I Still Miss Her [Rebirth] - Chapter 6

Chapter 6: Fang Zhiyi Dodges.

Afraid of meeting Fang Zhiyi’s eyes—and fearing the thoughts that might arise if she stared at that face for too long—Fang Rulian lowered her head immediately after speaking. Her gaze landed on the girl’s wrist, where the bone protruded sharply due to her thinness.

Was eighteen-year-old Fang Zhiyi really this thin?

It was practically at an unhealthy level… or was the pressure of senior year just that immense?

Fang Rulian frowned involuntarily.

“Mhm…” Fang Zhiyi did indeed look up, her cool, pale face devoid of any obvious emotion. “I haven’t lost that much weight.” Her fingertips continued to gently rub the ointment onto Rulian’s ankle. After a moment of thought, she added, “Maybe it’s just the hot weather. My appetite has been poor.”

Feeling the sting of the cold ointment on her injury, Fang Rulian shifted her leg slightly and reached for a tissue from the side table to help Fang Zhiyi wipe her hands. “Is it because of Gaokao anxiety?”

With less than two months left until the exam, anxiety was only natural.

Fang Zhiyi remained silent.

Guessed right, Rulian thought, letting out a soft sigh. “Try to relax a little. The Gaokao is no different from every other exam you’ve taken in the past. It’s not going to have some catastrophic impact on your life; it’s just a test. As long as you do your best, that’s enough.”

She spread her hands. “Look at me. I messed up my Gaokao and lost over twenty points from my expected score, but so what? In my school, my major, even my class, there are people who got twenty or even seventy or eighty points higher than me.”

She spoke from the bottom of her heart. “There are many things more important than an exam. Don’t overestimate its power over you or pre-set yourself for failure.” Fang Rulian looked up at Fang Zhiyi and reached out to drape an arm over her shoulder. “Relax. Or, Sister can take you out for a drive—not this week, maybe next?”

The girl’s body heat seeped into Rulian’s palm through the relatively thick school uniform. Fang Rulian froze for a moment, then abruptly pulled her hand back. “Are you coming home next week? …Well, it doesn’t matter if you don’t. I can go to the city to see you. Where do you want to go?”

“Aren’t you going back to campus, Sister?” The girl tilted her head, a speck of light reflecting in her dark pupils as her long lashes swept downward.

“I shouldn’t have any classes left.” In Rulian’s memory, senior year only required returning for the graduation thesis defense and the commencement ceremony; the rest of the time was spent on internships. “Anyway, don’t overthink it. Just focus on the exam.”

“Okay.” The worry between the girl’s brows seemed to unfurl slightly. But before Rulian could breathe a sigh of relief, she heard Fang Zhiyi ask: “If I don’t do well, will you scold me?”

Fang Rulian felt a bit of a headache; she’d talked all that much only for Zhiyi to remain stuck on the same point.

“As long as you try your best. Besides, what right do I have to scold you? My highest score in three years of high school wouldn’t even touch your lowest.” She couldn’t help but lean in closer, reaching out to pinch Fang Zhiyi’s cheek. “Our Xiaoyi is always the best.”

Whether it was an illusion or not, Rulian felt the girl’s eyes tremble slightly.

The girl’s skin was very smooth and soft. Fang Rulian only managed two pinches before Fang Zhiyi tilted her head to dodge.

She had just showered, and her hair was still damp, draped loosely over her shoulders. As she dodged, a few moist strands slipped through Rulian’s fingers, leaving a faint, cool sensation.

Fang Rulian smiled and withdrew her hand.

With long lashes veiling half her pupils, Fang Zhiyi nodded like a model student: “I understand.”

“Since you understand, eat well and sleep well,” Rulian joked. “Looking all skin and bones… if I go out with you, people will think I’m an abusive older sister.”

Fang Zhiyi simply repeated: “I understand.”

With a ding-dong sound, Fang Rulian looked back to see her phone on the pillow. Before she could reach for it, the figure beside her moved.

Fang Zhiyi handed the phone to Rulian, remaining seated on the edge of the bed. “Sister, your injury…”

“It’s fine. The doctor said it’s just a minor injury.” Rulian looked down to unlock her phone; her best friend Lu Ke had sent several new messages on WeChat. “The reason I went to the hospital was actually a bit of heatstroke. My body is fine.”

Fang Rulian glanced at the messages then set the phone aside. She tilted her face up slightly to look at Fang Zhiyi, her neck and shoulder lines stretching out under the lamplight. “The Gaokao is just one of countless exams in life. There’s no need to treat it like a mortal enemy or keep yourself so wound up.”

She really wasn’t skilled at emotional healing and was running out of words. She was just debating whether to tell a joke to lighten the mood when Fang Zhiyi shifted the topic herself:

“What kind of photos was Sister going to take? To need that kind of special effects makeup?”

Fang Rulian: “…”

I was going to take a funeral photo; that was my dedicated ‘crematorium’ look.

“Um… just a kind of performance art style. Anyway, it was the photographer’s idea; I’m just the model.”

“You got hurt and didn’t go. Is the photographer okay with that?” Fang Zhiyi asked.

“It’s fine, it’s fine. The photographer actually stood me up, which is why I was so angry. I was on the balcony making a call when my contact lens fell out.” She tried her best to recall her previous lie; yes, no logical contradictions so far.

“Oh.” Fang Zhiyi’s voice was soft. After a moment, she suddenly tilted her head. “Is that the dress you were going to wear for the shoot? It doesn’t look like your style.”

Fang Rulian followed her gaze to the black-and-white dress with the Peter Pan collar. She had changed out of it after dinner and draped it over a chair.

“Well… you know. Those photographers, sometimes they just like that kind of style.”

“What’s that on the table…”

By the time Rulian looked over, Fang Zhiyi had already reached out to grab the item, answering her own question: “A utility bill.”

“I found it on the door after my nap. My mom must have forgotten to pay it, so they came to the door to remind us.” Fang Rulian reached out. “Give it to me, I’ll scan it and pay.”

The crumpled bill landed in Rulian’s hand.

“Sister.”

Fang Rulian had just finished paying the bill when she heard Fang Zhiyi call her out of the blue.

“What is it?”

“Nothing, I just feel like… it’s been a long time since I’ve seen you… and Mom, and Auntie Fang.” Her smile was a bit forced. “Being alone at school is a bit hard to endure.”

Fang Rulian’s temple throbbed.

She had thought it was just standard pre-exam anxiety, but the emotion leaking from that sentence was clearly not quite right.

“Is school very difficult?” At this moment, she forgot about “reforming” or “keeping her distance.” Rulian knelt up and reached out to pull Fang Zhiyi into a hug, her arms wrapping around the girl’s back, gently patting her. “Is someone bullying you? Or are your grades not what you wanted? You can tell me.”

She felt the damp hair against her cheek. After a thought, she added: “I promise to keep it a secret. Without your permission, I won’t tell my mom or Auntie Mu.”

As she held her, Rulian felt her body trembling slightly. She couldn’t tell for a moment if she was the one shaking or if Fang Zhiyi was making her shake.

Fang Zhiyi didn’t speak, and her breathing became faint.

But a pair of hands pressed against Rulian’s lower back, lightly encircling her waist.

“I’m a bit anxious. My exam results lately have been very unsatisfactory,” Fang Zhiyi finally said after a long silence.

But Rulian’s intuition told her it wasn’t that simple.

The fresh scent of shampoo filled Rulian’s nose at this close range. She gently patted Fang Zhiyi’s shoulder. Sure enough, she waited until Fang Zhiyi’s second sentence came:

“Sister, someone at our school jumped into the lake and committed suicide.”