Self-Perception - Chapter 17

A WeChat notification sounded.

[Dr. Jiang]: Are you free tomorrow at 10 AM?

[Wen Jinyan]: Sure.

She switched pages and searched for flights from Ningcheng to Jiangcheng. Considering it was only the second day and she wouldn’t have to fulfill her marital duties, she chose a flight at 11 PM.

This matter came up while Gu Wansheng was having dinner. Gu Wansheng opened her mouth and asked, “Is it very urgent?”

“Personal business,” Wen Jinyan replied briefly.

Hearing this, Gu Wansheng glanced at her phone; it was already 10:10 PM. It would take 30 minutes to get from here to Ningcheng Airport. She picked up her phone and said to Wen Jinyan, “I’ll have the driver take you. Do you need to bring any luggage?”

“No, I have things in Jiangcheng.”

“The driver should be waiting at the entrance soon, let’s go.” Gu Wansheng looked at the driver’s reply, putting down the half-eaten meal.

“You should continue eating. I recognize your car,” Wen Jinyan got up.

“It’s fine,” Gu Wansheng insisted.

“Director Bai probably won’t give any actor extra time to eat or rest,” Wen Jinyan reminded her, as Gu Wansheng hadn’t eaten much.

“It’s too late outside, the visibility might be poor. I recognize my own car; I’ll take you, it saves time and effort. The driver is here, let’s go out quickly.” Gu Wansheng took out her phone again to check the driver’s message.

Wen Jinyan stopped saying anything and followed behind Gu Wansheng. Gu Wansheng watched her get into the car and, once she was settled, said to her, “Text me when you arrive in Jiangcheng to let me know you’re safe.”

It was a form of greeting between intimate people.

Wen Jinyan nodded, indicating she understood.

The car gradually drove out of her sight until the taillights were no longer visible, and only then did Gu Wansheng return to the set.

Wen Jinyan felt a little different tonight; it wasn’t just a coldness on her face, but a coldness that penetrated to the bone marrow. Was it her imagination?

Wen Jinyan arrived back in Jiangcheng at 2 AM. There was no one on the roads, only a few moving vehicles and streetlights as company. Getting a taxi at this time was slow. She stood under the streetlight, her figure straight, gazing at the night sky.

Remembering to send a message to Gu Wansheng, she opened her phone.

[Wen Jinyan]: I’ve landed.

To her surprise, the other person quickly replied.

[Gu Wansheng]: Can you get a cab?

[Wen Jinyan]: Why aren’t you asleep yet?

Could it be that she was suffering from insomnia at this hour?

[Gu Wansheng]: Just finished reading the script, about to sleep.

I miss you.

[Wen Jinyan]: I called a cab, it will be here in ten minutes.

[Gu Wansheng]: Be careful, text me when you get home.

[Wen Jinyan]: Okay.

Wen Jinyan yawned, took off her glasses, rubbed her eyes, and, bored of waiting, opened her phone’s memo to write some novel text. She had to admit that the process of writing made her feel relaxed and focused. She only snapped back to reality when a car stopped by the roadside, making a sound.

The driver was a man in his thirties. He rolled down the window and asked, “Beautiful, did you call this car?”

Wen Jinyan opened her phone to confirm the car’s license plate, then moved to the front of the car to confirm the model. Only after confirming it was correct did she say, “Yes.”

After driving for a while, she played a ringing sound on her phone and casually held the phone to her ear. “Yes, I’ll be there in about twenty minutes. Come down and meet me, I didn’t bring my keys.”

She skillfully hung up the phone after speaking.

When outside, protecting oneself is the priority, because you never know if others are kind.

Back home, Wen Jinyan was so sleepy that her eyelids kept drooping. She quickly freshened up, lay directly on the bed, and fell into a deep sleep.

The next day, Wen Jinyan got up, took a shower, and went to a private clinic right on time.

“Dr. Jiang,” Wen Jinyan greeted her politely.

“Sit,” the woman, who looked to be in her 30s, wearing a white coat, poured a cup of water and handed it to her. “Are the things from before starting to happen again?”

Wen Jinyan held the paper cup with slight force, glanced at the back of her neck, took a sip of water, and slowly said, “The voices in my head appeared again yesterday.”

“Did you see anything related to it, or have you had any new changes recently?” Dr. Jiang clasped her hands together.

Wen Jinyan lowered her gaze for a moment and told her honestly, “Marriage.”

The biggest change was marriage.

Dr. Jiang paused, then smiled softly. “Marriage, ah. That means you are also slowly developing for the better subconsciously. Does the occurrence of that matter have any connection with your marriage partner?”

Wen Jinyan’s palm, separated by the paper cup, felt hot. She put the paper cup aside, her voice very soft. “No.”

Dr. Jiang immediately saw through her lie.

“You can try to trust your relatives and friends around you, try to rely on them,” Dr. Jiang expressed tactfully.

Wen Jinyan’s face suddenly darkened when she heard the word “relatives.”

She interrupted softly, “Dr. Jiang, please prescribe some tranquilizing and control medication for me.”

Seeing her reaction, Dr. Jiang knew she was avoiding the topic again, but she still finished her thought. “You might not need this medicine. You haven’t relied on medication for two years and are still doing well, aren’t you? Try to self-regulate.”

“Please still prescribe me a bottle,” Wen Jinyan’s voice carried a hint of frost, distant and cold.

“Jinyan, this is a sickness of the heart, you…” Dr. Jiang wanted to persuade her further, but was afraid of being counterproductive. She sighed, seemingly helpless. “I’ll go get your medicine.”

Wen Jinyan sat in the chair, staring at the scenery outside the window. The sun was blazing and bright. Splintered sunlight fell into the room from outside the window, extending to Wen Jinyan’s feet. Wen Jinyan only needed to move a small step to touch it, but she turned her direction away, isolating herself from the sun.

“Try to exercise restraint; this medicine can be addictive,” Dr. Jiang finally advised.

“Would I take it if I wasn’t sick?” Wen Jinyan took the medicine with a touch of self-mockery.

Dr. Jiang looked at her but ultimately said nothing.

“Then I’ll be going now, goodbye, Dr. Jiang,” Wen Jinyan put the medicine in her pants pocket and left.

A WeChat sound rang; it was a message from Gu Wansheng.

[Gu Wansheng]: Will you come to the set?

[Wen Jinyan]: Arriving this afternoon.

Wen Jinyan moved her gaze up, landing on the message she sent at 2:40 AM.

2:40 AM [Wen Jinyan]: I’m home.

2:42 AM [Gu Wansheng]: Good, go rest quickly.

So she hadn’t fallen asleep until after 2:40 AM.

Looking down, Gu Wansheng sent another message.

[Gu Wansheng]: What time does your flight arrive? I’ll have Xiao Qiu pick you up.

[Wen Jinyan]: No need to trouble you, I can find the location.

[Gu Wansheng]: Call me when you arrive.

Gu Wansheng didn’t send her any more messages after that. Wen Jinyan thought Gu Wansheng was angry, because, knowing Gu Wansheng’s personality, she would usually not let up until she got a definitive answer.

Should she apologize to her? Or coax her?

Wen Jinyan was undecided and simply turned off her phone.

Forget it, she would think about it on the plane.

When Wen Jinyan arrived, she realized that there were many film crews in the film and television city. She searched for a long time but couldn’t find anyone familiar the landmarks here all looked almost identical. Wen Jinyan was lost. She opened her phone, found Gu Wansheng’s chat history, paused her finger on it for a long time, then exited the interface and found the chat interface with Bai Jin.

[Wen Jinyan]: Director Bai, can you send me the location? I’m lost.

Thirty minutes later, Bai Jin sent her a location.

Wen Jinyan opened the map navigation. The set was not far from her current location. Soon, Wen Jinyan arrived at the site.

“Isn’t this Jinyan? I heard Director Gu say you left for personal business yesterday. I thought you wouldn’t be back today,” a passing staff member said with a cheerful laugh.

“I came back as soon as the matter was handled,” Wen Jinyan replied with a calm expression.

“Oh, you and Director Gu have such a good relationship. Hey, Director Gu,” the staff member waved.

Wen Jinyan looked in the direction of the staff member. Gu Wansheng was still wearing her costume, dressed in plain white. When she saw her, she practically ran over. As she got closer, Wen Jinyan could even clearly see the ornaments on Gu Wansheng’s head gently shaking.

“Director Gu, we were just talking about you, and here you are,” the staff member said with a smile.

“What were you just saying about me?” Gu Wansheng’s breathing was still a little unstable, likely because she was running while wearing the heavy costume, but her voice carried a gentle laugh.

“I was just saying that I thought Jinyan wouldn’t come back today, but she still came back for you, Director Gu. I’m so envious of the relationship between you two.”

“Is that so?” Gu Wansheng said this while staring at Wen Jinyan.

Wen Jinyan did not speak.

Gu Wansheng retracted her gaze. “I remember your niece really likes me?”

“How did you know, Director Gu?” the staff member was pleasantly surprised.

“I overheard it by accident. Didn’t she want my autograph? I’ve already signed it; later, please trouble you to get it from Xiao Qiu.”

“Then I thank you, Director Gu. Now my little niece should be quiet for a while.”

After the staff member left, Gu Wansheng gently took Wen Jinyan’s hand and said softly with a smile, “Why didn’t you tell me you were coming? If Director Bai hadn’t told me you arrived just now, I wouldn’t have known.”

“I was afraid you were filming and that I would distract you,” Wen Jinyan replied calmly.

Gu Wansheng’s eyes curved into crescent moons. She reached out and brushed away the sweat-dampened stray hairs from Wen Jinyan’s forehead. “You must be hot, let’s go, I’ll take you to the break room.”

Wen Jinyan looked at their clasped hands and asked, “Gu Wansheng, you’re not angry, are you?”

Gu Wansheng paused upon hearing this, but her steps didn’t stop. “When did I get angry?”

Because you didn’t finish your message to me a few hours ago.

“Huh?” Gu Wansheng turned back and stood face to face with Wen Jinyan. She slightly bent down, trying to meet Wen Jinyan’s eyes.

“Did any of my words or actions make you think I was angry?”

The woman’s eyes were black and bright, and her makeup was fresh and elegant, neutralizing much of the innate tenderness in her almond shaped eyes. Her eyes reflected a small image of Wen Jinyan. She was wearing a heavy costume, with a few drops of sweat rolling down her cheeks, but she didn’t wipe them away. She just looked at Wen Jinyan seriously, as if asking a very important question.

She still carried that faint, refreshing scent of Yu Long green tea.

“If it was something I said that made you think I was angry with you, then I definitely didn’t make myself clear. I won’t get angry at you. I have a very good temper.”

I cherish you too much to be angry with you.

“Then, under what circumstances would you get angry?”

Gu Wansheng thought for a moment. “I’ll tell you when I’m genuinely angry with you, but when it comes to others, I can choose not to show my anger.” Saying this, Gu Wansheng gave a playful wink. “I use my aura.”

Wen Jinyan hadn’t expected the usually mature and dignified Gu Wansheng to have a playful side. Something bumped within her heart, and her expression was no longer so cold, becoming a little more approachable.

“So, don’t worry about whether you caused me to be angry, or if I would get angry with you. I’m the kind of person who will proactively tell you when I’m angry, and who will want you to coax me.”