I Still Miss Her [Rebirth] - Chapter 1

Chapter 1: Fang Rulian is Dead

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May 21, 2026. Early morning.

The news of the washed-up actress Fang Rulian committing suicide due to depression exploded across the trending searches.

The hashtag #FangRulianJumpsIntoTheSea hit number one on Weibo with a massive lead in popularity. It was immediately followed by #FangRulianWhaleBay, while derivative topics like #Cyberbullying and #HowCapitalDestroysAnActor erupted across real-time lists.

This was, without a doubt, the most popular day of Fang Rulian’s entire acting career.

On real-time forums and squares, many passersby sighed, while others left comments asking: Who is this?

[98L]: The internet truly has no memory.

[99L]: My god, I thought I had a different set of memories than everyone else, emmm… well, the person is dead so it’s not good to say much, but let’s just say: people should believe in karma.

[100L]: Campus bullying, molesting actors on the same set, using “hidden rules” (casting couch) to steal roles, acting all “Green Tea” toward WJL, ignoring WN when they weren’t famous then clinging to them once they blew up—

[101L]: I remember now! Isn’t she that “208w” (overpaid celebrity) who hit her fans?

…

Fang Rulian: I’m already dead! And they’re still dumping buckets of sht on me!*

[888L]: Oh, right! I heard she even went after her own sister!

Fang Rulian, who was almost angry enough to come back to life, suddenly wilted.

Um… well.

That part… was true. She deserved to die.

Fang Rulian closed her eyes, her heart like cold ashes.

The salty, damp sea breeze carried her soul—as light as a feather—drifting aimlessly over the vast ocean. Under the lonely moonlight, Fang Rulian curled her body into a ball and finally couldn’t help but sob out loud.

Is this karma?

Perhaps it is.

The sound of surging waves echoed in her ears, each one louder than the last.

The seawater was pitch black. Fang Rulian kept her eyes shut, her breathing heavy and suppressed.

To be honest, she was a little unwilling.

She still wanted to see Fang Zhiyi one last time.

…

One Day Ago

Technically, May wasn’t summer yet, but the temperature in Luwei City was pushing 30°C (86°F). The perceived temperature was even higher than what the phone displayed. Fang Rulian woke up in a daze from the heat and reached out to press the air conditioner remote on the nightstand.

A faint hum started up.

As her drowsiness dissipated, a wave of exhaustion hit her from all directions. Fang Rulian rubbed her sore eyes and stared at the snow-white ceiling.

It was only 6:30 AM. The bedroom was blindingly bright; today was likely going to be another painfully sunny day.

She stared at the ceiling for a while, her eyelids so heavy they kept dropping, yet she couldn’t fall back asleep once she closed them—it was pure torture.

In the stinging light, she rolled over and fumbled for her phone by the pillow, habitually clicking into a chat interface.

[Xiaoyi, are you coming back tomorrow?]

Fang Zhiyi hadn’t replied yet. She had been busier than usual lately; Fang Rulian knew that.

Her finger slid across the screen, reviewing a month’s worth of chat history. Most of the time, Fang Rulian initiated the conversation: Woke up tired, made lunch, the takeout was bad… stuff like that. Fang Zhiyi usually only replied with one or two words.

Fang Rulian didn’t feel neglected or slighted by her lover.

First, Fang Zhiyi was naturally cold and had never been a woman of many words. Second, Fang Zhiyi was a medical Master’s student; her daily life was a relentless cycle of labs, wards, and literature. With graduation approaching in a few months, she was working non-stop—her thesis was on its seventh revision, the standardized training assessment was counting down—even when she came home to eat, she was glued to her phone replying to messages.

Fang Rulian understood, so she tried to restrain her urge to share every detail of her day.

Counting on her fingers, she realized she hadn’t seen Fang Zhiyi for many days. Lately, she had been in a fog, lying in bed clutching her phone, days passing in the blink of an eye.

She pursed her lips, her gaze lingering on the last message she sent. Her fingers eventually tapped out another line and hit send.

[Fang Zhiyi, I miss you.]

She exhaled softly. That uncontrollable longing had already conjured Fang Zhiyi’s cool, elegant image in her mind. Unknowingly, Fang Rulian smiled, and a tear rolled down from her sore eyes.

Her mood swings had been severe lately. That wasn’t a good sign.

Maybe I should go out for a walk, get some sun, Fang Rulian thought as she wiped her tears expressionlessly.

The courage and resolve came out of nowhere. Previously, even with Fang Zhiyi accompanying her, she hadn’t wanted to leave the house or be seen. But within minutes, she had jumped out of bed, washed up, and changed into outdoor clothes.

Predicting a harsh sun, she put on a sun-protection jacket, a hat, and sunglasses.

Having not gone out in a long time, her movements were frantic. Her hand even trembled as she reached for a mask. In an instant, that sudden burst of courage began to evaporate.

Unconsciously, she spaced out for half a minute.

She had been like this lately—trances without reason, thoughts scattering. Like a puppet, her brain would jam at a certain moment, making her unable to think and her physical movements sluggish.

Clatter!

A sharp, short crash jolted her awake. The glass that had been sitting on the drawer was now lying on the floor, shattered into pieces. A shard had even grazed her foot, leaving a red mark on her instep.

It wasn’t bleeding much and didn’t hurt, so she ignored it. Her dull gaze landed on one of the shards, and she slowly remembered: this was the cup Mu Yunshu bought for Fang Zhiyi.

Fang Zhiyi didn’t care much for material things; she used her daily necessities for years.

This cup had been used for many years.

Her breath hitched.

Fang Rulian’s heart felt like it was being hoisted by a wire, strangling her with pain. She gasped for air, her expression agonized.

“No sister acts the way you do, Fang Rulian.”

In an instant, the things she had been desperately trying to outrun flooded back, drowning her, flaying her alive. Suffocating, she turned her eyes away, frantically searching for a literal or metaphorical lifeline.

As if too weak to stand, she leaned against the table, her body hunched, her hands shaking as she sent a message:

[I’m sorry, Fang Zhiyi.]

She wasn’t a good sister.

She was the one who seduced Fang Zhiyi, selfishly and arrogantly dragging them both onto this dead-end path—a path where they weren’t quite sisters, and weren’t quite lovers.

She was always bringing trouble and pain to Fang Zhiyi.

The pain from the cut on her foot finally registered, allowing her to pull herself out of the momentary breakdown. Cold tears covered her face as she looked at the chat interface in a panic.

The message had been sent two minutes ago; she couldn’t retract it.

Regret washed over her. She quickly edited a new message, trying to make her tone sound lighter, even though she knew Fang Zhiyi might not even care.

[Xiaoyi, I accidentally broke your cup. I didn’t mean to [Crying Cat Face]. We can go to the supermarket and buy a new one when you get home.]

It was just an ordinary ceramic cup. Being too solemn about it felt weird, so she thought about it and didn’t send it.

Frantically, she cleaned up the mess on the floor, threw on her shoes, put on her mask, and fled the house like a fugitive.

While waiting for the elevator, she re-edited the wording and hit send.

The elevator arrived the next second. Fang Rulian tucked her phone away and stepped inside with her head down.

The phone inside her bag was still lit up. The signal in the elevator was poor; the small circle next to the message spun and spun. Soon after, a red exclamation mark appeared, signifying a failed delivery.

Fang Rulian didn’t notice.

…

Having been indoors for so long, the glaring sunlight made her feel completely out of place. Her temples throbbed painfully.

Despite the sun, the air was still muggy and humid, making it hard to breathe. The weather in Luwei City was always like this.

She pressed down on her hat and hailed a taxi.

“To Whale Bay.”

She wanted to go to Whale Bay to clear her head. You could see the beautiful ocean and golden sand there.

Fang Zhiyi loved the sea. One of the reasons she chose Luwei University was because the city was coastal. In the few dates they had where Fang Zhiyi took the lead, she almost always brought her here.

To watch the waves, to listen to the tide.

Back then, Fang Rulian was still a top-tier star—arrogant and precious. She always clumsily put on airs in front of Fang Zhiyi, nitpicking the restaurants Zhiyi chose, boastfully telling her how many people loved her now that she was a big star.

Fang Zhiyi never even raised an eyelid. Her face remained expressionless, seemingly uninterested. This made Fang Rulian feel frustrated and secretly a little hurt.

In front of her, Fang Zhiyi was always like an iceberg.

Fang Rulian had spent so much effort trying to warm her up. She finally saw a sign of melting, only to realize it was just the tip of the iceberg.

That was only the thinnest layer of surface ice; beneath the water lay a permafrost that stretched for a thousand miles.

But the one thing Fang Rulian didn’t lack was patience and passion for Fang Zhiyi. She was like an ignorant moth, stubbornly circling this iceberg, always believing that if she just persisted a little longer, got a little closer, she could melt the entire glacier for herself.

She would lower her hat and lean in to kiss Fang Zhiyi. She was skilled at kissing and even more practiced at seducing her; before long, those cool lips would grow warm under her teasing.

They would turn a bright, vivid red, as if she were wearing lipstick.

She would look at Fang Zhiyi with pride, while Fang Zhiyi would glare back, her dark eyes shimmering with water and mist as if she were angry, yet her cheeks would flush a beautiful red.

Fang Rulian loved seeing Fang Zhiyi this “alive.”

When they were messing around in bed, she would use every trick in the book to bully Fang Zhiyi. Unlike the “good student” Fang Zhiyi who was always restrained and prim, Fang Rulian was an expert who took joy in it, especially loving the way Fang Zhiyi would tremble and lose herself under her touch.

Fang Zhiyi’s features were cold, like frost and snow meticulously carved, but they stained with crimson when she was moved.

She was so beautiful that Fang Rulian’s breath would stop, making her want to hand the whole world over to her.

…

The traffic was heavy, and it took nearly two hours to reach Whale Bay.

By the time she arrived, it had started to pour.

The weather in Luwei was always like this—unpredictable. Luckily, she had brought an umbrella. She opened it and walked toward the shore alone.

Unlike the usual dark seawater, the shore today showed a transparent light green. The water was so clear you could see the shadows dancing underneath. Compared to the rain clattering against her umbrella, the sea seemed strangely docile.

She took a few photos with her phone, planning to send them to Fang Zhiyi later.

The rain stopped after a while.

Fang Rulian closed her umbrella and walked slowly along the beach, leaving a trail of footprints behind her.

The waves washed the sand tirelessly. The dark clouds broke, and the horizon where the sea met the sky gradually became clear.

A salty, cool breeze blew in. With the continuous sound of the tide, Fang Rulian looked out at the sea level, and the depression in her chest slowly loosened. Her breathing became light.

Fang Rulian thought: I really do miss Fang Zhiyi.

She skipped along the coastline.

She decided that this evening, she would take a bouquet of flowers to the hospital to see her Xiaoyi. Today was May 20th (520 – “I Love You” day), so she had a legitimate reason to see her—Fang Zhiyi didn’t like her visiting the hospital or school, but today was a special holiday.

The flowers had been ordered days ago. She didn’t plan on having a courier deliver them; she would deliver them herself.

Fang Zhiyi was probably very busy and wouldn’t have time for dinner, but that was fine. She just needed to see her. She missed her so much it was unbearable.

The sky cleared up completely; the sun was at its peak.

Unfortunately, she never did get to see Fang Zhiyi.

In their eighth year together, the glacier had yet to melt.

Fang Rulian died quietly in the sea.