My Own White Moonlight was Actually Myself - Chapter 1

The morning had just passed half-past eight when the phone alarm chimed for a second or two before being swiftly silenced. Chen Wanqing opened her eyes in a daze, her bangs curling upward and her hair a tangled mess. After burying her head under the covers for a few more seconds, she decisively threw back the quilt to face the winter chill, which helped her feel more awake. She had just finished dressing when a knock sounded at the door, followed immediately by an inquiry asking if she was up yet.

Chen Wanqing pulled up the zipper of her down jacket and put on her glasses while replying that she was awake. She turned on the faucet at the bathroom sink, but even though she turned it toward the hot side, the water remained icy cold for a long time. She let out a heavy sigh because the bathroom tap always failed to produce hot water. With practiced ease, she grabbed her mouthwash cup and headed to the kitchen, where she managed to catch a cup of hot water from the basin there.

In the kitchen, Chen Wanqing’s mother had just finished heating up some buns. Chen Lanzhi took a plate from the cupboard and used tongs to pick out two buns from the steaming pot. Seeing her daughter washing her face in the kitchen, Chen Lanzhi mentioned that she did not know why the bathroom sink was acting up and said she would ask her sister-in-law to come take a look later.

Chen Wanqing spat out a mouthful of water and let out a soft huff upon hearing this. She pointed out that her mother had been saying the same thing since she returned for winter break, yet a week had passed and it was still not fixed.

“Your aunt has been busy these past few days and hasn’t come into the city,” Chen Lanzhi explained as she walked toward the dining room. She beckoned Chen Huiting over from the sofa to eat before adding that they would just wait a few more days until her sister-in-law was less busy.

“Can’t we just call someone else to fix it? There are so many phone numbers pasted on the door frame outside,” Chen Wanqing muttered to herself. She knew they could have someone there just by picking any random number from the advertisements.

Chen Lanzhi clicked her tongue at the suggestion and raised her voice to ask if her daughter thought outside help was free. She insisted that the sink only had a minor issue and there was no need to waste money on it. Since it clearly came down to her mother being unwilling to spend a few dozen yuan, Chen Wanqing stopped arguing. After washing her face, she grabbed a bowl for herself, took a bun, and retrieved a bottle of warmed milk from a nearby pot.

Chen Lanzhi looked at the contents of her bowl and asked if that was all she was going to eat. During this past week, her mother had repeated that exact phrase regardless of what or how much she ate for breakfast. Chen Wanqing felt as though she were growing calluses on her ears from hearing it, so she simply replied that she was on a diet.

The mention of weight loss immediately energized Chen Lanzhi, who chimed in to say that dieting was good. She added that Chen Wanqing only needed to lose another five or six pounds, as being too thin would be bad for her health. Chen Wanqing rolled her eyes inwardly because she was five feet six inches tall and weighed 116 pounds. She felt her weight was perfectly balanced, neither too thin nor too heavy.

However, her mother believed she needed to drop below a hundred pounds. She often claimed that a woman’s weight should never exceed a hundred, otherwise people would laugh at her. Chen Wanqing found this logic impossible to understand or respect. She felt that as long as a person was healthy, their weight should not matter to anyone else. Besides, everyone was so busy with their own chaos that she doubted anyone had the spare time to laugh at her.

Before she could even finish her bun, another piercing shout echoed through the house. Chen Lanzhi yelled for Chen Huiting to hurry up and pack her books into her bag. Chen Huiting swallowed the rest of her bun in two or three bites before rushing to tidy her schoolbag, which was even more disheveled than Chen Wanqing’s hair.

Chen Wanqing was currently a junior in college, while her younger sister was in the third grade. Although it was winter break and many people were enjoying their holiday, the poor elementary student still had to attend tutoring classes. Chen Wanqing had attended primary and middle school in the countryside where tutoring sessions were rare, so she had not started extra classes until high school. Having escaped that ordeal as a child, she now looked at her sister with genuine pity.

Chen Huiting’s grades were not particularly good, as she ranked only in the middle of her class. She was especially struggling with English, a trait she shared with her older sister. Chen Lanzhi had recently heard from a friend that a nearby tutoring institution was quite decent, so she signed the girl up. Today was her trial day, which consisted of English from nine to eleven in the morning and math from half-past two to four in the afternoon.

After gulping down her last sip of milk, Chen Huiting slung her little backpack over her shoulders and gave Chen Wanqing a sweet goodbye before heading out. Chen Wanqing waved back with a neutral expression and then stood up to gather the dishes for washing.

Once the kitchen was tidy, Chen Wanqing retreated to her own bedroom. She pulled back the heavy curtains first, thinking that even if there was no sunlight outside, it was still good to breathe some fresh air. On her bed, amidst the thick quilts and clothes, lay several very thick textbooks used for teacher certification exams. The bedroom was not large, measuring only twelve square meters. Once the two-meter bed, the nightstand, and the wardrobe were inside, there was no room left for a desk. Consequently, Chen Wanqing had to buy a bed desk so she could study while sitting on her mattress.

She picked up a book and sighed at its weight, then her gaze drifted to the other volumes nearby. She wondered when this would ever end. The material she had to memorize was vast and incredibly dull. After studying for only half an hour, she could not resist opening her phone to scroll through funny videos. Following ten minutes of laughter, she checked the time and resigned herself to picking up the books again to dive back into the tedious work.

She had no actual interest in being a teacher and did not plan to pursue it as a career. However, her mother had been nagging her constantly to get the certification. Her mother argued that even if she didn’t become a teacher, having the certificate wouldn’t hurt. She claimed it was another path for her future, especially since Chen Wanqing was a Chinese Language and Literature major.

Since she could not withstand her mother’s daily badgering, Chen Wanqing had spent money on online study materials at the start of her junior year. Despite that, she had only opened the books for the first time when winter break began, and the exam was now only two months away.

Chen Wanqing continued her studies while silently praying that she would somehow pass the exam in two months. She had just set her phone down when the door handle rattled. Finding it locked, Chen Lanzhi’s voice drifted in from the other side with a hint of irritation, demanding to know why she had locked the door again and telling her to open it immediately.

Chen Wanqing let out a heavy breath before lifting the small bed desk aside and getting up to open the door. She asked her mother what she wanted, though Chen Lanzhi didn’t even bother to step inside. Instead, she stood in the doorway and announced that she was heading back to her mother-in-law’s house for a while. She instructed Chen Wanqing to pick up her sister, fix something simple for lunch, and handle the school runs for the afternoon session as well.

“Are you going back there to play tiles?” Chen Wanqing asked, knowing exactly what her mother’s plans were without needing to think twice.

Chen Lanzhi didn’t try to hide it and nodded in confirmation, mentioning that Auntie Zhang and the others had invited her. She added that her younger sister would be driving into the city that evening, so she would simply hitch a ride back then.

*****

Ever since the family had purchased a house in the county seat, Chen Lanzhi frequently took the bus back to the countryside to gamble. The trip from the county to the village took about an hour and cost six yuan without any transfers. Her mother had a serious gambling addiction and often complained that playing with people in the city wasn’t nearly as satisfying as playing with her old friends back home. Previously, she stayed behind to look after Chen Huiting, but now that Chen Wanqing was home, those concerns had vanished.

Accustomed to this behavior, Chen Wanqing simply nodded and said she understood. She closed the door as soon as she finished speaking, though a spark of annoyance flared in her chest.

Time passed quickly, and it was soon time to collect Chen Huiting. It was about a fifteen-minute walk to the tutoring center, so Chen Wanqing left the house half an hour early. The front door was equipped with a digital code lock, which spared her from worrying about keys every time she stepped out. However, in sharp contrast to the modern lock, the door frame was plastered with advertisements and phone numbers for everything from housekeeping to repair services.

Some time ago, her mother had suddenly discovered that the spare key hidden above the door frame was missing. She had called Chen Wanqing’s father in a panic that night, and he had driven home the following day to have the lock replaced with a fingerprint and code model.

The housing complex was small and lacked much greenery, as it was primarily built to house residents displaced by local demolition and relocation projects. Unfortunately, her family hadn’t been part of the relocation; they had simply bought the unit from someone who was.

Chen Wanqing pulled up the location her mother had sent and followed the navigation carefully. She checked the screen frequently to ensure she wasn’t going the wrong way, as it was her first time visiting the area. Fortunately, the tutoring center was easy to find since it sat directly across from the Central Primary School with a large, prominent sign. Looking it over, Chen Wanqing thought it appeared far more professional than the places she had attended in the past.

She went up to the second floor and waited for a while as a line of parents began to form outside the classroom. Chen Wanqing chose not to join them, preferring to lean against the wall and wait patiently. She figured it would eventually be her sister’s turn anyway, so there was no point in standing aimlessly in line.

The doorway was crowded with people, obscuring her view of the English teacher, though the voice she heard belonged to a young woman. Before each student left, the teacher would ask them questions in English about the day’s lesson and then patiently provide feedback to the parents regarding the student’s performance. Chen Wanqing cast a casual glance toward the door before looking back at her phone to continue waiting in silence.

When only a few of the thirty-odd parents remained, Chen Wanqing finally pushed herself off the wall and walked slowly toward the classroom. However, the moment she came to a halt, her gaze became glued to the English teacher standing at the door. She watched intently while scouring her memory, only to realize that the woman was a perfect match for the person from her past.

Nervousness flooded through her, and her phone suddenly felt awkward in her hand, so she shoved it into her pocket. She didn’t dare stare directly at the teacher and only ventured occasional glances while her mind raced with a chaotic storm of thoughts. She agonized over how to greet her sister’s teacher in a way that was both friendly and natural. She worried that if she used the teacher’s name and the woman had long since forgotten her, the situation would be incredibly embarrassing.

Just imagining the scene made her skin crawl with awkwardness, causing her to raise a hand and rub her face vigorously. When she lowered her hand, she realized with a start that there were only two people left in front of her. For a moment, she felt like a screaming marmot was trapped in her chest, frantically wailing about what to do.

Unable to think of a better plan, she turned to her most reliable “secret weapon”—looking down at her phone. In the past, she had used this tactic to dodge many awkward encounters with casual acquaintances, and it usually worked perfectly. Short videos flickered across the screen one after another, but she wasn’t actually paying attention. Her fingers swiped mechanically, and the videos disappeared before her eyes could even focus on them.

A moment later, another parent finished their conversation and left. Chen Wanqing instinctively moved forward a step, and the first thing to enter her field of vision was a pair of boots belonging to Jian Qianxue. Steeling her heart, she looked up and prepared to feign surprise, only to find that Jian Qianxue was already looking at her with a face full of undisguised astonishment.

“Chen Wanqing?”

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