How To Trick a Fool Into a Relationship? - Chapter 3

Chapter 3

3.

To prevent Xie Chun from being pranked again by those bored, unscrupulous jerks, Yu Qin and Xie Chun walked together.

As they passed the College of Engineering, Xie Chun used the glass windows as a mirror to pick the dry grass out of his hair and wipe the dust off his face.

“Right here,” Yu Qin pointed to a tiny red dot under the bridge of Xie Chun’s glasses. “There’s still a little bit left.”

“That’s a mole,” Xie Chun said.

Yu Qin pulled out her phone. “We haven’t added each other on WeChat yet, have we?”

“No.” They added each other immediately.

“Do you know which ‘Qin’ my name uses?” Yu Qin was about to gesture the characters for him.

Xie Chun nodded. “I know. The one with the ‘gold’ radical. You and Yao Xiaofeng often sit together in the third row from the back.”

“Oh, right,” Yu Qin suddenly remembered. “Though Xiaofeng always keeps it quiet…”

Xie Chun whispered, “I told her she couldn’t tell anyone.”

“But you’ve always gotten along well with her,” Yu Qin noted.

Xie Chun lowered his head, adjusted his glasses, and smiled. “Because we share some common hobbies.”

Yu Qin chattered incessantly. “Ah, I always thought you were very introverted; I didn’t expect you to talk this much. Don’t take it to heart that Lin He and the others teased you, okay? They’re just really annoying. All us girls hate those guys. By the way, are your dorms close? They don’t bully you normally, do they? Do you want to talk to the counselor about it?”

“They don’t,” Xie Chun said with a smile. “Our way of getting along in the dorm is just the same.”

“Oh.” Xie Chun had answered, but Yu Qin didn’t quite understand what he meant.

The two walked a bit further, nearing Teaching Building 1.

Yu Qin suddenly cleared her throat, her expression becoming both formal and secretive. “Um, actually, I’ve always had a question. It might be very, very offensive, but I’ve really been curious for a long time… are you…?”

Xie Chun knew exactly what she wanted to ask. He replied flatly, “I’m gay.”

“Wow…” Yu Qin suppressed two squeals of excitement. One question was no longer enough for her. “Then you…”

Xie Chun said, “I’m a 0.5 (Versatile).”

“Oh… and have you…” Yu Qin prompted.

Xie Chun smiled. “I’ve never been in a relationship.”

Yu Qin: “Then why…?”

Xie Chun: “That’s why I’m a 0.5.”

“Ah…” Yu Qin had an epiphany. She walked into the classroom and then looped back out. “Actually, I have one last question.”

Xie Chun pulled out his phone, glanced warily left and right, and lowered his voice. “Want the link?”

“…” He’s very practiced at this, Yu Qin thought. She whispered, “Yes.”

…

At 6:50 PM, the largest VIP room at “Mei K” Karaoke was opened.

After an intense tug-of-war between Xu Yanghe and Zhou Lan, every guest had been vetted by Zhou Lan. Despite this, the room was still a chaotic mess of “dancing demons” and deafening noise.

But at least these were all the “Boss” Zhou’s acquaintances. Xu Yanghe flopped onto the sofa. “Actually, work is just like this, I guess…”

Xu Yanghe looked to his side and saw a guy sitting there with a face like a swollen pig’s head. The more he looked, the more familiar the guy seemed, but he couldn’t place him.

So, he stared. And stared.

The “pig-head” felt he was doing it on purpose. “What, are you doing a manual facial recognition scan?”

Xu Yanghe laughed. “I wouldn’t have known who you were if you hadn’t spoken.”

“Hmph,” Yu Dashan grunted heavily.

“Come, let me admire you,” Xu Yanghe walked over, grinning mischievously. “That’s a real beating. What happened?”

“I’d like to ask the same thing,” Yu Dashan said resentfully. “You mess around with Sun Bin, so why the hell did that idiot Yu Tianhe beat me up for it?”

Xu Yanghe burst into laughter.

After chatting for a few minutes, the door was quietly pushed open, and someone slipped inside.

“Late, I’m late!” Mu Heng panted. “The traffic after class at Building 1 is insane. Did I miss anything?”

“It’s fine, the guest of honor hasn’t even arrived yet.” Xu Yanghe locked onto him and gestured for him to come over. “Mu Heng, sit here.”

“Brother Xu, what’s up?” Mu Heng felt a sudden premonition.

Xu Yanghe’s eyes were like searchlights. “Has anything been going on with Zhou Lan lately?”

Yu Dashan let out a short laugh nearby.

“What kind of situation?” Mu Heng focused on the fruit platter on the table. “He’s at the library self-studying every day. He’s very studious.”

“I’m asking about his non-academic life. Is he in a relationship?” Mu Heng moved Xu Yanghe with his clear, innocent eyes. Xu Yanghe nodded and said, “Just eat. This fruit was brought specially by someone; it’s not the spoiled stuff the KTV leaves out.”

“I’m starving. I came straight from class without dinner,” Mu Heng said, biting into a crisp melon while answering Xu Yanghe. “No, nothing at all. He just wakes up early every day, hits the library, and comes back when it closes. Maybe he’s preparing for the postgraduate exams.”

“No girls he’s been close with?” Xu Yanghe asked.

Mu Heng: “Nope.”

Xu Yanghe continued to be suspicious. “What about guys?”

Yu Dashan piped up, “Whoa, man~!”

“This guy doesn’t care about gender after graduation,” Xu Yanghe explained.

“No,” Mu Heng looked at Xu Yanghe sincerely. “Brother, you know our Dorm L. We’re the straightest guys in all of K University.”

The international student (Dashan) asked, “What kind of ‘straight’?”

Mu Heng said: “Lowercase ‘l’ straight.”

Yu Dashan: “Oh.”

Xu Yanghe turned away in disappointment. “Get lost, can’t get a damn thing out of you.”

“Will do!” Mu Heng made off with the fruit platter.

Yu Dashan first hissed a few times in pain, then couldn’t hold back his laughter, but because he had to mind the cut on the corner of his mouth, he made a series of weird noises.

“What are you doing!” Xu Yanghe felt physically uncomfortable. “If you spit on me, I’ll kill you.”

“Let’s talk in private,” Yu Dashan ignored Xu Yanghe’s disgust and slung an arm around his shoulder. “Actually, I’ve always had a question. Back in middle school, Zhou Lan and I were in the classroom at the far left of the third floor, and you were at the far right of the first floor. How did you and Zhou Lan become friends?”

“We knew each other before elementary school,” Xu Yanghe said. “His mom brought him over to my house to play.”

Yu Dashan clicked his tongue. “I’ve always felt a bit inferior in front of you two, like I can’t quite fit in.”

“What the hell are you talking about? Is there anywhere in this world where you can’t fit in?” Xu Yanghe nagged. “Did you know that for all six years of elementary school, when I played with Zhou Lan, all we talked about was what a freak you were at his school? That’s why I insisted on seeing the legendary ‘Lushan face’ for myself when I got to middle school.”

“So, do you like Zhou Lan?” Yu Dashan launched a sneak attack.

Xu Yanghe stared at Yu Dashan for two seconds, then pulled out a wet wipe and mashed it onto his face. “I knew nothing clean would ever come out of your mouth.”

“Hey!” Yu Dashan dodged nimbly. “Don’t avoid the question! Let me tell you, in the year I’ve been abroad, I’ve seen things that defy human ethics. I’ve even dated a blonde-haired, blue-eyed white guy. If you like Zhou Lan, just say it. I definitely won’t discriminate! It would also give me some peace of mind, otherwise I’ll be so anxious!”

Xu Yanghe sighed. “I don’t like him.”

Yu Dashan made a face. “I don’t believe you.”

“How about this,” Xu Yanghe said. “I’ll beat him up in front of you a bit and give him a matching look to yours.” Actually, that brat deserves a beating for snitching.

Right then, the digital clock jumped to 19:00. The birthday boy himself pushed open the door, looking high-spirited and ready for blessings. “Whatever you have to say, everyone says it out loud!”

Xu Yanghe stood up, cracking his wrists to prepare. The room fell silent. Under everyone’s watchful eyes, Xu Yanghe walked over and—threw a punch!

“What are those two doing?” “Who knows? Playing?” “Let’s play too!”

The whole room immediately swarmed the small area by the door, piling on top of the two like a human pyramid.

Amidst the chaotic laughter, Xu Yanghe, buried at the bottom of the pile, suddenly wailed.

“Who! Who the hell touched me! You’re dead!”

Xu Yanghe scrambled out of the pile like he was escaping a disaster, hugging himself in terror. “Don’t touch me! Don’t touch me!”

Yu Dashan, who had stayed out of the fray, was laughing so hard he could barely breathe. “I believe it now.”

This guy is currently incapable of having indecent thoughts about any human being.

Zhou Lan was “tortured” for ten minutes until a knock sounded at the door. He struggled to crawl out. “Stop it! Someone’s here! My cake!”

Zhou Lan stood up, his cheekbone red from Xu Yanghe’s punch. He smoothed his hair with his hands and turned to Xu Yanghe. “Are you sick?”

Xu Yanghe and Yu Dashan nodded in unison.

The moment Zhou Lan turned back, Xu Yanghe’s brow furrowed. He noticed Zhou Lan’s expression had suddenly become very “smitten.”

Zhou Lan went to open the door, but only pulled it a crack. He didn’t let the person outside in immediately; instead, he squeezed half his body out first.

Xu Yanghe stared unblinkingly at the door. Yu Dashan watched with great interest.

Zhou Lan seemed to call out a name, and then the corners of his mouth turned up uncontrollably.

The person outside, holding something, pushed the door open. Their voices sounded muffled. “Sorry, I’m ten minutes late.”

Zhou Lan’s mouth opened and closed as he babbled something no one could hear, because the person outside had already burst in like a delivery courier, clutching a cake box.

Naturally curly hair, black-rimmed glasses, a face the size of a palm, and wearing a hoodie in the dead of winter. As he turned to set down the cake box, Xu Yanghe noticed that underneath the bridge of his glasses, right at the root of his nose, there was a tiny red mole.

Mu Heng called out from across the room, “Hey, Xie Chun.”

Xie Chun looked back. “Hi, Mu Heng.”

Xu Yanghe’s eyebrows shot up. He shot a cold glance over. “You know him?”

Mu Heng was still grinning. “Roommate.”

Roommate…

Yu Dashan grabbed a stool and shuffled over to sit by Mu Heng. “Hey, how do you usually write your ‘L’? Do you add a little hook at the bottom?”

Xie Chun didn’t say much, standing by the table to unpack the box.

“I’ll do it,” Zhou Lan said, reaching out as well. But Xie Chun didn’t move away, and four hands were busy clumsily unpacking. “Why is it wrapped so beautifully today?”

Xie Chun said, “I told the boss it was your birthday, so he gave me some extras.”

These two seemed isolated from everyone else in the room, as if they were in another world.

Xu Yanghe walked over. “Is this your friend? Aren’t you going to introduce him?”

“My roommate Xie Chun, and my bastard childhood friend Xu Yanghe,” Zhou Lan said half-heartedly, his hands busy with a ribbon that had been tied into a dead knot. Xie Chun looked up at Xu Yanghe—just one glance—and seemed entirely indifferent.

Maybe he’s just incredibly shy.

The lemon Basque cake emitted a rich, sweet aroma. Xie Chun finished counting the accessories—cheap candles, plates, and plastic knives.

Without a word, Zhou Lan sliced a piece of cake and handed it to Xie Chun on a plate. “For you.”