m fine, I’m fine. Er, I just accidentally spaced out again.” Shen Wangshu was startled and shook her head decisively.

She walked a few steps to Ji Fengyue’s side and pointed at the small building by the slope, asking a question she already knew the answer to: “Is that the supermarket? Let’s go in and buy things quickly.”

“Mhm.”

Ji Fengyue’s response was still very plain. Shen Wangshu unconsciously breathed a sigh of relief. How strange—could it be that her impression of Ji Fengyue was flawed? She didn’t know Ji Fengyue was so warm-hearted as to care this much about a stranger classmate’s physical state.

The things she couldn’t understand were increasing. Once they entered the supermarket, Shen Wangshu and Ji Fengyue began to chat about the daily necessities needed for boarding life. Having a topic to talk about, she stopped overthinking.

Soon, the two walked out of the supermarket. One hand held a bucket full of daily necessities, while their other hands each gripped a corner of a large bag filled with sundries. They walked even more slowly under the shaded path than when they had come.

However, this time, the atmosphere between the two was clearly much better than before. At least, that was what Ji Fengyue thought; she secretly watched Shen Wangshu’s profile. She still had no expression, but she was no longer frowning.

Except, she still had no intention of chatting. Ji Fengyue hesitated to speak, sighed in her heart, and continued forward in silence.

The two returned to the dorm with their things. Li Ming was still cleaning, so Shen Wangshu and Ji Fengyue naturally stepped up to help.

During the process, Li Ming chatted with Ji Fengyue. Learning that she was actually a fellow townsperson from the same city, Li Ming’s attitude became markedly closer. She even wanted to invite Ji Fengyue to lunch, but fortunately, Ji Fengyue politely declined on the grounds that she had other things to do and left not long after.

Afterward, it was mother-daughter time again. After setting up their water and meal cards, they had lunch in the school cafeteria.

Li Ming was still as nagging as Shen Wangshu remembered, instructing her on many things. Such heavy motherly love, yet Shen Wangshu remained silent, only answering when Li Ming asked a question.

After lunch, Li Ming went home. Shen Wangshu sat dazed in the dorm for a good while before snapping back to face a reality even more severe than family or friendship—how could she still remember the knowledge points she studied fifteen years ago? She had to hurry up and study!

Fortunately, the bag Shen Wangshu brought contained notes she had made in junior high. The handwriting on the notebooks was very immature, but it was written earnestly, and the notes were very well-organized.

There really isn’t that much knowledge in junior high. After just flipping through them briefly, Shen Wangshu felt confident. Aside from the ancient poetry for Chinese class which she couldn’t remember clearly, everything else was quite simple.

Her mood finally improved quite a bit. Shen Wangshu didn’t stay in the dorm to rest but went straight to the bookstore outside the school.

As a top student who had been reborn, Shen Wangshu already had a complete revision plan.

At the bookstore, she directly bought the comprehensive review materials for the third year of high school. The heavy “bricks” contained all the knowledge of the three years of high school. Thanks to her experience of studying desperately in the past, they were already deeply seared into her mind.

After a brief browse, Shen Wangshu discovered she actually still had an impression of it; her mood became even better.

Walking toward the classroom with a heavy backpack, Shen Wangshu even had the leisure to complain internally: no wonder she didn’t grow tall until high school. Being weighed down by such a heavy backpack for three whole years, it would be a miracle if she could grow in junior high. I’ll change it later!

Unfortunately, Shen Wangshu’s good mood did not last long. When she reached the classroom door, next to the spot where she had placed the Oxford Dictionary that morning, she saw that figure she least wanted to see.

Ji Fengyue was focused intently on a high school textbook she had scavenged from somewhere, starting her self-study of the coursework early. She truly was the “top student” recognized by teachers and classmates alike back then.

But now, Shen Wangshu didn’t want to learn from her anymore; she only wanted to turn around and leave, letting that Oxford Dictionary fend for itself.

However, by this time, there was no room left for her to change seats in the classroom. The desks in the first five rows all had things on them; only the first row near the door still had an empty seat.

Shen Wangshu’s eyelashes trembled slightly as she walked nearly soundlessly to her seat.

“Ji Fengyue, what a coincidence. We are desk-mates.”

“Mhm, what a coincidence.” Ji Fengyue didn’t even raise her head. Her cold attitude while continuing to read gave Shen Wangshu an indescribable feeling.

On one hand, a reaction so consistent with Ji Fengyue’s personality made her feel somewhat at ease; but on the other hand, woman’s intuition sent out a warning.

Her experiences after rebirth naturally couldn’t be the same as before, but Shen Wangshu felt she hadn’t done anything to influence Ji Fengyue. No matter how she thought about it, she felt Ji Fengyue shouldn’t be sitting here.

Shen Wangshu still had an impression of her first high school desk-mate—it was a boy with a very good personality. It was he who had proactively contacted her for the ten-year class reunion.

So here was the question: why was Ji Fengyue sitting here?

Ji Fengyue had come earlier than in her previous life. With her personality, she would of course come to the classroom early to claim a seat. The third row in the middle of the classroom was the “golden position,” so it wasn’t strange for her to sit here.

Shen Wangshu didn’t want to think too much, but in the end, she lost her appetite for revising in the classroom. She put the supplementary books from her backpack into the desk drawer and quietly walked out of the classroom.

As she turned at the door, she glanced back. The two of them locked eyes. Shen Wangshu’s heart skipped a beat, and she left as if running away.

Shen Wangshu’s mind was a mess. She didn’t want to go back to the dorm, so she walked aimlessly around the empty campus, finally sitting alone in a corner of the bleachers by the playground, quietly watching the sky.

The summer sky is always very high. Today the weather was very good; the evening sky had gradually turned dim yellow, and the clouds were moved by the wind, changing shapes after a while.

Shen Wangshu watched them, allowing the chaotic thoughts in her heart to drift away with the wind. It wasn’t until the sky grew dark and the white clouds completely disappeared from the horizon that she leaned over her knees and took a deep breath, finally standing up.

Shen Wangshu suddenly felt a bit dizzy. She sighed and walked slowly back to the classroom, which was already filled with the clamor of voices. The only one who still remained quiet was probably Ji Fengyue, who was still focused on reading her book.

Sitting back in her seat, Shen Wangshu turned her head. Seeing her serious and focused appearance, she suddenly asked, “Ji Fengyue, aren’t you eating dinner? Class is about to start.”

“I’ve already eaten. A multi-grain pancake from the cafeteria; the taste was not bad.”

Shen Wangshu hesitated to speak, silently pulling out Appreciation of Ancient High School Poetry and Prose from her desk drawer. She flipped to a random page, which happened to be Li Qingzhao’s Yi Jian Mei (A Twig of Plum Blossoms). She stared at the words “This feeling is impossible to eliminate,” and the chaotic thoughts that had just drifted away with the wind rushed back into her mind, making her unable to focus on anything around her.

The bell for evening self-study rang. The head teacher, Liu Xuezhu, walked onto the podium and began his self-introduction, talking about precautions for the transition between junior high and high school. Shen Wangshu looked up at him, but didn’t take a single word into her ears.

It wasn’t until she heard the teacher call Ji Fengyue’s name that Shen Wangshu suddenly snapped back to attention.

“…Ji Fengyue.”

The person beside her stood up. She walked with a breeze, went onto the podium, and wrote her name on the blackboard in a flamboyant style.

“My name is Ji Fengyue.” Her expression was calm, and her tone of voice was exceptionally cold, as if she didn’t have the slightest interest in the people below the stage.

Except, Shen Wangshu once again locked eyes with her.

Shen Wangshu instinctively lowered her head, her hand under the desk pinching her palm hard. It wasn’t until the person beside her sat down that her words were still echoing in her heart.

Shen Wangshu’s lips were pressed tight, but her mind was in a daze. Being called by the head teacher to go up and do a self-introduction, she stepped onto the podium one step at a time with exceptionally heavy strides.

Facing the blackboard and looking at the white handwriting on it, Shen Wangshu’s throat felt deathly dry. Her brain and body seemed to be separated into two worlds; her body was calmly writing her name on the blackboard, while her brain seemed to have returned to a day ago lying on the hospital bed, her closest and most beloved friend holding her hand, choking with sobs as she begged her to hold on.

“…Shen Wangshu. I don’t have any particularly special hobbies.” After Shen Wangshu finished speaking, she instinctively looked toward the audience. Ji Fengyue was looking at her intently. Their gazes met, and Ji Fengyue revealed a faint smile, the most familiar smile, the one Dr. Ji often had in front of her.

Shen Wangshu’s brain buzzed. She left the podium and walked slowly back to her seat. From the start of her rebirth no, from the moment she woke up after the car accident the bitterness that had been suppressed in the depths of her heart surged at this moment with incomparable force, striking her brain.

This bitterness traveled down her throat, turning into heavy stones that plummeted into her stomach, pulling Shen Wangshu down into her seat. She hung her head and gripped the corner of her shirt tightly, allowing the pain from her stomach to punish her.

She closed her eyes, terror-stricken as she recalled the once-familiar signature of her favorite Dr. Ji. Finally, she let go of her hands dejectedly. It was the same. It was indeed the same.

It turns out Ji Fengyue really was reborn, too.

But she herself had been reborn after dying… what about Ji Fengyue?