Self-Perception - Chapter 23

She was still in costume, the exquisite details of the luxurious clothing visible even in the light.

“I just felt uncomfortable watching your performance on set,” Wen Jinyan continued after hearing Gu Wansheng’s slightly surprised response. “The performance was too impactful.”

Gu Wansheng felt a moment of realization.

When she first entered the industry, her acting was raw. She only landed the third female lead role because of her beautiful face and suitability for the original novel’s character description. For someone new to the industry, securing this role was considered a good start.

Therefore, she cherished this opportunity even more, diligently working to hone her skills.

But what she received in return was private slander from her peers, who claimed she got the role based on her looks, discussing the actress rather than the character she played.

Later, she successfully became a minor starlet, but directors only offered care, greetings, and high praise to investors’ actors, shielding them from any hardship, only to later declare them “dedicated and excellent.”

It wasn’t until she won the Best Actress award that scripts poured in, and directors praised her, and artists fawned over her. She knew their words weren’t sincere, so she learned to put on a mask to face them, just like they did.

But Wen Jinyan was different. Her words were genuine and earnest. For a moment, Gu Wansheng felt she didn’t need many people to understand her; having Wen Jinyan see and appreciate her was enough.

Gu Wansheng’s heart softened inexplicably. Tightening her arms, she rested her chin on Wen Jinyan’s shoulder.

“You praise me so highly? What if my acting declines in the future, won’t that disappoint you?”

Her half-serious, half-joking tone fell into Wen Jinyan’s ear. Wen Jinyan’s expression was sincere, “You won’t.”

Gu Wansheng raised an eyebrow, her eyes full of warmth. “You’re so good at providing emotional validation.”

She wanted to kiss her again.

Gu Wansheng looked at her features. The fragmented light in Wen Jinyan’s amber eyes, reflected in her own, sparkled like light refracted on a lake’s surface, gently spreading ripples with the wind.

“Jinyan, I want to kiss you,” she asked, cupping the delicate skin of her face, her eyes direct and concealing no desire.

“May I?”

Wen Jinyan gasped, the sensation on her cheek warm.

Her mind was a little blank. She didn’t know why Gu Wansheng suddenly said this.

Was her attraction to Gu Wansheng really that strong, or was Gu Wansheng’s desire simply too intense?

Seeing her silence, Gu Wansheng didn’t give up, saying to herself, “If you don’t speak, I’ll take it as a yes.”

Wen Jinyan was caught off guard by her sudden forward movement. Her body instinctively leaned back, her fingers gripping the black marble for leverage.

But soon, she was embraced around the small of her back and pulled close.

Gu Wansheng kissed her again and again. When they finished, she gently caressed Wen Jinyan’s moisturized lips, which were no longer their natural pink but a deep red, like ripe cherries sweet and delicious from being kneaded.

These were the cherries she had grown herself, and she had personally tasted them.

Her lips were repeatedly, almost obsessively, rubbed by a pair of hands. Wen Jinyan lifted her eyelids to see Gu Wansheng smiling warmly.

Wen Jinyan lowered her eyelashes again.

She suddenly felt that Gu Wansheng had a childlike side, unable to let go of things she liked.

The word like emerged in her mind, and Wen Jinyan froze.

Like…

Was she a favorite object of Gu Wansheng, or was she… a vessel?

She leaned toward the latter, because she noticed that whenever she took the initiative to get closer to Gu Wansheng, the other woman would smile.

Wen Jinyan pulled Gu Wansheng’s hand away and called out, “Gu Wansheng.”

Gu Wansheng hummed, drawing out the final sound, clearly in a good mood.

“If you keep doing that, I’ll walk out with two pieces of ‘grilled sausage’ on my face.”

Hearing her make a joke for the first time, Gu Wansheng let go and placed her hands neatly at her sides. “Okay.”

She added a silent thought: Whatever you say.

When Gu Wansheng and Wen Jinyan emerged, Meng Qiu was standing not far from the door. Seeing them walk out, she jogged over. “Sister Gu, Sister Jinyan.”

She subtly glanced at both their lips. Wen Jinyan’s lips were noticeably darker.

Sure enough, standing guard outside the door was a wise decision.

She was their official ‘shipping captain.’ With her around, no one would stop them from kissing.

But she had to admit, Sister Gu was unexpectedly fierce. Sister Jinyan’s lips look like the color of a cherry.

Gu Wansheng was unaware of Meng Qiu’s inner thoughts, but seeing her waiting outside and knowing no one had entered the restroom, she guessed part of it.

She definitely needed to give Xiao Qiu a raise later.

Gu Wansheng removed her costume, and the two headed to the private car. Bai Jin happened to lower the passenger side window, leaning an arm on the window frame, her eyes half-closed, looking drowsy. “Why did you two take so long?”

Gu Wansheng secured Wen Jinyan’s seatbelt before slowly retorting, “When did you become so nosy?”

Bai Jin clicked her tongue softly. “Xiao Qiu.”

Meng Qiu, who was fastening her seatbelt, replied, “Hmm?”

“Drive a little faster later, I’m hungry.”

Meng Qiu glanced into the rearview mirror, seeing Gu Wansheng’s seatbelt fastened, and replied, “Understood, Director Bai.”

The car drove through the deep night. Bai Jin glanced at Gu Wansheng, who was resting with her eyes closed in the rearview mirror, and asked, “The movie should be released during the New Year holiday. If we go back for the New Year, it might be a few days late.”

“Mm,” Gu Wansheng responded softly.

As if remembering something, she accurately reached out to hold Wen Jinyan’s hand, then opened her eyes, slowly focusing on her. “Are you going home for the New Year this year?”

Home…

Wen Jinyan felt a little lost.

She hadn’t had a home for a long time.

“No,” Wen Jinyan’s tone showed little emotion. “I don’t really care about holidays.”

This was half-true.

In the past, during the New Year, Su Muqing would invite her to celebrate. Seeing other families happy and harmonious, and watching Su Muqing relax and complain about her troubles to her family, Wen Jinyan felt like an outsider. Although others were kind and friendly to her, she just wasn’t comfortable. This discomfort wasn’t caused by others but was an emotional thorn tearing and struggling from within her heart.

Happiness belonged to others, and loneliness belonged to her.

After that time, she declined all of Su Muqing’s invitations with excuses.

However, after that incident, Su Muqing often traveled back and forth between her home and Wen Jinyan’s apartment, perhaps sensing her sensitivity.

Gu Wansheng couldn’t see her expression clearly in the darkness, but hearing her words felt like her heart was being squeezed. She tightened her grip on Wen Jinyan’s hand.

“Then how about you come back with me for the New Year?”

“Meeting the parents?” Wen Jinyan looked at her.

“No, I won’t go back for the New Year. I’ll take you somewhere else to celebrate.”

She suddenly thought that perhaps Wen Jinyan had brought up the topic because she wanted to be recognized by Gu Wansheng’s family. Typically, bringing a partner to meet the parents is essential before marriage. Gu Wansheng had never taken Wen Jinyan home, and she worried Wen Jinyan might think she wasn’t treating her well or wasn’t serious about their relationship.

Gu Wansheng said apologetically, “Meeting the parents might not be possible right now due to my personal reasons, but I will try my best. Unless you proactively ask to end it, you will always be my legal wife.”

Wen Jinyan didn’t expect Gu Wansheng to be so formal; she had only asked casually.

“It’s fine, I can’t take you back either.” In that case, they were even.

How did their conversation turn out like this?

They suddenly sounded like two irresponsible, heartless women?

Bai Jin, in the passenger seat, heard their conversation and twitched her lips, but ultimately said nothing.

Upon arrival, the group quietly entered the private dining room of the restaurant.

The associate director and the other main cast members all rose when they saw Bai Jin.

“Apologies, there was a bit of traffic. We arrived late,” Bai Jin smiled.

“Please, have a seat, have a seat quickly.”

It wasn’t until Bai Jin was seated that everyone else sat down.

Gu Wansheng sat to Bai Jin’s left, and Wen Jinyan sat next to her.

“Waitress, you can serve the food now,” the associate director said.

Soon, various dishes were brought to the table mostly local delicacies, along with a few rare and expensive foods.

“Over the past few months, thanks to everyone’s hard work and contributions, our crew has successfully completed the filming of this movie. Everyone’s effort throughout has been indispensable.”

Bai Jin stood up, raising her wine glass.

“To the box office success of ‘The Utilization’! And to our continued growth!”

Everyone else rose as well. “To the box office success of ‘The Utilization’!”

After dinner, most of the people who still had energy suggested moving to a KTV.

“Teacher Gu, are you coming with us?”

“Yeah, yeah, we’ve heard Teacher Gu’s voice is like a heavenly sound. We’d love to hear it and feast our ears.”

Gu Wansheng had consumed some red wine, and the corners of her eyes were flushed. Her already stunning face, coupled with the alcohol, made her smile even more captivating and charming.

“No, thank you. I’ve had some wine and feel a bit dizzy now. You all enjoy yourselves.”

Wen Jinyan subtly closed the distance between them. She glanced down at the one-fist width gap between the two of them.

If Gu Wansheng felt severely dizzy from the alcohol, this distance was close enough for her to catch her accurately.

Seeing Gu Wansheng’s flushed face and slightly dazed eyes, the others didn’t press her and watched her get into the car.

“Director Bai, shall we go for one?” the associate director suggested with a look.

Bai Jin hummed in agreement. She watched Gu Wansheng’s car drive away and then followed the rest of the people heading to the KTV.

Inside the car, Gu Wansheng’s eyes were clear, though not bright. She lowered the window slightly to get some fresh air.

“Feeling unwell?” A gentle voice came from beside her.

Borrowing the cover of the night and the rapidly passing streetlights, the light briefly traced Gu Wansheng’s face before quickly disappearing. The overlapping shadows and light gave her a layer of mystery.

“Do you feel like throwing up?” This was the second time Wen Jinyan spoke, her eyes fixed on the woman.

“I’m not drunk,” Gu Wansheng’s words softly drifted from the back of her throat.

“Drunk people always say they’re not drunk,” Wen Jinyan was clearly unconvinced. She leaned in a little, wanting to verify the truth of her words.

“The public excuses are for outsiders to hear. Otherwise, they wouldn’t have let me leave,” Gu Wansheng turned her head, leaned in, and looked into the eyes behind the glasses, meeting her gaze.

It was as if she was saying to her: See, I’m not drunk.

“The honest truth is for my person to hear,” Gu Wansheng added, “I wanted to spend a little more time with you.”

Gu Wansheng felt a surge of nervousness after saying that. Her hands resting on the car seat unconsciously clenched, her palms already damp with sweat.

She had impulsively said the second half of the sentence. Now that it was out, she regretted it slightly.

She had initially intended to use the cover of night to be a little bolder and say something not too presumptuous, but she ended up blurting out something so straightforward.

What if she scares her? What if she thinks I’m frivolous?

She cautiously sought the other woman’s expression, but the woman was turned toward the window, the night enveloping her back, completely obscuring any expression on her face.

Especially when Wen Jinyan remained silent after hearing her words, Gu Wansheng thought she might have genuinely made her uncomfortable.

She faintly lowered her eyes. The next moment, the hand resting on the car seat was grasped, causing her eyelashes to tremble slightly.