I Still Miss Her [Rebirth] - Chapter 10

Chapter 10: “Can I Be Your Mother?”

Sunlight streamed through the glass door, spreading across the smooth floor tiles.

The crisp sound of a gel pen scratching across paper filled the air. Fang Rulian stole a glance at Fang Zhiyi and saw her focused on her homework. After playing on her phone for a bit, Rulian went to the study, grabbed her laptop, and started reviewing her thesis.

After so many years, she had long forgotten what she’d written. Clicking it open now, she couldn’t help but sigh: What on earth is this garbage?

Thinking back to how much blood, sweat, and tears she had poured into this document, Rulian just wanted to laugh. There was no innovation, the formatting was a mess, and the content was a patchwork of borrowed ideas—but at least she had exhausted herself doing it.

For the sake of her eyesight, Rulian closed the laptop after only a short while.

She stared blankly into space for a moment. Once the laptop had finished venting its heat, Fang Zhiyi called out to her.

The back of the gel pen clicked against the table—a subtle, rhythmic sound. “Sister, have you finished that book of my classmate’s?”

Fang Rulian was stunned. What book? She wasn’t exactly known for being a bookworm.

The girl frowned slightly and tilted her head. A lock of hair draped over her shoulder fell forward, fluttering in the breeze that drifted into the living room.

Veiled by her lashes, a slow wave of emotion stirred in her dark eyes. Zhiyi leaned toward Rulian, looking up at her. “Sister, you didn’t… lose it, did you?”

Her expression was troubled, even tinged with a bit of irritation. “I told you, it’s not my book. It belongs to my classmate.”

“I know, I didn’t lose it. I’m just asking for the title.” Rulian was annoyed by Zhiyi’s tone. It reminded her of the countless nights in her past life where she had offered a warm face only to be met with a cold shoulder.

Zhiyi paused. She lowered her gaze, her voice dropping. “Yu Hua’s The Seventh Day.”

Fang Rulian froze.

What kind of place is that? A place for those with no grave.

Rulian usually had zero interest in books, but in the years that followed, the only book she had read over and over again was this one. To the point where, when she first woke up in this timeline, she thought she was headed for a place with no grave.

Vague memories surfaced. She had only been interested in the book because Zhiyi was reading it. When Zhiyi ignored her, the “annoying older sister” had snatched the book away, claiming she wanted to read it herself.

It seemed she really had stolen it from Zhiyi’s hands around this time.

“Oh, oh! That one,” she exhaled. “Are you in a hurry for it? If so, I’ll look for it now.”

“I’m not in a hurry. I was just asking.” Zhiyi looked at her, her pen dragging a long, accidental line across the white exam paper.

Rulian didn’t notice. She was trying desperately to remember where she’d left it. It had been so long; she’d forgotten if it was in her bedroom, the study, or if she’d taken it back to her dorm.

So many things were blurry after the rebirth. Being at home was fine, but thinking about going back to school gave her a headache. Forget recognizing classmates—she probably wouldn’t even recognize her own thesis advisor.

Maybe she should just tell everyone she hit her head and has amnesia.

She propped her chin on her hand, lost in thought. When she eventually came back to her senses and turned around, she saw Zhiyi staring at her silently.

“What are you smiling at? Is your homework done?”

Zhiyi lowered her head, her pen making a few marks on a scratch sheet. “Homework is never truly done. But I just verified a hypothesis, and I’m happy.”

“What hypothesis?”

Zhiyi pointed to the paper. “This physics problem. I’ve been doubting it for a while…”

Rulian lost interest instantly, raising her hands to cover her ears. “Enough, enough!”

…

The shadows of the trees downstairs shortened and then lengthened; the day passed just like that.

Zhiyi went back to school. Auntie Mu and Rulian’s mom hadn’t returned yet. In the vast living room, Rulian sat alone, staring at her shadow on the floor, and couldn’t help but feel a creep of fear.

She was constantly worried that the heavens might regret giving her this chance at rebirth and snatch it back, telling her it was all just a hallucination in her final moments.

If that happened, she’d truly throw a fit!

Restless in the living room, Rulian carefully made her way downstairs. She heaved up the rolling shutter of the small supermarket. The electronic greeting speaker barked a loud “Welcome!”, startling her. She flipped on the lights and squeezed behind the checkout counter.

The evening breeze was gentle. Occasionally, a cat meowed in the distance.

People walked past the shop. A few familiar neighborhood aunties and grandmas greeted her. “Xiaolian, when did you come home?”

Rulian didn’t even know when she’d come home. “Not long ago, haha! Auntie… uh, bye!”

After sitting at the register for a while, she couldn’t resist anymore. she wandered the aisles, picking out snacks that caught her eye.

By the time she was on her third bag of potato chips, Fang Hong returned.

Rulian was ordered to put the two unopened bags back on the shelf. Clutching her open bag of chips, she followed her mother upstairs to the second floor.

“All day long, eating nothing but this junk food.” Fang Hong sat on the sofa, took a sip of tea, and looked at Rulian. “Did you eat dinner?”

Rulian accepted the scolding meekly. “I ate dinner.”

Sensing that Fang Hong was in a bad mood, Rulian scooted closer and offered her some chips. “Mom, where did you go? Why are you back so late?”

Fang Hong waved them away. “I went to your grandmother’s.”

Rulian froze, pulling the chips back. No way, did the news break that fast?

“Your Third Uncle and Aunt are getting a divorce. They were still fighting when I left. He said he’s taking the kids for a DNA test.”

So it really happened.

Rulian crunched loudly on a chip. When she looked up, she met her mother’s meaningful gaze. “Your Second Aunt said that after your Third Uncle and Aunt visited here, they went home and started fighting for a divorce. Why did you suddenly mention DNA tests and such?”

Rulian met her mother’s gaze honestly. “Because they were nagging me to get married! Second Aunt even asked if I jumped off the balcony because I was pregnant. When the talk turned to marriage, I remembered something I saw in the news. Who knew Third Uncle would suddenly drag her away?”

Curiosity sparkled in her clear eyes. “Mom, from the sound of it, did Third Aunt actually have an affair?”

“Don’t meddle in grown-up business,” Fang Hong shook her head. “And your Second Aunt must be sick in the head. Where does she get these wild rumors from?”

“Mom, is this the first time you’ve met them?” Rulian laughed. “Second Uncle was even planning to borrow money today.”

Fang Hong went silent. She straightened up. “I’ll go wash some fruit.”

Soon, a bunch of grapes was placed on the table. Before Fang Hong could sit down, her phone rang. She looked at it but didn’t answer.

“It’s Grandma calling,” Rulian said with certainty. “She’s definitely going to complain to you. They never think of you when things are good, but they find you the moment there’s trouble.”

Rulian knew this conversation had to happen sooner or later. Better sooner. She stuffed her empty chip bag into the trash, wiped her hands, and looked at Fang Hong solemnly:

“Mom, stop associating with them from now on.”

“You child, why are you suddenly saying this?” Fang Hong frowned.

“I’ve wanted to say it for a long time. The money you give them for ‘filial piety’ is all used on their sons. You think of them, but they don’t think of you at all. Things were so tense before, but now that our lives are better, they come crawling back with fake smiles.”

“Do they thank you for being so good to them? Do they realize how hard it is for you? Think about the New Year money you give out every year—how much of it do I actually receive? Every time I go there, I’m unhappy. Grandma and Grandpa don’t even like me. If it wasn’t to make you happy, I wouldn’t want to see them at all.”

“Fang Rulian!”

Rulian ignored the full-name warning. “Do you know how nasty they were when they came by at noon? They told me to stop studying and find a man to marry. They spread dirty rumors about me. They knew I was hurt and brought two rotten apples—is that ‘concern’? They were clearly here to mock me!”

Fang Hong bit her lip, her expression sour. “I’ll talk to them later.”

“What’s the use of talking to them? No one cares but you!” Rulian’s anger flared. “If you aren’t firm, your daughter will just be bullied!”

“They are my parents. Am I supposed to just abandon them?” Fang Hong’s face changed. “Don’t meddle. I’ll handle it.”

“Mom, you say they’re your parents and you can’t abandon them, but they abandoned you long ago! During your hardest years, did they care? Did they treat you like their child? When you were little, did you and Uncle get the same allowance? Uncle got to go to middle school—”

“FANG! RU! LIAN!” Fang Hong’s face turned bright red as she shouted to stop her.

Rulian knew her mother was on the verge of tears; her red eyes were swimming with moisture. But Rulian’s tears fell first.

She didn’t need to hide her emotions in front of Fang Hong. Tears splashed onto her lap as the image of Fang Hong in the funeral parlor flashed before her eyes—such a young, vibrant person, reduced to such a pale state.

The dam broke. Burning tears carved paths down her cheeks.

Her vision blurred. She couldn’t see Fang Hong clearly, so she scrambled forward, her hands desperate to touch—thankfully, she felt a warm person.

The anger of having the truth exposed vanished the moment Fang Hong saw her daughter break down. She pulled the girl into her arms, using her rough palms to wipe the tears. “Alright, alright. Why are you suddenly crying? I didn’t even scold you.”

Rulian’s sobbing intensified. All the emotions she hadn’t been able to vent at Fang Hong’s funeral were pouring out now in her mother’s embrace. She buried her head in Fang Hong’s chest, her tears quickly soaking a large patch of clothing.

She cried until she could barely breathe, looking up to gasp for air before continuing. The tears wouldn’t stop.

“You child, what has been wrong with you these past two days…” Fang Hong pulled out a tissue to wipe her face, thinking secretly: Maybe I should do the ‘standing chopsticks’ ritual again tonight?

Rulian looked up at Fang Hong, eyes red and swollen, lips trembling, her face crumpled in grief.

Fang Hong’s heart ached, and she began to cry as well. She turned her head away. “Fine, fine. I promise I’ll see them less. Is that enough?”

Rulian let out a hiccup and pulled back from the embrace. She wiped her nose and stared at Fang Hong. “Turn around and look at me.”

Fang Hong turned back with a small laugh. “Look at you, ordering your mother around now.”

Seeing the tears still in the corners of her eyes, Fang Hong sighed softly and wiped them away. “You’re in your twenties and still cry at the drop of a hat. When I was your age, I didn’t cry no matter how hard things got.”

“That’s because if I cry, my mom feels bad for me and wipes my tears. Grandma wouldn’t do that for you.”

This hit Fang Hong right in the heart. She couldn’t hold back the tears she had been suppressing. She lowered her head and took a deep breath. This girl… her words are like knives aimed straight for the heart!

Her vision blurred instantly. Realizing she was losing control of her emotions, Fang Hong gritted her teeth and prepared to get up and flee, but a soft arm suddenly caught her.

The girl’s face, chilled by her own tears, pressed against her mother’s cheek. She tremblingly wiped Fang Hong’s tears. “Mom, I’m grown up now. I’ll wipe your tears for you.”

Fang Hong closed her eyes and wept silently. She couldn’t speak; she didn’t know what to say. She gasped for air, her body shaking with quiet sobs.

“Just stop seeing them entirely, okay? Do it for me.” Rulian cupped the woman’s face, her fingertips feeling the faint wrinkles.

“But a mother has a mother too… I miss my own mom…” Fang Hong took several deep breaths, but when she spoke, she was still sobbing uncontrollably.

“Then can I be your mother instead?”

Rulian’s fingertips brushed around her mother’s eyes, feeling the slack eyelids and the hot tears. “I’ll take care of you in your old age. I’ll send you to university for seniors. I’ll have high expectations for you to succeed. You just focus on being a good ‘child’.”

Fang Hong let out a sudden laugh through her tears. “Fang Rulian, if I don’t give you a thrashing for three days, you start trying to tear the roof down!”