My Secret Flower - Episode 5

“Where are you headed, Lishua?”

As Ash and I were entering the mansion, I ran right into Father coming down the stairs. Then, in a very solemn tone, he lowered his voice and glared at Ash before asking me.

I tried my best not to show any agitation and replied with a bright smile.

“It’s mealtime. Where are you off to so early in the morning, Father?”

“…I’m going to the dining hall.”

“The dining hall? You never used to have breakfast, did you? You said you had no appetite.”

“I’ve instructed them to prepare breakfast from today onwards. An empty stomach in the morning is not good for the body, I’ve been told.”

Of course, the butler, who was following behind, looked bewildered with wide eyes, as if hearing this for the first time.

It was truly absurd to think that Father, disliking Ash and me being together, was starting to have breakfast, something he hadn’t done his entire life. I didn’t think he was such a narrow-minded person. Had I been mistaken about Father all along?

Inevitably, I had to separate from Ash and have the meal alone. The cook, who had been hastily preparing Father’s meal, brought it out nervously, but Father only ate a few vegetables lightly before putting down his fork.

“…Are you finished already?”

“I’ve heard it’s healthier to eat less rather than too much. This is enough.”

He was someone who almost never left any of the prepared meal, saying it was the cook’s effort. That’s why I had ordered them to adjust the portions appropriately. But he didn’t touch the meat at all.

So, I was certain that he was deliberately eating a meal he didn’t want. My father was acting like those daughter-fool fathers. What’s wrong with Ash, anyway?

“Father, about Ash, is there something you don’t like about him?”

“Well, judging from his quick wit and the knowledge he possesses, it seems he has received formal education.”

Although his expression turned sour at the question about Ash, his evaluation was quite generous. It felt like he was dissatisfied because he couldn’t find any flaws, even though he didn’t want to admit it. If he was being acknowledged by my father, who was known to be picky, it meant Ash was indeed extraordinary.

“He has recovered to some extent now, and Ash said he hasn’t found a place to settle down. With his excellent swordsmanship and knowledge, as you said, wouldn’t he be a useful person to have in our earldom?”

“He doesn’t seem to have any attachment to this place for someone who says he has nowhere to settle down. Don’t give him your heart too much until he decides to stay on his own.”

So, that’s why he was so wary of Ash. He must have been even more worried because I was showing too much affection towards Ash.

Upon careful consideration, if he had any intention of settling down here, he would have first tried to build rapport with the family’s servants. But I couldn’t deny that he kept a certain distance from the servants and seemed uninterested in anything other than swordsmanship practice and rehabilitation.

Was I being too hasty? I began to reflect on whether I was trying to force him to do what I wanted.

Nevertheless, my desire to know more about him was great. Even if I were to give my heart to someone who had even the slightest intention of leaving, I would regret it, but somehow, I felt that the good memories with him could remain as fond memories even after time passed, so I decided to show him moderate interest.

I used to take a walk in the garden at the same time every day, and somehow, he was always out in the garden at that time as well. It felt like he was waiting for me, which made me feel pleasantly excited.

“Do you like asters? You seem to be looking at those flowers every time.”

“I’ve heard that asters wither easily if they become even slightly dry, so they need to be taken care of well. It seems the gardener of the earldom puts a lot of effort into tending this garden. I always look at it and think I should learn from it.”

“Caring for animals or plants, living things that can’t speak, is difficult without that much affection. But I guess that’s true for everything.”

He nodded in agreement with my words and looked down at the asters again. So, I stood next to him and looked at the flowers as well, cautiously asking.

“Come to think of it, I don’t think I’ve even heard your age. Ash, how old are you?”

“My mother passed away when I was ten, and this year marks the fourteenth anniversary of her death, so I’m twenty-four.”

I was surprised that his mother had passed away when he was young, but I was also puzzled by his strange way of calculating his age.

“Why do you calculate your age like that?”

“It’s more accurate this way.”

I turned twenty-one this year, so he’s three years older than me. It was a very suitable age, which pleased me. He seemed quite mature, so I never would have thought he was that age. Did he mature early?

“Ash, you didn’t have a mother either. It must have been tough.”

“I was too young, so my memories from that time aren’t very clear. More than that, wasn’t the time I climbed into your carriage without permission the anniversary of your mother’s death?”

“I said the exact date was two days before that.”

Whenever he talked about his mother, a melancholy expression would appear on his face. Whenever that happened, he would simply stand by my side and look up at the sky without saying anything.

He had forced himself to go to the window and look up at the sky when he was injured and couldn’t move. So, I followed him and looked up at the sky as well. The slightly cloudy sky, tinged with a faint gray, held the chilly winter wind.

“Do you like the sky?”

“When I look at the sky, I realize how vast the world is. I’m trapped in such a narrow world, living fiercely. But the sky feels like it’s embracing me with unchanging beauty, so I like it.”

Strangely, I felt like I was being robbed of him by the sky, which made me feel strange. I also wished he would feel that way about me instead of the sky.

I felt foolish and absurd for being petty and sulky for no reason. It was then that I realized I had special feelings for him.

“Do you happen to have a wife?”

“I’m still unmarried. If I had a wife, I wouldn’t be spending such leisurely time here.”

“I guess that’s true. May I ask what you did before?”

“I received heir training according to my father’s wishes.”

There were mountains of things I wanted to ask, but I tried my best to hold back. I was worried it might sound like I was prying into his personal life. But since he didn’t talk about himself first, I couldn’t help but be curious.

So, I tried to choose only questions that wouldn’t make him feel uncomfortable, and he gave me vague answers, though not very precise.

“What was the place you lived in like?”

“It certainly wasn’t as peaceful as this place. Right now, this peace feels like a dream, and I’m afraid it will be shattered.”

“Do you like it here?”

“No one wouldn’t like this place. To those who have experienced a hellish world, it’s considered nothing short of paradise.”

Hearing him say that made me even more curious. Just how difficult of a life had he endured? If he had received heir training, his future would have been promising. Perhaps his family wasn’t very peaceful, or maybe he wasn’t from our kingdom.

“If you’re uncomfortable with me asking you so many questions, feel free to say so at any time. I’m just asking because I’m curious about you and want to know, it doesn’t mean anything else.”

“I’m not uncomfortable. However, there is one thing I regret.”

“Regret?”

“I, too, have become very curious to know what kind of life you, Lishua, have lived.”

My heart fluttered. His gaze, always fixed on me, now held a sense of curiosity about me, and my cheeks flushed.

Even though I didn’t have anything particularly to boast about in my ordinary life, I became more and more fond of him as he reacted to my stories and listened intently.

Was it because he wasn’t approaching me with an ulterior motive? I never expected that such comfortable conversations would be possible with someone who wasn’t even a close friend.

Was that why? Just that alone made me feel that we trusted each other. I was so happy that he was showing interest in me, just as I was interested in him. It made me feel like I had the whole world.

As time passed, I felt that he was quite a good match for me. Even if we didn’t talk and just walked side by side, I felt comfortable without any awkwardness.

My heart wasn’t comfortable, though.

I simply enjoyed being with him. I didn’t used to feel lonely or desolate, but now I felt empty when he wasn’t by my side. Even when I fell asleep alone, I kept thinking about him and missed him. Even when I was looking at him, I wanted to see him more.

I hadn’t felt this way about my parents.

He was a man who loved animals as much as I did. His ingrained habits of impeccable etiquette were so impressive that they proved he was indeed a nobleman. He didn’t like jewelry or dressing up, and he didn’t like anything flashy.

He always carried a splendid sword that seemed like a part of his body, and it seemed to have some story behind it.

“That sword, how long have you been carrying it?”

“It’s my father’s keepsake.”

“Ah…”

That’s when I fully realized that he was a lone individual with nowhere to go. He was definitely a nobleman, but perhaps his family was affected by this recent epidemic. Or perhaps he wasn’t even from our kingdom.

“Miss, the more I look at it, the more I think you and that gentleman make quite a good couple.”

“That’s right! It’s like seeing the appearance of the former Earl and Countess Maruel again. The Earl was so affectionate towards his wife back then.”

Occasionally, the servants would view my relationship with Ash favorably, which made me feel very shy but also happy. If he continued to stay by my side, I wondered if I could also have the love that my parents had, and my heart went out to him even more with that joy.

Ash also seemed to be slowly opening his heart to me, so I had a little bit of expectation.

A few days later, the epidemic completely subsided, and the capital was reopened. As soon as he heard the news, Father went to the capital himself.

He said that the capital, swept away by the epidemic, was in a terrible state, and the capital earldom had also become ruins in the meantime, and it would take time to restore it.

We were relieved to hear reports that His Majesty the King and my eldest sister, Her Majesty the Queen, who had taken refuge in the villa for a while, were safe. A royal decree was also issued to refrain from visiting the capital until it was completely organized and stabilized.

Support My Secret Flower