Saving My Life By Simping For My Empress - Chapter 1

Chapter 1: He looked at Wei Yu Until He Got a Nosebleed!

Qin Ji lay spread-eagled on a massive bed large enough to accommodate four or five people, staring at the ceiling and contemplating his life.

The appearance of this body was undoubtedly handsome: a straight nose, thin lips, sword-like eyebrows, and eyes like stars. However, as he thought about the plot, his facial expressions became a chaotic kaleidoscope of emotions, effectively ruining the aesthetic.

He, a man who had spent his life doing good deeds and accumulating merit, had been struck and killed by a car at a young age. Fine—at least Heaven had given him a second chance at life through rebirth.

But who the hell wants to be reborn as the villainous tyrant of a novel?!

Qin Ji flipped over and continued to lie there like a limp noodle, sighing heavily.

The protagonist of the novel he had transmigrated into was named Wei Yu, a prince from a rival nation currently being held as a hostage in the State of Qin. This hostage’s life in Qin was miserable because the tyrant Qin Ji had become took pleasure in torturing him.

Wei Yu endured humiliation and heavy burdens for years, “sleeping on brushwood and tasting gall” to nurse his vengeance. Eventually, he collaborated with the Crown Prince of Wei from the inside, crushed the State of Qin, and then—the “King of a Fallen Nation”—the tyrant was hacked into a thousand pieces by Wei Yu and fed to the dogs.

If the plot hadn’t yet reached the point where the tyrant began abusing Wei Yu, he might still be able to save himself. But the tyrant had already started, and not just once or twice.

Heh, he alone was going to complete the protagonist’s entire character arc of: “When Heaven is about to place a great responsibility on a man, it must first embitter his spirit, toil his muscles, and starve his body.”

Qin Ji suddenly bolted upright and shouted, “Someone! Quickly, come here!”

The eunuch waiting outside the hall rushed in: “Your Majesty?”

Qin Ji painfully extended a hand: “Quick, support me…” His stomach was churning and growling with a thunderous sound.

The eunuch’s expression changed, and he hurriedly assisted Qin Ji to the latrine.

Qin Ji’s face was the color of wilted vegetables as he clutched his stomach. Damn it, they said “paper people” (fictional characters) don’t go to the bathroom!

Gao De gripped his horsetail whisk tightly, thinking to himself that the people in the Imperial Kitchen were finished. The food they prepared had actually made His Majesty sick.

“Go… call an Imperial Physician…” Qin Ji couldn’t hide his weakness; he was about to collapse from diarrhea.

“Yes!” Gao De didn’t dare leave for long. He jogged out to tell a young eunuch to run to the Imperial Academy of Medicine and then hurried back.

“Gao De, come in and support… Me.” Qin Ji finally finished. This bout had left him jelly-legged; he couldn’t walk on his own.

Gao De cautiously supported Qin Ji back to bed and carefully tucked him in. Looking at that face, which was so pale it lacked a single drop of color, he became even more careful.

The Imperial Physician arrived at top speed. After paying his respects, he gingerly took Qin Ji’s pulse. He had no choice; they served a tyrant who would beat or kill people on a whim.

“Your Majesty, you have been struck by a cold chill. Although spring has begun, the weather hasn’t truly warmed up yet. You must eat hot food and wear thick clothing.” The physician kept his head lowered, not daring to look at Qin Ji’s face. He felt he was simply unlucky—why did he have to be the one to treat this tyrant today?

Qin Ji tried to recall what he had eaten last night. Recall failed.

He turned his gaze to Gao De: “What did I consume last night?”

Gao De thought for a moment and listed everything the tyrant had eaten and used.

After listening, Qin Ji felt the tyrant had zero sense of health preservation. In this transitional weather, why eat ice? He deserved the diarrhea.

But the thought that it was him suffering and not the fictional tyrant made Qin Ji feel beyond words.

“From now on, prepare healthy, nourishing dishes.” Qin Ji would rather die than eat ice on a cold day like the original tyrant. He wasn’t a “paper person”; he would actually get sick.

“Do I need medicine?” Qin Ji asked.

Physician: “Replying to Your Majesty, it is best to take some medicine to regulate your system.”

Qin Ji waved his hand: “Then prescribe it.” The tyrant truly wasn’t a man of health; even if the protagonist didn’t kill him, he wouldn’t have lived long anyway. Qin Ji wanted to live a bit longer.

However… he first had to find a way to make the protagonist give up on killing him.

“Where is Wei Yu?” Qin Ji said. “Bring him here.”

Gao De and the physician trembled in unison. Was he going to torture Wei Yu even while he was sick?

“Yes, this servant will go at once.” Gao De bowed.

Qin Ji gave a hum of affirmation and added: “Take the physician out with you.”

The two retreated. Once outside, the physician quietly slipped a small box into Gao De’s hand and whispered into his ear: “This wound salve is a secret family recipe. Please give it to that one, Manager.”

“That one” went without saying.

Gao De tucked the item away: “Lord Duan is very thoughtful.”

To dare show kindness to someone the tyrant intended to toy with—if the Emperor found out, things would go poorly.

Physician Duan sighed but didn’t dare say more, slinging his medicine bag over his shoulder and heading back.

…

Qin Ji rubbed his suffering stomach. After drinking some hot water served by a young eunuch, he finally felt a bit better. He had to admit, being an Emperor had its perks. If he felt unwell, a crowd of people rushed to serve him. He had a giant bed to himself, the softest pillows, and the warmest blankets.

Aside from the constant vigilance regarding the protagonist stabbing him to death, everything was actually quite nice.

With Qin Ji’s order, it didn’t take long for Gao De to lead Wei Yu into the hall: “Your Majesty, the person has arrived.”

Qin Ji waved a weak hand: “Fine. You may leave.”

Gao De hesitated, but with the tyrant’s majesty looming, he didn’t dare speak out of turn. He bowed and backed out. As a meticulous attendant, he even closed the doors behind him. No matter what, the person kneeling inside was a prince; it wasn’t good for others to witness how he was humiliated.

Once Gao De was out, Qin Ji looked at the person kneeling on the floor with his head bowed. This was the novel’s protagonist, Wei Yu. He was dressed thinly, and in the biting cold of early spring, his body could be seen trembling slightly despite his efforts to endure.

Kneeling there, Wei Yu finally regained his bearings. He had died of illness not long ago, but his vision went black and then opened again to find himself being dragged away.

Before he could even open his mouth to rebuke them, he saw a place he knew all too well: the Ziji Hall of the Qin Imperial Palace—the Emperor’s private living quarters.

He clearly remembered that after he had personally killed the Emperor of Qin, he had ordered the body thrown into a mass grave. Wei had conquered Qin, and he had followed his royal brother back home. However, because of the years he spent being ground down by that tyrant in Qin, his health was frail, and he had died shortly after returning home.

So, what was the situation now?

In his daze, Wei Yu heard someone whispering in his ear: “Your Highness, do not be stubborn in front of His Majesty. Don’t go against him, or the one to suffer will be yourself!”

Wei Yu looked up at the speaker and realized it was actually the tyrant’s personal attendant, Gao De.

After the Wei army crushed Qin, he had allowed Gao De to return to his hometown to retire. Why was Gao De here? And the “Majesty” he spoke of… was the tyrant?

What was going on? Had he returned to those days of being tortured? No, this had to be fake. How could such a mysterious thing happen in this world?

When Wei Yu didn’t respond, Gao De continued to plead: “Your Highness, I know you are a prince and have your dignity, but nothing is more important than staying alive, is it?”

Wei Yu suddenly bit his lip so hard it bled. It hurt. He could even taste the blood.

He had truly returned to the days of being tortured by the tyrant.

Why? How could Heaven treat him like this? It’s not fair!

Wei Yu clenched his teeth, suppressing the endless grievances in his heart. He didn’t want to experience those days again; it was too agonizing. At worst… at worst, he would find a way to kill the tyrant and then commit suicide to avoid this ultimate disgrace.

While his thoughts were racing, he was dragged into the inner hall—the tyrant’s bedchamber—and forced to his knees.

“You, lift your head,” he heard the tyrant say.

Despite his immense reluctance, Wei Yu was currently no match for the tyrant and had no way to take his life. He could only obey and lift his head.

As Qin Ji watched the man slowly look up, revealing a face of breathtaking beauty, he instantly lost his train of thought.

What was I going to say? I can’t remember.

Is this the protagonist? He’s… he’s so beautiful.

Actually, the original Qin Ji was handsome too, but his was a rugged, masculine handsomeness. Wei Yu’s beauty, however, transcended gender.

Qin Ji thought of a phrase often used on the internet to describe such people: Wei Yu was truly hand-sculpted by the Goddess Nüwa herself, and she had clearly put a massive amount of effort into him.

With his meager literary knowledge, he could actually recall a classic line: “On the road, the man is like jade; the young lord is peerless in this world.”

He’s really too good-looking.

Qin Ji unconsciously wiped his nose, only to feel a warm liquid. He pulled his hand away and looked—it was actually a nosebleed.

He had looked at Wei Yu until he got a nosebleed!

Unfortunately, Wei Yu also saw the blood flowing from Qin Ji’s nose.

“Gao De!” Qin Ji shouted.

Gao De’s heart skipped a beat as he hurriedly pushed the door open: “What are Your Majesty’s orders?”

“Quick, quick, quick—a handkerchief!” Qin Ji couldn’t let the blood drip onto the bed. He was currently tilting his head back, trying to get the blood to flow back in.

Gao De noticed the situation and quickly brought a cloth: “Your Majesty, here is the handkerchief.”

Qin Ji blocked his nose with the cloth and slowly lowered his head. Fortunately, the bleeding wasn’t out of control, or he would have become a laughingstock for the ages.

Just imagine: The history books recording that the Emperor of Qin, Qin Ji, got a nosebleed on the spot because the hostage prince of Wei was too beautiful… Even if he had to hold his breath, he was going to force this nosebleed back!

Wei Yu, still kneeling: “…” Since when did this tyrant become so physically weak that he gets nosebleeds so easily?

“Your Majesty, should I call the Imperial Physician back to take a look?” Gao De asked.

Qin Ji raised a hand to stop him: “No need.” It wasn’t easy for physicians to run back and forth in this cold; he didn’t want to trouble people. “Go fetch a basin of hot water.” He needed to wash up.

Gao De gave a quick “Yes” and cast a very subtle, meaningful glance at Wei Yu as he left.

Wei Yu: What are you looking at me for? It’s not like I’m the one who angered this tyrant into a nosebleed.

“Wei Yu,” Qin Ji said abruptly. “Come closer to Me.”