How To Trick a Fool Into a Relationship? - Chapter 4

Chapter 4

The golden biscuit base was marbled with streaks of reddish-brown syrup. This particular Basque cheesecake wasn’t overly charred on the surface; the center had a slight molten flow, and the scent of lemon was incredibly fresh.

“Thank you, but I’ll pass,” Xie Chun said with a solemn air. “I’m in a hurry.”

Zhou Lan’s eyes flickered. “Bluesea?”

Xie Chun let out a soft, “Mm.”

Zhou Lan took another plate, covered the slice of cake with it, and sandwiched them together before handing it back to Xie Chun. “Eat it on the way. Your class just ended, right? I have plenty of other cakes here—too many to finish.”

Xie Chun took it and said, “Thank you.”

Then, he walked away quickly.

Not firm at all, is he?

Xu Yanghe, who had been standing by and watching the whole exchange, used a cake knife to cut a perfect 30-degree wedge for himself. “Zhou Lan.”

“Mm,” Zhou Lan replied listlessly.

“Is this guy hitting on you?” Xu Yanghe tasted the cake. It was cloyingly sweet, and the molten center was soft and greasy.

Zhou Lan’s mind seemed to be elsewhere; he hadn’t really processed what Xu Yanghe said, only catching the mention of Xie Chun. He replied, “Isn’t he cute?”

Xu Yanghe let out a cold laugh. “Quite the eager one.”

…

The group gathered until the middle of the night, competing to order food from every restaurant they knew. As expected, several cakes went to waste. Those who had been drinking played mean-spirited games, making a raucous mess of the room.

When 11:00 PM rolled around, Zhou Lan suddenly stood up and put on his coat. “It’s time. I’m going back to sleep.”

Yu Dashan found it absurd. “What did you say?”

“I have to study tomorrow,” Zhou Lan said.

Mu Heng threw up his hands, as if to say ‘See? told you so.’

Now that the birthday boy had exited the stage, people began asking around if the party was over.

“If you’re wasted, pack it up and go home,” Xu Yanghe said, checking his phone with feigned indifference.

Yu Dashan asked, “What about those who haven’t been drinking?”

Neither of them had touched a drop.

“Change of scenery, next round,” Xu Yanghe said.

Yu Dashan: “Where to?”

Xu Yanghe: “Bluesea.”

…

Five or six of them split into two cars and headed for Bluesea.

Mu Heng set the GPS. “It’s actually pretty far. About ten-plus minutes in a straight line.”

Yu Dashan chuckled in the back seat.

Bluesea was an all-day bar. During the day, it served tea and food in a low-decibel environment; late at night, it transformed into a world of alcohol and rock bands.

The moment they stepped inside, the thumping speakers and swirling lights immediately deafened and blinded them. The group of five or six vanished into the crowd like fish back in water, each going their own way.

Yu Dashan followed closely behind Xu Yanghe.

The servers at Bluesea, regardless of gender, were all exceptionally good-looking.

It wasn’t hard to spot Xie Chun among them—you just had to look for that head of curls. Xie Chun’s natural curls were distinctive; the curve wasn’t tight, but because he kept it a bit long, it looked voluminous. Under the lights, his hair had a light brown tint and looked like it would feel good to the touch. He was wearing the uniform white shirt and dress slacks, clutching a drink menu and a walkie-talkie as he hurried across the floor.

“Someone’s mulling over how to break up a pair of lovebirds again,” Yu Dashan said snidely.

“I am not.” Xu Yanghe sat at the bar. The bartender was currently playing with fire over a row of vodka shots.

Yu Dashan: “If you aren’t, then why are you looking at him?”

Xu Yanghe: “Because he’s good-looking.”

Mu Heng happened to be nearby. “Who are we talking about?”

“A-Heng, your intel is lacking,” Yu Dashan hooked an arm around Mu Heng’s shoulder. “Why didn’t you mention earlier that Zhou Lan has a little hottie waiting in the wings?”

Mu Heng was still confused. “Who?”

Xie Chun drifted past the bar quickly, heading toward a booth to take an order.

For a split second, Xu Yanghe’s eyes met Xie Chun’s.

“Oh…” Mu Heng realized. “Xie Chun? Impossible.”

Yu Dashan: “Why?”

“We’ve been roommates with Xie Chun for a year and a half. If something were going to happen between them, it would have happened long ago.” Mu Heng hesitated slightly. “Besides, Xie Chun… you might think he has a certain aura now, but he didn’t used to look like this.”

Mu Heng pulled up a photo. “This was taken during our freshman orientation. A group photo.”

Six eyes searched the photo for a while but couldn’t find Xie Chun—until Mu Heng zoomed in on a corner by a window.

The temperature had dropped early that autumn, and Xie Chun was wearing an odd-fitting, deep purple knit sweater. Perhaps because he was sitting so far on the edge, the light didn’t reach him, making him look very dark-skinned. His curls were a mess, he wasn’t wearing glasses, and he was grinning with two rows of bright white teeth.

Yu Dashan: “That is a huge difference.”

Xu Yanghe: “…” No wonder I have absolutely no memory of this person.

Mu Heng continued, “Plus, he scored 690 on the Gaokao. A lot of people knew him. A professor from the Computer Science department heard there was a top scorer in our class and came looking for him, wanting to hire him as a tutor for his daughter. Once he saw what Xie Chun looked like, he gave up on the idea. First impressions matter, after all. And he…”

Xu Yanghe’s mind began to drift.

Xie Chun walked past again.

Is that mole drawn on?

Yu Dashan seemed to ask Mu Heng a few more questions, and then Mu Heng wandered off to enjoy himself.

“Xu Yanghe,” Yu Dashan called out.

Xu Yanghe snapped out of it. “Yeah.”

“Got a small private booth. Let’s talk,” Yu Dashan said.

…

Once inside, Yu Dashan flopped onto the sofa. “Hey, their chairs are actually really comfortable.”

“Talk about what?” Xu Yanghe asked.

Yu Dashan said, “You and Zhou Lan.”

Xu Yanghe couldn’t believe this guy was still stuck on this topic.

“In our sophomore year of high school, Zhou Lan dated a girl from the Li family. They broke up after two weeks. Before they split, I saw you go find her. Why?” Yu Dashan asked.

“Because she was pregnant,” Xu Yanghe sat down.

Yu Dashan: “Huh?”

Xu Yanghe explained, “It was the harp teacher the Li family hired for her. She started dating Zhou Lan just so she could pin it on him.”

“Whoa…” Yu Dashan had been wondering about this for years; he hadn’t expected it to be so scandalous. “Okay, and six months after that, the girl who sold milk tea at the school gate…”

Xu Yanghe sighed. “She was only after Zhou Lan’s money. In just two months, do you know how much stuff he bought her? Makeup, designer bags—he almost bought her a car. That coward didn’t want his sister to find out he was dating, so he used all his own allowance. By the end of the semester, he had to use my meal card!”

“Well, if someone’s in a relationship and willing to spend money, what does it have to do with you?” Yu Dashan asked.

“I didn’t do anything. Zhou Yi discovered Zhou Lan was broke and went to the girl herself to tell her to stay away from her brother. I just went along to watch the drama.” Xu Yanghe stared at Yu Dashan in silence for a moment before defending himself further. “I invited you, but you said you wanted to play video games and wouldn’t go.”

“And another one!” Yu Dashan exclaimed. “Right after graduation, Zhou Lan and that underclassman…”

Xu Yanghe said righteously, “He had already graduated. He was going to mess up a high school senior’s studies. Does he have no shame?”

Yu Dashan: “…”

Why does it actually sound like he has a valid point every time?

“Still, something’s wrong,” Yu Dashan said loudly. “Why do you only manage Zhou Lan’s ‘rotten peach blossoms’? You’ve never managed mine.”

Xu Yanghe said expressionlessly, “Do you need me to?”

Yu Dashan didn’t want to admit it.

“A long time ago, Zhou Lan and I made a pact.” Xu Yanghe swiped on his phone and sent a file to Yu Dashan. “We’re going to retire together.”

Yu Dashan couldn’t believe what he was hearing.

“Have you ever thought about where people like us will end up in the future?” Xu Yanghe’s tone suddenly became heavy.

Yu Dashan scratched his head.

He opened the file: research papers, business plans, engineering blueprints… The plan was to buy a small island in the Pacific—close to land and a major city, yet secluded—and build a private nursing home on it.

“I’m going to live off my trust fund for the rest of my life. I’m not fighting for the family inheritance, so Xu Jin probably won’t do anything to me. No pressure, no achievements, nothing to be sad about, nothing to be happy about. No meaning,” Xu Yanghe said. “What about you? You’re young and energetic now and can date white guys, but what about when you’re forty? Forty-five?”

“Wait,” Yu Dashan called a timeout. “Forty? Buddy, isn’t it a bit early to be thinking about nursing homes?”

“In your twenties, you live wildly. In your thirties, you carry on the family line. By the time you’re in your forties, what else is there to do besides have affairs?” Xu Yanghe said.

Yu Dashan’s face contorted. “I wouldn’t put it quite like that…”

Xu Yanghe continued, “By then, your older brother will be successful and established, and his children will be starting to take charge. Who will care about you?”

Xu Yanghe sighed. “I don’t do relationships. I have no partner, no attachments. My ‘sunset years’ will arrive earlier than most.” His finger brushed over the sketches on the screen. “I plan to move in by thirty-five. So, whoever Zhou Lan ends up with, I have to vet them. He promised me he wouldn’t bring any messy old men or women onto the island.”

Xu Yanghe glanced at Yu Dashan. “Want to join?” He pointed to a spot on the blueprints. “You can live here.”

“No thanks!” Yu Dashan shouted. “Thank you! You lunatic!”

Xu Yanghe: “Mm.”

The booth fell silent for a while as Yu Dashan processed this.

After a long pause, he reached a conclusion. “Brother, you have truly become a pervert.”

Xu Yanghe didn’t respond.

“Go find someone to date and fix yourself, otherwise Zhou Lan is going to kill you sooner or later,” Yu Dashan said.

Xu Yanghe was playing a racing game on his phone. “I don’t want to date.”

Yu Dashan crossed his arms. “How do you know you don’t want to if you haven’t tried?”

“I just don’t.” Xu Yanghe sounded detached from the world. “If any living creature dares to lie on my bed, they die!”

Yu Dashan leaned in. “But your eyes are practically popping out of your head.”

“At who?” Xu Yanghe won his race and immediately started the next round.

Yu Dashan grinned. “The little server.”

Xu Yanghe took one hand off his phone to rub his temples. On the screen, the race car flew off the track and smashed into pieces. “Why is your head so full of romance lately? You’re becoming as ‘love-brained’ as Zhou Lan.”

“I asked Mu Heng for more details just now. Guess what he said?” Yu Dashan was full of energy, holding up a finger. “Xie Chun… he’s a bit of an idiot. Or maybe ‘idiot’ isn’t the right word… cognitively impaired? No, that’s not it either. Anyway, he basically has some kind of physiological defect. It used to be more obvious, but now he’s grown up and you can’t tell at a glance. You have to talk to him a lot to realize it—the guy can’t tell good intentions from bad. He believes whatever anyone tells him.”

“The guy with a 690 on the Gaokao is an idiot? What does that make you, Mr. Score-Starting-With-A-One?” Xu Yanghe turned off his phone, his face devoid of emotion.

“Can you go one sentence without insulting me?” Yu Dashan was fuming.