She Is Such A Jerk, And Yet She’s The One Crying! - Chapter 1

In the first year of the Qianqing era, a new Emperor ascended the throne.

That same year, the Imperial Preceptor resigned, a move that sent shockwaves throughout the world.

Everyone knew that the Imperial Preceptor was a talent of unparalleled brilliance. Having been entrusted by the late Emperor with the heavy responsibility of a regent, everyone expected that the young Emperor would bestow grand rewards upon her after his succession. Unexpectedly, instead of news of great honor, the people first received the somber news of the Preceptor’s farewell and returned to her ancestral home.

In the town of Wusang, during the dead of winter, the retired Imperial Preceptor, Lin Dongruan, settled into a humble dwelling.

There, she stayed for three long years.

“Lady Lin, out gathering herbs on the mountain again today?”

Coming down from her gathering, Lin Dongruan encountered a local villager. She paused, then parted her lips slightly: “Yes.”

Throughout years of war, almost all of Lin Dongruan’s old acquaintances in Wusang had passed away. Those currently residing in the town were unaware of her identity; they only knew her as a mature woman who had surpassed thirty without ever being betrothed. When people asked about her past, she simply said she had lived in the capital as a physician in her youth and had returned to Wusang to live out her days after repaying the kindness of a benefactor.

“Aiya, Lady Lin, though you aren’t a young girl anymore, you aren’t quite at the age to retire to the countryside yet. The capital is so grand; why did you choose to come back to this small place?”

Lin Dongruan remained silent for a longer moment. Just as the villager turned to leave, she finally replied: “Under the heavens, anywhere can be home. The capital is prosperous, but it is not as tranquil as this place.”

“You… you were born with such a fine appearance. If you had shown your face more in the capital, perhaps you would have been favored by some noble. Even being a concubine would mean enjoying wealth and glory, wouldn’t it? You wouldn’t have to suffer for the rest of your life. Look at this heavy snow, and you still must go up the mountain to gather herbs…”

This time, Lin Dongruan did not respond. She merely gave a modest, downward glance and a slight smile, turning to walk toward her home.

The world is full of suffering and peril; if one encounters them, one cannot escape the arrangements of fate, whether one avoids them or not. She was not a person afraid of hardship, nor did she have any interest in power or desire.

The year the new Emperor succeeded the throne, she returned the power to the young sovereign. The youth had reached out to take her hand, wanting her to stay and become his Empress. She only shook her head and smiled—This official has no heart for romance; I only hope Your Majesty allows me to return to my hometown alone.

The youth’s face turned pale, his expression a mix of panic and reluctance as he tried to keep her: “Teacher, you cannot leave. My father gave me a bottle of medicine back then, telling me to give it to you when I ascended. One pill a month—I have counted them; it takes nine full months to finish them all…”

Lin Dongruan was aware of this.

When the late Emperor entrusted her with regency, it was a time of internal and external turmoil with no one else to rely on. The elderly Emperor, on his deathbed, entrusted the young Crown Prince and the state to her: “My dear official, I know you have lived half a life alone, with a character as pure as jade. Therefore, I entrust this chaotic situation to you, hoping you will do your utmost to support and honor the imperial bloodline.”

She had no friends, family, or lingering attachments, nothing that could be used as leverage against her. After she accepted the duty of regency, the head eunuch bowed and presented her with a dose of poison.

“This medicine may nourish the body, but its residual toxins will not fade. You must take the antidote before the age of thirty-five.” The late Emperor’s eyes trembled, his gaze clouded as he exhaled his final breath. “The antidote… you will know of it when the time comes. If that person proves cold-hearted and untrustworthy, and you cannot wait any longer, then go… go to the West, go to the North…”

Lin Dongruan did eventually wait for the prince’s medicine, but the prize was to be his Empress.

“I know you wish to leave, but the medicine is in my hands. Teacher, stay. Be my Empress.” The youth had grown; standing tall, he could now cast a shadow over Lin Dongruan. “I beg of you.”

Lin Dongruan stood where she was, looking at him with eyes as cold as if she were looking at a stranger: “Your Majesty, do you know what you are doing?”

Now that the court was peaceful and the turmoil had ended, the noble and affectionate Emperor, clad in his nine-clawed dragon robe, spoke with a mix of grievance and irritation: “I know.”

Because of the stirrings in his heart, the youth’s voice trembled. He looked at the person before him, the former Imperial Preceptor who had taught him with deep devotion but was also utterly heartless. She seemed never to touch upon love; her entire talent was dedicated to imperial decrees. She loved the people of the world and all living beings, but she would not love any specific person with a name and surname.

When her thin lips parted, it was always for government orders or advice. He heard Lin Dongruan’s counsel—The first year of succession is a critical time. Your Majesty possesses great benevolence; if you were to forcibly marry your former teacher due to personal feelings, it would not settle the hearts of the people, and it would dishonor the high ambitions of the civil and military officials.

“I… I understand.” The new Emperor ultimately listened to her, though he suppressed his feelings to try one last time to keep her. “I will not force marriage. Can Teacher stay in the capital until the medicine is finished before leaving?”

“Words have weight; they have already become an act.” Lin Dongruan spoke with total detachment. “Since Your Majesty has spoken those words, I can no longer stay. Before the sin of disturbing the Emperor’s heart takes root, cutting it off now is the most appropriate course of action.”

Since the conversation had reached this point, the young Emperor could no longer hold her back. He performed a formal student’s salute and bid farewell: “Teacher’s grace is profound; this student shall never forget it. I will cherish this medicine. If there comes a day when Teacher misses this student, please return to the capital once more.”

Lin Dongruan turned and left.

She likely would never return to this capital again.

—To return power to the royal family, the late Emperor limited my life to thirty-five.

And now…

The snow fell heavily, quickly burying a trail of winding footprints at the entrance of Wusang. Lin Dongruan, carrying her herb basket, counted the remainder of her life. There were probably less than three years left.

In the third year of the Qianqing era, the Emperor fell ill, and Princess Qiang Ning, who had been recovering from illness outside the palace, returned.

The Princess was the older sister of the young Emperor, older by only three months. However, she had inherited the chronic illness of the late Empress Xiaochan; she had been born with a heart ailment and would gasp for breath after walking only a few steps. When the Empress was on her deathbed, she worried for the young Princess and requested a fief from the late Emperor, allowing the Princess to stay far from the troubles of the capital to recover in peace.

Few people had ever seen Princess Qiang Ning.

Naturally, the former Imperial Preceptor, Lin Dongruan, had never seen her either.

On this day, the weather was freezing, the snow was relentless, and Qiang Ning led her people to Lin Dongruan’s door.

“Princess, this is the residence of the former Imperial Preceptor.”

Wusang was merely a frontier town, yet Lin Dongruan’s dwelling could not even compare to those of ordinary commoners. It consisted only of a few walls covered with gray tiles. The tiles were incomplete—perhaps scavenged—and the gaps were covered with old thatch. It was uncertain if it could withstand this heavy snow.

Qiang Ning looked up: “To think a former Imperial Preceptor has fallen to such a state.”

“I heard that when the Preceptor left, she didn’t take a single cent of gold or silver from her estate, nor did she accept the Emperor’s rewards. The Emperor wept for three days upon hearing the news and ordered the construction of the ‘Teacher-Remembrance Tower’ to honor her grace.” A subordinate said, “This story spread throughout the capital. The people say the Preceptor lived a life of integrity, exhausting herself for our dynasty.”

“Putting on an act,” Qiang Ning snorted coldly, then added, “If he really had a heart, he should have sent someone with money to ensure that person surnamed Lin lived a better life.”

Subordinate: “Perhaps… it was the Preceptor who refused to accept it.”

That was a true statement. The Imperial Preceptor was famous for her lack of interest in wealth. If the little Emperor had really pursued her to give her money, the two might have ended up in a fallout.

The Preceptor did not love wealth or power. Being alone with no family, she had nothing that could be used to threaten her.

Qiang Ning had searched for her for a long time and finally found this place, wanting the other woman to help treat her body. Everyone said she was a genius of age whether in fate or medicine, she could snatch a person back from the hands of the Grim Reaper.

“This is an illness I was born with. I wonder if she has the ability to cure it.” Qiang Ning pushed away the umbrella over her head and stood alone in the snow. She pondered for a moment, and a ridiculous and bold idea formed.

She had to find a way to stay here and have Lin Dongruan examine her condition properly. It would be best if she could stay for a long time to pull the disease out by its roots.

“I indeed have no way to threaten her, but…” The corners of Qiang Ning’s lips curved slightly, her sparkling eyes filled with mischievous ideas. “The Preceptor is kind-hearted. I might as well use that ‘bleeding heart’ of hers. She certainly won’t refuse.”

“Princess is wise.”

At dusk, Lin Dongruan gathered firewood to boil some hot water. The steam rose, gradually driving the cold out of the small house.

There weren’t many candles, so she didn’t light any, sitting by the window instead by the light of the moon.

From the shimmering snowy ground, the sound of a faint kitten’s meow drifted in. She was wondering where a kitten would come from in winter when she heard a soft knock at the door.

Was someone knocking?

Lin Dongruan stood up and walked out. Lifting the simple door bolt, she saw a girl lying unconscious on the ground.

She knelt in the snow and softly called out to wake the other: “Miss, Miss…”

After several calls, she realized the girl had fainted from the cold, so she half-carried, half-embraced her back into the house.

There was only one bed in the room. She placed the woman on it and brought her own quilt to warm her. However, the quilt was not very insulating; it was filled not with cotton, but with old husks and thatch. No matter how thick it was, it didn’t ward off the cold. Usually, she was used to it and didn’t feel the hardship, but now that an unconscious person was lying there, she realized the direness of the situation.

Lin Dongruan thought for a moment and pulled out her summer quilt.

However, when she layered the other quilt over the woman, she realized—the cloth was not silk. The weather was so cold that the thin outer cover was frozen stiff like a sheet of iron. Forget keeping warm; it wouldn’t even soften against the person’s body. It was practically useless.

This wouldn’t do.

She sat in silence for a long time, thinking of the few tallow candles she had saved money to buy. Tallow candles were brighter than honey candles and produced less black smoke; they were slender and pure white. She couldn’t bear to use them normally. Candles were expensive, and Wusang was not like the capital; they were hard to buy even if one wanted to. Tallow was a product of the South and East; these few candles combined were worth more than her entire dwelling.

But now, merely to make the girl before her warm, Lin Dongruan took out those three candles. She lit them all at once and placed them on the ground not far from the bed.

The white candlelight glowed. Lin Dongruan had no place to sleep, so she sat slightly on the edge of the bed, looking down at the candles at her feet, watching the candle tears fall in a daze.

With the light and heat of the candles, the room indeed grew warmer.

Qiang Ning regained some consciousness in the cold. She had played a dangerous game and nearly froze herself to death. The moment she regained awareness; she smelled the smoke of low-quality candles.

Since childhood, she had been prone to coughing. The moment she realized there was smoke, she instinctively covered her nose and opened her eyes—a person was sitting by her bed. Her smooth black hair was not tied up, flowing gently over her shoulders and waist. The woman’s profile was cold and elegant, her posture like someone from a painting. Even just sitting quietly, her beauty was breathtaking.

Qiang Ning instantly held her breath, afraid to disturb such beauty.