Self-Perception - Chapter 1

“Jinyan, what’s wrong with you? Look at the article you wrote this time it’s as flat as water, with no sparks. Do you know what the commentators are saying? They say your writing is too boring and lacks appeal.”

The woman stood still, wearing a tailored white shirt, her eyes behind her glasses fixed on the manuscript. Her voice was like an unruffled lake, incapable of raising waves, and her tone was lazy. She opened her mouth softly, “But isn’t a plain life the truest life?”

“But this is a novel! It needs highlights, something attractive. Only then will people read it. You don’t like writing CPs, and you keep writing non-CP stories who wants to read that? In this era, this fast-food era, it’s hard to find a sincere partner. So most people like to play otome games and read novels online, hoping to find a kind of solace and self-satisfaction in fiction.”

“Editor Gu, I don’t know how to write romance,” Wen Jinyan’s voice lacked any fluctuation, as if she were stating the most commonplace thing.

If anyone else heard this, they might think she was deliberately trying to anger the editor. But for Editor Gu, it was the truth. Wen Jinyan really couldn’t write romance, not even a bit.

When she first signed Wen Jinyan, the person looked exactly the same as now, no, even more sullen and reserved. She was like a dead fish, completely lifeless. But after getting along, she found the person quite nice easygoing, never losing her temper, and willing to correct her mistakes. She just didn’t talk much, but whenever you spoke to her, she always responded.

After reading a few chapters, she was confused about why there was no romance. Wen Jinyan replied, “Because it’s non-CP. I can’t write romance.”

She didn’t believe it at the time, thinking, If you haven’t eaten pork, haven’t you at least seen a pig run? So, she pulled Wen Jinyan to sit in front of her computer, opened Word, and asked Wen Jinyan to write a scene of intimacy.

Wen Jinyan paused for a few seconds before saying, “I’ll try my best.”

An hour later, she realized that Wen Jinyan hadn’t even seen a pig run.

What the hell was she writing?

Editor Gu rubbed her forehead, looking helpless. “How about you go find someone to marry?”

That way, she could at least gain some experience to write a romance storyline.

She said it offhand, but who knew Wen Jinyan would take it seriously? Not only did she think about it, but she also said formally, “I’ll try to find one.”

“I was just joking. How can a marriage partner be found just by saying so? It’s hard enough to find someone you like. Do you think it’s like buying groceries?”

Editor Gu didn’t take Wen Jinyan’s words seriously, treating it as a spur of the moment joke. She lit a cigarette, but remembering Wen Jinyan’s aversion to the smell of smoke, she quickly saw her off.

“You should go back first and revise the chapters. Send them to me after you’re done.”

“Okay,” Wen Jinyan left.

She opened her phone and searched on Baidu for “how to quickly find a marriage partner.” All the results recommended dating websites.

She scrolled down, and without exception, they were all websites. Finally, she saw a forum post with replies.

1. 1. Definitely go on blind dates. If you find someone agreeable, you can try dating.

1. 1. Introductions from family and friends. But usually, your parents like them, and you don’t.

1. 1. Go to a bar to look for a one night stand. If you like someone, make the first move.

She looked at these words and felt that suggestion 3 was low-cost and felt faster than the other two.

Bar…

“Hello, Muqing. Where did you say that bar was again?”

“What’s up, Yanyan? You’ve always disliked going to noisy places like that.”

“I want to go see.”

“Alright, I’m going tonight anyway. I’ll pick you up at 9 PM.”

“Mhm, bye,” Wen Jinyan hung up the phone, called a ride share, and returned to her rented apartment.

She quickly took a shower and sat down in her custom made chair to type.

Because she types all year round, everything must be suitable for her, the height of the chair, the placement of items on the desk, the feel of the keyboard, and the atmosphere and quietness of the environment.

The apartment she rented also suited her perfectly. Her room had a bay window. In the summer, there was a large tree outside the window and the sound of cicadas. She had cushions on the bay window and liked to sit there and stare blankly when she had nothing to do or lacked inspiration. She would do nothing but quietly look out the window.

She immersed herself in the text, her fingers flying across the keyboard. She didn’t exit the interface until her alarm went off. She cooked herself a bowl of noodles.

While waiting for the noodles, she scrolled through her phone to pass the time.

[Famous Editor Mr. Xiaose Has Joined the Crew Today]

Wen Jinyan looked at these glaring words, turned off her phone, and let out a deep breath.

The noodles were overcooked, very soft.

They lacked springiness. Even if the seasoning was excellent, it wouldn’t help. But she still ate them, adhering to the principle of not wasting food.

She sat on the sofa watching TV. Not long after, the door opened. Su Muqing held vegetables in her left hand and a key in her right. Wen Jinyan heard the sound, naturally got up, and took the vegetables.

“Why did you buy so many vegetables again? I can’t cook, and they’ll go bad and waste money.”

“If I don’t buy vegetables, you’ll just go for the simplest thing, eating noodles every day don’t you get tired of it? Although you have perfected your seasoning skills. Besides, you don’t have to cook. I’m staying at your place for the next few days; I can’t possibly eat noodles with you every day.”

“Did you argue with Ji Yibai again?” Wen Jinyan put the vegetables in the refrigerator and asked casually.

“Who argued with her? Can’t I just miss you?” Su Muqing’s mood got a little excited when Ji Yibai was mentioned.

“Yes, yes, yes,” Wen Jinyan agreed with her.

“After you put the vegetables away, come with me, sis. I’ll take you to the bar to see handsome sisters and sweet girls.” Su Muqing leaned against the door, spinning her car key on her index finger.

Wen Jinyan stared at the spinning car key in her hand.

“How about that, am I cool, sis?” Su Muqing thought she looked very cool and even raised one eyebrow at her.

Although they were the same age, Su Muqing always liked to call herself “sis.”

Wen Jinyan retracted her gaze, lowered her eyes, and changed her shoes. “I’m worried you’ll throw the key.”

Su Muqing “…”

The two drove to the bar.

“Friday,” Wen Jinyan read out the name.

“The name is quite unique, right? I only went in because I was curious at first. But now you need a reservation to enter. After all, there are celebrities inside, and the security is quite strict. It’s not good if they get photographed; it’s a matter of privacy.”

“So you have to stick close to me later and don’t get lost. It’s quite large inside.”

Wen Jinyan nodded upon hearing this. Her lenses reflected a cold light.

Su Muqing scanned her up and down for a few seconds and laughed. “But for someone like you, you have to protect yourself once you go in. It’s best to turn off your phone first.”

Wen Jinyan was confused, her voice cool and natural. “Why?”

Su Muqing walked ahead on her own and didn’t answer her directly. “You’ll know once you go in.”

Wen Jinyan and Su Muqing verified their identities and walked up a long flight of stairs.

They reached a door. Su Muqing pushed it open, and they were met with colorful lights, noisy shouts, the crowd’s chatter, and the mixing of music.

Wen Jinyan was still startled by the scene. Figures dancing on the stage, passionate music, flickering lights, and the crowd.

She suddenly had some doubts. Did the answer on the internet have some mistake? This kind of place didn’t seem like the right one to find a marriage partner.

Su Muqing sensed Wen Jinyan’s discomfort. The surrounding noise was loud, so she shouted, “Is it a bit noisy? The second floor is a quiet bar. Should we go up to the second floor?”

Wen Jinyan nodded.

If she stayed here, her head would probably explode.

The two went to the second floor, opened the door, and entered, isolating themselves from the excitement outside.

Su Muqing found a quiet spot, and a waiter came over.

She ordered a Mojito and turned around to ask Wen Jinyan softly, “Jinyan, do you want to have the same as me?”

It was Wen Jinyan’s first time, so she might not be familiar with the bar’s drinks.

“Do you have orange juice?” Wen Jinyan politely asked the waiter.

The waiter was stunned for a moment, then nodded. “Yes, freshly squeezed.”

“I’ll have a glass, thank you.”

After the waiter left, Su Muqing sat on the sofa, chatting with Wen Jinyan in a casual manner.

“How does it feel to be at a bar for the first time?”

“Quite novel,” and also quite surprising. She hadn’t expected it to be so noisy.

“I asked you to come before, but you never did. Why are you so proactive this time? What, do you want a romantic encounter?” she teased.

In the past, Wen Jinyan would say nothing, silently facing her. But now, Wen Jinyan said, “I want to find a marriage partner.”

Su Muqing’s smile froze the next second. “What? Did I hear that right? You came to the bar to find a marriage partner? Find one here?”

Wen Jinyan didn’t understand why Su Muqing was so shocked. “Is that not allowed?”

Her expression was natural, as if she were asking about something commonplace.

“Why do you suddenly want to find one?” Why hadn’t she looked before? Could it be that lust was burning in her heart, and she was starting to feel lonely?

Just then, the waiter thoughtfully brought their drinks. Su Muqing picked up her Mojito and took a sip, trying to calm down.

“I can’t write romance well, so I’m getting married to find some feeling.”

The water in her throat was suddenly choked by this sentence. She coughed violently, her face flushed red. “Cough, cough, what did you say?!”

“I said I came here to find a marriage partner. Is that not allowed?”

This sentence was very Wen Jinyan.

The first time she saw Wen Jinyan, she felt the person was somewhat indifferent. Although her surname was Wen (warm), she always gave people a natural sense of distance. But after knowing Wen Jinyan for five years, she learned that the person wasn’t indifferent but had been hurt by someone and had put a barrier around herself, always maintaining a safe distance in social interactions. This way, she wouldn’t hurt herself.

But perhaps because of this, her emotions were always slow to warm up, or in common parlance, she was dense.

“Well, I wish you good luck. I’m going to the restroom,” Su Muqing put down her cup and got up.

After she left, the door was gently pushed open again, accompanied by the sound of a bell.

Wen Jinyan looked up at the sound and saw a stunning figure.

The woman was wearing a bright red long dress with brown hair draped over her back, the ends slightly curled. Her features were picturesque, full of charm, like a wild red rose, noble and elegant. Her high heels made a crisp sound on the floor.

The woman noticed the gaze, glanced at Wen Jinyan out of the corner of her eye as she passed, and headed straight for the bar counter.

There was a faint, pleasant scent of Oolong tea in the air.

“Hello, I’ll have a Tequila Sunrise.”

Wen Jinyan’s seat was already close to the bar counter, and since the quiet bar was relatively peaceful, she could clearly hear the woman’s voice.

Her voice had a slight coolness but was essentially a mature, older-sister type of sound.

The first sentence Wen Jinyan heard her speak made her feel, Her voice is so beautiful.

The woman walked towards Wen Jinyan’s direction, passed her, and sat down on the sofa next to her.

Wen Jinyan took her untouched orange juice and walked over to her.

When she got closer, she realized that the structure of the woman’s face carried a kind of captivating yet refined beauty. She just happened to have a pair of alluring ‘peach blossom’ eyes that naturally carried a three-point expression of affection when looking at people.

“Hello,” a slightly gentle voice sounded.

Gu Wansheng looked up, forcing a peaceful smile that she used as a template for everyone she spoke to.

“Hello, is something the matter?”

Another person trying to chat her up… how boring…

“What I’m about to say might make you feel a little displeased.” Wen Jinyan put the juice on the table. She set it down very gently, and the glass made no sound against the tabletop.

“Do you have a partner? If not, would you consider marrying me?”

Even someone as experienced as Gu Wansheng was a little stunned. This was the first time someone had been so direct. But compared to those who beat around the bush, this was much more appealing.

She carefully observed the woman in front of her. She was wearing a pair of semi-rimless glasses. The light was dim, so she couldn’t see her eyes clearly. She could only see her high nose bridge, excellent bone structure, and smooth facial contours.

Mixed-race…

And quite good-looking.

Her interest was piqued. She curved a slight smile, leaned back lazily on the sofa, and asked, “Why did you choose me?”

“Your voice sounds nice, and your perfume smells very good.”

After a moment, the woman let out a clear, low laugh, like a whispered declaration of love next to the ear.

Wen Jinyan’s earlobe suddenly felt a little itchy, but she resisted the urge to rub it.

This was the first time she had heard someone respond with her perfume and voice when trying to chat her up.

However, it was quite unique. It was definitely different compared to others who only used words like “beautiful.”

“Do you know who I am?”

Wen Jinyan heard this and seriously looked at the woman in front of her. The woman had her legs crossed, like a lazy cat, but her eyes carried a scrutinizing look.

“No. If you don’t mind, you can tell me who you are.”

Gu Wansheng looked at Wen Jinyan for a few more seconds before retracting her gaze.

Wen Jinyan stood straight in place, waiting for the woman’s reply.

The woman spoke, “Your phone.”

Wen Jinyan thought for two seconds, then took out her phone, unlocked it, and handed it to the woman.

Gu Wansheng looked at the hand offered to her. Although she couldn’t see the whole picture, she could tell the fingers were fair and slender. She did not touch Wen Jinyan’s knuckles.

She took the phone, typed in her WeChat ID, and then handed it back to Wen Jinyan. Without saying anything, she got up and left.

“Hey, you haven’t drunk your beverage yet.”

“It’s on me,” the woman raised her voice slightly.

“How was it? How was it? What did you talk about with that beautiful woman?”

“I asked her to be my marriage partner,” Wen Jinyan took her phone. The screen showed the WeChat name the woman had just entered.

“Did you really say that?”

“Mhm.”

Su Muqing looked at Wen Jinyan with admiration.

“Then what did she say?”

“She gave me a WeChat ID, but she didn’t use her phone to accept the friend request,” Wen Jinyan picked up the orange juice and sat back down in her seat.

“Then there are two possibilities. One is that she might just not want to offend you, so she gave you the WeChat ID, but she might not add you. The second is that she didn’t bring her phone and will add you when she gets back. Which one do you want?”

“The choice isn’t mine,” Wen Jinyan calmly replied, not falling into Su Muqing’s trap at all.

“So, I’m asking what you want,” Su Muqing said, emphasizing each word.

Wen Jinyan was truly clueless in some aspects and spoke very directly.

“Let fate decide,” a light reply, as if she hadn’t been the one to approach the other person just now, returning to her easygoing nature.

Su Muqing “…”

You think you can find someone like that?!

If you do, I’ll wash my hair while standing on my head!!