Self-Perception - Chapter 16

“The damage should be relatively small, after all, her fans are standing by. This kind of thing is very common in the entertainment industry. When someone is supported and becomes famous, naturally there will be people who dislike it and people who are jealous.” He/She didn’t forget to tease at the end, “Caring so much about Teacher Gu?”

“I just don’t want to cause her trouble because of me. After all, sometimes rumors can destroy a person, can’t they?”

Su Muqing recalled the time Wen Jinyan had been hurt and quickly comforted her, “It’s alright, Jinyan. Teacher Gu is very capable. She has many fans and good acting skills, others can’t hurt her. Just relax.”

Gu Wansheng stood outside the door, the hand she was about to use to knock still not moving, while her other hand held the medicinal patch Meng Qiu had just delivered. The door was soundproof, but she had heard part of the conversation just now. She was secretly delighted.

Wen Jinyan really cares about me, even secretly asking about my business.

The corners of the woman’s mouth outside the door curled up. Thinking of what her friend had said before, “Your wife loves you so much,” she felt it to the extreme in this moment.

She must like me, right?

As the woman thought this, the curve of her smile grew wider and wider.

She leaned against the wall, trying hard to control the corners of her mouth. A few minutes later, she took out her phone, looked at her face through the screen, and composed her smile.

After waiting ten minutes, Gu Wansheng finally knocked on the door. The door opened quickly. Wen Jinyan was wearing pajamas, the loose fitting sleepwear made the woman appear even smaller and frailer.

“Here is the medicinal patch. If you need help, just call me. Even if you don’t need it, keep it.”

Wen Jinyan opened her mouth but swallowed the words she was about to use to refuse. “Okay,” she accepted the patch. Seeing that Gu Wansheng had no intention of leaving, she pressed, “Is there anything else?”

“I wanted to ask if we should order takeout for lunch or go to a restaurant.”

“I’ll have takeout. If you want to go to a restaurant, you can.”

“Then I’ll have takeout too,” Gu Wansheng immediately replied. “What do you want to eat? I’ll order for us both later.”

“I…” Wen Jinyan was about to say something, but remembered Gu Wansheng’s previous actions. She figured if she said “anything,” she would be questioned relentlessly. “I’ll eat whatever you eat.” She chose a compromise that didn’t require considering too many factors.

Gu Wansheng lifted her eyelids and looked at Wen Jinyan. The woman in front of her wore half-rimmed glasses, giving her a scholarly air. Her figure was slender and upright, but the pajamas she wore and the way her hair was pinned up with a wooden hairpin gave her a casual beauty. Her voice was cool and clear, yet her words were gentle. Wen Jinyan’s words broke into Gu Wansheng’s heart, which felt like it had been lightly tapped by a small hammer, or like ripples were spreading at the bottom of her soul.

The woman’s hand lifted and landed on her cheek, accompanied by confusion, “Gu Wansheng, are you sick? Why is your face so red?”

Gu Wansheng snapped out of her daze, the emotion in her eyes fully visible to Wen Jinyan. Before Wen Jinyan could decipher the emotion in Gu Wansheng’s eyes, the woman cleared her throat, and her composed tone flowed into her ears, word for word. “Maybe it was just the heat a moment ago,” Gu Wansheng said politely. “Then I won’t disturb your writing now.”

Gu Wansheng rushed to the sofa as if flying, cleared her mind, and then got up to pour herself a glass of water. After clearing her mind for the first ten minutes after drinking the water, she slowly bent over, covering her face with both hands: She is truly too much. How can she be so good at flirting with me?

At this moment, silence spoke volumes. She listens to me so well, she’s so well-behaved, how can she be this adorable? Beautiful and cute…no, she’s only cute to me. A cool, aloof little ice block to outsiders, but a gentle, obedient big cutie to me. This blatant preferential treatment is really hitting my heart.

Gu Wansheng remained in that position on the sofa for half an hour, running every word Wen Jinyan had said through her mind. After a long moment, she sat up straight, picked up the script again, and began to read it.

In less than a minute, she dropped the script, picked up her phone, and wrote a sentence in her memo app:

June 25, 2024 Wen Jinyan is the number one big cutie in my heart.

After writing it, she felt the intensity wasn’t enough, so she added several emoticons after it. Done, she put down her phone and continued reading the script.

Meanwhile, Wen Jinyan, typing in her room, had just published the fourth chapter when a reader commented:

[Author, even if you remain obscure, I will follow you forever. I can endure until the day you become super famous, and then I’ll be an old time fan.]

Wen Jinyan was very familiar with this ID. This reader had followed her since she first started writing web novels and was always the first to comment whenever she posted a new chapter. The web novels Wen Jinyan wrote had no pairings (CP) they were all written from a first-person perspective, covering a person’s life from birth to death. Some readers who disliked or were bored by it would leave a few critical words. Wen Jinyan herself didn’t care, but that little reader would always defend her immediately.

Although the little reader was always fighting alone, her momentum never flagged. She would even private message her after those exchanges: Author, don’t pay attention to those people. They have nothing better to do. They can’t measure up, so they come to seek attention. Just treat them as air. She had seen every one of the little reader’s private messages, but she never replied to her. She thought the little reader should simply love words and pour her passion into things that interested her; it was better for her not to know a person as worthless as herself.

Even now, seeing that comment, she still did not reply. Instead, just as she had done years ago, she imprinted every word of that comment, one by one, into her heart.

Wen Jinyan closed her computer, lay down on the bed, and closed her eyes to clear her mind. Suddenly, those nauseating words, insults, and criticisms appeared in her head.

“Get out of the entertainment industry!” “You don’t deserve to be in this circle!” “That’s disgusting!”

Her pupils dilated, and she sat up straight, taking several ragged breaths. Cold sweat instantly soaked her back, and her fingers gripped the bedsheet tightly. Her head was pounding severely. Out of the corner of her eye, she saw the glass of water on the nightstand and, without thinking, picked it up and gulped it down.

Her fingertips gripping the phone were white, and upon closer inspection, they were lightly trembling. She expertly dialed a number. A few seconds later, the person on the other end answered.

“Doctor Jiang, are you free these days? I’d like to book an appointment.”

In the afternoon, Gu Wansheng continued filming, and Wen Jinyan sat beside Bai Jin, watching the monitor the entire time.

This scene was a verbal battle of wits between the Princess and the Hostage Prince/Princess.

The Princess, dressed in plain white, sat by the lakeside pavilion. Her maidservant brewed tea and then handed it to the Princess. “Has the Consort arrived?” The Princess stared at the teacup, watching the wisps of steam rise, and waved her hand to brush them away. “When this servant went to find the Consort, the Consort had already agreed. Would you like this servant to go invite the Consort again?” “No need.” There was no emotion in the Princess’s eyes other than cold indifference.

“Camera two, switch perspective, follow the Consort,” Bai Jin said into the talk-back device he held, addressing the monitor. The crew member operating camera two immediately followed the instructions in their earpiece.

“Greetings, Your Highness,” the Consort knelt in salute. The Princess didn’t spare her a glance, slowly raising the teacup in front of her wrist and taking a small sip. The Hostage was not anxious; she was late and deserved a slight punishment.

After the time it takes to drink a cup of tea, the Princess finally deigned to give her a look, saying with a forced smile, “Consort, what are you doing? Get up quickly. The ground is cold.” “Having made a mistake, I should accept some punishment,” the Hostage said, kneeling straight. Although her words were compliant, her face showed none of the timidity that a wrongdoer should have. The Princess unexpectedly laughed. “Is the Consort trying to let the passing palace maids see how harshly I treat my husband? So they can gossip about it, and the rumors eventually reach the Empress and the Emperor?” After finishing her tea, the Princess tapped her two fingers lightly on the wooden chair, signaling the maid to pour tea for her. “The Consort need not be so,” she said. “Lier, pour tea for the Consort.” “Thank you, Your Highness.” The Hostage stood up and sat on the round chair opposite the Princess, her posture upright. Her seating was proper, her aura one of dignified defiance, showing no fear when meeting the Princess’s gaze.

Wen Jinyan watched the two people on the monitor. She remembered that in the original script for this scene, the Princess did not tell the Consort to stand up. She wanted the Consort to know her dominance, and as a result, the Consort had no good feelings for her, only thinking of her as an arrogant, spoiled princess seeking attention. Later interactions between the two were all about open and hidden struggle, with no affection, only hatred.

But Bai Jin changed this scene, having the Princess tell the Consort to stand up. This highlighted the Princess’s rationality, she deliberately made the Consort feel her dominance while also giving her face, preventing the person in front of her from seeing through her true intentions and deliberately creating confusion. This modification made the Princess’s character more three dimensional and gave her a more calculating mind.

After this take, Bai Jin let the actors take a break for makeup touch-ups. During the break, Wen Jinyan asked, “Director Bai, were you a screenwriter before?”

“No,” Bai Jin replied. His mood was inexplicably cheerful, and even the end of his words carried a slight upward lilt.

Wen Jinyan fell silent, impressed that someone who could understand characters from the text could perfect their emotions.

“You also think this scene is very good?” Bai Jin took a moment to drink some water. “Also?” Wen Jinyan lifted her eyelids again, this time with a hint of surprise that even she hadn’t noticed.

“I was originally going to film this scene according to the script, but Gu Wansheng found me an hour before shooting this afternoon, discussed the script, and changed this detail. I have to say, the change made the character much more three dimensional. Gu Wansheng truly immersed herself in the role of the Princess to understand her.” Bai Jin praised Gu Wansheng subtly, all the while observing Wen Jinyan’s expression as she listened. Sure enough, Wen Jinyan’s eyes shifted slightly, as if she had been moved. Okay, this round of boosting Gu Wansheng’s favorability in Wen Jinyan’s eyes is complete.

While Bai Jin was still calculating how Gu Wansheng would repay her for this favor, Wen Jinyan’s left hand hidden from everyone used her thumb to press the first two joints of her index finger, feeling the crisp cracking sound in the bustling set. How should she describe this moment? It was like the small, intricate details of her own work had finally been seen by someone, a feeling of two souls colliding.

“Actors in position! Exploitation Take One Scene Three, ready, action!”

After several years, Wen Jinyan once again felt the urge to understand a person, but it lasted only a moment before she forcefully pulled herself back. She couldn’t guarantee, and she dared not take a gamble on herself, because to understand a person meant having to bear their entirety.

She didn’t want to now. And she didn’t dare. She feared falling into the abyss again. To be damned forever, to be crushed to pieces.

Therefore, maintaining the current relationship was fine: each takes what they need, the interests sought are equal.

She put her gaze back on the woman, her eyes perfectly calm.