Self-Perception - Chapter 29

When Wen Jinyan woke up from her sleep, all drowsiness was gone, and the indwelling needle in her hand had been removed. She originally intended to leave the hospital, but upon seeing the weariness and bloodshot eyes of Gu Wansheng, her intention was suppressed by a strange feeling.

Gu Wansheng yawned as Meng Qiu brought a quilt over, casually took it, and placed it on the sofa.

The sofa was wide, enough to accommodate a short quilt, but the length…

Wen Jinyan shifted her gaze from the sofa to Gu Wansheng’s lower body.

It might not be long enough for her to stretch.

Her eyes returned to Gu Wansheng’s back; she was still arranging the quilt.

Aren’t they wives? Why do they have to sleep separately?

“Gu Wansheng,” Wen Jinyan’s voice was barely articulated, sounding like a whisper, with a hint of confusion, “Why aren’t you sleeping with me?”

Gu Wansheng paused while arranging the quilt, her bent back straightening slightly. Her tone was light. “The bed is too small, and you just finished your infusion.”

The woman’s considerations were entirely from her perspective. Wen Jinyan felt an indescribable sensation in her heart, like the scent of a flower carried by the wind very light and faint, not something one would particularly notice, but whenever she thought of it, her nostrils would be filled with its lingering fragrance.

“I’m not fat, two people can sleep together,” Wen Jinyan’s voice wasn’t loud, but every word, without missing a beat, drifted through the air and lightly landed in Gu Wansheng’s ear.

Gu Wansheng fully absorbed them, processing them with her ears and preserving them in her heart. She didn’t shake her head in cold denial. Instead, she approached Wen Jinyan’s bedside and held Wen Jinyan’s four fingers with her hand. Wen Jinyan let her, her eyelids slightly lowered.

In the light, her pale and thin hand revealed clear blue veins, the marks of the needle from the indwelling catheter, and a small area of bruising and purplish red the latter was bruising caused by poor blood circulation.

When Wen Jinyan was brought in for the infusion, the nurse held this hand of hers, patted it hard, and stretched the back of her hand taut to find her vein.

Gu Wansheng knew that Wen Jinyan’s veins were very fine, so fine that the nurse had to pat her for more than ten minutes before barely finding one. Wen Jinyan’s hand turned from fair to reddish brown.

Her fingers subconsciously rubbed against Wen Jinyan’s knuckles. She changed direction and raised her hand. Before Wen Jinyan could react, a force was applied to the top of her head. Gu Wansheng was stroking her hair, using her hand as a comb, running her fingers through her locks, over and over again.

“Although we can’t sleep together, I’ll be right beside you.”

The familiar scent of Jade Dragon tea, the familiar person, the familiar tone everything was so familiar, and everything gave her peace of mind.

Her heart pounded loudly.

The night was quiet, and the room was dim. There were still sounds of nurses moving in the corridor outside. Light seeped through the crack under the door, becoming the only illumination in the ward.

In the darkness, Wen Jinyan stared blankly at the ceiling. Outside the hospital window, there was an unknown tree. The night wind raged, and the sounds of the wind and the tree branches knocking against each other rose and fell.

Wen Jinyan had a premonition.

Jiangcheng’s first autumn rain was coming soon.

Her vision gradually adapted to the darkness. Through the curtain, Wen Jinyan seemed to see the branches outside being dominated by the autumn wind, dancing wildly.

The autumn rain came.

The rustling sounds were muffled by the window, reducing some of the noise, but it couldn’t block the intensity of the rain.

If the rain continues, will there be thunder?

She lifted the quilt, sat up, and, instead of walking to the window, headed straight for the sofa in the darkness and squatted down.

Gu Wansheng was sleeping soundly; even her breathing was very subtle if you didn’t listen carefully, you wouldn’t hear it at all.

Her arm was pressed firmly on the leather of the sofa, sinking slightly, and her face rested in the crook of her arm. Wen Jinyan closed her eyes. Her nose was met with the familiar scent, and her nerves gradually relaxed.

She was only wearing a hospital gown, and her skin was cold, yet she felt as if she was living in warmth.

Outside, the wind and rain raged, but the spot beside the sofa was the small sanctuary that gave her peace.

The next day, Wen Jinyan returned to the bed before Gu Wansheng woke up.

Gu Wansheng woke up, tidied her clothes, and after the two of them ate breakfast, they checked out of the ward.

Meng Qiu had received a message from Gu Wansheng long ago and was waiting for them in the hospital parking garage. After picking them up, he started the car. Wen Jinyan tore open the packaging of the purchased mask and put it on.

With her glasses resting on the mask, the exhaled breath inevitably sprayed onto the edges of the lenses, causing them to fog up white. She occasionally took off her lenses to wipe them clean.

Having slept half the night leaning against the sofa yesterday, her already alleviated illness worsened again.

Her nose was blocked, and wearing a mask made it even more uncomfortable. She wanted to take off the mask but was afraid of infecting Gu Wansheng and Meng Qiu.

She sniffed, trying to breathe fresh air, but it had no effect other than making her feel more miserable.

They passed a traffic light.

“Xiao Qiu, put on a mask,” Gu Wansheng pulled out an unopened white mask from somewhere.

“Oh, okay,” Meng Qiu took it and put it on. Gu Wansheng also put one on herself.

Her voice, slightly muffled through the mask, said, “Jinyan, you can take off your mask now.”

Due to the severe cold, Wen Jinyan’s eyes were slightly watery. When she heard Gu Wansheng’s words, her eyes quickly blinked. “It’s fine.”

“Do you know what you look like right now?” Gu Wansheng only revealed a pair of eyes, her eyebrows curving silently.

“What?” Wen Jinyan sniffed again, her voice muffled and stuffy.

“Like… a little rabbit. Your eye corners are red, and your nose must be red too,” Gu Wansheng’s smile gradually became audible as she finished speaking.

“Gu Wansheng, you really are… so childish,” Wen Jinyan half-lifted her eyelids slightly, tilting them up. Gu Wansheng’s intentions to take care of her were simply too obvious.

The warm autumn sun streamed in from behind Wen Jinyan, lengthening and falling by Gu Wansheng’s side. Gu Wansheng supported herself on the car seat with one hand, leaning forward. Her face was illuminated by the light, and her eyes sparkled brightly. “So, Miss Rabbit, are you still not going to take off your mask?”

Gu Wansheng had a magazine photoshoot in the afternoon, and Wen Jinyan’s current condition wasn’t suitable for accompanying her. The two stayed in the hotel until two in the afternoon. Gu Wansheng only left after waiting for Meng Qiu to knock on the door.

Wen Jinyan took her medicine, and her head felt foggy. She lay in bed. Since she wasn’t sleepy, she closed her eyes and pretended to sleep. In the meantime, her nose felt too uncomfortable, so she got up, opened her laptop, and started writing her novel.

Focusing on another task would keep her from noticing her blocked nose.

“Sister Gu, Director Bai just messaged asking if you’ll record the OST for your character,” Meng Qiu handed his work phone to Gu Wansheng.

Gu Wansheng had just stepped off the stage, still wearing the brand’s clothes. She took the phone, walked into the lounge, and messaged Bai Jin:

[Gu Wansheng]: Forget it, my work schedule is full recently.

The reply came quickly:

[Bai Jin]: Alright, I’ll find someone else.

The topic ended. Gu Wansheng glanced at the time, 3:30 PM. She had 40 minutes before the appointment with the next brand.

Gu Wansheng put away her phone, went into the changing room to change her clothes, put on a mask and a hat, and got into the car to rush to the next engagement.

During the ride, she checked her private WeChat. The most recent conversation with Wen Jinyan was a few days ago when she proactively reported that she was leaving for a work trip, and Wen Jinyan replied with an ‘En.’

No emoji, just an ‘En.’ If she didn’t know Wen Jinyan’s inherently reserved personality, she would really think this person was being perfunctory.

Scrolling up further revealed messages from a long time ago. Gu Wansheng’s heart moved, and she screenshotted the conversations from several time periods.

Upon arriving at the destination, Meng Qiu got out of the car first, checked for paparazzi tailing them, and then Gu Wansheng got out.

“Later, help me buy a photo album from a nearby mall,” Gu Wansheng pulled Meng Qiu closer and whispered.

Meng Qiu was confused but still nodded. “Okay.”

Wen Jinyan stretched, getting up from the chair. The hotel room was on the 10th floor. The afternoon sun shone diagonally through the floor to ceiling window. Wen Jinyan sat on the sofa, turned on the TV, casually flipping through channels, finally stopping at the series Gu Wansheng starred in.

She opened her phone to reply to a message:

[Observe the situation first]

A few hours ago, Su Muqing had sent her a message. She had been writing her novel at the time and had set her phone to Do Not Disturb, only seeing Su Muqing’s message a few minutes ago: [Word on the street is that Xiao She is also planning to invite Lu Wan to sing the theme song for his movie.]

Su Muqing called immediately.

“Have you been glued to your phone?” The call came as soon as she replied.

“Tell me, what scheme is Xiao She up to this time? The same release period, inviting the same person to sing, and both are movie theme songs.”

Wen Jinyan lowered the volume of the TV. The corners of her pressed lips gradually curved upwards. The light moved to her instep, making it look brightly white.

“Isn’t that perfect? Whoever is less appealing will be embarrassed,” Wen Jinyan felt the warmth and subtly moved her instep in the opposite direction.

“That’s true. Gu Laoshi’s fan loyalty and public appeal are excellent. Plus, her popularity has soared since she won the Best Actress award last time. Even if Xiao She’s movie chooses Tang Xi, who previously won the Hundred Flowers Award, it might not surpass Gu Laoshi.”

Wen Jinyan corrected her, “Gu Wansheng never relied on popularity or being promoted to get onto that stage. Her work is her highest accolade. When audiences watch a movie, they compare the story and the emotion.”

“So, are you absolutely sure that Gu Laoshi’s box office will definitely exceed Xiao She’s?”

“Mhm.”

“Jinyan, since when have you been so invested in a third party? Do you really have feelings for Gu Wansheng?”

Wen Jinyan’s back straightened, and she froze for a moment.

Why did she hold such certainty for Gu Wansheng? When did the scales in her heart begin to tilt towards Gu Wansheng, standing firmly on the weight named Gu Wansheng?

A hint of confusion and helplessness showed in Wen Jinyan’s eyes. Light refracted into her pupils but carried no brightness. “Maybe I just can’t stand seeing Xiao She succeed.”

Su Muqing was half-skeptical: “Jinyan, Gu Laoshi is great. She is great herself, and she treats you very well. I hope she can help you move on from the past, but I’m also afraid that Gu Laoshi might be a potential risk. Human emotions are too complicated. They can make your internal dopamine levels secrete happiness, and they can also pull you into a slump.”

“I need to think alone.”

Su Muqing replied ‘okay’ and hung up the phone.

In fact, Wen Jinyan knew that from the moment she answered that question, the line called ‘reason’ had begun to waver. Just as she had told Su Muqing, she needed to properly reflect on whether she was capable of loving, whether she was prepared to endure potential setbacks, and whether she was starting to accept the impact of another person’s emotional fluctuations on her own feelings.

All the questions were named Gu Wansheng, whether good or bad.