The Moon Upon My Heart - Chapter 10

Chapter 10: Estrangement

Neither Moved One Step Further

After that day, the relationship between Shen Wangshu and Ji Fengyue seemed to have deepened by another layer. When no one was paying attention, they would address each other by nicknames, but in settings where others were present, neither of them would show it.

However, after that instance of the “lap pillow,” Ji Fengyue never requested anything else from Shen Wangshu. Shen Wangshu didn’t know what she was thinking and didn’t care much anyway; she wouldn’t refuse, so Ji Fengyue could do as she pleased.

In the blink of an eye, Shen Wangshu and Ji Fengyue had already lived at Sheng High for over half a month.

During the first week, there was a diagnostic test for every subject. It wasn’t just Class 6; all the new tenth graders participating in the “summer camp” were severely “tortured.”

The loose atmosphere that had permeated the corridors on the first day of school naturally vanished. They were all top students from various junior high schools; without needing the teachers to urge them, almost everyone entered a dedicated study state.

Generally speaking, the results of the diagnostic tests wouldn’t circulate to other classes. But who could have imagined that Class 6 would produce two “wild” academic gods? And both were from some unknown corner of a rural school.

It was one thing that the top students from the provincial capital’s key junior high schools had never heard of them, but their grades were so good that the teachers praised them incessantly. One had an extremely solid foundation in math, physics, and chemistry—standard answers flowed from her pen with ease. Legend had it that across all subject papers, she only lost a few points on two Chinese compositions.

The other was even more ridiculous: her Chinese composition received a perfect score and was circulated among all classes by the Chinese teachers as a model essay. She was no slouch in other subjects either, and according to reliable sources, she spoke fluently with the English teacher in class. The teacher commented that her pronunciation was authentic and her word choice accurate, comparable to a native speaker.

It would be one thing if they just had good grades, but they even spent every day self-studying in the classroom after the noon nap. They were so hardworking it was almost inhuman!

With such excellent examples right there, the homeroom teachers of each class naturally mentioned them to their students from time to time, stimulating them every day. Within two days, this group of arrogant top students willingly followed suit and worked hard together.

With such a studious atmosphere before school had even officially started, the teachers in the office were practically beaming with joy; the results of the National College Entrance Exam three years later would surely be brilliant.

While the teachers were happy that students were finding “profit in opening books,” Shen Wangshu and Ji Fengyue, who were being used as models and publicly praised, were not so happy.

The reason for Ji Fengyue’s displeasure was simple: the rare quiet time alone with Shen Wangshu was gone. More and more people were in the classroom during the noon break, and some even sought out Shen Wangshu for advice on how to practice English. Shen Wangshu didn’t refuse and would chat with them alone in the corridor. Poor Ji Fengyue often had to wait bitterly until class started to see her deskmate return.

And what about Shen Wangshu? Regarding being praised by name by teachers of all subjects, being asked for study methods by classmates, and being looked upon with admiration…

To be honest, in terms of the English exam and the Chinese composition, Shen Wangshu felt she was “bullying children.” She didn’t feel happy at all. Coupled with the fact that she naturally hadn’t beaten Ji Fengyue in the exams specifically, every subject except Chinese—it was no wonder Shen Wangshu’s mood was anything but good.

On the other hand, since hinting at her identity to Ji Fengyue, Ji Fengyue was almost inseparable from her at every moment, just short of following her into the restroom.

Shen Wangshu didn’t want to get too close to Ji Fengyue, but Ji Fengyue always liked to follow her. Her attitude was so natural and her excuses so righteous that Shen Wangshu couldn’t refuse and could only acquiesce.

The direct consequence of this was that the students of Class 6 began to believe that Shen Wangshu and Ji Fengyue were a perfect study duo, assuming they would do everything together.

Gradually, almost no one would interrupt when the two were alone together, at most asking some study questions during breaks. Even the teachers were the same; if there was something for one of them to do, they would call the other along as a matter of course.

In the eyes of outsiders, the two had already become very close friends, but only they knew that an invisible glass wall still existed between them. It seemed like it could be easily shattered, yet neither moved one step further.

…

Unknowingly, midsummer was more than halfway through, and the chirping of cicadas on campus grew more restless.

In over a month, the new tenth graders had basically adapted to the rhythm of high school life. Following closely behind was the arrival of the actual summer vacation.

Along with the prospective twelfth graders in the building next door, almost all students were counting down the days until the break.

However, this did not include Shen Wangshu.

After more than a month, her mother, Li Ming, called again, making her mood very foul.

Li Ming certainly had no ill intentions; she just told Shen Wangshu that after the break, she could take a friend’s car home and then have a meal together, or something of the sort. But Shen Wangshu refused her arrangements.

She used Ji Fengyue as an excuse, saying they had agreed to take the bus back together and there was no need for trouble. If a stranger (an adult) was present, they would feel awkward, which wasn’t good.

The person on the other end of the phone was silent for a while, which was a tacit acceptance of Shen Wangshu’s words. Then Li Ming shifted the topic, asking how Shen Wangshu was doing at school, whether she had adapted to dormitory life, and if she could keep up with the curriculum… If one ignored her forceful tone, she seemed like such a good mother.

If this hadn’t been only the second call Shen Wangshu had received since school started, perhaps she could still believe her mother loved her as she did in her childhood.

The call ended, and Shen Wangshu sat on the edge of the bed in a daze. Complex thoughts surged in her heart as she suddenly remembered her previous life.

During the college entrance exam, Shen Wangshu performed exceptionally well. After the exams ended, she checked her answers online and went home with a heart full of joy. She looked forward to her parents’ praise, fantasizing that they could be proud of her, thereby ending the cold war and returning to the way things used to be.

But when she got home, she found out that her father hadn’t been away on business for over two years because of work. Instead, this couple whose relationship had collapsed had already quietly divorced behind their daughter’s back. They only put on an act of being a couple in front of her for the sole purpose of not affecting her studies.

If it had just been that, Shen Wangshu could have accepted the cruel reality after mourning privately.

But immediately on the next day, Li Ming introduced her to her new lover. Worse than that, Li Ming made arrangements on her own authority; she wanted that man to replace her ex-husband and join her in celebrating Shen Wangshu.

At the celebratory dinner, she chatted so happily with the man. It was also then that Shen Wangshu learned her mother was already pregnant with a second child; they were already preparing to welcome a new life.

What a distressing announcement. She probably never considered how her daughter would feel, or perhaps it was because she no longer cared.

Shen Wangshu couldn’t accept it, but she had to. In the end, it was even that “Uncle” who took the initiative to ease the situation for Shen Wangshu. How ironic—a stranger cared more about Shen Wangshu’s feelings than her biological mother.

During the first Spring Festival after entering university, when Shen Wangshu stayed at her mother’s house for a short time, she could see her mother was very happy—much happier than when she lived with her and her father.

The Uncle was a very good person, caring for her more than her biological parents did. Shen Wangshu knew why her mother liked him; only someone that considerate could accommodate her mother’s passion for life.

Shen Wangshu soon accepted her mother’s remarriage. She never intended to stop her mother from pursuing her own happiness. She knew her mother was very happy after remarrying; they were very much in love, and their small family would surely be very complete.

Except, there was no place for Shen Wangshu in that home.

After her mother gave birth to a son who was eighteen years younger than her, this intuition in Shen Wangshu’s heart grew stronger.

And time passed so quickly. The infant in swaddling clothes grew in the blink of an eye to an age where he could walk and call out “Mama” and “Papa.” His dislike for his dull sister was so obvious, as if he knew this woman he only saw a few times a year would steal his mother’s love.

Since her half-brother disliked his quiet sister and her mother doted more on the younger child, Shen Wangshu naturally had the self-awareness to withdraw from her mother’s world. Her connection with that family was limited to the internet, holiday greetings, and Red Envelope transfers.

It wasn’t that Shen Wangshu hadn’t tried to improve the relationship with her mother. With the Uncle acting as a lubricant between them, they could at least eat New Year’s Eve dinner together.

But her mother always made her own arrangements so self-centeredly, being dictatorial and never caring about her daughter’s feelings.

She shouldn’t have demanded, in a commanding tone, that Shen Wangshu break off contact with Ji Fengyue after sensing her feelings for her. Worse still, she shouldn’t have tried to arrange blind dates for her daughter who had just graduated from university, wanting to push her early into the fiery pit she herself had once jumped out of.

Clearly, this woman and her ex-husband had married through a blind date; how could she do such a thing just to make Shen Wangshu “return to the right path”?

Naturally, Shen Wangshu chose to break ties with her mother. Compared to a mother-daughter relationship connected by blood and duty, Shen Wangshu cared more about the friends she chose for herself.

However, Shen Wangshu was a very responsible person. She felt she had received much care from her mother in her first twenty years and should bear the responsibilities of a daughter. But since she didn’t want to communicate with her mother, she only kept in touch with the Uncle. Her mother knew her husband had become a mouthpiece and chose to acquiesce.

This was a tacit understanding where each took a step back. Shen Wangshu had once thought her mother at least still regarded her as a daughter, but after the car accident happened, she completely understood that all of this was just her own wishful thinking.

Abandoned in the hospital with only one person willing to take care of her, Shen Wangshu would no longer have any expectations of her parents.

She would no longer comply with her mother’s arrangements, nor did she want to devote any more energy to them.

But unfortunately, right now Shen Wangshu was only a fifteen-year-old minor with no source of income and no qualification for independence. Until she reached adulthood, she could only continue to endure.

“Shen Wangshu, are you okay?” Ji Fengyue walked up to Shen Wangshu, her voice very soft so as not to attract the attention of the others in the dormitory.

“I’m fine,” Shen Wangshu shook her head at her and smiled gently. “After the break starts, let’s go home together.”

“…Okay.” After Ji Fengyue finished speaking, she returned to her own bed. She clenched her fists and gritted her teeth tightly. If she could, she really wanted to pull the girl who was on the verge of crying into her arms to comfort her.

But not yet. She had to continue to endure.

Just wait. Sooner or later, Ji Fengyue would make Shen Wangshu leave with her voluntarily. They would have a warm home—a home where no one else would disturb them!