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Alternative
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Some memories are nurtured by nothing more than scent and temperature.
There was that early summer afternoon where the wind stirred by an old electric fan carried the faint fragrance of gardenias from Jian Qianxue’s hair. There was also that fleeting warmth against Chen Wanqing’s arm when Jian Qianxue leaned in close to explain a problem. These moments were carefully collected by Chen Wanqing and became the hidden treasures that defined her entire youth.
She had once assumed that these feelings would remain sealed forever in a box labeled “The Past,” yet everything changed on this ordinary day four years later. The person who often haunted her dreams without reason was now standing within the glow of the lights, lifting her gaze to look back. Time seemed to snap abruptly before racing backward.
“Chen Wanqing?”
Jian Qianxue spoke first with a hint of quiet uncertainty in her voice. Her gaze swept over Chen Wanqing’s face as if she were touching a familiar old wound.
Jian Qianxue believed she had long since buried that humiliating flutter of the heart and her sharp self-contempt. It had happened on that one night when she heard the news of Chen Wanqing’s relationship from Fang Yutong. In that instant, every bit of ambiguity she thought they shared became a ridiculous solo performance. Her pride shattered so completely that she could not bring herself to ask or verify anything. She felt that only a decisive retreat could preserve the last shred of her dignity.
“It has been a long time,” Chen Wanqing heard herself respond. Her voice sounded as dry as fallen leaves in late autumn.
As it turned out, her longing had never actually dissipated. It had simply lay dormant during every careless moment only to roar back and swallow her whole at the instant of their reunion. She remembered the final month before graduation when they deliberately avoided each other’s eyes and left conversations unfinished. Jian Qianxue had been like a receding tide that withdrew from her world silently and left behind a vast, desolate beach.
“So, back then…” Chen Wanqing started as the question she had suppressed for four years finally broke free. She masked her intent with a playful tone while asking why Jian Qianxue had suddenly become so cold toward her.
She summoned the courage to look at the other woman but found herself staring into a pair of misty eyes. Jian Qianxue smiled softly, though the warmth did not reach her eyes, which looked like windows covered in fog.
“I was always waiting,” she said in a voice that was quiet yet perfectly clear. “I was waiting for a message that would never be sent and for an explanation that could heal my pride.”
Her gaze locked onto Chen Wanqing with a sharp edge of pain and confusion. She continued by saying that she waited for Chen Wanqing to break the silence of their supposed mutual understanding. Instead, she had to hear from someone else that everything was merely her own wishful thinking. She paused for a moment and her gaze became like a slender needle that pierced through Chen Wanqing’s confusion.
“Chen Wanqing, weren’t you the one who let go first?”
Chen Wanqing stood frozen in place. She had never let go of anyone, and she was certain that she was the one who had been abandoned.
******
“Hey, have you ever heard that rumor from high school?”
“What rumor?”
“The one that said… Chen Wanqing liked you.”
Upon hearing this, Jian Qianxue simply curled her lips into a mocking smile while thinking to herself that it would have been wonderful if Chen Wanqing actually had liked her.
When all the misunderstandings were finally cleared and they regained their stranded courage, the truth emerged. As the one who fled learned to face the truth and the proud one learned to be honest, they both realized they had been living in stories of abandonment. They had been guarding the same unclaimed youth while walking down two long and silent one-way paths with their backs turned to each other.
Bonus Scene:
“Qingqing…”
A soft murmur drifted into Chen Wanqing’s ear and the warmth of the breath brushed against her skin. Thinking that Jian Qianxue was asking for a kiss, she leaned over and pressed her lips against the other woman’s cheek.
Jian Qianxue, who was hugging Chen Wanqing from behind, was stunned for a moment by the sudden kiss. She quickly realized what had happened and laughed while telling Chen Wanqing that she was only calling her name. She marveled at how Chen Wanqing could possibly mishear that.
She arched an eyebrow and whispered teasingly into Chen Wanqing’s ear, calling her a little pervert. Chen Wanqing’s face turned bright red at those words.
