I Still Miss Her [Rebirth] - Chapter 13

Chapter 13: Just Like Every Time Before

Winter in Heqi County was brutal. A light snow had fallen just before New Year’s Eve, dragging temperatures down several degrees below freezing.

After New Year’s Day, the sun finally made an appearance. The blackened piles of slush along the roads began to melt, but the chill remained bone-piercing, showing no intention of letting up.

Fang Hong looked down at the messages in her neighborhood WeChat group. The heating table was turned up a bit high; she shifted her legs out slightly and nudged Mu Yunshu beside her. “The square looks lively. Want to go check it out?”

On the third day of the Lunar New Year, the nearby square was always bustling with barbecues, dancing, and singing.

Mu Yunshu agreed. “Let’s go. Staying cooped up inside these past few days has been enough.”

She looked toward the sofa diagonally opposite her, where Fang Zhiyi sat cross-legged. “Zhiyi, do you want to go to the square?”

Fang Zhiyi had never cared for crowds.

On the other side, Fang Hong shouted toward a tightly closed bedroom door: “Fang Rulian! Do you want a midnight snack?”

She knew her daughter was too lazy to go out, especially since Fang Zhiyi wasn’t going.

With a click, the door opened, and Fang Rulian’s messy head poked through the crack. “I want BBQ. Grilled leeks, enoki mushrooms, potatoes, and chicken skin. You pick the rest.”

The girl was in her nightgown, her hair a total disaster. Fang Hong couldn’t stand the sight of it. “Even if no relatives are coming over, you could at least comb your hair and wash your face. Also, you finally come home for a break—what are you doing staying in your room all day? You haven’t even eaten. Are you playing games?”

Fang Rulian walked toward the bathroom. “I’m sleeping, obviously. I pulled an all-nighter and didn’t sleep until seven this morning.”

As she passed Fang Hong, she suddenly turned back, pulled down her lower eyelid in a grimace, and shoved the bloodshot veins from her all-nighter right in her mother’s face. “Here, look.”

“You have the nerve to say that? Why stay up until seven?” Fang Hong frowned. “Doing this day in and day out—aren’t you afraid of dropping dead?”

Glimpsing her mother’s hand rising to swat her, Fang Rulian retreated quickly. Her gaze lifted slightly, colliding with the eyes of the girl curled up on the sofa.

Fang Rulian’s gaze wasn’t stinging, but the other girl’s eyes darted away in a panic.

Fang Rulian’s lips curled slightly. “I’m heartbroken.”

Before the words had even settled, she saw the other girl suck in a sharp breath. The fingers resting on her knees suddenly curled tight, then slowly released. When the girl looked up, her jawline was taut, and her molars seemed ready to shatter.

So afraid of people knowing, Fang Rulian thought. Am I really that embarrassing to be associated with?

Fang Rulian was known for talking nonsense, so neither Fang Hong nor Mu Yunshu took her seriously. Fang Hong, knowing her daughter well, countered immediately: “Heartbroken? As if you could find someone to love. You were up all night reading novels, weren’t you? I saw it last time, that site called… Po18—”

“Mom, just go! Square dancing is starting!” Fang Rulian cut her mother off hurriedly and ducked into the bathroom to wash up.

…

After pulling an all-nighter and sleeping all day, the back of Fang Rulian’s head still throbbed. Washing her face cleared her mind a bit. When she pushed the door open, only one person remained in the living room.

“They left.” Fang Zhiyi didn’t look up, her eyes glued to her phone.

Fang Rulian said nothing.

Fang Zhiyi stole a glance at her, only to be caught in a heavy, lingering gaze. She looked away hurriedly, her speech quickening. “There’s food in the kitchen. You can eat after you heat it up, Sister.”

When she was nervous, she habitually pursed her lips. Especially in front of Fang Rulian, she did it so often that her lips were a vivid red, wearing a glistening, watery sheen.

Fang Rulian didn’t want to eat.

She strolled leisurely behind Fang Zhiyi, resting her slender arms on the other girl’s shoulders. Fang Zhiyi jumped, looking up to see Fang Rulian looking perfectly composed and relaxed, which made her tremble with rage.

It wasn’t an exaggeration; she was actually shaking. Her breath hitched, and her eyelashes fluttered visibly. Fang Rulian’s palm slid up to her throat, resting against the girl’s abnormally racing pulse.

“We’re at home,” Fang Zhiyi said, staring straight at her. Her wide eyes were redder than Fang Rulian’s after an all-night binge.

Fang Rulian gave a casual “Oh” and leaned forward, dropping a feather-light kiss on her cheek. Sensing Fang Zhiyi’s tremor, her voice suddenly softened, laced with a lingering tenderness: “Let’s go to the bedroom, okay? I want to kiss you.”

The other girl still wore an expression of disbelief. Now, not only were her eyes red, but the tip of her nose had turned red too, making her look pitifully fragile. Fang Rulian’s heart sank into a soft puddle. She closed her eyes and nuzzled her nose against Fang Zhiyi’s cheek.

“Fine, we’ll do as Xiaoyi wants. The living room is good. It’s warm here.” She lowered her voice. “Then, in the living room…”

Suddenly, her arms were empty.

Fang Zhiyi had stood up, her brow furrowed slightly as she took a deep breath and walked toward Fang Rulian’s room.

The bedroom window was open. The near-freezing wind rushed in, making Fang Zhiyi’s head spin. She shook her head slightly, but before she could close the window, she heard the door shut behind her.

Her body gave an involuntary jolt. She grit her teeth and moved to close the window.

The window pane slid into the track with a tight seal, completely blocking out the piercing wind. On the street, red lanterns swayed gently in the night. Passersby in thick coats walked by in small groups, the occasional sound of laughter drifting up.

A warm body pressed against her back, seemingly on purpose. Pressed through a thin lace curtain, Fang Zhiyi’s forehead rested against the cold glass.

Before the person behind her could do anything else, she spoke in a panic. “People can see from outside.”

“Hmm?” Fang Rulian rested her chin on the girl’s shoulder, breathing in her faint, fresh scent. She asked curiously, “They can see even with the lace curtains drawn?”

She hadn’t noticed that.

“It’s dark outside and bright inside, so they can see.” Feeling the familiar breath on her neck, Fang Zhiyi felt restless, twisting her head away to look the other way.

In the next instant, the thick blackout curtain behind the lace was pulled shut with a shink.

Fang Rulian shifted her leg forward, bracing herself. Sensing Fang Zhiyi’s sudden sharp intake of breath, she smiled and pressed her body completely against the girl’s back. “Better?”

Fang Zhiyi didn’t want to talk.

She propped her hands on the windowsill, her back arched, her legs feeling unsteady. Hearing Fang Rulian’s deliberate tone, she felt a wave of humiliation. She had no choice but to close her eyes and bite her already-red lips.

Even with her eyes closed, her lashes trembled. A tiny tear clung to them, crystal clear like a dewdrop on a lotus leaf, rolling at the base of her lashes and making Fang Rulian’s heart burn.

Fang Rulian exhaled heavily, reached up to pinch Fang Zhiyi’s chin, and forced her to turn around. Then, she stared at those blood-red lips and kissed her.

Her eyes were half-open; their lips and teeth met softly, the temperature scalding and tender.

Just like every time before.

The pale bedroom light fell from above, landing on Fang Zhiyi’s fluttering lashes. The dewdrops caught the light, reflecting tiny fragments of shimmer into Fang Rulian’s eyes like gold dust.

She drowned in the softness, closing her eyes in enjoyment.

Her movements weren’t exactly gentle or polite. These clumsy explorations had been attempted several times before, but Fang Zhiyi clearly still wasn’t used to it.

Fang Zhiyi was helpless against her movements and advances, only pulling back instinctively. With the back of her head pressed against the heavy blackout curtain, she was forced to tilt her head back, feeling for a moment like Louis XVI being pressed onto the execution block.

Fang Rulian had taught her the “correct” reaction, but she was absurdly slow in this regard. Coupled with her internal resistance, her movements were stiff, and she soon made herself miserable, her breathing becoming labored.

Perhaps dissatisfied with her stiffness, Fang Rulian pulled back slightly, retracted her leg, and held her shoulders to turn her around to face her.

The girl stared at her, gasping. Her pale cheeks were flushed with a confusing redness. She bit her lower lip, looking at her with a hint of resentment.

Fang Rulian didn’t understand. She had kindly warned Fang Zhiyi before not to look at her with that kind of gaze—it always had the opposite effect.

But Fang Zhiyi’s “opposite effect” was exactly what Fang Rulian wanted, so she didn’t bother to argue. She simply cupped Fang Zhiyi’s face and kissed her again.

…

It was the third day of the New Year, a time for renewal. The cold wind, carrying news of the spring flood, whistled and swirled outside the window.

The girl’s cool lips gradually warmed under her repeated attention. Fang Rulian pulled away slightly.

The room was still cold. Their hazy breaths turned into a faint white mist, separating them.

Fang Rulian leaned in closer again, suddenly lifting her eyelids to look directly into Fang Zhiyi’s eyes. Inches apart, their gazes met—those beautiful eyes of hers seemed soaked in honey, clear and shimmering with sweetness.

As usual, Fang Zhiyi was the first to look away. She lowered her eyes, hands resting on Fang Rulian’s shoulders. “Enough.”

“Is it enough?” Fang Rulian leaned in, the hand draped behind the girl’s waist tightening unconsciously. She answered her own question in a calm tone, “Okay.”

Then she naturally lowered her head, the tip of her tongue pressing against the sweet seam of those lips, pushing inside without allowing any room for argument.

Her head had been foggy all day, and it remained so now, though her senses—especially her hearing and touch—were exceptionally sharp.

Moisture swirled in the mouth.

The sound of slick saliva being exchanged, mixed with intermittent breaths, crawled into her ears with a tingling sensation, flowing through her blood to her heart and hijacking her heartbeat.

Suddenly, a sound came from outside the door.

the person in her arms flinched, pushing her away to escape the kiss and looking toward the bedroom door in a panic.

Footsteps sounded outside, followed by Mu Yunshu’s voice: “Huh? Where did Xiaoyi and Xiaolian go?”

Fang Hong picked up her phone from the sofa. Noticing the glowing heater switch on the floor, she complained, “They left the living room but didn’t even turn off the heater. Fang Rulian!”

“Maybe they went to the bedroom to play games.”

“I’ll go check.”

As their footsteps approached the door, Fang Zhiyi’s body went rigid. She pushed Fang Rulian away frantically while whispering: “The door!!!”

The door wasn’t locked!

They were disheveled—this absolutely wouldn’t do!

Fang Rulian still held the girl. She was strong, so Fang Zhiyi naturally couldn’t push her away. Seeing Fang Zhiyi’s panic, Fang Rulian actually found it interesting. Recklessly, she leaned in, pressing her lips hard against the girl’s, ignoring her protests.

At that same moment, there was a light click at the door—the sound of the handle being pressed down.

Fang Zhiyi’s eyes widened, her breath nearly stopping. Tears rolled down from her eyes, the warmth hitting Fang Rulian’s cheek with a stinging sensation.

“Don’t cry, don’t cry, I was just teasing you…” She scrambled to wipe the tears away, not forgetting to steal a couple more kisses in the chaos. “I locked the door, I really lock—”

Before she could finish, the door swung open.

Blinding white light flooded in like a tide. Fang Rulian’s breath hitched, her heart feeling as though it were being gripped tight. She struggled to turn her eyes, using all her strength to look toward the light.

It was Fang Hong.

Fang Hong held the doorknob, looking at her daughter on the bed, who was drenched in sweat. She looked confused. “You don’t open the window when you sleep at night? You’re sweating like crazy.”

“Um…”

The dream forged by memories vanished instantly. Fang Rulian sat up in bed, her chest still heaving violently. “It was a bit noisy, so I closed the window.”

She unconsciously raised a hand to touch her lips—there was no lingering moisture from the dream, only the dry texture of chapped skin.

Good.

It was just a memory. Just a dream.