The Cannon Fodder Lead Just Wants to Slack Off and Cuddle Cats - Chapter 3

The back mountains were not far away; a brisk walk along the winding path took about the time it takes for a stick of incense to burn.

As they ventured deeper, the lush, towering trees wove a canopy so thick that not a drop of sky remained visible. The light grew dim, and the air was filled with the intermittent, rhythmic chirping of insects.

Qu Qi was relieved the journey was short. She had endured Ruan Tang’s non-stop chatter about the convoluted love affair between the “Immortal Concubine” and the “Demon Lord” their endless breakups, reunions, and agonizing romance until her brain felt completely numb.

“The Inner Sect is always so focused on ‘cultivation’ and ‘tranquility.’ No one ever wants to talk about this kind of juicy gossip with me. I was nearly bored to death!” The young girl had opened the floodgates of conversation, her words pouring out like a river. “I never expected that you’d like this stuff too!”

Qu Qi, who had barely glanced at the book, said guiltily, “Actually, I haven’t had the chance to read it yet.”

Ruan Tang said generously, “No matter! I’ve read this book so many times I can recite it backward. Let me tell you what happens next!”

Qu Qi waved her hands frantically. “No, no, no! That’s quite alright!”

Ruan Tang froze, her apricot-shaped eyes rounding with disappointment. “Why? Do you not like it?”

Looking at those sparkling eyes, Qu Qi suddenly thought of her past self finding a fellow fan in a niche community and feeling that same euphoric rush. She couldn’t help but feel a pang of empathy. For a young girl like this, finding a kindred spirit was no easy feat. How could she let her down?

Qu Qi composed herself and comforted her. “Of course, I like it! It’s just that I hate spoilers. It takes all the fun out of it if I know the ending beforehand.”

Ruan Tang had a sudden realization, her face brightening again. “Oh, I see! Then I won’t say another word. Read it at your own pace; we’ll chat about it later when we have the chance!”

Qu Qi smiled. “Definitely next time.”

She quickly pointed ahead to change the subject. “Senior Sister Ruan, are we almost there?”

Ruan Tang snapped back to reality and nodded. “Right here.”

The distraction made her remember her actual mission, and she felt a wave of annoyance at herself. How did I end up chatting so happily with her? This is the villain who bullied our Junior Sister!

Feeling like a traitor who had defected to the enemy, Ruan Tang’s face flushed with shame. She clenched her fists. “Hmph! Don’t think that just because I talked to you, you’re anyone special! I… I haven’t made friends with you, so don’t get any ideas!”

Qu Qi looked at the girl’s beet-red earlobes with confusion. What happened all of a sudden? Adolescent girls are truly hard to understand.

Ruan Tang huffed, quickened her pace, and marched ahead with her head held high.

A few steps later, a small wooden cabin appeared, surrounded by a low picket fence. The dappled light fell across the tiny courtyard, which was nestled against a grove of verdant bamboo—quiet and elegant.

The two stopped at the courtyard gate. Qu Qi looked around, taking it all in. Thick cobwebs draped over the door, and the door knocker was buried under a visible layer of dust.

Ruan Tang tilted her chin up. “There. You’ll be living here from now on.”

With a look of disdain, she lifted her foot and nudged the gate open with the tip of her shoe. With a long, agonizing creak, a cloud of dust billowed out, hitting Qu Qi square in the face. She turned red and began to cough violently.

Ruan Tang looked at her, exasperated. “How are you so useless?”

Unaffected, Ruan Tang walked straight ahead with a straight back. Qu Qi had no choice but to cover her nose and follow.

They entered the yard, passing a small patch of overgrown, weed-chiffon farmland and a dried-up well before the cabin came into full view.

Qu Qi pinched her nose and asked in a muffled voice, “Senior Sister Ruan, did someone live here before?” She noticed several rusted rakes and shovels leaning against the wall, likely left by the previous occupant.

Ruan Tang stopped at the cabin door and answered casually, “Besides you, other disciples who were sent into solitary confinement lived here.”

Qu Qi nodded. If people had lived here before, the conditions couldn’t be that bad. Although the lighting was eerie and the yard felt desolate, knowing it had been inhabited gave her some peace of mind.

“Was the last disciple also here for solitary confinement?”

“No idea.” Ruan Tang glanced at her. “I heard that once they went to the back mountains, they were cut off from the world and never heard from again. No one knows what happened to them.”

Qu Qi: “…”

She stared at the closed wooden door as if it were a man-eating monster and took several terrified steps back.

Ruan Tang teased, “What, are you scared?”

Qu Qi gave a forced laugh. “Yeah. Can I… not live here?”

Ruan Tang sneered. “Do you think this is an inn? You don’t have a choice.”

Qu Qi’s face fell into a miserable pout. Ji Ling hadn’t been lying; this back mountain was even harsher than she had imagined.

“I was just teasing you. That disciple returned a long time ago.” Ruan Tang glanced at her, seemingly delighted to see her squirm. “I’m opening the door now.”

Qu Qi wisely dodged to the side just as Ruan Tang kicked the door open without hesitation.

Bang!

Qu Qi brushed away the swirling dust and peeked inside with hope, only for her heart to sink further. The empty room contained only an old bed frame, a small desk, and an uneven chair. A side door in the wall led to a dingy kitchen. It was the epitome of minimalism.

Ruan Tang looked far more satisfied than she was, her smile dripping with schadenfreude. “As they say, a humble room breeds a noble character. Living in a place like this, Senior Sister Qu, I’m sure you’ll finally focus on your cultivation.”

The subtext was clear: Stop thinking of ways to bully Su Fuwan.

Qu Qi: Heh. Would you like some of this “good fortune” for yourself?

She leaned over to look at the dusty, rock-hard bed. She could already feel the backache she’d have after sleeping on it. Whatever, she thought, trying to find a silver lining. As long as I’m away from the protagonists, I’ll treat this as a “back to nature” experience.

She comforted herself, regained some of her energy, and rolled up her sleeves, ready to clean the place.

Ruan Tang watched her head for the door. “What are you doing?”

“Cleaning,” Qu Qi replied.

Ruan Tang’s eyes widened in disbelief. “Why would you bother cleaning? A simple Cleansing Spell would settle it… Did you really forget even that?”

Qu Qi froze. She really didn’t know it. She was a mere mortal, not a Hogwarts graduate! How was she supposed to know a Cleansing Spell?

Fortunately, her character was a “useless beauty,” so Qu Qi nodded shamelessly. “Ah, right, right. It slipped my mind for a moment.”

As expected, Ruan Tang wore a “just as I thought” expression and sighed. “How can you forget such a basic immortal technique?”

“Oh, my memory isn’t very good. But surely Senior Sister Ruan remembers it?”

Hearing this, Ruan Tang instinctively puffed out her chest like a proud peacock. “Of course. Fine, I’ll deign to help you just this once. Don’t expect a second time.”

Qu Qi immediately clapped. “Thank you, Senior Sister Ruan!”

Ruan Tang nodded proudly. She performed a hand seal, connecting her ring finger and thumb, pushed her palm forward, and barked, “Go!”

An invisible breeze swept through the room, and the scent of sunlight filled the air. In the blink of an eye, the furniture was spotless, the floor was polished to a mirror shine, and the air was much fresher.

Qu Qi’s jaw dropped. “Wow!”

For a “lazy dog” like her who hated tidying up, this spell was incredibly convenient! Witnessing such utility, Qu Qi actually felt a tiny spark of interest in cultivation.

Basking in Qu Qi’s amazed gaze, Ruan Tang held her head even higher, like a swan about to sing.

Qu Qi looked at her with pure admiration. “Senior Sister Ruan! You’re amazing!”

Qu Qi was naturally stunning; when she smiled, her fox-like eyes curved into crescents, shimmering like a spring pool of peach blossoms. Her red lips and snow-white skin were dazzlingly beautiful.

Even Ruan Tang, who was used to her “femme fatale” looks, was momentarily stunned. She snapped back to her senses and barked, “Stop smiling for no reason!”

Qu Qi: “Huh?”

Ruan Tang turned away awkwardly and walked out, throwing a cold sentence over her shoulder: “Follow me. The Elder has a task for you.”

Qu Qi had no idea how she had offended the little sister again, but she followed anyway.

They walked deep into the bamboo forest. After about a hundred steps, the woods thinned out and the light grew even darker. Qu Qi felt a sudden chill, but strangely, the cold environment felt very comfortable to her body.

“We’re here,” Ruan Tang stopped. “From now on, you must come here every day from the hour of the Dragon to the hour of the Rooster.”

Qu Qi looked ahead. On a stretch of sandy soil stood many small earth mounds. Some had tilted stone tablets in front of them; others were bare. Weeds and unidentified bones made the place look desolate and cold.

Qu Qi rubbed the goosebumps on her arms. “This… this really is a graveyard, isn’t it?”

“It is.”

Qu Qi was shocked. “What am I supposed to do here???”

Ruan Tang said seriously, “The Elder says many spiritual beasts and herbs live on the back mountain. They sometimes wander in here and disturb the spirits resting here, causing chaos. Your task is to guard this graveyard and make sure nothing enters.”

Good grief. So, the “solitary confinement” was a lie; I’m actually a graveyard keeper. And I’m not even getting paid! I can hear the sound of them trying to get free labor from all the way up here!

Qu Qi looked around. This desolate land seemed forgotten by time—dry, grey, and so silent there wasn’t even a breeze. The cold air lingered, but she felt as if she were soaking in warm water. A gentle power surged through her meridians. This strange place might actually help her cultivation.

Ruan Tang suddenly slapped her forehead. “Oh right, I think the Elder mentioned one more thing.”

“What else did he say?” Qu Qi thought, that old man has too many demands. He’s really something else.

“What was it…?” Ruan Tang tried hard to remember but failed. She gave up and commanded sternly, “In any case, don’t go wandering around the back mountain. If you offend a ghost, it’s over for you. Your cultivation is so low that no one will be able to save you.”

Qu Qi nodded obediently. “Don’t worry, I definitely won’t wander off.” How could she dare? She just wanted to “lay flat” and stay alive.

Having delivered the instructions, Ruan Tang prepared to leave. Before she left, Qu Qi bid her a lingering farewell. “Senior Sister Ruan, come visit often! I still have many storybooks here.”

Ruan Tang’s face immediately flushed, it was hard to tell if it was from shame or anger. “Who… who likes storybooks! No one wants your junk!” She stomped her feet like an angry dinosaur and left without looking back.

Qu Qi smiled and watched her leave before returning to the cabin alone.

As she entered the courtyard, she suddenly heard a faint noise, as if something had darted past a corner. Qu Qi froze. She immediately remembered Ruan Tang’s warning and broke into a cold sweat. No way… did I really run into a ghost?

She gathered her courage and looked toward the source of the sound. In the shadows of the bamboo, a black mass seemed to be crouching. She could only see two small eyes; the pupils were slit like grains of rice, and the whites flowed with a strange, golden light.

Qu Qi stared into those eyes, her back turning cold. She didn’t dare breathe. What do I do? There’s really something there! Am I going to die right after transmigrating?!

After a long moment of the “human and ghost” staring at each other, the mass moved slightly and slowly stepped out from the shadows.

Qu Qi swallowed nervously. When she saw its form, she breathed a massive sigh of relief.

It was a black cat.

The kitten walked with soft steps, its long tail swaying behind it. Those golden eyes stared at her without blinking.

Qu Qi leaned down and called tentatively, “Meow?”

The black cat stopped, as if inspecting the “two-legged beast” before it. Its round face was expressionless. Well, it’s quite aloof, but so cute.

Qu Qi persevered and meowed at it again. “Meow, be good. Whose little kitty are you?”

The black cat stared at her coldly.

Qu Qi tried to lure it in. “Meow, are you hungry? Do you want to come with big sister? Big sister has delicious things here.” She didn’t realize that her tone and expression made her look like a kidnapper trying to lure a child.

The black cat narrowed its eyes, then suddenly turned and darted into the bamboo forest, its black fur blending into the shadows until it vanished.

Qu Qi was stunned. Do I look that scary?

Dejected, she went inside, took a bronze mirror from her storage ring, and rested her chin in her hands. She looked at herself from every angle. Such a stunning beauty with a tiny waist and long legs… who could resist? She had to admit, the host’s face and body were perfect; even she was captivated.

As the sky darkened, Qu Qi felt hungry. She took out several boxes of pastries from her storage ring. The ring was incredibly useful, acting like a high-tech refrigerator that kept everything warm and fresh.

As she ate a osmanthus cake, she began to calculate. She was only at the third level of Qi Refining, far from being able to live without food. To survive here for a month, she had to solve the food situation. Luckily, she had the foresight to bring enough snacks to last a few days.

When she had returned earlier, she noticed a hot spring near the cabin that looked clean, so bathing wouldn’t be an issue. Before it got completely dark, she went out for a quick bath and hurried back inside.

The moon rose over the treetops, and the bamboo rustled. A single candle flickered in the small cabin. Full and satisfied, Qu Qi collapsed onto the bed and flipped through a storybook. Soon, her “salted fish” instincts kicked in, and she felt drowsy.

A moment later, a long shadow appeared outside, peering through the thin paper window. It heard steady breathing; the person inside was asleep.

The cabin had been placed under a protective ward that kept out ordinary ghosts, but to this creature, it was as thin as air. It slipped into the shadow beneath the eaves, sinking silently into the darkness like liquid, swallowed from head to toe.

If Qu Qi were still awake, she would have seen the black cat she saw earlier suddenly emerge from the shadow of the candle holder. Its paws stepped lightly on the floor, making no sound. Its golden eyes immediately locked onto the figure on the bed.

The candle sputtered, its warm yellow glow stretching the cat’s shadow across the wall, it was the silhouette of a person, the slender frame of a woman.

The black cat leaped lightly onto the bed, looking down at the sleeping girl. Qu Qi was dressed in her inner robes, sprawled out in a sleeping posture that was anything but elegant. The storybook rested on her chest, her hand covering the cover where words like “Immortal Concubine,” “Demon Lord,” and “Entangled Under the Red Blanket” were visible.

Perhaps because her posture was so relaxed, her collar was slightly pulled open, revealing a patch of skin as white as jade. Her hem was also hiked up, showing a waist as slender as a willow.

Quiet, fragile, and completely defenseless.

The black cat stared at her neck thin and long, like the stem of a beautiful, easily broken flower as it rose and fell with her breath.

All it had to do was reach out, and it could take this person’s life in her sleep.

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