The Moon Upon My Heart - Chapter 2

Chapter 2: Facing

The memories invading her mind gradually dispersed as the moving vehicle finally arrived at its destination. Shen Wangshu was woken up by her mother; her face was even paler than before, her expression marked with obvious exhaustion.

Li Ming finally noticed her daughter’s complexion but said nothing, going straight to the trunk to get the luggage. Shen Wangshu followed her out of the car and looked up to see the school gate, which was identical to the one in her memory; her expression became dazed once more.

Her alma mater from fifteen years ago actually had not changed a single bit compared to fifteen years later.

“What are you thinking about, Xiaoyue? Let’s go in quickly, there are still many things to do today,” Li Ming touched Shen Wangshu’s forehead and smiled. “You’ll be studying here from now on; you can look at it whenever you want. Let’s go report first.”

“Oh, okay.” Shen Wangshu lowered her head unnaturally, taking half a step back to follow behind her mother.

Meanwhile, Li Ming had already grabbed the suitcase and strode into the school gate. Shen Wangshu followed silently behind the woman. She watched Li Ming’s back silently, thinking to herself: how long had it been since she was this “close” to her mother?

Though the former Shen Wangshu had wanted to escape her restrictive family, she still wanted to make her parents happy, which was why she studied so hard, wanting to become their pride.

But what she faced after the Gaokao was the fact that her parents had long since divorced behind her back, as well as the new husband her mother introduced, and even a notice regarding pregnancy preparations… Sigh!

Unwilling to think about these sad matters further, Shen Wangshu cleared her mind and let her gaze sweep across the campus scenery. Suddenly, she thought again: in fifteen years, her alma mater truly had changed a lot after all.

The osmanthus trees on both sides of the campus roads were not yet that tall or large; the sparse leaves made it look like they had only been planted for a year or two, completely different from the “pavilion-like canopy” in Shen Wangshu’s later memories.

The paint on the streetlights looked very new; these might be newly installed solar streetlights, not yet having experienced over ten years of wind and rain, peeling paint, and rust like in the future.

The wire mesh pulled up next to the playground was also gone. At this time, there probably hadn’t yet been a “bold and reckless” student who, being too lazy to walk the extra distance, flipped over the wall from the high platform to play soccer on the playground, only to slip and fall, resulting in a bone fracture… Shen Wangshu suddenly remembered that this “funny anecdote” had actually been told to her by Ji Fengyue.

Thinking of the person she liked, a wave of intense bitterness surged in Shen Wangshu’s heart. She still remembered what kind of person the fifteen-year-old Ji Fengyue was, but her memory was likely worlds apart from the actual reality—and the current Ji Fengyue would only treat her as an irrelevant classmate.

Her brain uncontrollably conjured up many things that made her exceptionally sad, making Shen Wangshu even more silent. She noiselessly followed her mother through the various reporting procedures; after reporting, she followed her mother to the classroom.

On the rows of desks in front of the podium, a few books were scattered here and there; these were placed by those who came early to claim seats. Li Ming was very pleased to see this: “Nowadays, kids really love studying.”

“Xiaoyue, you should learn more from these classmates and study hard.”

“Mhm.”

“Make friends with hardworking and diligent classmates, discuss studies more often, and associate less with people of questionable character. High school is…”

Shen Wangshu simply treated her mother’s words as wind passing her ears. She placed the thick Oxford Dictionary from her backpack onto the desk and responded casually, but thought in her heart: in high school, when she made friends with Ji Fengyue whose grades were consistently in the top three of the grade her mother was very happy and always remembered her.

But later, her mother saw her feelings for Ji Fengyue; from then on, she never gave Ji Fengyue a single good look again and even wanted to forbid them from associating.

It was evident that what her mother cared about was not whether her daughter’s friends were excellent, but whether they would “lead her daughter astray.”

However, in truth, she didn’t care that much about her daughter’s situation either; otherwise, why would she have never visited the hospital once after her daughter’s car accident.

As for Shen Wangshu’s father, he might not even know that his daughter was dead.

Shen Wangshu’s eyes suddenly felt a bit stinging. She was not a fragile person, but reality was always so cruel, not leaving her even a final shred of hope.

What was the use of being reborn back to fifteen years ago? The Shen Wangshu who had been truly abandoned and forgotten by her parents, who had burdened her friend for a long time, and who had died silently in the hospital, could no longer face them calmly.

“Let’s go, Xiaoyue, we’ll go check the dormitory. Maybe other classmates have already arrived.”

“Mhm.” Shen Wangshu kept her head down, walking to the dormitory building entrance with Li Ming. She emptied her mind, her spirit wandering off, allowing Li Ming to handle the negotiations with the dormitory manager auntie waiting at the door.

The conversation between the two did not enter her brain—but if it could have entered and crowded out the space occupied by “another person,” she might have been a bit happier.

After Li Ming registered and received the key, it was still Dormitory 301, where Shen Wangshu had lived for three years in her previous life. But when the iron door opened, the inside was empty; there was only dust drifting everywhere, not bearing a single bit of resemblance to the high school dormitory in Shen Wangshu’s memories.

Shen Wangshu was not surprised that they were the first to arrive. Her impatient mother had called a taxi and rushed over after 6:00 AM; what other boarding student would come this early?

Li Ming entered the dormitory and went to the balcony and toilet to check the situation. Shen Wangshu paid her no mind, naturally opening her suitcase, taking a towel, wetting it at the balcony faucet, and wiping the dust off the bed boards. Her movements were light and practiced, which greatly surprised Li Ming.

“Xiaoyue, you’re quite good at housework; I didn’t even know.”

Shen Wangshu was still dazing off and was suddenly startled upon hearing this. She remembered: at this period, she rarely touched housework. Her mother always disliked her “slow and sluggish” movements and never let her help with chores.

“You learn by watching. Since I’ll be boarding in the future, I can’t keep letting Mom help. I don’t want to cause Mom trouble; some things are better done by myself.”

“Oh, it’s good you have such thoughts.” Li Ming was stunned for a moment, her brows furrowing unconsciously. She gave Shen Wangshu a dry compliment and then didn’t know what else to say.

For the first fifteen years of Shen Wangshu’s life, Li Ming had handled everything—clothing, food, housing, transportation, education, making friends, and even her hairstyle were arranged by Li Ming.

No matter what she said, Shen Wangshu’s answer was always “Okay, Mom.” In the past, Li Ming greatly detested this puppet-like, mechanical response, yet felt that without her, her daughter would be unable to live independently, thus making her want even more to plan a smooth path for her daughter.

But now, Li Ming vaguely discovered that her daughter was not just a child who only knew how to study, and she suddenly felt a bit uneasy in her heart.

“In that case, later you go to the supermarket yourself to buy daily necessities while I stay here to clean. Xiaoyue, do you know what to buy…”

While Li Ming was giving stiff instructions, the half-closed dormitory door was suddenly pushed open. The girl whom Shen Wangshu was very familiar with, but who did not know her now, stood at the door pulling a suitcase.

“Auntie, classmate, hello. My name is Ji Fengyue, and I am also a student from Class 6.”

Amidst the room full of dust illuminated by the sunlight, the girl Shen Wangshu had secretly loved for many years introduced herself. It was the same cold expression as in Shen Wangshu’s memories, yet it was also a look that the later Ji Fengyue would never show her again.

Her heart suddenly throbbed with pain. Shen Wangshu’s eyelids closed slightly; she lowered her head and continued slowly wiping the dust off the bed board. She replied very quietly, “Hello, classmate.”

She didn’t dare look at her; she was very afraid she would cry. But what right did the current her have to shed tears in front of Ji Fengyue?

The forever-shining Ji Fengyue did not need a friend like her.

With her head lowered, Shen Wangshu did not notice that Ji Fengyue’s gaze was almost nailed to her body.

Ji Fengyue quickly pulled her suitcase into the dormitory and walked straight to Shen Wangshu’s side. Only then did she look at the bunk above. She opened her suitcase on the spot to organize things, clearly deciding to sleep in the top bunk above Shen Wangshu.

Li Ming asked curiously: “Student Ji, you want to live in the upper bunk? That’s not convenient for daily activities.”

Ji Fengyue answered naturally: “The upper bunk won’t have people disturbing me. I plan to buy a folding bed-desk after school officially starts so I can study on the bed at night too.”

Li Ming’s eyes lit up. She placed her hand on Shen Wangshu’s shoulder: “Xiaoyue, the rag in your hand happens to be relatively clean. Go help Student Ji wipe her bed boards. You’ll be roommates from now on; you should help each other more.”

“…Mhm.”

“Auntie, no need to trouble her. I see the air conditioner light is on; the socket over there should work. I’ll blow it with a hair dryer a bit and then place two layers of newspaper under the sheets; it won’t be dirty.”

After Ji Fengyue finished speaking, she climbed to the upper bunk with the hair dryer and newspapers. Li Ming, seeing her nimble movements, was quite surprised.

“Classmate, could you move aside? It won’t be good if the dust falls on you later.”

“…Mhm, I’ll go to the balcony to wash the towel. You go ahead and blow.” Shen Wangshu kept her head down and walked quickly to the sink. The “whirring” sound of the wind soon started, accompanied by her mother’s continuous questioning; Ji Fengyue’s responses were as per her style—concise yet not lacking in politeness.

Shen Wangshu stared blankly at the stream of water gushing from the faucet. It felt very cold against her hands, barely allowing her to maintain her calm.

Through the mirror on the wall, she secretly observed the situation in the room.

Her mother seemed to be in high spirits, and Ji Fengyue was already laying out the newspapers… Shen Wangshu took a deep breath. The two people in the room were the ones the reborn her wanted to face the least, yet reality was just so—despite being unwilling to face them, she could not avoid facing them.

“Mom, I’ll lay out the sheets and quilt covers first, and then I’ll go to the supermarket to buy daily necessities. We didn’t bring much; we needed to buy hangers, buckets, toothbrushes, tissues, and such. We might not be able to carry it all at once, but some small miscellaneous items can be bought later when needed. What do you think?”

“That works; your plan is very good.”

Li Ming scanned the floor of the dormitory twice, then looked at Ji Fengyue, who had already finished laying out her sheets, and suddenly smiled: “Student Ji, why don’t you go to the supermarket with Xiaoyue? I’ll sweep the dust off the dormitory floor first. With you two kids here, I can’t move freely.”

“From now on you’ll be roommates in bunks; chat more, get familiar early, and study together in the future.”

Ji Fengyue looked down from above and met the gaze of Shen Wangshu, who had looked over reflexively. The latter immediately lowered her head. Ji Fengyue pushed up her glasses and answered with a smile: “I have no problem, Auntie.”

“It just so happens we can move things together; we can take more at once.”

“…Then wait for me a moment, I’ll help my mom lay the sheets first.”

“Oh, Xiaoyue, where would I need help? It’s more important that you go and come back quickly.”

“Auntie, I know where the supermarket near the school is. We should be back very soon.”

Having reached this point, Shen Wangshu could only follow Ji Fengyue. She followed step-by-step behind Ji Fengyue, her head slightly lowered, sighing in her heart—how is it that she just cannot escape?

Fortunately, Ji Fengyue also didn’t like to take the initiative to speak. Shen Wangshu had enough time to calm her churning thoughts.

The two walked out of the dormitory building in silence and then headed together toward the school’s side gate. This was a road Shen Wangshu was more than familiar with. She followed silently behind Ji Fengyue, gazing deeply at the back in front of her.

The fifteen-year-old Ji Fengyue was identical to the one in her memory—still tall and thin, with a neat and tidy ponytail, wearing a very ordinary pair of black thin-rimmed glasses, with very few expressions on her face. Anyone who saw her would think she was definitely a good student.

However, Shen Wangshu thought: indeed, the person in her memories and actual reality were completely different.

The current Ji Fengyue and the “Dr. Ji” whom Shen Wangshu was most familiar with were not the same person. The Ji Fengyue of fifteen years later had already shed her greenness and was a very excellent doctor.

And the girl before her, aside from her face, was not the same as Dr. Ji in any way.

Uncontrollably, Shen Wangshu’s chest began to feel stifled again, but now, she no longer had anyone to whom she could recount her grievances.