Self-Perception - Chapter 26

“What song are you playing?” Wen Jinyan’s expression was one of distaste.

“One that curses dogs,” Su Muqing said, feeling refreshed, and started the car, pulling ahead of the car opposite.

Wen Jinyan “???” So, who is the dog?

The two arrived at a Chinese restaurant. Su Muqing reported the ordered dishes to the waiter, specifically instructing, “No chili.”

She didn’t need to ask Wen Jinyan what she wanted she already knew Wen Jinyan’s preferences.

Wen Jinyan rinsed a pair of chopsticks with hot water and handed them to Su Muqing.

While waiting for their food, they both played on their phones.

After they finished eating, Wen Jinyan reminded Su Muqing to take her back to her own apartment.

Su Muqing was puzzled, “Why aren’t you going back to your marital home to sleep?”

Wen Jinyan merely used the excuse of needing to pick up something to brush it off, unsure if Su Muqing saw through it.

On the way, Su Muqing said, “I heard Xiao She’s shoot with the crew is also finished. It should be released around the New Year’s holiday. I’ll invite everyone from our team to go see Gu Laoshi’s movie and help vote for her.”

The film crew Xiao She followed would definitely heavily promote the movie before the New Year’s slot.

“She has the talent; she doesn’t need all that,” Wen Jinyan took off her glasses, pulled out a wet wipe, and cleaned the lenses.

“You’re that confident?” Su Muqing teased.

“Shouldn’t I be? Her acting is the result of time’s refinement, and her talent is obvious to everyone. What the audience prefers is the acting, the emotion conveyed by the film, and not just going because of excessive promotion.”

Wen Jinyan slowly put her glasses back on. The amber eyes beneath the lenses were unclear in the night.

“I’m not doubting Gu Laoshi’s acting. But as your friend, bringing my team to see your wife’s movie—what do you think Gu Laoshi will think?”

Su Muqing was driving and didn’t look at Wen Jinyan’s expression, but she knew the person must look calm as ever.

Peaceful as water. Only that one matter could stir her emotions, and only in that matter could Su Muqing feel that Wen Jinyan possessed the emotional fluctuations an actual flesh and blood person should have. Even if the emotional fluctuation was mixed with anger.

“You don’t have many people in Jiangcheng. I am your friend. For so many years, Jinyan, although we aren’t related by blood, you’ve long been family to me.”

“When you got married, Gu Laoshi had family behind her. They are Gu Laoshi’s leverage between you two; they will lean towards her in any matter. The focus is on her. And I am your leverage.”

“Although I’m not as wealthy as Gu Laoshi’s family, treating the team to a movie will make Gu Laoshi feel it’s because of you. If you two have any conflicts later, I hope your back will have a safe place to rely on, instead of being all alone.”

Wen Jinyan heard the words with her ears, but each one settled in her heart.

She blinked lightly and joked, “Why are you suddenly so sentimental?”

“Just take it as a spontaneous burst of nighttime emotion,” Su Muqing stopped outside the crosswalk and looked to the side.

In the deep night, outside the car window, high-rise buildings stood one after another, every home brightly lit, each with a destination. But Wen Jinyan did not; the place she lived was just a short break for her, a place to sustain her biological function, nothing more.

There was no life, no green plants in the house; even the decoration was just a simple white tone, simply for convenience.

“It’s green,” Wen Jinyan gently reminded.

“It really is easy to get ’emo’ at night,” Su Muqing sighed and drove on.

The car arrived at the entrance of Wen Jinyan’s apartment, and Wen Jinyan got out.

“Sleep early,” Su Muqing bid farewell.

“Drive safe.”

Wen Jinyan arrived at the eleventh floor and opened the door to the apartment she hadn’t entered for a long time. The room was the same as when she left. She regularly hired a cleaning lady, so the room was spotless.

Wen Jinyan tossed her coat onto the sofa, retrieved her pajamas from the bedroom, and walked into the bathroom.

The sound of water instantly filled the bathroom, steam permeated the air, and water flowed over her skin.

Returning to that house was because Gu Wansheng was there, and she had to fulfill her duty. Now that Gu Wansheng was away, she had no reason to stay in Gu Wansheng’s home.

Wen Jinyan finished her shower, dried her hair, and got into bed. Time ticked by second by second. She tossed and turned, unable to fall asleep.

Wen Jinyan opened her eyes for the fifth time, got up, took a medicine bottle from her bag, poured out two white pills, and swallowed them with water.

She checked the time before going back to sleep.

3:14

It recurred again.

Mid-September, the weather turned cooler. Wen Jinyan wore a white shirt, a orange knitted cardigan over it, paired with dark blue wide leg pants and short boots.

She stood at the airport entrance, making her posture look particularly upright.

A few hours ago, she decided to go find Gu Wansheng she simply couldn’t sleep without her.

Gu Wansheng was her good medicine, and also her antidote.

Gu Wansheng had previously told her all her itinerary, so she came secretly to find her.

Wen Jinyan rubbed her hands and looked up at the sky.

It’s getting so cold, will it snow in Jiangcheng this year? In her memory, since she returned, Jiangcheng didn’t seem to have snowed, but it did the year she had her accident, with thick flakes falling.

Wen Jinyan took her ticket to the boarding gate.

After landing at the airport, Wen Jinyan opened her phone to check Gu Wansheng’s itinerary. Today, Gu Wansheng had a magazine cover shoot at ten o’clock.

She lifted her eyelids slightly.

It was nine o’clock now. If she took a taxi…

She found the ride hailing app and opened it.

The trip would take half an hour. Adding the waiting time, there was plenty of time.

Forty minutes later, she arrived at the entrance of the magazine company. The autumn wind was bleak, and Wen Jinyan tightened her coat.

Her throat felt dry. She leaned her face into her collar. Perhaps from being exposed to the wind for too long or not having eaten, Wen Jinyan suddenly felt a dizzy headache.

She gently shook her head until she heard the sound of a car not far away and looked up.

A commercial vehicle stopped not far from the magazine company entrance. What appeared in her line of sight was a pair of long legs, and following the long legs up was Gu Wansheng, wearing branded clothing.

It was strange. Although Gu Wansheng was wearing a hat and mask, Wen Jinyan intuitively felt that she had seen her.

Meng Qiu was stunned the moment she saw her, then trotted over, “Jinyan-jie, why are you here?”

Wen Jinyan opened her mouth, and the cold wind rushed into her throat, choking her. A pair of hands reached out in front of her, holding a thermos cup in the palm.

Her gaze followed the wrist upwards, seeing the owner of the wrist.

Gu Wansheng wore a mask and a hat. She stood in front of her. Part of the light in front of her was blocked, and Gu Wansheng was in the shadow, but the exposed eyes were black and bright. Her pupils were filled with crushed smiles, like fine scattered stars.

Wen Jinyan took the cup, “Thank you.”

A staff member stood nearby, looked at Gu Wansheng, then at Wen Jinyan. They carefully asked, “Gu Laoshi, do you know each other?”

“Yes,” Gu Wansheng watched Wen Jinyan sip the water, and calmly stated, “She is my wife.”

The staff member glanced at Wen Jinyan again.

She was very beautiful. Sure enough, beauties should be matched with beauties. However, since she was her wife, why did it feel a bit distant?

“Let’s go in,” Gu Wansheng said, looking at Wen Jinyan.

Why was she wearing so little?

She took the opportunity to pull Wen Jinyan’s hand, and a shiver went through her heart.

Her hand was so cold. Who knew how long she had been waiting here?

The magazine company had air conditioning inside, and Wen Jinyan felt like she had come back to life.

Gu Wansheng settled her down and poured her a cup of hot water. These small details were undoubtedly appreciated by the other staff members.

“Hey, hey, did you see that? Gu Meiren actually showed such a gentle expression. I’m obsessed.”

“They are simply a match made in heaven. Both of their appearances are so pleasing to the eye.”

“This is much more exciting than shipping a CP; this is a feast!!!”

“But I wonder if Gu Laoshi’s wife is mixed-race? Look at her eyes her facial features are also more defined.”

A few people discussed quietly not far away. Wen Jinyan accepted the water Gu Wansheng handed over, staring at her lips.

Why wasn’t she speaking? Had her appearance disrupted her schedule?

“Gu Wansheng…”

“Hmm?” Gu Wansheng didn’t open her mouth, the sound came from the back of her throat, the tailing sound hooking lightly.

A staff member hurried over to tell Gu Wansheng to prepare for makeup. Gu Wansheng looked at Wen Jinyan’s hesitant expression and gently said, “We’ll talk when I get back.”

Wen Jinyan nodded, her palm holding the plastic cup wall. The warmth transmitted through the cup wall seeped into her heart, sending a trace of warmth to her limbs and bones.

She watched Gu Wansheng gradually fade out of sight until she couldn’t see her anymore.

It felt like she hadn’t come at a good time. Gu Wansheng was already so busy with work, yet she still had to worry about and take care of her.

For the first time, Wen Jinyan felt she was being overly sensitive. Because she couldn’t sleep, she came to find Gu Wansheng on an emotional impulse, without considering whether this decision would cause Gu Wansheng any impact or trouble.

Before, when she was alone, she was able to cope with insomnia, she had already gotten used to it. But after meeting Gu Wansheng, she rarely relied on medication for sleep; no, in fact, she almost didn’t rely on medication for sleep.

She slept very soundly by Gu Wansheng’s side. That person’s scent always seemed to soothe everything about her. She had considered before that maybe it was the scent of ‘Jade Dragon Tea’ that Gu Wansheng carried that made her sleep peacefully, but when she put on the perfume with her scent, it had no effect.

She was only addicted to Gu Wansheng, only addicted to this person, more intense and harder to quit than drugs.

She clearly knew she was trapped now, unable to pull herself out, willing to be engulfed.

Wen Jinyan sat for over half an hour, constantly thinking. A shadow obscured the light in front of her. Wen Jinyan instinctively looked up.

“Let’s go, we’re going back,” she saw the woman’s lips move, her voice very soft, mixed with tenderness.

One person looks down, one person looks up.

Wen Jinyan felt that this scene would be very suitable in a novel for writing a reunion, writing about lovers who hadn’t seen each other for years but whose hearts were connected, who might maintain a poker face, but whose heartbeats synchronized, pulsing and clamoring, saying they missed her. Writing about their eyes reflecting each other, writing about saying to each other, “Long time no see.”

But fiction is fiction, and reality is reality. At least, from this distance, they couldn’t see themselves in each other’s eyes, but Wen Jinyan could truly feel that Gu Wansheng was genuinely looking at her.