Saving My Life By Simping For My Empress - Chapter 3

Chapter 3: Qin Ji: Holy crap! It’s so hard!

When Qin Ji emerged from the Ziji Palace with a dark expression, he scared a great number of people half to death because he looked truly furious.

And why wouldn’t he be? He was a fine young man of the socialist era; because his family was wealthy, he had never worried about making a living. He had attended a decent university and joined the family business after graduation to start learning the ropes. He couldn’t even understand the company’s financial reports, yet they wanted him to preside over the Imperial Court?

He was truly “grateful” for this.

But what could he do? He was already dressed; it wasn’t as if he could just take the clothes off again.

Sitting in the dragon carriage, Qin Ji was on the verge of tears.

Gao De was also puzzled today. When the maids had brought in the court robes, he thought they would be kicked out again. Instead, His Majesty had put them on without a word, showing no sign of impatience. It was rare for His Majesty to be willing to attend court; in the year since his enthronement, the number of times he had actually attended could be counted on one’s fingers.

Qin Ji slumped in the dragon carriage with no regard for his image; since the curtains were drawn, no one could see him anyway. He hadn’t even eaten breakfast yet; could he finish early and come back for a meal?

Oh, Wei Yu must be up too. He wondered if anyone would take the initiative to bring him breakfast. The great beauty was so thin; he clearly hadn’t been eating well. He had to nourish him.

This morning, he had let Wei Yu make do with his own clothes. The quality was fine, but they didn’t fit Wei Yu properly. He needed to tell the Palace Administration to speed up the making of Wei Yu’s new clothes. However, making clothes was one thing, but eating well and putting on some weight was another—and the latter was more important.

“Gao Huan, go to the Imperial Kitchen and tell them to send break… breakfast to Wei Yu first.” Gao De had to accompany him to court, so he sent Gao Huan instead.

Gao Huan took the order and headed toward the Imperial Kitchen.

His Majesty really had changed his temperament, actually ordering the kitchen to send food to Wei Yu. In the past, Wei Yu was always given leftovers and cold rice.

Could it be that His Majesty’s conscience had finally made a grand appearance?

Gao Huan didn’t understand; Gao Huan couldn’t see through it.

…

There was quite a distance between the Ziji Palace and the Taiji Palace, where the court was held. Qin Ji was bored in the carriage and started calculating ancient time units. He remembered Gao De telling him court started at Mao Zheng San Ke (approx. 6:45 AM).

Mao Zheng San Ke… around six in the morning?

And the Tyrant’s official court time was probably at the Chen hour, which is 7:00 AM?

Qin Ji sucked in a breath of cold air. Good lord, were ancient people this competitive? 7:00 AM was the time he used to have early self-study back in high school. In university, he only had early classes if there was a lecture, and even then it was 7:30. 7:00 AM… sorry, he might not be able to handle this level of pain.

The dragon carriage rocked all the way to the Taiji Palace. Qin Ji walked in amidst the bowing of the hundred officials and sat upon the dragon throne that countless people coveted.

Qin Ji: Holy crap! It’s so hard!

Could they not provide a thicker cushion? Were they worried that if the cushion were too soft, the Emperor would fall asleep during court?

Moreover, the beaded crown (Mianliu) hanging from his head blocked his vision; he couldn’t clearly see who was who down there…

Misery. Being an Emperor was truly too miserable. Could he just take a large sum of money and flee the palace right now to find a place to live a quiet life?

Speaking of which, what was he supposed to say now? He didn’t watch many period dramas, so he was completely lost.

Fortunately, Gao De—the reliable “brick”—stepped up: “If there is business, present your memorials!”

Oh, “if there is business.” What if there isn’t? Do they still present?

The officials were surprised to see the Emperor actually attend court today. Although they were terrified of being dragged out on the spot, they had to speak up when they should.

The first to step forward was an official in red robes. Qin Ji noted he was standing quite near the front; he must be a high-ranking official.

The high official held his ritual tablet (Hu), walked to the center of the hall, and knelt: “Your servant has a matter to report.”

Qin Ji didn’t know what to say, so he just uttered one word with a cool, detached tone: “Speak.”

The official began: “Reporting to Your Majesty, your servant wishes to accuse the Heir of the Marquis of Guiyuan for snatching a common woman in broad daylight!”

Qin Ji sat up straight instantly. Hey, was he going to deal with a scumbag on his first day of work—er, court?

Seeing that Qin Ji wasn’t angry, the official felt much more at ease. He recounted the incident clearly and forcefully: “The Heir of the Marquis of Guiyuan, relying on his family background, frequently commits evil deeds. Yesterday, he took a fancy to a common woman on the street and tried to snatch her back to the Marquis’s manor. The woman refused, and the Heir beat her, causing injuries. Had the patrolling soldiers not passed by, the woman’s life would have been in danger.”

Although the Marquis of Guiyuan was of noble birth, he didn’t have the right to attend court; otherwise, he would have spoken in defense. However, the one accusing him was the Imperial Censor, who monitored all officials, so no one pleaded for the Marquis’s manor.

“Where is that woman now?” Qin Ji asked with a frown.

“In reply to Your Majesty, she is still at the clinic receiving treatment,” said the Imperial Censor.

“Send an Imperial Physician to check on her, and have the physician issue an injury assessment report. Make the Marquis of Guiyuan’s manor pay compensation to the woman based on that assessment.” Civil law says you have to pay compensation, right? What else should be done?

Qin Ji was bewildered; he had never hated his own lack of learning more than now.

As soon as Qin Ji spoke, the entire court fell silent, as if no one expected this Emperor—who skipped court most of the time and had a reputation for brutality—to protect a common woman.

The Imperial Censor asked tentatively: “Your Majesty, the Marquis of Guiyuan’s manor has been bullying others for a long time. Your servant begs Your Majesty to punish them severely!”

Qin Ji beckoned to Gao De, who leaned in: “Whose influence does the Marquis of Guiyuan rely on?”

Gao De: “…”

“Your Majesty, the Heir of the Marquis of Guiyuan was one of your study companions when you were still the Crown Prince.”

So that was it. Qin Ji curled his lip. That was indeed relying on too much influence. Just a study companion, and he had been accused in the Imperial Court; who knows how arrogant he was in private? With that level of arrogance, one might think the Heir was his own father.

“Find out what other crimes the Marquis of Guiyuan’s manor has committed. Report back once it’s clear, and I will handle it then.” (Sorry, he didn’t know which department was responsible for investigating this! QAQ!)

However, since the Emperor had spoken, officials naturally stepped forward to accept the command; he didn’t have to find people himself.

All accounts should be settled eventually, but the Heir was loathsome and couldn’t be let off. Qin Ji thought for a moment and said: “As for this time, give the Heir twenty strokes of the board first. The Marquis of Guiyuan failed to educate his son properly, so give him ten strokes as well.”

That should be fine, right?

Qin Ji looked at the civil and military officials below with a pounding heart, only to see them all drop to their knees and shout in unison: “Your Majesty is wise!”

Wait, can someone tell me exactly where I was “wise”?

The officials saw that the Emperor was easy to talk to today, so after the Imperial Censor, they started popping up one by one to speak.

“Your Majesty, there are many beggars in the capital who beg on the streets daily. How should they be resettled?” “Give them some work to do, make them self-sufficient.”

“Your Majesty, recently a ‘Red-Robed Cult’ has become popular in the capital, tricking the citizens into donating money and goods…” “Arrest them and return the property to the people.”

“Your Majesty, the harvest has been poor in some areas this year. Should we lower the taxes?” Qin Ji vaguely remembered the novel mentioning that the Tyrant’s taxes were very high, though he didn’t remember the exact amount. In any case, lowering taxes couldn’t be wrong. “Lower the taxes by twenty percent.”

“Your Majesty…”

Qin Ji heard the words “Your Majesty” countless times; he was about to get PTSD from it. Being an Emperor was so hard; he wanted to go back to his happy home. Waaaah.

Phones, computers, games… his happiness was all gone. Waaaah.

By the time Qin Ji finished the morning court, he had turned into a dead fish. He shifted his aching buttocks, stood up, and wobbled back to the dragon carriage, slumping down to contemplate the meaning of life.

He was so hungry…

“Gao De, is my breakfast ready?” He was going to starve to death if he didn’t eat.

Gao De was also happy today: “Rest assured, Your Majesty, it was prepared long ago.” As the person closest to the Emperor during court, he had clearly heard the Emperor’s stomach rumbling every day.

Fine, as long as it was ready.

Driven by his love for breakfast, Qin Ji rushed straight to the dining table upon returning to the Ziji Palace. Breakfast, here I come!

It had to be said that the Imperial Kitchen truly lived up to its name. Even a simple breakfast was made with perfect color, aroma, and taste. Just the smell alone made Qin Ji salivate.

However, as a civilized youth of the new era, Qin Ji didn’t let his drool escape; he simply swallowed it down along with the food.

Qin Ji devoured the breakfast like a whirlwind, as if he hadn’t eaten in eight hundred years.

Gao De looked at the bowl, which had been eaten so clean it was practically reflective, and fell into deep thought. Was the Emperor who attended court seriously this hungry?

After eating his fill, Qin Ji changed out of his court robes with the help of the maids and put on a simple set of casual clothes.

“Where is Wei Yu?” Qin Ji hadn’t seen him since returning.

“In reply to Your Majesty, he has returned to the side hall,” Gao Huan reported.

Why did he go back to the side hall? Qin Ji’s mood instantly deflated. Was it not good here? It was warm and had delicious food.

The novel was written from Wei Yu’s perspective and had described the environment of the side hall: small and damp. Wei Yu used to be a wealthy prince; how could he endure such hardship?

“Go and bring Wei Yu back. Remember to take a cloak to shield him from the wind and snow.” No, he had to keep Wei Yu by his side. What if Wei Yu felt sorrow at his surroundings, looked at that side hall, thought of the days he was abused by the Tyrant, and decided to pick up a knife and slaughter him?

Gao De asked: “Should we bring him here or to the study?”

“Study?” Qin Ji was confused. Why the study?

“Your Majesty, now that you have finished breakfast, it is time to review the memorials.”

“Gao De Maps” was at your service.

Qin Ji: “…” He didn’t know the first thing about reviewing memorials!

Speaking of which, Wei Yu probably knew how, right? Would it be feasible to use Wei Yu’s hand to review them under a false pretext?

With his level of knowledge—barely recognizing a few traditional characters and having no idea how to read without punctuation—reviewing memorials was out of the question. Not to mention, he didn’t even know how to write with a brush!

He absolutely must not pick up a brush. The moment he did, his cover would be blown, wouldn’t it?

Qin Ji really wanted to hold his head and cry. His life was just too difficult.